This Side of the Sun (The Sun Trilogy)

by M. Lauryl Lewis

  “Think we’re far enough to be safe?” I asked.

  “Yeah. I just need to clear my head for a minute. Well, and figure out where I’m taking you.”

  “I can’t stop thinking of all the people back there.” I wiped at my face again.

  Saul opened his door and stepped out. He closed it gently and walked to the back of the truck. I stayed in the cab and tried to slow my breathing and keep more tears from falling. Stealing a glance in the side mirror, I saw that Saul was near the tailgate, facing away, his hands on his knees. I knew then that he, too, was badly shaken. I opened my own door and slid out and down to the ground. I slowly walked toward my new companion. Sensing me, he stood up and attempted to compose himself. Turning halfway to face me, he kicked at a large metal dumpster that was beside him.

  “Fuck,” he yelled. “FUCK!”

  I flinched, not expecting the outburst.

  “I’m sorry,” I muttered.

  He turned the rest of the way to face me and laughed, rather inappropriately.

  “No way. You have nothing to be sorry about.” He took a deep breath and looked up to the sky for a moment. “Yes, I think most of those people died.”

  Finally, he looked back to me.

  “We almost died,” I said quietly.

  “Yeah, we almost died.” He took a deep breath. “Sorry for my cursing.”

  I began shaking. I wasn’t really sure what to do.

  “Look at you. You’re in shock. We need to get you warmed up. Think you can tell me how to get you home?”

  I nodded while watching him walk to the passenger side of his truck. He opened the door and reached behind the seat, pulling out a zip-up hoodie.

  “Here, wrap this around yourself. I promise to not kick and scream again.”

  “Ok.” I let him drape the large sweatshirt over my shoulders, and let him help me up into the truck since this side didn’t have a runner board. I welcomed the warmth of his hands on my hips as he helped boost me into the cab.

  A moment later, he appeared in the driver’s seat.

  “Go back the way you were headed. Then turn right on Maple.”

  “You got it.”

  We drove on in relative silence. The sirens and helicopters still lingered, but not as loudly as before.

  “Head this way till you get to 13th, then go left.”

  “So what were you doing in town?” he asked.

  “Picking up flowers for my brother’s wedding.”

  “Is it today?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Guess this’ll put a crimp in their plans?”

  “I suppose you’re right,” I answered with a sigh. “How about you?”

  “I didn’t have plans today.”

  I stifled a chuckle. “No, I meant what were you doing in town?”

  “Oh, just grabbing a coffee.”

  “So do you live here?”

  “Just moved here a couple weeks ago. Got sick of the big city so decided to move into a little beach bungalow. It’s more of a shack, really. Belonged to my grandfather.”

  “Like it so far?”

  “Well enough. I have some good memories of the place.”

  “Oh, we just passed 12th. It’s the next left,” I said as we got close to the turn off to my house.

  As Saul turned left onto 13th, I wondered if anyone would be home. They might all be at the wedding already, wondering where the flowers were.

  “Do you know what time it is? I think I lost my cell phone back there.”

  He checked his watch, something I had never taken a liking to wearing myself.

  “Ten till noon.”

  “Already? Guess I’m gonna be late for the wedding.”

  “When is it?”

  “Noon.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about being on time, Hattie. They’ll all just be glad you’re alive.”

  “I suppose so.” I paused. “That’s my house on the left. The light blue Cape Cod.”

  Saul pulled his truck onto the street two houses down. My driveway was packed with cars, as was the street. They should all be miles away at the shore, getting ready for Joe and Justine to say their vows.

  “Looks like there’s a crowd waiting for you,” said Saul.

  “I don’t want to go in,” I admitted. I hated being the center of attention and didn’t want to talk about the events of the day.

  “Do you want me to come with you?” he offered.

  I looked at him in surprise. “You’ve already done too much for me.”

  “You sure you’ll be ok?”

  “Yeah. How about you?”

  He sighed deeply. “I’ll be fine, but I’m pretty pissed off, to be honest.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I wish I could have saved more people.”

  “Thanks for saving me,” I whispered. “Sorry, that sounded dumb.”

  “No, not at all. You’re welcome. And I’m glad I did save you, and those beautiful green eyes.”

  He turned in his seat to face me, lifted a hand, and cupped my cheek in his palm. I closed my eyes for a moment and leaned into his touch, needing to just feel human contact; to make sure I was alive. The enormity of the morning was starting to settle in.

  When I heard him speak, I opened my eyes.

  “Here’s your crowd.”

  I turned to look toward my house and saw Joe rushing toward the truck. My heart began pounding, not wanting to face the attention I was about to receive. I looked back at Saul, my eyes wide with fear.

  “You’ll be fine,” he soothed. “Here, take this. Call me if you need to talk, okay? Anytime, day or night.”

  He handed me a business card. I took it and smiled.

  “Thanks. I will.”

  “Okay, hop out and let them know you’re alright.”

  “Thanks, Saul” I said humbly. “For everything.”

  “Anytime,” he said with a wink.

  I opened the passenger door and slid out. Joe was there waiting, and immediately embraced me.

  “Oh God, Hattie, you’re ok!” he sobbed.

  Choking up myself, I was unable to answer. I heard Saul’s truck pull away from the curb and felt my heart sink a bit.

  CHAPTER 3 ~ HOMECOMING

  “Hattie, we’ve been trying to call,” cried Joe. “I was so afraid you had…” he choked on the words, unable to say his entire thought out loud.

  “Joe, get her inside. There’s time to talk later.” It was Miranda, Everett’s mom. She had been the closest thing I’d had to a mother growing up. Everett had been Joe’s best friend since kindergarten. He’d made it clear before that he hoped we’d get married and live happily ever after. He’s always been like a brother to me, though. I had never let our relationship go beyond that.

  “Thank God you’re alive,” moaned Joe.

  I still hadn’t said a word. I wasn’t sure I could, to be honest. As Joe and Justine each held onto my arms and guided me to the front door, I clutched Saul’s business card tightly in my fist. As we entered the living room, several people stood to greet us. Some of them I knew, some of them I didn’t. There was a chorus of praises that I was home and alive. It was overwhelming. I wanted more than anything to be alone.

  “Someone make some hot tea,” instructed Miranda. “And get a blanket. The poor thing must be in shock.”

  Someone led me to the sofa, where I sat gratefully. A blanket was wrapped around my shoulders, making me realize I was still wearing Saul’s hoodie. Someone tried to take the paper from my hand.

  “No!” I yelled, startling everyone in the room. “No! Don’t take it!”

  “Hattie, shhh, it’s ok,” said Joe.

  “No, it’s not,” I said. “None of it is.”

  I stood up, letting the blanket fall behind me onto the couch. I turned quickly and walked out of the room, my arms crossed, and climbed the stairs that led to the peace of my own bedroom. I didn’t look back at the unwanted crowd.

  “Hattie!” I heard Joe call out as I reached th
e landing at the top of the steps.

  I paused for just a moment but didn’t look back. I walked forward and turned left into the bathroom. I shut the door quietly and locked the old fashioned lever knob. I turned so that my back faced the door and slid down until I was sitting on the cold granite floor. I drew my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I wanted to climb into a cold, dark hole. I wanted to be alone, for the house full of people to just go away. I didn’t want to cry or yell or scream or sleep. I just wanted to be alone.

  I closed my eyes, laid my head on my knees, and took a deep, shuddering breath. The slight knock on the door behind me was startling, sending my heart racing.

  “Hattie, Honey, it’s Miranda. Can I come in?” Her voice was soft and caring. “Please?”

  I sighed quietly and then stood. My muscles were even stiffer than before. I turned back to the bathroom door and quietly unlocked it. I turned the knob and pulled it open as I backed up.

  “Oh, Hattie, my dear sweet Hattie,” cooed Miranda. “Oh, sweetie, look at you.”

  She wrapped her slender arms around me tightly. It wasn’t the first motherly gesture she had made in my lifetime and I welcomed her closeness.

  “What happened, Miranda?” I asked, sounding lost.

  “They haven’t announced the cause yet. It’s a major blaze, though. There’s been at least three explosions. Oh, Hattie, we’d all thought we’d lost you.”

  Miranda began crying on my shoulder.

  “Joe’s car is gone,” I muttered.

  “Oh Lord, no one cares about the car. We’re just all so thankful you’re alive.” She stepped back from me and placed her hands on my shoulders. “You’re filthy. And your arm…”

  “It’s ok. It’s just a scratch.”

  “Let me draw you a bath, Sugar. Let’s get you cleaned up and into bed.”

  “The wedding…” I started to say, but was interrupted.

  “Hattie, the wedding will happen another day.” Joe had walked up behind Miranda. “Don’t even think about that now,” he insisted. “Everyone’s gone home except Everett and Justine. Let’s just get you taken care of.”

  I nodded. “I’m sorry about your car, Joey.”

  “Stop about the car,” ordered Miranda, who had walked to the large claw foot tub and began to fill it with hot water and a splash of lavender oil.

  “Yup. Stop about the car. None of that’s important,” echoed Joe.

  “Ok, Sug, leave your filthy clothes on the floor and I’ll come get them in a few minutes. I’ll bring a clean towel in with me.”

  “Thanks, Miranda.”

  She gently moved Joe out of the doorway and shut the door behind her. I took a breath and tried to shut off my mind. I looked down at my fist and realized I was still clutching at Saul’s business card. I placed it on the back of the white pedestal sink and then dared a glance in the mirror. I was a horrific sight. The skin of my face was beet red, much like a sunburn, and smeared with soot and tears. My hair was stringy and half out of its ponytail. I nearly didn’t recognize myself. I brought my hands up to my face and placed the cuffs of the dingy hoodie under my nose, very much like I would do with my childhood blanket when I was young. I was surprised that it smelled of fabric softener. It looked filthy but I could tell Saul had just washed it. When the scent of lavender started to mingle with that of Downy, I looked over to the bath and was surprised it was already half full of steaming water. I slipped out of the hoodie first and hung it on the hook that was mounted on the back of the door. I slid out of my loose crinkled skirt and pulled my t-shirt over my head. My muscles were still sore and the thought of the warm water was appealing. Finally, I slid out of my under things and left everything, including my shoes, on the floor as Miranda had instructed. I slid into the bath water with care. It was hot enough to sting, but I needed to feel the pain. My left arm took the worst of the assault. The shallow wound on my arm felt like it was on fire when submerged beneath the water. I winced and closed my eyes before slipping down in the tub until the water was covering my shoulders. Eventually the aches and pains eased. At least the physical ones. I heard the door open once, but kept my eyes closed. I knew it would be Miranda collecting my soiled clothes.

  As much as I tried to enjoy the hot soak, images and sounds of the morning kept filling my mind. The crying baby. The screaming mother. The flames. People running for their lives. The masks of fear everyone wore. I wish I could make the memories stop. I slid under the water, holding my breath, and stayed in the quiet calm for as long as I could. Coming up for air, I wiped the water from my eyes and looked around the room. I was home. I was alive. I was safe now. I just wished I felt it: safe. Miranda had left a clean towel on the shelf for me. I quickly washed my hair and face and dunk one more time to rinse off. I used a washcloth to gently scrub at my arm. The scratch still looked angry, but at least the blood and dirt were now gone. I unplugged the drain and stepped out of the tub. Melting into my own bed was all I really wanted to do now. I wrapped in the fluffy burgundy towel, retrieved Saul’s business card from the sink, and left the steamy bathroom behind.

  When I reached my bedroom, I was relieved to see that no one was waiting for me. Someone had set out a pair of flannel pajamas. I searched through my drawers for a pair of panties and got dressed. I turned the covers back and sat on the edge of the bed staring at the card in my hands. Sighing, I opened my night stand drawer and tucked the card away. There was a glass of water and a small bowl sitting on top of the bedside table, as well as a hand written note.

  Hattie, we’re so glad you’re ok. Take this Tylenol before you go to sleep.

  I’ll check on you later. –Justine

  I gratefully swallowed the pills, and then slid under the covers. I brought them up to my chin and curled into a ball.

  ***

  When I woke, it was full dark outside. The only light was coming from the digital alarm clock beside the bed. I was confused at first. My eyes were dry, as was my mouth. I sat up in bed, feeling the ache of every muscle in my body. That pain is what reminded me of what had happened. My heart started pounding and it was hard to catch my breath. I still didn’t know what exactly had happened downtown. The clock beside me said it was 4:04. I slid out of bed and walked to the closet, searching for my bathrobe. I found it quickly, wrapped it around myself, and slid into my favorite pair of slippers. I quietly opened my door and walked down the stairs, not wanting to wake anyone. I snuck into the kitchen and took out a bottle of water, which I drank from greedily. I took what was left of the water and slipped into the living room, hoping to turn the news on.

  Everett was sleeping on the couch, his arm hanging over the edge. He was snoring lightly. I assumed that Justine was in Joe’s room with him, which left me wondering where Miranda was. Since this was the only television we had in the house, I sat on the floor in front of the only ottoman in the room and used the remote to turn on the flat screen. It was one rare luxury we had splurged on. Daddy sent home money until we turned eighteen, but his wife had cut that off as her birthday gift to us. We both worked, but neither of us made very good money, so we had a tendency to be frugal. Joe did maintenance for the local school district, which consisted of only two elementary schools, one middle, and one high. I worked as a barista, but it was only part time every Wednesday through Friday. I’d still watch the kids down the street, Aimee and Amanda, about once a month. I’m sure she’d gladly sell it if she could. And now the café where I had worked had burnt down. The house was paid for and we had a right to it from our mother’s will, so Helen couldn’t touch that

  As the screen warmed up and began to light up the room, I hit the volume button to keep it quiet, not wanting to wake Everett. I clicked through the major stations until I found one featuring the tragedy from the day before. It mostly showed clips from earlier in the day, always from a distance. It had seemed worse in person, likely because I had been in the middle of it all, up close and personal. The news woman was talking about speculation
s still. It was an assumed gas line explosion. Since one of the neighboring buildings housed propane, it was also assumed that was responsible for the after-explosions. Still, no one knew for sure just yet what the actual cause was. They were anticipating a lengthy investigation and that area of the town would be out of commission until it could be rebuilt. They were predicting an economic hardship for the area. The death toll was still coming in, but currently at twenty confirmed lost. There were six people in critical condition at Harborview Hospital in Seattle, and at least another sixteen at local area hospitals with varying degrees of injuries. The gravity of the situation began to hit me like a ton of bricks, as did the reality that I very well could have been included in that death toll. Not to mention the tiny baby Saul had gone back for. I wasn't ready to shed tears. I wasn't sure what I wanted or needed to do. I took a deep breath and hung my head.

  The sofa behind me squeaked. Startled, I turned to see Everett sitting up.

  “Everett, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “You ok, Hat?”

  I shrugged. “I guess. A little sore.”

  He stood and walked over to me.

  “That’s not what I mean. You’ve been through a lot. Are you ok, like, emotionally?”

  I bit my lip and cracked my knuckles. “I think so. Glad to be alive.”

  Soon he sat beside me and wrapped an arm around me. “Me too, Hattie. Me too.”

  His embrace felt like just a bit more than that of a friend, and made me tense slightly.

  “Where’d your mom go?”

  “She had to go home to take care of the dog. She said she’d be back and make us all breakfast.”

  “That’s nice of her.”

  “Did you want to talk about what happened?”

  I shook my head as he tightened his arm.

  “Ok, but let me know if you need me to lend an ear, ok?”

  “Thanks, Everett.”

  I smiled at him. As I started to turn my head away he put his palm on my cheek. I knew by the look in his eyes that he was looking at me not as a friend or a sister, but rather as someone he might love. My core went cold as he leaned in, presumably trying to kiss me.