Unstuck

by Liliana Camarena

  “Education,” he said and I quickly focused on it. I looked at it quickly, I had no idea about most of the numbers but some of them gave me an idea of what he was trying to do. “Don’t buy Stinson,” I said at the end giving him back the computer. I was sure that he was looking for reasons to buy or not to buy.

  “What?” he looked at me like I had two heads.

  “Don’t buy Stinson, Patrick. Education is a small branch, go for collaboration and buy them out in a year when May, Inc has given E-course enough strength. Right now the branch can grow with the collaboration and will get more out of E-course in a year. I think…,” Shit, I was not this person anymore! My first day and I was already in deep shit, I hated business management, I hated administrative shit; I just wanted to be free and be bossed around.

  “Lucinda, what the fuck are you doing here?” Patrick asked and I knew that maybe it was time to retreat before the spitting fire began.

  “Nothing, I am going back to my desk in a second,” I said getting up when I heard him laugh. See? Confusion. All day long.

  “Lucinda, I didn’t mean it like that,” he was still laughing really hard and I was still confused. Maybe all it took was time; time to get used to Patrick the boss.

  “I meant what the fuck are you doing as an assistant? I should promote you to CFO,” No! I didn't think so; don’t even think that, sir. “But I won’t, you are too good of an assistant I may never, ever find someone like you,” he was smiling and I gave away a tiny smile. I had no idea how I was feeling. He just said that I had great skills as a CFO and as an assistant. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT SAY ABOUT ME? Ugh! I was definitely annoyed.

  “C’mon,” he said while taking his suit jacket from the chair. “Let’s have lunch,” he opened the door and I was quickly behind him.

  “Harriet,” that is the executive assistant that seems to don’thing because my name has been the one yelled all morning. Not in a good way. “We are going to get lunch. All my calls are to be redirected to Miss Stuart’s cell phone.” He kept on walking, I grabbed my purse and whispered to Harriet “Lucinda`s Cell phone,” I smiled and ran after him.

  Mike took us to some Arab place that Patrick liked and we had lunch. “So, you are a genius,” he said crossing his arms as we waited for coffee and dessert.

  “No, I’m not! You knew what I told you,” I said.

  “I knew that the education branch was not strong enough to buy Stinson but I didn’t know how I was going to make it grow. Now you gave me a way,” he said smiling at me.

  “Eventually you would have. You were stuck. You said so yourself, you just needed someone that hadn’t been looking at those numbers for 5 hours.”

  “Maybe. Whatever it was, it means I need you around Lucinda,” he said pointing at me with his finger.

  “Maybe you do need me, Patrick.” I smiled back. “I will need to go to my place at some point to get the rest of my stuff, Patrick, you asked me to pack for a week. Do you do that to all your assistants? Make them believe they are flying to town for an interview and then hit them with the you are living here now thing?” I changed the subject quickly. I wanted to get away from the Miss Stuart shit that was going on in my head as soon as possible.

  “No,” he said laughing. When he laughed his face seemed a bit childish, his eyes partially closed and it made him look much more younger than 35. “I wanted to see if I could work with you. I wasn’t sure you and I would make a good team.” He gave his coffee a sip.

  “Why was that?” I asked confused. AGAIN.

  “You are the same as me. Well, at least in the business world. I didn’t know if you would adapt to the assistant job,” Well, that was honest.

  “Have I?” I asked while raising my eyebrows.

  “Surprisingly, yes. Three days in and you are already saving my life,” he smiled.

  I shook my head smiling and went on, “Anyway, when can I go to my place to get the rest of my things?”

  “We can go today after work.” What? I didn't want my boss in my house.

  “Oh! You don’t need to come, I can go by myself,” I said nonchalantly.

  “I don’t mind. That way you won’t have to carry all your stuff by yourself. Mike can help,” I nodded. Who was I to say no to my boss, right?

  “How is your first day going?” I looked up to find Brian sitting on my desk and smiling. Widely.

  “Hmm I wouldn’t know how to describe it. I’ll probably get the hang of it soon. Right now I feel like Bambi on the ice for the first time,” I said while chewing the cap of a pen.

  “That’s not what I heard,” He said grinning.

  “What? What did you hear?” I asked leaning forward and Brian leaned closer.

  “I heard the boss took you out for lunch,” he said whispering.

  “That? I’ve had lunch with Patrick for the last 3 days, Brian,” I said disappointed.

  “Well, Lucy, Patrick doesn’t have lunch with his assistants on Mondays, or any other week day. Besides, a little bird told me you have been in and out of his office.”

  “Little Bird?” I asked suspicious Brian motioned with a movement of his head towards Harriet’s desk. “What?” I mouthed the word.

  “She is afraid you’ll be doing her job too. She said all she did all morning was screen calls for Mr. Maynard,” Brian whispered to me.

  “I was wondering what her job was,” I said more to myself than to Brian, “Well, I won’t let that happen.”

  “Brian,” The door to Patrick’s office opened and his voice was heard throughout the entire floor. I think I was getting used to that. Brian jumped down from my desk and went to Patrick’s office. “Yes, Patrick?” I heard as Brian closed the door.

  “Miss Stuart?” I heard Harriet’s voice and looked up to find her.

  “Harriet, I am Lucinda or Lucy,” I said taking my glasses off.

  “Lucy then,” Harriet smiled. Harriet seemed to be around 38, maybe 40, years old. Looking at her I kind of got what Patrick said about his assistants. Harriet didn’t look like she had been run over by a bus but she did look…. Kinda like a spinster. Her blond hair up in a twisted bun, brown pants with a buttoned up white shirt, buttoned all the way up to her neck and a simple yellowish cardigan. No high heels.

  “I was wondering...”her voice brought me back from my thoughts,” if I should redirect all of Mr. Maynard’s calls to your cell from now on?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked confused. AGAIN. What word would I use to describe my day? CONFUSED. I clearly pictured myself as a Meme on Facebook. I did have Facebook. I used it to stalk my old clients and employees. I sucked.

  “Well, he never asked to do that before with any of the other assistants,” She seemed confused as well. Maybe working for Patrick was confusing all together.

  “Oh… I think that’s something you should check with him, Harriet,” I smiled sweetly. “Is it always like this?” I asked her in a I’m confiding in you kind of tone

  “How?” She didn’t know what I meant.

  “Confusing? Working for him,” She smiled and nodded.

  “Always,” She said “But you don’t seem to have a problem with any of it. You should have seen the others, by the third time their name was yelled they were already in tears. You will last, I can tell,” she said

  “Lucinda!!” The door to Patrick’s office was opened. I shrugged, smiled to Harriet and on to the office went.

  By 6 pm I was already on the SVU and halfway to my house with Patrick by my side. I was really tired, my head was killing me and I still had to face packing a suitcase in front of my boss who, by what I’d seen, had no idea of what privacy meant.

  “Tired?” he asked as I yawned.

  “A bit. I was getting used to the unemployed life,” I smiled.

  “No you weren’t,” he said and I just smiled. What was the point on saying no to that? “You did great today,” he said looking out the window.

  “Did I?” I asked looking out the window as well.

  �
��Yes, you didn’t cry,” I had to laugh out loud at that.

  “So it’s true, then. You make your assistants cry on the first day?” “It wasn’t your first day, Lucinda,” He seemed serious, maybe tired.

  “It was my first real day. The real tests were today, right?” I asked.

  “No, your first real test was making me my midnight snack,” He finally looked at me and smiled “We are here,” I looked out and yes, we had stopped in front of my house.

  I jumped out of the SVU and walked towards the front door and opened it.

  “Hi guys,” I said to my fish. Patrick followed me and looked around wondering who I had said hi to. I put my purse on one of my white couches and walked towards the fish to feed them. Oh no! What had happened to fish #2?? Oh no! It was dead. Another one. Oh no! The water works! Not in front of my boss.

  “Lucinda?” I heard Patrick’s voice and I tried to hide my face but I could not take it anymore, I broke down crying. I just put my head in my hands.

  “What’s wrong?” I felt Patrick’s hand around my shoulders “oh… Fish die,” he said finally getting what I meant that first night.

  “Again,” I said crying like a baby.

  “Come, sit down,” said Patrick taking me to the living room. I couldn’t stop crying for the life of me! “I need to make a phone call,” I said and Patrick looked at me as if I was crazy. I was pretty sure he thought I was really attached to the fish. I wasn’t. Not really. I took my phone and dialed Nick’s number and pressed the speaker button. I was a mess, thankfully I didn’t have a runny nose but I was not about to put my phone to my ear and mess it all up with tears.

  “Sugar! How..”

  “Shut up Nicholas,” I interrupted him immediately “Ok... bad mood, what happened?” I heard Nick say while Patrick gave me a tissue. This was a mess, all over a fish.

  “Did you feed my fish, Nick?” I asked choking on my tears.

  “Of course I did, Sugar. What happened?” He said in his most tender voice. He knew how touchy the fish subject was.

  “Fish #2 is dead, Nick,” I sobbed. I didn’t dare to look at Patrick; it was pretty embarrassing for me.

  “Oh, sugar, I am so sorry. Are you ok? Do you need to talk?” He said in his calm voice.

  “No, I just came to pick up some stuff. I’ll take care of it and I’ll call you later tonight, ok?” I seriously needed to stop crying, but I couldn’t. I hung up with Nick and turned to look at Patrick. Yes, I was sure he thought I was crazy.

  “Fish die,” he said again and I just sobbed in agreement. “It’s so much more than Fish #2 dying right?”

  “So much more,” I said and went on sobbing again, “I should explain,” I said, “You don’t need to, Lucinda,” Patrick was also using a soothing voice.

  “I want to, seriously, Patrick. I want to explain this crazy behavior,” I wiped my nose, that I was sure was as red as Rudolph’s, and went on to explain my situation.

  “Two months ago I came home to find Fish #3 dead,” I gave a small sob and went on, “and everything that was wrong with my life hit me like a bag of bricks in the head. I thought about how I’ve spent every waking moment thinking about my career. I have no friends, no relationships, no meaningful bonds with anyone but Nick and in top of it all I could not keep my fish alive.” I let out a couple of sobs, “I am about to turn 30 and I am alone in this world. That’s when I decided that I needed to change my life.” I turned to look at Patrick that had a small smile on his face, not making fun, not condescending, just a smile. “And now, I come home and Fish #2 is dead!!! Fish #1 is going to be left all alone! And soon enough he will be dead too! And he will have no one to mourn him because he will be found 3 or 5 days after he is dead and that’s not fair, you know? Fish #1 really cared about #2 and #3 has mourned them and no one will mourn him because he spent his life living for other fish lives. Not fair,” I said crying hysterically by this point.

  “Lucinda, you are not wasting your life. You are changing it and let me tell you, there’s got to be someone out there that loves you more than life itself. You have Nick, and now, you have me. You are not 30 yet and you are already a pretty impressive woman. You should be proud of yourself,” He said while giving me a hug. My boss was hugging me and trying to calm me during a breakdown over my fish dying.

  “No one loves me, Patrick. I mean, besides Nick but I think he loves everyone, that’s his problem. He is a whore,” I cried a bit more into the tissue. Why not?

  “Your family most love you Lucinda,” Patrick hit a rough spot and I cried harder “No, they don’t. Actually, they disowned me because I gave up my last job and decided to become your personal assistant. Well an assistant, they don’t know I am your assistant because they won’t answer my calls. They love to brag about Miss Stuart, they hate Lucy.” I blew my nose and I felt Patrick giving me another warm hug.

  “They are a bunch of idiots, then. I’ve never met someone so interesting and intelligent ever. I am sure you are about to become my only female friend in the world. If they can’t see what I see, then, more for me. You are worth anyone’s time. Anyone is lucky to have you around.” He let me go and smiled at me. I smiled back at him. My boss could be my friend? That was new. I liked it.

  “C’mon, Lucinda. Let’s get your shit together,” he said standing up from the couch “I’ll take care of Fishy here while you pack. Do you want to give him a proper burial?” He asked me in a serious tone.

  I laughed “No, I will give him the same treatment as Fish #3. Viking burial,” He looked at me weird. “Toilet,” I said and Patrick nodded.

  I went up the stairs to pack everything I could on the other two suitcases that I had in my room. I hated this side of me; in my 29 years of life I had never felt that kind of emotions until 2 months before. That day that Fish#3 died was the day that I opened the Pandora Box. I let every single emotion flow out of my heart, mind, soul and mouth and I had never been the same ever since then. I remember that day reaching out to my mother and father but they just gave me the “you’ll be fine,” speech which was terrible, it made me feel worst. It was Nick the one that calmed me down and made me think about what I wanted or NOT wanted. I thought once I made a choice these feelings would disappear, but Fish #2 passing showed me that I was nowhere close to letting this feelings go. It’s not that I am clinging to them, I didn’t like them; I am allergic to feelings, and I hate all of them, but THEY seemed to be clinging on to me; they just wouldn’t let go. I hate to lose control and those feelings were making me lose all my shit. I took a deep breath and tried to put myself back together while packing.

  I decided to pack everything that I could. I could hear Patrick downstairs doing God knew what but I took that time to grab all my underwear and shove it in a bag that was not see through just in case he came strolling into my room; believe me you don’t want your boss looking at your underwear. Maybe I was the sick bastard in here but I could clearly see any boss of mine making bets with himself about which bra I’m wearing if he ever had gotten the chance to see my underwear drawer. Yep, I am THAT disturbed.

  “Lucinda?” I knew it; here he was coming up the stairs.

  “In here,” I said while safely shoving the underwear bag into my suitcase. I looked up and found him leaning against the door in my room. “C’mon in,” I said waving my hand towards the room. He had the decency of waiting outside.

  “I like your house,” he said throwing himself on my bed, there it went the sense of privacy or sense of right or wrong or too soon or “I’m on my assistant’s bed.”

  “Thank you. It could fit in your library,” I said smiling while folding a yellow skirt. He just nodded and looked around I think he didn’t want to admit that it could easily fit in his library.

  “So, Patrick,” I said looking at my closet “How often do you have galas?” I turned to look at him. It was his turn to look confused. “I need to know if I need to pack all my evening gownss. Not that I have hundreds of them…”

  “Often
… too often. It’s horrible, Lucinda,” He said taking his hand to his forehead. “I hate them, I hate the people and I hate dancing. There’s always dancing,” The look in his eyes made me laugh out loud.

  “Dresses?” I asked still laughing.

  “Take all of them, Lucinda, you’ll hate them by the end of the year,” He said as a warning.

  “Oh I couldn’t hate this beauty,” I said dancing around with my favorite black and white formal dress “You will, believe me,” he said rolling his eyes. I laid the dress on my bed and went on packing.

  In the end Mike had to get my bags and made a few more trips with my evening gownss. I don’t love shopping but I love clothes so I usually order everything online, nice, uh?

  I threw my hair dryer, and all my hair things on my oversized purse and went downstairs. I said my goodbyes to the house because I didn’t know when I would be coming back and locked the front door.

  When I climbed on the SVU I found Patrick holding a mini fish bowl with Fish #1 swimming around. I looked at him touched. Oh shit!

  “I asked Mike to buy a bowl for Fish, we are calling him Fish now. No need for a number,” he said handing me the bowl. I looked into his eyes and I couldn’t help it crying again. See? These feelings invading every single part of me is ridiculous.

  “Oh, Lucinda, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Said Patrick as the SVU began to move. I just shook my head I had no fucking idea why I was crying!

  “It’s ok, Patrick. I think these are happy tears; I am moved,” I said holding the fish bowl with one hand and wiping my tears with the other one.

  Fortunately I had one hour to calm myself down until we got home.

  “Dinner?” he asked me and I nodded. I was sure I looked like complete and utter crap; I just knew it!

  “Give me 10 minutes to get out of these clothes,” I said looking down I was really embarrassed, my behavior was inexcusable.

  “Sure, see you in the dining room,” He said and I just smiled. I almost ran to the pool house. When I got there all my bags and dresses were already arranged in the office. I guess Mike thought I had too much and they would not fit in my room. I gladly took my shoes off and changed into jeans and a t-shirt with some flip flops. You knew I was down when the flip flops came out. I carefully placed Fish on my office desk and went to have dinner with my boss who had seen me cry like a baby over the death of a fish; a poor fish that didn’t deserve to die alone. God, there I went again.