Unstuck

by Liliana Camarena

  “I can’t believe you,” I said in a whisper while we waited for my parents at the golf club. THE GOLF CLUB. We were not golfing because it was freezing, it was the middle of November, but I got the feeling that Patrick wanted to show off a bit. He didn’t usually do that but since he knew my family history I was sure he wanted to impress them somehow.

  “Would you have preferred to do this on your own,” he asked looking at me.

  “Yes,” I said and then looked out the window.“I don’t want you to be here when they humiliate me,” I felt him take my hand.

  “I won’t let that happen, Pepper,” I looked at him and he smiled at me. I highly doubted he would be able to do that. I mean, he was Patrick Maynard, but I don’t think he would be able to make my mother like who I was now.

  “Mr. Maynard,” I heard the hostess say “Your party has arrived,” I looked up and there they were: Mom and Dad. I hadn’t seen them in at least a year and there they were at the golf club with my boss. A surreal scene.

  “Mr. Stuart, Ms. Stuart,” said Patrick shaking my parents’ hands “Hi mom,” Mom had a new haircut, shorter and had highlights on her strawberry blonde hair, she looked good. It made me wonder, briefly, if those kinds of highlights would look good on me, my hair was just like hers. I rejected the idea because I didn’t want to be my mother. I hugged her and she just put her hands on my shoulder.

  “Lucinda,” she nodded and sat on the table.

  “Dad,” I said as I hugged him, he hugged back and gave me a quick smile. I didn’t get to interpret if the smile meant sympathy or disappointment. He had lost all the remaining hair he had in a year. He was a bald man now. It suited him.

  “Can I offer you something to drink?” the server asked to my parents.

  “It’ll be all right,” Patrick whispered while my parents ordered their drinks.

  “So, you are here visiting from Georgia? Pleasure or Business,” asked Patrick as he gave a sip of his white wine.

  “Yes, a friend’s daughter got married yesterday. We thought we might as well check on Lucinda. Last we knew she was in a pretty dark place,” And so it began. My mother talked as if I wasn’t right there in front of her.

  “So Lucinda, you work for Mr. Maynard,” said my mother smiling at him. Of course, she smiled at him he was a business man and deserved to be treated with respect.

  “She does,” said Patrick while sipping on his white wine “she is essential for my everyday life,” he looked at me and smiled.

  “She is your assistant, right?” my mother asked with a hint of disgust on her tone.

  “My personal assistant, yes,” Patrick nodded while I stuffed my mouth with bread sticks “That’s like a secretary,” my mother said and this time I think I saw her puke on her mouth.

  “Oh no, Ms. Stuart, Lucinda is so much more than secretary or an assistant. She’s become my right hand,” he motioned the server to come close and ordered the usual for everyone.

  “I’m sorry Mr. Maynard,” said dad “but Lucinda has so much potential and we think she is wasting it by being a simple assistant,” My parents were talking about me like I was not there, I was being humiliated like I predicted.

  “Oh Mr. Stuart, there is nothing simple about being my assistant. Did you know that she has been responsible for at least 3 of the biggest deals I’ve made this semester,” Was I? I looked at him wondering if he was making up shit.

  “Has she?” asked my mother crossing her arms.

  “She has! Sometimes I don’t have the vision on things I work on and she helps me,” He turned to look at me. I was still looking at him wondering what the hell he was trying to say and still stuffing my mouth with bread sticks “she calms me, she soothes me,” he smiled “The most important business CEO’s of the country know her by first name basis because they know that she is the most important opinion in May, inc. after mine, of course. Her job is that important,” wow! I never thought that my opinion was that important. I was sure Patrick was exaggerating but that was ok with me if that could spare me a long talk from my parents about my career.

  “Why isn’t she in another position at your company, Mr. Maynard?” Oh hell no! My mother was not about to negotiate a better job for me. This was the best job I’ve had ever and she was not ruining it.

  “Mother, I don’t want another position, I don’t want what I am sure you’d see as a promotion. I love the life I live. I have found people that care about me; I have friends now, Mother. Real friends and I wouldn’t change that for anything,” I said all that while pointing at her with a bread stick. I turned to look at Patrick and he was smiling. He seemed proud.

  The server got to our table with our food and we ate in silence until we were almost finished with the main course when Patrick decided it was time to say something.

  “What you need to understand,” he was not using his polite tone anymore “is that Lucinda decided to change her life. She wanted to have something for herself, she wanted to feel that she is living and she is finally doing it. She is finally happy and you should be happy for her too. She’s even managed to have a relationship with someone, a romantic relationship,”Oh no, Patrick. Wrong move.

  “Has she?” my mother said looking at me while I crossed my arms and nodded. I wasn’t going to feel ashamed of Brian. No! That was enough of that.

  “Well, that explains it all,” said my mother and my father nodded.

  “Maybe it does,” I said not willing to back down. I was tired.

  “Well, Lucy, it was great seeing you,” said my father standing up. I was not going to say goodbye to them. I wasn’t going to be ashamed of my life. I loved my life.

  “Bye, Lucy,” said my mother taking my father’s hand “don’t bother coming home for the Holidays,” she said turning around and walking away. I felt like she had punched me in the stomach but I was not going to show it.

  “Ms. Stuart,” said Patrick standing up and walking towards my mother. He said something to her and I saw her eyes open more and more with every word he said. She looked at me and Patrick shook his head and said something else then they disappeared.

  “What did you say?” I asked him.

  “Just letting them know that you are not going back to being Miss Stuart,” he said holding my hand and I just nodded. I didn’t feel like talking.

  The whole ride back home I was quiet. I was really hurt by the last words my mother had said. I mean I never went home for Christmas or Thanksgiving but every year my mom would ask me to come only to say that she understood if I didn’t because of work. Saying that was his way of saying that she didn’t want me in her family anymore.

  When we got home Patrick said that he was going to be in his office so I chose that time to go and exchange the gala shoes I’d bought. When I compared them, the new ones looked TOO new so I had to figure out a way to make them look worn, but not too worn. I would give them the same treatment I gave to the ones his grandma gave him. I put them on my hands and took them to the back yard by the pool. I got down on my knees and start “walking,” them with my hands to wear the soles a bit.

  I couldn’t help it, I found myself kneeling on the floor with shoes on my hands and everything came back, but mostly the rejection I felt from my parents. I began to cry like a baby but not stopping what I was doing.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I heard Patrick’s voice and I tried to hide the shoes.

  “You were not supposed to see that,” I said between sobs. I couldn’t stop crying of course.

  “What? You crying?” he said kneeling next to me.

  “No, your shoes,” I sobbed once again.

  “Oh, Lucinda, I’m clueless but not that clueless. I know what you do with the shoes my grandma gave me. I know the ones in your hands are to replace the ones I actually wear,” he said hugging me and I cried harder.

  “I’m sorry Patrick. I should’ve done a better job,”

  “Pepper, let’s go inside for a bit of tea. It’s freezing in here and really, I will
wear those shoes even if they look new,” he helped me to get up and inside we went.

  “I’ll get the tea,” I said going to the kitchen still sobbing. I never cried but when I did I gave a good cry, no middle ground, no quiet sobs, nope; I cried a motherfucking river, running nose and choking sobs.

  “No, go to the library. I’ll do my best with the tea,” what? He was making tea? I was in no shape to argue so I went to the library but I knew we weren’t having tea. We’d end up drinking soda from the mini fridge.

  I crawled in a ball in one of the leather couches in the library. The library was the coziest, warmest room in the whole house. You felt like crap? Lay in one of the couches and feel the whole room embrace you and tell you everything was going to be ok. I loved it.

  “Ok,” I heard Patrick and then saw him standing over me next to the couch “You’ll have to let me know how to make it. I brought water, a box of tea bags and sugar,” I had to laugh because he did have all the ingredients with him in a tray. That was sweet, one of the sweetest things someone had ever done for me. He did try.

  “Let me,” I said as I took the tray with everything to one of the work tables. I poured water on the cups and put them in the microwave oven in the library. I took the box of tea bags and read the label. Chamomile. I laughed and used a napkin to clean my face, I was sure I looked like I’d had an encounter with Rocky Balboa.

  “What?” I heard Patrick said.

  “Have you ever had chamomile tea?” I saw him shrug. Of course, he didn’t know. The oven beeped and I took both cups and threw the tea bags in them. I put some sugar and went to sit next to Patrick.

  “Here,” I said and he took the cup. It caught my attention that I found completely normal and automatic to seat next to him. There was a couch in front of us and leather chair next to him. Still, I chose to seat in the same couch next to him.

  “I like chamomile,” he said nodding after having a sip of tea. I drank the thing and it was good, and it was soothing and it made me feel a bit better.

  “I’m proud of you,” he said breaking the silence. I looked at him and the tears threatened to flow.

  “Thank you,” I said looking back at my tea. After a moment I continued “For what?” I asked.

  “You stood up to your mom. That’s always difficult,” he said looking straight ahead. I nodded and we both stood in silence enjoying our teas

  “You do know, Lucinda, that you are anything but a simple assistant to me, right?” I looked at him and half nodded, half shrugged. “You do know that, you have to know that,”

  “I know that you are my best friend, Patrick,” I said. He smiled put his cup on the coffee table and hugged me.

  “You are the person I trust the most,” he said and kissed the top of my head.

  “Hello,” we heard Brian’s voice coming for the foyer.

  “Did you call Brian?” we both said at the same time and laughed.

  “Here you are guys,” he said coming into the library.

  “Oh my god, Lucy, what happened?” Told you. I looked like someone had beaten the crap out of me.

  “I think your girl needs you,” said Patrick standing up and letting Brian take his seat. I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t want Brian to leave either but I needed Patrick right now. I needed someone that knew me. That’s fucked up. My boyfriend had no idea my family situation. Boyfriend? Really? Ugh! Dehydration after crying so much. “Let me know when you are ready for dinner,” said Patrick and left.

  “What’s wrong baby?” Brian hugged me and I let him. He was no Patrick when it came to hugs but his hugs were nice.

  “I saw my parents today,” I said.

  “Ok,” he was confused. I didn’t want to tell my whole story, not now when at the very sound of the word mother I could flood the library with tears.

  “I don’t have a good relationship with them,” I paused and corrected myself “I don’t have a relationship with them,” at least not after today.

  “I didn’t know they were coming to town,” He said while I rested my head on his shoulder.

  “I didn’t either. Apparently they came for a wedding and remembered they have daughter in here too,” I shrugged. I didn’t want to cry anymore.

  “You look beautiful today,” I laughed a little. I knew my face looked like crap. Maybe my gray dress, black tights and riding boots looked nice but I didn’t. The tights were ruined from breaking in Patrick’s shoes by the pool.

  “What do you want to do?” I looked up to him and he was smiling. He had a comforting smile.

  “Now?” I asked and he nodded and I shrugged.

  “Movie? Some pretzels and the amazing leather chairs?” I automatically nodded and we both got up from the coach and went out to the foyer to find Patrick in the door.

  “Where are you going?” I asked feeling something new for me. I was scared, petrified to see him leave without me. I went with him almost everywhere these days.

  “I’ll be back, Pepper. I need to get something,” he said opening the door.

  “Do you need me to go with you?” I was suddenly fixing my hair and looking for my purse.

  “No, go with Brian to do what you were planning. You need to relax, Lucinda. I’ll see you both later,” he said leaving.

  “He shouldn’t go alone,” I said as Brian guided me to the T.V room.

  “He is a big guy, Lucy,” he said as we went down the stairs of the theater.

  “Yeah but…,” I said looking back expecting Patrick to come back and say that he needed me.

  “But nothing, Lucy, we are here together and he was right you need to rest,” he placed me on a chair and went to look for a couple of movies we could watch. Watching a movie didn’t seem so appealing anymore.

  “Lucy,” I heard Brian’s voice but I refused to open my eyes. I had fallen asleep before the movie began. I was tired but I also knew that my swollen eyes would look horrible. “Lucy, Baby,” he said again this time tapping me lightly on my shoulder. I gave up and opened my eyes.

  “There you are,” he said smiling at me. We were in the leather chairs but in my sleep I’d found a way to lay down and have a decent nap.

  “Here I am,” I said smiling back. Brian kissed my forehead before standing up.

  “I have to go home. I still have some work stuff I have to go through,” I nodded and got up.

  “Is Patrick back?” I asked as he grabbed my hand and we walked together.

  “Yeah, he is in his office,” he said and I nodded. We walked hand in hand to the front door where we said goodbye.

  “See you tomorrow,” I said after giving him a quick peck on the lips. He nodded and left.

  “Feeling better?” I heard Patrick say from the office door.

  “Not really,” I said shaking my head a little.

  “I figured you wouldn’t,” he said walking towards me “that’s why I have you a surprise,” I smiled and I was sure my eyes light up because he smiled “But first go change put something comfortable on and meet me in the kitchen,” I nodded and practically skipped all the way to the pool house. I changed into yoga pants and a hoodie and went back to the kitchen. When I step into the kitchen I saw Patrick standing next to the breakfast bar that had, suddenly, turned into a sorbet bar. There were at least 10 different kind of sorbet, banana shakes and plate with berries, all type of berries.

  “Patrick,” I said covering my mouth with my hand. I was going to cry but this time I was happy, touched; this time it was because he cared about me. Patrick didn’t see me as a simple assistant. “Thank you,” I finally said and went to hug him. I passed my arms around his back and hugged him like I was never letting him go. He was making me feel worthy of someone’s affection and that was important, very important.

  “This is why you went out?” I asked finally looking up to him and he nodded “Thank you,” I said again.

  “You already said that,” he smiled and I nodded. “Let’s go into a sorbet coma,” he said and I finally let go of him.r />
  That night we didn’t eat dinner we feast on sorbet and shakes. It was delicious and comforting and I was happy again.

  “How did you manage to do this all by yourself?” I asked him as we both sat on the kitchen’s floor while eating the last berries from a bowl.

  “Well I didn’t do it by myself,” he popped a strawberry into his mouth “I took Mike with me so he helped, then I asked your guru,” I nodded appreciating the fact that he remembered that the lady at the sorbet place was my guru now “to choose a variety of sorbets that would go great for a bar and then I bought all the berries they had left,” I nodded it all made sense “then I went to my shakes place.”

  “You have a shakes place, of course,”

  “Of course,” he nodded like it was normal “and asked them for the banana shakes, I know you like them and then…,” he faked a gasp “I went to Wal-Mart,” I gasped, not fake.

  “What?” I asked turning to face him.

  “I did,” he nodded faking shame “I had to buy containers for all the shit I had just bought and since I knew I wouldn’t find them in here to Wal-Mart I went. Besides it was easier than asking Mike to go in there and buy the round plates to place the berries.” I laughed and then looked down to my hands.

  “What is it, Pepper,” he asked and I looked at him.

  “You went through all that for me.”

  “Yeah I went to Wal-Mart for you,” he smiled “you are worth going to Wal-Mart for,” I smiled and nodded.

  “Thank you, Patrick, I’ve never had someone that went to Wal-Mart for me,” what was I saying? What was I trying to do?

  “Now you do,” he seemed kind of serious.

  “Now I do,” I repeated and nodded while looking at my hands. When I looked up I saw Patrick’s green eyes too close. Our faces were inches apart and I wanted to find something, anything, a reason to look away but I couldn’t because before I could think of a good reason Patrick was kissing me.

  PATRICK WAS KISSING ME. And I am not going to lie, I was kissing him back. I kissed him with some kind of desperation, afraid that all the feelings I was having were going to leave me and I needed someone to pass them on; someone to be witness that I was, indeed, having feelings. That someone was Patrick and I believe that he felt what I was passing on because he was kissing me with a passion I didn’t know was possible to convey.