Unstuck

by Liliana Camarena

  Once I was in the kitchen I went looking for some power drinks but there were none, of course, so I made some coffee while I waited for Patrick to come down.

  “So I look like crap,” I heard his voice and turned around to see him standing in the kitchen door. I had to stifle a laugh because he did look like crap. I mean he is gorgeous but he is not God. A sleepless night did affect him.

  “Want me to put some concealer under your eyes,” I said and laughed.

  “Nah! I’ll charm them with my wit,” he said and I nodded. I turned around and poured the coffee on a couple of thermoses I’d found.

  “Nice,” he said trying to reach for the thermo but I snatched it away. I laughed because he looked like a baby whose pacifier had been taken away.

  “We need to eat something decent before downing anymore coffee, Patrick. We won’t be able to work on this project because we’ll have an ulcer.”

  “Fine then we’ll stop to buy something to eat on our way to the office,” he said and I nodded.

  “Let’s go then,” I said grabbing the binder from the kitchen table with one hand and the thermos with the other. Patrick put his coat on and helped me with one of the thermoses. I gasped at the surprise of him helping with anything.

  “You might spill it on the binder,” he winked at me as we both got in the elevator.

  On our way to the offices we stopped at a bakery that sold the Danishes that he likes and then we had our dose of coffee. We did look like hell but felt invigorated by the excitement of the project. When we got there I sat in the waiting area of his office hoping to get something to do with my time while he does his thing.

  “Lucinda!” first call of the day.

  “Yes, Patrick?” I asked as I walked to his office.

  “What are you doing?” he asked as he took off his coat and put his laptop on the desk “Actually, nothing. I was hoping to have something to do so I don’t sit there all morning,” I said.

  “No, I mean what are you doing sitting out there? We still have things to do AND you are coming with me to the meeting,” he said taking a sit.

  “Patrick,” I whined “what for? I rather run around having contracts signed than being in there,” I kept on whining.

  “Stop whining, Lucinda. You are going because I say so,” Well the boss said so.

  “Let me go get my things,” I walked out of his office, dragging my feet like a scolded child.

  We had 30 minutes to go through the basic points we had to touch with the heads of the departments.

  “Why don’t you have a board, Patrick?” I asked leaning back on the chair.

  “I don’t need it “he shrugged.

  “But, didn’t your father have one?”

  “No, he had two or three advisors but not a board per se,” he said getting up and putting his suit jacket on.

  “You don’t have advisors either,” I stated as I grabbed my bag and the binder. I checked myself in the window reflection and tucked my black satin blouse into my red pencil skirt.

  “I have Brian and now I have you. That’s all I need,” he opened the door and let me go first.

  “Do you trust us that much?” I asked and he stopped right there and turned to look at me.

  “I trust you both with my life,” he said with the intensity he usually has when he is talking about something really serious. I felt a pang of regret in my stomach because me and Brian, he trusted us with his life and we were fooling around like a pair of teenagers.

  “That’s good to know,” that’s all I could say. He nodded and we walked to the meeting room.

  When we got there everyone was in place and ready to start the meeting, it was a bit of a last minute thing so Patrick didn’t need everyone that was going to be involved on the project in there. I sat on a chair in a corner where I could oversee the whole thing without actually being part of the meeting. Patrick signaled me to sit next to him but I just shook my head reminding him that I didn’t want to be part of the project. I think he wanted to give it a last shot but I gently declined.

  The meeting went great; almost everyone was excited about the project but of course, as always and as in every aspect in life, there were some that weren’t completely convinced that the project was worth a shot. However, since there was no board, they had to do what the CEO said and so the project had green light. I wrote down everything that was said during the meeting and of course every agreement that was made. They set some deadlines and at some point some suggested that maybe the new building could be used for some classes. I looked up to find Patrick looking at the binder and nodding without even realizing that he was agreeing to something that wouldn’t be part of the project. I had to clear my throat for him to snap of the distraction; he turned to look at me and just by looking at me he knew he had missed something on the meeting. He asked if they could run by him the idea again, he said that the project was about an online school only. I went back to my notes.

  When the meeting was over I let Patrick know that the contract with the construction company was ready to be signed on some other meeting room and that he needed to go. He nodded grabbed his things and left.

  “What is it about you?” I heard Samuel the head of TI ask me while I was putting everything on my bag and I turned to see him.

  “What do you mean, Sam?” I asked as I walked out of the room and he walked by my side.

  “Yeah, what did you do to Patrick Maynard Mr. I don’t take advice from anyone?” I laughed.

  “That’s not true, Sam. He listens to Brian,” I stop and looked at him.

  “Yeah, Brian talks, Patrick listens. That doesn’t mean that Patrick does what Brian says,” he raised his eyebrows.

  “I’m just his assistant,” I shrugged and turned to walk to the waiting room area in Patrick’s office.

  “No,” I heard Sam saying and I turned to look at him “You are his work wife,” I laughed out loud “The things you say, Sam,” I shook my head and walked away.

  “So, everything is up and running. We are going to be extremely busy for the next 6 months,” Said Patrick once we were in his office after he signed the contract.

  “So, you are planning on having me around for at least 6 more months,” I said smiling as he sat on his chair.

  “Not funny, Lucinda. You know that I need you,” he said really serious. I just nodded.

  “So, Sam said I am your work wife,” Patrick almost spit the water he was drinking and then laughed.

  “I guess you kind of are,” he nodded and laughed again. In that moment I heard my phone beeping and saw a text message from Brian.

  -Lunch? - It said. I looked at the clock: 11:30.

  “So, what’s the plan for today?” I asked Patrick before answering the message.

  “Going home and sleep?” he said and I nodded.

  “Lunch?” I asked.

  “Arrange for someone to have some hot dogs from that place Brian takes me and we’ll eat in the plane,” I nodded.

  -Can’t still in NY. Later? - I wrote and felt so guilty, I so had time to get to NY and have lunch with him.

  -Later it’s- he wrote back.

  -Where do you take Patrick for hot dogs?- I looked up and saw Patrick looking at something at his computer.

   He asked you to run around? Gray’s Papaya- Of course!! I said to myself and Patrick looked at me.

  -Thank you!- I wrote back and went to make arrangements and calls to have everything on the plane.

  We ate during the 1 hour flight and once we landed Mike took home. I fell asleep on our way there only to wake up to Patrick trying to wake me up.

  “Wow. Already home?” I asked half asleep.

  “Already home,” he said helping me out of the car. “Why don’t you go to take a long nap, Pepper,” he went on while we walked toward the house. I shook my head.

  “I already slept on the way here if I sleep any longer I won’t be able to sleep at night,” he nodded and we walked to his office “Do you need anything?” I as
ked.

  “Not really, I was planning on working on the project. We really need a name for the project,” he said smiling.

  “Do you want any help?” I asked and he nodded.

  “If you want,” he said and we went to the library. “Brian called by the way,” he said as we settled on the leather couches. Oh hell!

  “What did he want?” I was trying hard to sound nonchalant. Did I achieve it? Was I sweating? “At what time were we planning to get back,” Oh shit! “What did you say?” I swear that I felt a drop of sweat on my forehead.

  “That we were home already,” Of course. I let out a big sigh. A worried sigh. “He sounded surprised,” No shit, Sherlock.

  “I suppose he was,” I nodded.

  “Why?” I looked up from the papers I had in my hands and into Patrick’s eyes.

  “I lied to him. I let him believe I was going to be in NY for a while today,” I shrugged. He nodded.

  “Ok. Let’s get working then,” I was relieved that he was letting this go. I had no idea why I had lied and I didn’t want to explain something I didn’t know.

  We worked for at least 2 more hours. We tried to name the project; we had a long ass list of names. Some of them were lame as hell, some were too pretentious and some others didn’t have a nice ring to them. We narrowed the list to 2 names MBS (Maynard Business School) or MBU (Maynard Business University). Patrick didn’t want the Maynard name on any of the project but I convinced him that it had to be there if he wanted to be noticed at first. We were laughing at some lame name he had come up with when Brian came to the library.

  “Brian, just in time,” said Patrick getting up from the floor and went to shake Brian’s hand. Brian was looking at me with a tiny smile on his lips. I didn’t know if he was disappointed, sad, or relieved. “We have this huge project going on,” said Patrick. He was almost jumping up and down with excitement.

  “I heard,” said Brian walking towards me. I could clearly feel myself sweating like a whore in a church. What was I suppose to say? “Everyone at the office is going on and on about the new project,” He finally got to me and sat in front of me on the floor; I couldn’t keep my eyes off of it.

  “We have so much to do,” said Patrick from the exact same place where he had met Brian before, not moving, as if he knew that he was buying me some time before the shit hit the fan.

  “I’m sure we do but, before that, may I have a word with Lucy?” he said looking at me and I finally looked up to meet his eyes. He still had that tiny smile. I looked past him and to Patrick who shrugged and smiled at me.

  “Sure,” said Patrick and left the library.

  “Hi,” said Brian holding my hand.

  “Hi,” I said back with a pathetic smile.

  “You are here,” he said. I nodded.

  “I am here,” It seemed that we were going to have this idiotic conversation.

  “Lucy, you are amazing but,” Oh no! Oh no! Was he doing this? Please no. I was so not ready for a break up and I was so not ready to give up on my one and only try at a relationship. He probably saw my pleading face because he stopped and hugged me. “We both know this is not working,” he finally said.

  “Yeah,” that’s all I said but I really didn’t know. I had no idea what it was to be in a relationship and I thought that I was trying hard enough.

  “Your heart is somewhere else, Lucy, you just haven’t figured it out,” what? “It’s?” I asked because really, I had no idea what he was talking about. Maybe he thought I was too committed to my job and I was but not to this point. Was I? My thoughts were interrupted by Brian.

  “I just want to make sure that it won’t be too weird between us. We have to work together and we are pretty good friends,” he said taking both my hands and looked me in the eye.

  “We are good friends. We are awesome friends,” I smiled “I promise it won’t be weird,” by this point I felt a bit relieved.

  “Good thing we didn’t have sex uh?” he said and I finally laughed. I had to because it was true, sex would have made everything so complicated especially at the office. Maybe that’s why sex always felt like stepping such a big boundary.

  We talked a bit more about us and about the new project, apparently everyone knew about it already. Office gossip is faster than the speed of light. After that he left and I was left alone in the library. I felt empty. Relieved but empty. I decided to take a walk but realized that it was so cold so I went to the pool house for my winter jacket and then sat by duck pond with no ducks. I was indeed relieved that Brian had broken up with me but at the same time I felt extremely sad because I wasn’t able to have a relationship and, I didn’t know; the truth was I didn’t have a fucking clue about what was wrong but it had drove me to sit down on the cold grass, in front of a stupid pond and cry. I was crying because, suddenly, I felt that something was missing. It wasn’t Brian, it was something that I needed in my life more than oxygen and I couldn’t find it. And then I felt a pair of arms around me, I looked up and found Patrick smiling at me and suddenly everything was fine. No more empty space. I, of course, realized that but decided to ignore it and just enjoy the moment where I no longer felt in need of something.

  “What happened?” he asked and I finally smiled.

  “He broke up with me,” I said and I felt him nod.

  “That’s why you were crying,” he said a bit sad.

  “No, I was relieved that he broke up with me, I think,” I had to stop and think about I had said and then nodded realizing that yes, indeed, I was relieved “I was crying because I couldn’t make my first relationship ever work,” I shrugged and I heard a sigh from Patrick.

  “That wasn’t a relationship, Lucinda. That was a game. The day you have a real relationship you will know,” he still had his arms around me. We were in silence for a bit “Why did you lie?” Well, that was a question I wasn’t ready to answer. I was thankful that Brian hadn’t asked that but now Patrick, of course Patrick, wanted to know.

  “I don’t know,” I said shrugging “I just didn’t want to have lunch with Brian. I wanted to ….”I shut up the moment I realized what I was going to say.

  “To?” of course he wouldn’t shut the hell up.

  “I wanted to be with you,” I finally said. I swear I felt my hands shaking the moment I said that but I was thankful that Patrick said nothing.

  “It’s too cold to contemplate the meaning of life by the pond, Pepper. Why don’t we go inside and have a delicious dinner that Ms. Owens has for us,” Oh he knew exactly how to handle every situations. Didn’t he? I was thankful for that.

  Fifteen

  “What are you doing for Thanksgiving, Lucinda?” Patrick asked me. We were sitting in the library having coffee doing nothing actually. I was kind of surprised when I noticed that right after we had dinner he asked me if I would join him for coffee in the library.

  “No plans. I never go home but if even if wanted to I am banned from the Stuart household.” I shrugged and gave a sip of the coffee.

  “What did you use to do then?” he asked as he put his cup of coffee on a table and laid completely on the couch staring at the fire he had started. I put my legs up and continued to have the delicious and warm coffee.

  “I had dinner with Nick. At his place or mine. We would flip a coin but not this year,” I shrugged “Why not?” he turned to look at me.

  “He is having his parents for dinner and Stacy. He wants his family to meet her. It would definitely be awkward if I was there. It’s an awkward situation to begin with,”

  “So they are serious?” asked Patrick as he turned his eyes back to the fire.

  “Yes, I think so. He said it wasn’t a big deal that his parents were coming and Stacy wanted to be with him for the holidays but I really think he planned the whole thing. I think Nick is in love and that is something I never thought I would witness,” I smiled a bitter smile. “I guess even Nick can find love,” I said. Patrick turned to look at me.

  “Why don’t you
have dinner with me and my family?” he said “Oh, Patrick, no. You don’t have to do that,” I said putting my feet back on the floor.

  “Don’t be ridiculous, Lucinda, you are part of my family now. I WANT you there so,” there wouldn’t be discussion about it. I just nodded.

  “Thank you,” I said. I wasn’t a person that liked to celebrate the holidays but it was nice knowing you had somewhere to be with people that want you to be there.

  “Don’t thank me for caring, Lucinda,” he said as he turned his eyes to the fire.

  “Where’s the dinner then?” I asked.

  “Well it usually is at my parents’ home but this year it seems my brothers,” he faked a gasp “are coming and my mother wants to change venues,” he shrugged. “I think she is tired of hosting holidays every year.”

  “So, it’s going to be here?” I drank a sip of coffee.

  “I guess. They asked I haven’t said yes. I don’t know the first thing about planning that shit and I definitely don’t want my staff working on that day so…,”

  “We can ask Tracy to recommend a catering service and they should be able to decorate the house and provide with food and servers. Shouldn’t be too difficult to make it happen,” I said nodding and making mental notes. Truth was that first, I wanted it to be in Patrick’s house because in that way I wouldn’t feel too out of place. Second, it made me feel that I had work to do and I wasn’t just a guest intruding in a family moment.

  “That sounds great,” he finally put his legs down and looked at me. He smiled “we can do that. I’m going to go and call my mom and you should talk to Tracy. We only have two week left for planning,” he said going for his cell phone.

  And so the plans for my first traditional Thanksgiving in 10 years began. That very week was hectic because the MBU project (we’d gone with Maynard Business University) was up and running. The deal with Stinson for buying the E-course academic content happened really quickly and Brian was quickly recruiting great professors for the school. We had planned that by January a pilot course could be launched among May, Inc. employees and by March we could open up for applications. It was all happening so fast but I was glad that I was part of it all.