Moonshine & Magnolias

by Jamie Farrell

  Shelby rushed into the hospital on wobbly knees.

  She wouldn’t cry. She was a Dukakis, dangnabbit.

  There was no crying. She’d made it the last seven hours without crying, she wouldn’t start now.

  Her phone dinged when she entered the hospital.

  Out of surgery. Went well. Hadn’t ruptured. Expect full recovery.

  She sank into an orange leather couch inside the door, dropped her head in her hands, and then she let the tears flow.

  For her poor sweet baby boy. For her baby girl, who was probably confused and scared.

  For herself.

  Zack Montgomery would’ve made a very good boyfriend. He was attentive, he was fun, but most of all, he was better at taking care of people than he knew.

  He’d driven her all the way from the Atlantic Ocean across nearly the whole of Florida so she could get to Braden. He was a good man. Next to her daddy, he may be the best man she’d ever known. The kind of man she wanted Braden to be when he grew up.

  One day, Zack would find a woman who rocked him to his foundation. He wouldn’t see her coming, but then she’d be there, free and perfect and childless, and they’d travel off to see the world together.

  And Shelby would stay home and raise her babies.

  But after she had both her babies home, she’d do a few things differently. She’d take them places on the weekends. Zack was right. The kids could learn to travel. She could teach them. She had her girlfriends, after all. They went camping sometimes. Or up to Atlanta to the zoo or the aquarium or the Coke museum. They’d help her learn how to show her babies the world.

  But her girlfriends couldn’t give her what Zack had last night.

  They couldn’t make her feel adored. Powerful. Womanly. Worthy. Not the way a man could.

  Not the way Zack did.

  But Zack wasn’t hers. He never had been—not really—and so Shelby stood up, dusted herself off, dashed to the bathroom to wash away evidence of her tears, and went in search of the surgical floor.

  And when she found Hailey sitting with Alexander’s mother, she squeezed her sweet girl until she burped. And when she finally saw Braden in the recovery room, loopy and half-asleep and confused, she cried again.

  She hated crying.

  But what she hated more was that she wanted a shoulder to cry on.

  One shoulder in particular.

  He’d be out at a bar. Or at the beach in Destin. Playing volleyball.

  Flirting with single, available, childless women.

  Women who needed a lot less than Shelby did. Women who demanded less than Shelby did.

  Women who were easier than Shelby was.

  Shelby slept in Braden’s hospital room that night, and she stayed at an old friend’s house for the next three nights until Alexander got tired of having her in his way and told her to go home.

  And to go ahead and take the kids with her.

  Which she did—gladly—because three days with him had turned her back into the person she didn’t like much at all.

  The problem was, she couldn’t remember who she was back home in Georgia anymore either.

  * * *

  Zack didn’t go to the beach after he left the hospital. He didn’t want the beach. He didn’t want a bar. He didn’t want to go paragliding over the Gulf of Mexico.

  He wanted—

  Something.

  Something he couldn’t put his finger on. Or possibly something he was afraid to name.

  In any case, he drove three more hours back to Gellings, crashed hard Saturday night, and spent Sunday finishing the cabinets.

  And watching for visitors to Shelby’s house. Penelope might need Zack if Shelby didn’t get home Sunday night as they’d originally planned. Or he might find one of her friends willing to tell him how Shelby and her babies were.

  Sunday morning, the dishwater blonde he recognized as Mari Belle stopped by with a dark-haired preteen girl in tow. Sunday afternoon, Zack was out back, racing in the thick heat to get the last two cabinets finished before the looming thunderclouds erupted around him, when Shelby’s back door opened and Penelope darted out with Anna and Jackson on her heels.

  Anna was chatting about something, Jackson nodding while sweeping a quick glance around the yard, his sharp gaze lingering on Zack.

  He wasn’t a slacker officer type, Zack would give him that. Zack nodded to the major and held himself back from blurting out a desperate plea for news on Shelby and Braden.

  “Oh, hey, Zack,” Anna called. “Having a nice weekend?”

  Yeah. If nice was having hot lava in his gut and an unshakeable vision of Shelby hugging the life out of her little boy. “Just peachy,” he called. “How’s Shelby?”

  Jackson cut him a knowing look, but if Anna heard the insuppressible worry in his voice, she hid it well. She crossed the yard to lean on the fence. “She’s coping. Braden’s on the mend. She sounds tons better today than she did last night. Poor thing. But you know Shelby. She’ll be fine, because she won’t let herself be anything else.”

  “She’ll pretend to be fine,” he said. “And she’ll be stubborn as a goat and refuse to admit when she needs help.”

  Anna’s honey-blonde brows went up, and a smile teased at the corners of her lips. “We must know different Shelbys.”

  “Or you don’t know her at all,” Zack fired back, just like a teenage girl in the throes of teenage girl relationship drama.

  Damn woman was zapping his manhood.

  Anna’s lips spread in a full smile. “I’m teasing. We know the same Shelby.”

  Zack clamped his jaw shut and breathed through his nose.

  “Go easy on him, Anna Grace,” Jackson said. “Not easy coming to terms with losing something a man doesn’t know he wants.”

  “I can appreciate that,” Anna said. She gave Zack a smile that could’ve been a sympathetic pat on the head. “But don’t worry. We’ll take good care of her.” She turned back around. “All done, Penelope? Let’s get you back inside before the rain comes. Nice seeing you, Zack.”

  Nice. Right. If she considered torturing him nice.

  “Braden’s really okay?” Zack asked.

  He didn’t know the little boy as well as he thought he should, but he appreciated the kid’s love of airplanes and of sticking grass and twigs in his sister’s hair. And Hailey—she reminded him so much of a couple of his nieces that he wished he was heading home for the Fourth.

  “He’s going to be fine,” Anna said. “Probably spoiled rotten for a little bit, but then, what good is appendicitis if you don’t get presents and treats out of it?” She waved at him over her shoulder. “Hope the rain holds off until you’re done.”

  Didn’t matter to Zack one way or another.

  Not when it was already storming in his soul.

  Chapter 12

  Zack went back to work Monday, and on Wednesday afternoon, his orders came in.

  In a month, he’d be moving to Alaska.

  He’d gone out of his way to set up the assignment. He’d put Elmendorf Air Force Base at the top of his dream sheet, then called a couple of buddies, put a few things in motion. Hadn’t taken much—Alaska wasn’t generally fought over, but Zack had wanted the adventure of the last frontier. The fishing. The hiking and skiing. The dogsledding.

  But now—with orders in hand, his house here almost ready to rent out, and nothing but freedom in the wide open expanse of Alaska at his fingertips—it didn’t feel as freeing. As bright.

  As fun.

  And it had nothing to do with the cold, nothing to do with the work, nothing to do with the dark months.

  It had everything to do with that bubble of anxiety in his chest he hadn’t been able to shake since Saturday.

  He changed out of his uniform, then went to his kitchen with the newly installed white cabinets and the still-uninstalled granite countertops sitting off to the side. He didn’t have much of an appetite, but he grabbed a bag of chips and let himself out the back door.
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  He’d barely sat down when the back door of Shelby’s house swung open and a cute little five-year-old brunette danced outside. “Penelope, catch me!” she shrieked.

  That anxiety bubble grew bigger. Harder. Hotter. And it ached.

  The dog pranced, her front bouncing, then her back end bouncing, while Hailey chased her around the small backyard.

  “Sunscreen, young lady,” a stern voice said inside the house.

  Zack’s heart pounded deep inside the fiery hollow of his chest.

  “Yes, ma’am.” Hailey bounded back to the door, and her mother stepped out, dressed in khaki shorts and a pink patterned shirt that brought out the natural hue of her lips. Her cast had pictures drawn all over it, and her wavy brown hair was newly cropped short.

  Zack didn’t know how or when they’d gotten home, but they were. They were home.

  While the dog panted and pranced around them, Shelby gave Hailey a quick spray-down from an aerosol can then squeezed her eyes shut, bent over, and pressed a hard kiss to the little girl’s head.

  A whole world right there. Two square feet of ground.

  It wasn’t a world Zack could visit. Not something he could sample. It was all or nothing.

  If he went into that world, he couldn’t leave.

  “Momma, you’re squeezing again,” Hailey whined.

  Shelby said something quietly to the girl, then let her go. She lifted her eyes, and they locked on Zack.

  That bubble in Zack’s chest got so big, it moved into his chest and threatened to choke him.

  He wanted in to that world. He wanted in to her world. He wanted to take her and Hailey and Braden and Penelope and pack them up and move them to Alaska with him.

  The fire in his gut and the choke in his windpipe eased.

  He could do it.

  He could take them to Alaska. All of them. The kids could play in the snow, learn to dogsled. He could show Shelby the Northern Lights. Take her on a helicopter glacier tour. Take them all to Denali.

  He stood. The chip bag crinkled when he tossed it onto his picnic table. He strolled to the fence.

  Shelby’s gaze didn’t waver, but her eyes pinched and her mouth tipped down.

  He could fix that. “You okay?” he said.

  She glanced at Hailey, who was giggling over doggie kisses, then back at Zack. “I’m better,” she said. “All of us are better. Thank you.”

  He wanted to hop the fence and kiss the stiff, proper lady right out of her. And then he wanted to get on the ground and roll around with Hailey and Penelope. Go see Braden for himself.

  He’d always liked kids well enough.

  But these kids?

  They were Shelby’s. And he wanted to take care of them.

  “My orders came in,” he said. “I’m going to Alaska.”

  Her lips parted, but then snapped shut. Her eyes went blank. “Wonderful,” she said.

  His pulse could’ve outbeat a greyhound’s. “Come with me.”

  This time, she didn’t bother closing her mouth. She stood there, gaping at him. She didn’t say yes, but she didn’t say no—or bless your heart—either.

  Zack gripped the top rail of the chain-link fence. His palms were slick, and there was a slight buzzing in his ears. But everything else—his heart, his mind, his soul—it all said this was right.

  He needed Shelby. All of her. “You make life more. Bigger. Brighter. More fun. You make the world more fun. We’re good together. Come with me. You and the kids and the dog—all of you. Let’s—let’s jump.”

  Her eyes were too round, her face too pale, her head shaking instead of nodding. “Oh, honey, you have lost your ever-loving mind,” she whispered.

  Not his mind. His heart. “I haven’t been able to think about anything but you in days. Not only since Saturday. Since the softball game. But even before—I always knew you were here, Shelby. From the minute I got home two months ago, I knew you were here. I just didn’t know you were here for me.”

  She pressed her cast to her forehead. “Zack, hon, you’re sweet, and, Lord love a latte, you’re hot as sin, but I already had one husband who wasn’t all there. I can’t go back to living like that. I need more. My babies need more. And you—” Her voice caught, but steel shone through her watery eyes. “We’re just another adventure right now. You’ll get tired of us, and I can’t put my babies through that. Not again.”

  “I won’t—”

  “We had a nice week. Good luck in Alaska.” She turned her back on him.

  The panic came back full force. “You’re running because you’re scared again.”

  “I’m taking care of what needs taking care of. That’s my life.” She snapped her fingers. “Hailey, hon, time to come in. I got a whole new case of Play-Doh for you. How’s that sound?”

  “Can I wear my Elsa dress?”

  “Absolutely, sweetheart.”

  “Shelby,” Zack said again.

  But she kept walking, hustling her daughter and her dog into her house and shutting him out.

  As if she didn’t feel anything at all for him.

  He stood there staring at her back door for another minute. At the magnolia tree. At the ladder, propped on its side, waiting to be put away in the garage.

  At the world she didn’t want him to live in.

  He gave the fence a shake, then stalked back to his own house.

  She wanted him.

  He knew she wanted him.

  The question was, how could he be the man she needed?

  * * *

  “If you don’t want to keep the score book, I can call one of the teenagers in,” Mari Belle said dryly Sunday night.

  They were at the last Exes and O’s game of the season, and Shelby had missed something.

  A hit or a run, or something. The crowd had cheered big, and so had all her teammates in the dugout. “No, no, I’ve got it,” she said over the fence to Mari Belle, who was acting third base coach again. “What happened?” she added in a whisper.

  Mari Belle’s preteen daughter and Sarah’s two teenagers were watching Hailey and Braden, just as they had every other game this season. But Shelby couldn’t shake the feeling that she needed to keep her eye on them.

  She’d felt that way since getting home Wednesday, and truth be told, the vigilance was wearing on her.

  “Jackson got a double,” Mari Belle said. “Anna scored.”

  “Supposed to work the other way around,” Shelby muttered while she filled in the score book.

  Tara snorted. “Got that right, sister.” She selected her bat and stepped out of the dugout for her practice swings while Sarah was up to bat.

  “Ain’t always about scoring, sugar,” Kaci said. “Sometimes it’s about getting out there and playing the game.”

  Shelby’s heart sighed.

  Alaska.

  She could’ve gone to Alaska.

  Friggin’ cold up there. And dark. Shelby’s Southern blood would’ve frozen over six ways to Sunday.

  Except Zack would’ve warmed her up. Her body, her blood, her life.

  He’d reminded her of who she wanted to be.

  And now he was leaving. But not without dangling a carrot she couldn’t have.

  They hadn’t even dated. They’d flirted, slept together, and had a shortened weekend trip. She couldn’t abandon the stability Hailey and Braden needed on a whim with a guy she barely knew.

  Anna came in to a round of high-fives. Shelby shoved her romantic problems way back, down deep, and gave Anna a cast-bump.

  Staying was the right choice. The responsible choice.

  The only choice.

  A crack of leather on metal resounded, and Shelby’s teammates went crazy. “Run, Sarah, run!”

  The ball bounced past the second baseman. Mari Belle was waving wildly, gesturing for Jackson to head for home. “Go, go, go!”

  He was halfway to home before Sarah hit first base. The right fielder came up with the ball and fired it to home plate.

  Jacks
on went into a slide.

  Shelby cringed and grabbed her cast.

  “Safe!” the ump yelled.

  Cheers erupted—they might actually win this game! “For all the things that man does slowly, he can run when he puts his mind to it,” Anna said proudly.

  Shelby’s heart sighed again.

  Anna had gotten her happily-ever-after, but she hadn’t had kids complicating things. When she met Jackson, he had just moved here to Gellings, instead of being on his way out. And they’d had time to get to know each other. They’d become friends before they fell in love.

  Shelby didn’t have that option.

  She had a memory of one night of great sex with an amazing, funny man before her real life came knocking again.

  She looked over at the stands. Braden was doing amazingly well after surgery, but if he was getting tired, she’d—

  Her breath caught. She shoved the score book at Anna and stomped out of the dugout, shouldered past Jackson, who was dusting himself off, and fisted her hands on her hips, glaring at the dark-haired, broad-shouldered, blue-eyed man who grinned at her from his place between her two babies while he offered Hailey popcorn and Braden played with a brand-new toy airplane. “Hey, One-Two-Shelby,” he called. “You know anybody who needs a trained maintenance guy? I took the seven-day option.”

  Little gasps filtered into the air around her.

  One might’ve been hers.

  “You—”

  She stopped, not because dust sucked up into her nose, not because anyone cut her off, not because she didn’t have more words at her ready disposal, but because her brain had taken a minute to catch up.

  The seven-day option.

  He’d turned down his orders to Alaska, which meant he had to get out of the Air Force. Now.

  A burning stung her eyes, and a big ol’ lump of tears settled behind her nose.

  “Honey, I think he’s asking if you need a trained maintenance guy,” Tara whispered.

  Shelby’s tongue wouldn’t work. In all her years, her tongue had never failed her.

  “Figure I have time to do an extended interview, since I don’t have anywhere to be for the rest of my life,” Zack said. “Some hands-on training too, if I’m lacking in any particular skills. If I’m settling down, I want to make sure I get the right job. No matter how long it takes.”