Craving Candy ad-4

by N. J. Walters

  The man she loved was an ex-con. Oh, God. The irony was almost too much to bear and she jammed her hand over her mouth to keep in the hysterical laughter that threatened. Obviously, she wasn’t as different from her mother as she had thought.

  The producer was tugging on her arm, pulling her back to reality. Lucas might have walked out, but his reputation and her career were still at stake. That reality sent her plummeting back to earth in a hurry. Candy felt a calm professionalism settle over her, burying her emotions beneath it.

  It was her turn to attack.

  The atmosphere was surreal. The world continued to function as if nothing extraordinary had taken place. They’d hurriedly announced the next guest and Angela was sitting at her desk, acting as if nothing had even happened. Everything around Candy came into sharper focus as she used her anger to anchor herself.

  Going on the offensive, she narrowed her eyes at the man. “If you air one minute of that segment, my company will sue you. I’ve got a written document, signed by your host, agreeing to the topics to be discussed and I can guarantee you that that topic wasn’t on the list.” Right now, she was thankful and grateful that Lucas had been adamant about getting it in writing. It gave her a heck of a bargaining chip.

  The producer was sweating heavily now, and he swiped his hand across his forehead. “But Angela…”

  Candy held up her hand, cutting him off. “Ms. Murray’s signature is on that document, so I suggest you go remind her of that fact during the next break. I also advise you to tell her that, unless she wants to find herself in court, she will immediately tell the audience she was mistaken and issue a formal public apology. Then I might consider not suing her and the station. I’ll have to talk to Mr. Squires first and see what his thoughts on this matter are.”

  Several other executives had gathered around and heard the tail end of her tirade. The tension was palpable and they descended upon Angela during the break. She spoke in low, angry tones at first, but she quickly paled and glanced over toward where Candy was standing. Candy crossed her arms and glared back at her. Good, they’d warned Angela she was in danger of being sued, and Candy hoped she was also smart enough to realize that the station would drop her like a hot rock if she became a liability.

  It was a much more subdued Angela Murray who took the stage to tape the final segment of her show. But in typical Angela form, she apologized in one breath and in the next was blaming her research department for giving her information that wasn’t necessarily factual. But it was enough for now. Candy had no idea how much damage this might have done to Lucas’ reputation, but she’d done her best to repair it.

  Gathering her belongings, she left the station, telling the manager she’d be in touch. It would do them good to worry for a few days. The big metal door slammed shut behind her. There was a definite finality to the sound that made her shiver.

  She stood there in the cold with the wind whipping around her, not really knowing where to go. She couldn’t go back and face work and Lucas’ apartment was no longer an option. Feeling alone and lost, she stumbled her way down the street. The bright lights of a bookstore beckoned her and she hurried toward its warmth.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Candy wrapped her hands around the paper cup filled with coffee. She’d bought it more for the warmth than anything else. It gave her a legitimate excuse to sit here in the quiet corner of the bookstore café and stare out the window. Her fingers flexed around the cup as her mind tried to assimilate everything that had just happened.

  Letting go of her coffee, she buried her face in her hands and took a deep breath as emotion threatened to overwhelm her.

  “Candy?”

  The voice was a familiar one, but one that she hadn’t heard in more than a year. Lifting her head, she stared into the face of her ex-boyfriend, Gary Baker. Could this day get any worse?

  “Are you okay?”

  He frowned and she could see the obvious concern on his face. It almost made her laugh. Too bad he hadn’t been as concerned about her when they’d been going together. Maybe then he wouldn’t have cheated on her. What was it about her and men? She seemed to have some innate talent that made her pick ones that were all wrong for her.

  She realized that he was really starting to look worried, so she pulled herself together. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She resisted the urge to just leave her coffee and beat a retreat for the exit. She took the opportunity to really examine Gary. He was still as handsome as ever with his wavy brown hair and light brown eyes. Tall and well built, he turned women’s heads wherever he went.

  And that, she remembered vividly, had been part of the problem. But strangely enough, she no longer felt anything when she looked at him. He was more of a vague memory from the past. It occurred to her in a moment of great clarity that she really hadn’t loved him. Not in the way she should have. Not in the way that she loved Lucas.

  Suddenly she wanted to ask him the question that had been burning in her gut for more than a year. “It’s probably pretty late for me to even ask you this, but I guess I have to know. Why did you cheat on me, Gary?”

  She caught a fleeting glimpse of pain cross his face before it disappeared. “May I?” He motioned to the chair and waited until she nodded. Pulling out the seat, he settled himself into it and laid his coffee cup on the table in front of him. He rubbed his hand along his jaw as he stared at her. As if coming to some internal decision, he reached out and took her hand in his. “I never cheated on you.”

  His words stunned her. “Of course you did,” she muttered. “All those late nights you said you were working, but you weren’t there when I called your office. Then there was the fact that you were so secretive.” She tried to tug her hand away, but he stubbornly held on. “Of course you were cheating,” she reiterated more strongly this time. “What else could it have been?”

  “Ah.” He smiled gently as he rubbed his thumb across the top of her hand. “Now that’s the real question, and the one you should have asked back then.” Releasing her hand, he sighed. “But you didn’t trust me. In fact, I always felt from the very moment we started dating that you were waiting for me to mess up somehow, to disappoint you. I thought you’d get over it with time.” He shook his head. “But obviously I was mistaken.”

  “I don’t think that wanting a partner to be faithful is asking too much.” She wasn’t the bad guy in their relationship. But his words cause a huge lump in the pit of her stomach.

  “No, it’s not,” he agreed. “But neither is wanting a partner who trusts you. And you didn’t trust me. The ironic part of the situation was that I wasn’t cheating on you.”

  “Of course you were.” The words were automatic as the lump in her stomach grew.

  “I was working, Candy. I had taken a second job.” He paused and let that fact sink in before he continued. “And of course I was being secretive. I’d just saved enough money to buy a huge diamond ring so that I could propose to you. Imagine my surprise when you accused me of cheating on you.” He shook his head and took another deep breath. “No discussion about what might be wrong, no trust on your part. You accused me on the flimsiest of evidence.” There was pain in his eyes when he finally looked at her again.

  Candy was stunned. He’d been planning to propose. He’d been working an extra job to buy her a ring. “But…” She really was at a loss.

  “Yeah.” He sat up straighter in his chair and took another mouthful of coffee, giving himself time to compose himself. “It hurt. Maybe I should have tried harder to make you understand.” He sighed. “In fact, I know I should have explained myself instead of just getting angry.”

  “I’m sorry.” She really didn’t know what else to say.

  “Me too, Candy. You had issues with trust, but I had my own problems too, especially when it came to cheating. My parents cheated on each other constantly and it was the one thing I vowed never to do in a relationship. When you accused me of doing just that, I lost it.”

  It was quite a revela
tion to see their relationship from his perspective. “I didn’t realize that about your parents, Gary.”

  “No reason you would know.” He rolled the paper cup in his hands. “We didn’t really talk. Not about the things we should have.”

  “That’s not true.” The accusation stung. “We always talked.”

  “Not about things that really mattered. Like I said. Not about the things we should have.” Raising his cup to his mouth, he studied her as he took a sip. His examination made her uncomfortable and she resisted the impulse to squirm in her seat.

  “I really don’t want to rehash old news. What’s past is past. I’ve got more important things on my mind right now.” Like the way Lucas had looked when he’d left the television studio.

  “You’re still doing it.” He sat back, shaking his head.

  “Doing what?” As if he had any right to be critical of her.

  “Avoiding the problem. Not wanting to talk about things.” He held up his hand to stop her from speaking. “I’m not criticizing you, Candy. It’s just that I recognize the signs. Up until recently, I kept doing the same thing myself.” He smiled ruefully. “Then I met someone— someone very special. It was only then I understood that, unless I changed the way I acted, this relationship would probably end up like ours did.” He laughed and his eyes twinkled with humor. “I still fall back into old patterns sometimes, but she’s good about kicking my butt when I need it.”

  “I’m glad for you.” And she really was. He was right about one thing— she hadn’t loved him in the way he’d deserved.

  “Thanks. But the real reason I came over was because I though we both needed some kind of closure so we could move on with our lives. You’re a wonderful, warm, giving woman, Candy, but you do have unrealistic expectations of people. You want people to be perfect, but you always expect them to disappoint you. No one can live up to your standards. I just don’t want you to keep on hurting yourself that way.” Gary pushed away from the table, leaned down and brushed a kiss across her cheek. “I’m sorry about what happened to us. Sorry if I ever hurt you. I never wanted that.”

  Candy saw the sincerity in his eyes. “Me too.” Reaching out, she squeezed his arm. Their relationship hadn’t worked out, but they were both still good people. Gary was right. They just hadn’t been able to talk honestly to each other and with the baggage they’d both brought with them, they hadn’t been able to survive the first big crisis.

  “Take care of yourself.” Picking up his coffee cup, he turned and walked away, not once looking back.

  “You too,” she whispered. A sense of closure washed over her. Candy watched him disappear, still reeling from his revelations. He’d painted a pretty honest picture of their relationship and of her. Her coffee grew cold as she sat there pondering his words.

  The minutes ticked by as she replayed memories from her past. Did she have unrealistic expectations for her mother, her father, her brother, and most of all, for Lucas? Did she really have unrealistic expectations of people? Did she really expect people to disappoint her?

  “Yes.” The whispered word fell from her lips. Just look at her relationship with her mother. She’d expected her mother to be what she wanted, rather than what she was. But the truth of the matter was that her mother had done the best she’d been able to do. Candy was no longer a needy child and it was time to get past that hurt.

  Then there was her relationship with her brother. She hadn’t even been willing to give Justin a chance to explain what had happened. Just as she’d done with Gary. She swallowed the lump growing in her throat. And it was just what she’d done with Lucas.

  It wasn’t pleasant to revisit her life and realize that she held a large amount of responsibility for her own disappointments. Everyone made mistakes and everyone had things in their life that they weren’t proud of, herself included. Who was she to expect people to live up to her impossible standards?

  She could picture the look of disappointment on Lucas’ face just before he’d walked away from her. She’d been so caught up in her own disappointment and anger that she hadn’t stopped to view it from his perspective. She hadn’t supported him when he’d needed her most.

  Her head was pounding now and the ache in her stomach was a solid ball of misery. No matter what Lucas had done in his past, she knew who he was now. He was nothing like her father. Lucas would never lie to her. In fact, he’d immediately admitted that he’d been in jail when she asked.

  But beyond that, Lucas was a man to be trusted. His word was his bond. Hadn’t she learned that in the past few weeks? If he said he’d do something, it was as good as done. Besides which, he owned a thriving business and worked hard.

  What had she done?

  Had she thrown away the best thing that had ever happened to her because of her own prejudices and insecurities? Candy swallowed back the tears that threatened. It wasn’t pleasant to see yourself in an unflattering light, but for once she felt like she was seeing herself the way she truly was. Stiff, unbending and unforgiving.

  But that was about to change. Pushing out of her chair, she left her cold coffee behind on the table as she zipped up her coat and plunged back outside into the freezing cold. Darkness had descended upon the city, making it seem even colder. She hurried down the sidewalk, a woman on a mission.

  She had no idea if Lucas would even talk to her, but she had to try. If nothing else, she owed him an apology and an explanation. She didn’t want to think about the fact that he might not forgive her. A year ago, she wouldn’t have forgiven him if their positions were reversed.

  She pushed the fact that this was only supposed to be a temporary relationship out of her head. Maybe it had started that way, but Candy knew that she’d been lying to herself from the beginning in an attempt to protect herself from hurt. But it hadn’t worked. She’d loved Lucas almost from the very first and if there was even a chance that he might feel that way about her, then she was going to fight for their relationship.

  She only hoped that it wasn’t already too late.

  Lucas stormed into his apartment, ripping off his coat as he went. Who in the hell did that woman think she was? It was a tossup as to which woman he was talking about— Angela Murray or Candy Logan. But whereas Angela had only pissed him off, Candy had sliced him right to his very core.

  He tossed his coat over the coat rack just inside the door and then stood there with his hands on his hips and his head bowed as he struggled for control. Who was Candy to judge him? She hadn’t lived his life, walked in his shoes. Besides which, he hadn’t asked her into his life— she’d barged in. But you didn’t let her go, a small voice whispered in his head.

  No, he hadn’t let her go. And just look what he’d gotten for his trouble. His past was going to be exposed on some stupid cable television talk show and his heart, which he’d always managed to guard, had been ripped out of his chest. God, how he wished that Katie had never come up with the idea for that damned cookbook!

  Striding into the kitchen, he opened the refrigerator and hauled out a beer. Opening it, he took a long pull on the bottle. The brew tasted bitter going down, but he took another swallow. His immediate concern was how this was going to affect his business. He’d worked too damn long and hard to lose what he’d built from his own blood and sweat. He prowled around his apartment, feeling confined by the four walls.

  A thump came on the door just before it was thrust open. Lucas spun around, ready to deal with whoever had invaded his privacy. For a split second, his heart jumped and he wondered if Candy had chased him home to apologize to him. “Oh, it’s you.” Walking over to his sofa, he slumped down on the leather cushions.

  “Is that any way to greet your best friend?” T. S. shook his head in mock sorrow as he sauntered across the apartment and into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and helped himself to a beer before strolling back to the living room and joining his friend on the sofa. “Hard day?”

  Lucas snorted. “If you call having my past dragged u
p on a talk show and having Candy look at me like I’m some hardened criminal that might taint her by even being in the same room with her, then yeah, I’m having a hard day.”

  T. S. let out a soundless whistle. “I told you she’d be nothing but trouble.”

  “Yeah, you did.” He sipped his beer. “But who cares, right? It was only temporary anyway. It was a good time, but it’s over now.”

  “Uh-huh.” T. S. raised his eyebrow but made no further comment.

  “I mean, we both know that she’s way out of my league. A classy lady like Candy and an ex-con.” He gave another bark of humorless laughter. “What a joke.”

  “It’s her loss.” T. S. turned to Lucas, his face deadly serious. “You’re the best person I know. I wouldn’t have survived prison without you. I was skinny and so damned green, they’d have eaten me alive in there if it hadn’t been for you. So screw her if she thinks you’re not good enough. She’s not good enough.”

  Lucas inhaled deeply. He appreciated what T. S. was saying, but it didn’t ease the pain or the pressure in his chest. “Thanks, man.” They sat in silence for a while. “It’s just as well it ended now before it got any more serious. We both know it couldn’t be permanent. I wouldn’t take that chance.”

  “Man, I wish you’d get over that crap.” T. S. scowled as he took a pull on his beer. “You are nothing like your old man. If anything, you’re the exact opposite. You’re so controlled all the time. It’s scary.”

  “Yeah, I can tell you’re terrified.” Lucas sprawled back against the cushions and stared up at the ceiling.

  T. S. laughed. “I’m shaking in my boots. I meant that other people are afraid of you.”

  They sat in companionable silence for a long time. That was the great thing about a friend like T. S.— he knew when to shut up and just let things be. Lucas finally stirred. The beer in his hand had gone warm, so he leaned forward and plunked the almostempty bottle on the coffee table. “She was special.” He swallowed hard.