Just In Time: An Alaskan Nights Novel

by Addison Fox

  “Yeah. That.”

  “Well, he’s clean most of the time when he’s not playing, I mean. The problem is his equipment’s old and hockey players have freshness challenges on the best of days.” Avery took a sip of her coffee as a sweet memory swamped her.

  Roman used to race home after practice to clean up before they had a date. He’d scrub his skin bright pink, then go out in the cold. She could still remember the night he actually had ice in his hair because he’d gone out with it still wet.

  “The equipment’s expensive, too, isn’t it?”

  Grier’s question pulled her from the image of Roman with crunchy hair, and Avery refocused on Stink. “He’s a sweet kid and he loves hockey like it’s his religion. He’s always taken the ribbing pretty good-naturedly, but I think it’s starting to get old.”

  “Having a cool nickname that shows you’re a team sport is one thing. When the underlying reason’s used to embarrass you, not so much.”

  “You haven’t told me number three.”

  “Oh. That’s easy.” Grier reached for her own drink on a laugh. “You want to.”

  “Did you just chortle merrily before taking that sip?”

  “I most certainly did not.”

  “You did.”

  “You’re evading.”

  “I am.”

  “Because I’m right.”

  “Damn it.”

  Avery sighed, memories of the heated kisses in the gym earlier that day filling her mind’s eye. They hadn’t been far from her thoughts all afternoon and she’d barely gotten her inventory done on time to get the order out to Jack.

  “Why are you right?”

  “Um, because the man is crazy about you. Add on he’s one of the most physically perfect specimens of manhood on the planet. Oh. And did I mention he’s crazy about you?”

  “It can’t be anything, Grier.”

  “You know, someone gave me a hard time when I tried using that excuse a few months ago.” Grier leaned forward and linked their hands. “It was the best piece of advice I’ve ever received.”

  “I can’t go through it again, Grier. What if I give myself the permission to go back and he leaves again? He’s not staying.”

  “No, he’s not.”

  “I can’t live through it again. Once was enough.”

  “You don’t think you’re different now?”

  “I don’t think he and I together are different. That’s the problem.”

  “But you’re older. Wiser.”

  “I don’t know how to explain this in a way that makes even the slightest bit of sense.” Avery took a fortifying sip of the lush, rich chocolate and allowed the sweetness a moment on her tongue before she started in.

  “That’s okay. I’ll believe you, whatever you tell me.”

  Avery took one more sip for good measure, then began. “People talk about puppy love and first loves and teenage crushes. But what Roman and I had—have—has always been different. Always.”

  “Describe it to me.”

  “He’s just always been there. A part of me. And the time between us is special, somehow. I’m not big on the term soul mate because I think it diminishes the other relationships in our lives that matter, but he and I have that. Even when we were very small.”

  A distant memory whirled through her mind and she thought about it for a moment, allowing it to solidify.

  “Once . . . I couldn’t have been more than about eight. He was nine, and Mick and Walker ten. We were playing out around town the day after a snowstorm. It was after school let out and you know what it’s like around here. Everyone’s casual and easygoing and a bunch of kids running around the town square is just more of the perfect, Norman Rockwell thing we channel here sometimes.”

  “It’s lovely. And homey.”

  “That, too.”

  It was funny, Avery thought, how a memory she hadn’t had in well over a decade could come back so strong.

  And so very vivid.

  “So we were running around and carrying on and just having a great time and I started to run out toward Main Street. And without any warning, a car driving slowly down the street hit a patch and went sliding. The driver couldn’t get control and all I could see was his face and I was literally frozen in place, the car bearing down on me.”

  “And Roman pulled you back?”

  “Roman started running toward me before the car even lost control.”

  Avery saw the story register in Grier’s gaze—saw her brow furrow as she tried to take it in.

  “I asked him about it later. He walked me to my house, which he always did after we were done playing. I was still sort of freaked out by the whole thing and he was extra quiet. And I asked him how he knew the car was going to lose control.”

  “What did he say?”

  “He said he knew something was wrong. He was nine, Grier. How does a kid know something like that?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “It’s always been that way between us. We’ve just always been together. So in tune with each other.”

  “Then there’s even more reason for you to act on these feelings. Not only do you have a connection emotionally, but you have a physical connection, too, and that’s not to be undervalued.”

  A hard sob welled up in her throat, the hurt so immediate—so unexpected—she dragged a hand to her mouth to hold it in.

  “Oh, Avery, I’m sorry. I’m sorry to keep pushing.”

  Avery shook her head. “No, don’t you see, that’s it? He was never just my boyfriend. He matters to me in the same way I need air to breathe. And he went away. I didn’t simply lose my boyfriend. I lost my best friend when he left. And he was gone.”

  “Oh.”

  “That’s what no one understands. They think how cute we are and how great it is that he’s back and maybe he’s finished sowing wild oats. But it’s never been about that. The pain has never been about that.” She hiccupped. “Or not entirely.”

  “You lost half of yourself.”

  “Which is why I can’t go through it again.”

  • • •

  Avery flipped through the latest In Style and abstractedly wondered what she’d look like with Charlize Theron’s hair. The magazine was a mindless distraction from the day, and as she turned past Charlize and on to Reese Witherspoon, she let her mind wander back to the conversation she’d had with Grier at the Jitters.

  After she got over the emotional hurdle of churning up all of her history with Roman, she realized it had actually felt rather therapeutic to get it out.

  And God bless Grier, she was a good listener. She had also been through something similar enough to offer understanding and compassion without trying to add on a load of advice that wasn’t helpful or wanted.

  Of course, all the friendship or understanding couldn’t change one major, glaring fact.

  She did want to have sex with Roman.

  There was little use in denying it to herself. The need for him vibrated under her skin like a hard, heavy drumbeat that wouldn’t be silenced.

  She was sick of fighting the attraction, but she was even sicker of the endless tension that had plagued their interactions with each other since the time he left Indigo.

  The real question, to her mind, was, was she brave enough to go there again? And if they did go there, would he check out again when he inevitably went home?

  The ringing of the phone interrupted her thoughts and she grabbed it, surprised when the caller asked specifically for her.

  “Avery. This is Walt Singer.” The man rattled off an impressive list of credentials along with his role in heading up one of the lead travel industry associations. “I’m incredibly sorry for the lateness of my call, but I’m in a terrible bind and your name just came to my attention. I figured it was early enough there I might catch you.”

  Intrigued, Avery reached for the computer and opened up a search box so she could look him up as he spoke. “Please. Go on.”

  “I’m runni
ng the travel conference that starts Monday in Anchorage and I’ve lost one of my speakers to a bad case of the flu. I understand you recently took part in an exchange program.”

  “I did.”

  “You’d be perfect. We’re talking about ways to invigorate your career, how to create environments for employees that keep them motivated and happy, and how those things can build your business. Your experience would be perfect for the panel.”

  “I need to check with my boss.”

  “Let me get your e-mail information and I’ll follow up with all the details. Your conference fee will be paid for if you’d like to stay for the duration, but if you could only do a day trip, that’d be fine as well.”

  Avery did a quick calculation as to who might be able to fill in for her. “I’m very interested, let me just do some checking in the morning and I’ll get back to you.”

  “Wonderful.”

  They exchanged a few more pleasantries and were about to hang up when a thought hit her. “Walt. How’d you get my name?”

  “A few places. You’ve got quite a good reputation in the Alaska hospitality community. But the exchange came to my attention from a Mr. Declan O’Mara. He and I have been working on a website project for the association and he’s the representation from Ireland. He can’t stop singing your praises.”

  “Oh, okay. Well. Thanks.”

  She hung up, somewhat shocked by the call yet buoyed by it as well. Her speaking skills were decent, and she did love what she did. Walt had also promised to send her the questions in advance, so she could prepare her thoughts.

  It would also be great publicity for Indigo and the hotel.

  As she went back to her magazine, she flipped back to the page on Charlize and wondered again about the haircut. And maybe the new suit she saw on page 232.

  • • •

  Roman fought the urge to squirm in his chair as his grandmother’s steady gaze lasered in on him with unerring precision. “You’ve been busy since you’ve been back.”

  The standing invitation to dinner every time he came home was something he looked forward to, but this evening had the distinct overtones of the Spanish Inquisition instead of a leisurely family dinner.

  “I have been. I’m enjoying the chance to coach the kids for a few weeks.”

  “And getting that rink fixed up.”

  “We start on Saturday.”

  “Everyone’s getting excited about it. It’s all anyone can talk about.”

  The slight edge of irritation that had ridden him since he first saw the rink resurfaced and he knew Julia Forsyth was the one person he could unload it on.

  “Why hasn’t anyone fixed it before now?”

  “No one’s cared enough, I suppose.”

  “They sure care now.”

  “What you do matters to people. They love that you’re from here and that you’ve made something of yourself.”

  “I’m a person, Gran. Just a person.”

  She winked at him. “Why not leave them to their delusions?”

  “Because those delusions ensure they don’t really listen to me.”

  “Why do you care if they listen to you?”

  He drew up short at that and simply stared at his grandmother, waiting for her to say something else. When she didn’t, he sputtered out the first thing that he thought of.

  “I’m not a statue on a pedestal. I don’t like the special treatment or the idea that whatever I say is some sort of weird, celebrity gospel.”

  “But you’ve chosen not to be a part of the town. What opportunity have they had to know you?”

  The words struck him like a swift punch to the jaw and he shook his head to clear the sudden ringing in his ears. While he’d always appreciated the fact that his grandmother didn’t pull any punches, it was a bit of a shock to hear her being so honest.

  “Does that bother you?” he asked.

  “Does it bother you?”

  “Look, Gran, enough with the pseudopsychology. My point is valid.”

  “So’s mine, Roman.” The cool, even demeanor she’d held all through the dinner flared high with a quick burn of anger. “You don’t live here. And you haven’t lived here for nearly fourteen years. Most of the time, you use wildly expensive gifts to replace your presence here, which, while lovely, only serves to heighten the untouchability everyone feels about you. So maybe you need to start wondering what you’ve done to become a figurehead instead of a member of the Indigo community.”

  “You don’t think I should have left.”

  She threw her napkin on the table at that and stood up. “I have never once thought that, nor will I ever. You have a gift and you were given the gift of opportunity to use it.”

  “Okay, all right. I’m sorry.”

  Her features softened, but she didn’t sit. Instead, she crossed around the table to sit next to him. “Roman. All I’m saying is that when you left, you left. And you have made deliberate choices about staying away.”

  He wanted to argue—wanted to rail that he hadn’t done that—but he was a shitty liar to begin with, and exceptionally poor at it with his grandmother.

  “I couldn’t come back. Not with her here.”

  “I know, darling. I know.” She took his hand and held it in both of hers. “A dream is a beautiful thing, but it has a price. Avery was the price.”

  “I’ve always believed I made the choice I had to. But now . . .” He stared at the table, barely seeing the dishes covering the top. “Now I don’t know. She’s here and I’m here and I wonder if I chose wrong.”

  “If you’d stayed, it would have destroyed both of you.”

  He laid his free hand over hers and squeezed. “Yeah, but leaving pretty much did the same.”

  “Oh, sweetie. Who do you think you’d be if you’d never taken the opportunity?”

  “Just another hockey fiend who played on the weekends and watched the games with rabid interest.”

  “No. You have a rare talent and every single minute of your time on the ice would have been spent with resentment. Is that what you would have wanted to bring to your relationship with Avery?”

  “No.”

  “It’s easy to look backward and say ‘what if,’ but when we play that game, we always like to think the ‘what if’ would be better. What if it was worse?”

  He knew she had a point. He’d spent the last half of the season wondering who the hell he was going to be when hockey was over. At least he’d had the opportunity. Had gone for the gold and swung at the fences.

  Even if it had come at a terribly steep price.

  It was with that knowledge that another thought struck, swift and hard. “She enjoyed Ireland.”

  “Very much.”

  “That’s her adventure. Her opportunity.”

  “Yes, it was. Alicia’s illness kept her grounded for far too long. Avery’s finally been given the gift of wings.”

  “I’ll only hold her back.”

  “Would you really do that?”

  He thought of the choices he’d made so far where the two of them were concerned and questioned if he would make the right decision when it counted.

  “I don’t know. I hope not, but I honestly don’t know.”

  • • •

  Roman walked the quiet streets of Indigo and soaked up the late-night sun as he thought about dinner. While its beginnings had been a bit rough, the second half of the evening with his grandmother had been more of what he looked forward to each time he came home.

  She was always honest with him, and even when she struck a nerve, he knew it was something he needed to hear.

  Would he hold Avery back?

  That simple question turned over and over in his mind.

  He wanted to believe he wouldn’t stand in Avery’s way. Wanted to think enough of himself and his motivations to believe an adult relationship was something mutually fulfilling. Something they could share.

  But was that the right thing? The fair thing?

 
Oh hey, honey. So glad you waited around for me for fourteen years. Ready to pick up where we left off?

  Even as he thought it, he knew that wasn’t an accurate assessment of how he felt about her or what he wanted. He wanted to share his life with her. Wanted them to share their hopes and dreams for the future, wherever that took them.

  So why did he feel like he was trying to have his cake and eat it, too?

  On a sigh, he shoved his jumbled thoughts to the back of his mind. After he and his grandmother discussed Avery, the talk had turned to lighter matters. She spoke of all the odds and ends in her life before shifting to recount the excitement in town as Sloan and Walker planned their wedding.

  She also told him all the latest town gossip, including the interest in a female pilot Mick and Jack had hired to help them with the increasing workload of their business. Although originally scheduled to join them in the spring, the woman had been forced to delay her arrival for the fall due to some unexpected commitments with her family.

  He’d smiled as she told him of Mick’s new partner. There was no doubt she was a hot piece of gossip out at the airstrip.

  Roman’s thoughts were interrupted by a few late-night walkers, and he waved across the town square before heading into the lobby of the hotel.

  Straight into a dancing Avery.

  “What’s up, Donna Summer?”

  Her face glowed brightly as she continued to do an odd swoop-n-waltz around the lobby on tiptoes. “Ask me what just happened a few hours ago.”

  “Can I guess?”

  “You’ll never guess it.”

  “Can I try?”

  She shrugged but didn’t stand still. “Sure.”

  “You’re being profiled in a travel magazine.”

  The dancing stopped and she whirled on him, her face falling slightly. “How did you get so close?”

  “Close to what? You’re going to be in a magazine?”

  “I was invited to sit on a panel for a tourism conference.”

  “That’s fantastic.”

  “How’d you guess?”

  He shrugged, but a weird tremor hit at the nape of his neck. “I’m not sure. It just seemed like the right answer.”

  One foot began tapping as Avery looked thoughtful. “That’s peculiar. Did your mother tell you?”

  “How would my mother have told me? I haven’t talked to her. Have you?”