Unstuck

by Liliana Camarena

  Everyone left around 10 that night and all of them made sure to tell me that they wanted me to be with them at Christmas I just nodded every time I heard that. It all depended on Patrick. He was my boss.

  “We got to see each other soon so we can go over the party details and start looking for dresses,” Regina said holding my hands.

  “Sure, give me a call and we’ll go for lunch or something,” I said smiling and she hugged me “Regina!”I heard Patrick’s father’s voice calling her from the car. Patrick got that from him. The way he yelled someone’s name. Regina went to the car. Patrick was with all of his family outside saying his goodbyes so I went to check the kitchen. They were all cleaning and leaving everything ready because the day after the company was sending a truck to pick up everything but the decorations. They let us keep those. Where the hell would I keep those? I went over the window that overlooked the rest of the property and sighed. I was content, happy even. I had an amazing night with an amazing family. It made me long for my own family.

  “Everything was perfect. Thank you,” I heard Patrick as he put both his hands on my waist and his chin on my shoulder. This was in no way something that boss and employee do but I felt so at ease and happy that I didn’t too much of it.

  “Thank you, Patrick. I had the best time “I said taking his hands on my waist. It was wrong but I needed to hold on to the feeling I was having.

  “Everything was perfect because you were here with me,” he said next to my ear and I just nodded.

  “Have you decided what you want to do about the kiss?”I froze in the exact spot. I wasn’t expecting that question, at all. He made me turn and look at him. I shook my head.

  “No,” I whispered.

  “Do you need me to remind you about that kiss? I have the feeling you are starting to forget,” he smiled.

  “Yes,” I whispered. What? What was on the cake? Did fondant made you stupid as a side effect? “Ok,” he said and he kissed me. I think we kissed for a long time but I really wouldn’t know because while kissing Patrick time stops. I kissed him and I have no idea at what point I began to cry. But they were not tears of sadness I was just overwhelmed by everything. The night I had, the words he had said, the way we acted throughout the day. Everything. I wanted to kiss him forever because when his lips were in mine everything seemed to be in the exact place where they belonged. I felt him pull apart but it took me a couple of seconds to be able to breathe again and open my eyes.

  “Was that a good reminder?” he asked smiling I just nodded.

  “Good,” he grabbed my hands and kissed them. “We should go to sleep,” “yes,” I managed to let out of my mouth.

  “Good night, Lucinda,” he said walking towards the foyer.

  “Good night, Patrick,” I said walking towards the pool house. What the hell just happened? Again? I was in deep shit and I was not about to allow my feelings to ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was holding on to this job with everything I had and these feelings were making me losing grip. I was in deep shit indeed.

  Sixteen

  Next morning I was up early, took a shower and after that I just sat in my bed thinking about what had happened the night before. It had been an amazing night, that much was true but I didn’t know what was going on between me and Patrick. Did I hate it? No, not at all. Was I happy about it? No, I wasn’t. I wanted Patrick to be in my life for as long as it could be possible and I didn’t know if being romantically involved with him would guarantee me that. Also, I still had no idea what he wanted. What if he was looking for a friends with benefits kind of thing? I was not up for that because we would be putting everything at risk. My job, our friendship… most of all our friendship and, of course, my heart. I didn’t think I could fall in love with him but what if I did? This attraction we were feeling couldn’t be acted on and I was trying to make sure of that. I was going to be the assistant that I needed to be.

  This conviction of mine flew out the window the moment I saw him in the kitchen waiting for me. He was still smiling and waiting for me to cook breakfast, or at least make coffee. He seemed so happy and I couldn’t help but smile back. How could I think that it would be possible to step back and just be an assistant? He was already my best friend and I wouldn’t give up that, so my relationship with him wasn’t going to change, all I had to do, and in that moment I made that decision, was to control my attraction to him and avoid having feelings for him. That wouldn’t be too difficult I had been avoiding feelings for the past 15 years so I had it all figured out.

  “Good Morning,” I said smiling and he nodded.

  “Good Morning. How did you sleep, Pepper?” he asked smiling.

  “Good, I had a good night’s sleep,” I said while preparing the coffee machine.

  “Breakfast?” I asked and he jumped from the stool he was sitting on.

  “Yes! I want Thanksgiving leftovers,” he said really excited.

  “For breakfast?” I asked and he nodded.

  “Ok, what exactly do you want?” I went to open the fridge “The soup! God, the soup was so good, Lucinda,” he said leaning on the counter “I know, right? It was amazing,” I said taking the soup container out “And cake,” he smiled.

  “Cake,” I said while getting it from the fridge. I hated the cake. It was delicious but I still believed that it was the fondant that made me act the way I had the night before. Fondant and its side effects. I was about to conduct an experiment.

  “Where do you want to eat it?” I asked as I put the soup in the microwave.

  “Here,” he sat on the floor and I nodded. When the soup was warm I took two plates to the floor and I sat next to him while we ate. How did we manage to have zero awkwardness between us?

  “I was wondering,” I said taking a spoonful of soup he looked at me so I went on “when do you want your Christmas decorations?” I saw him shook his head.

  “I don’t have any,” he said while eating his soup.

  “Do you throw them away each year?” I asked surprised. It really shouldn’t be a surprise that he would do something like that.

  “No, I’ve never decorated for Christmas,” he said and I gasped covering my mouth with my hand.

  “No,” I said and he laughed and nodded.

  “Patrick! Even I decorate my house!” I took both our bowls and placed them on the sink then I grabbed the plates with the cake and sat on the floor next to him.

  “Well, Patrick Maynard doesn’t decorate during Christmas,” he said with a mouthful of cake.

  “Are you a Grinch?” he laughed and shook his head.

  “No, I’ve never cared much for Christmas that’s all,” he shrugs “How can you not love Christmas decoration!?!?” I said turning so I could be facing him “Ok, tell me what’s there to love? I don’t hate them or anything, I just don’t love them. Convince me,” he put the cake on the floor and crossed his arms.

  “Well, they are beautiful and shiny and they make your home feel warm and hopeful,” I said moving my hands way too much.

  “You really like Christmas uh?” he said rising his eyebrows.

  “No, I don’t like Christmas. I think it can be a bit boring but I loooove the decorations! I change theme every year in my house. Every year at the office I was in charge of decorations of the party. I actually volunteered for that part. It definitely freaked people out that Miss Stuart would want to decorate the party.”

  “So, you decorate your house because it looks pretty,” he asked and I clearly could see that he was holding back his laugh.

  “Sooooooo pretty,” I said widening my eyes and he couldn’t help it anymore and laughed out loud.

  “Ok, Ok,” he said putting his arms up “I will let you decorate the house,” I squealed and hugged him “Thank you so much,” I said really excited.

  “We have to buy everything though,” he said still hugging me.

  “Oh, you don’t have to worry about anything. I’ll go by myself and buy everything, “I said get
ting out of his arms and looking at him. He was smiling, of course.

  “No, I’ll go with you. Do you want to go today?” he asked getting up from the floor “God, no, Patrick. Today? Black Friday?” I shook my head “Tomorrow, then,” he said as we both walked out to the foyer just as my cell phone rang. I had a text message from Stacy asking me if I could have lunch.

  “Plans?” I asked.

  “I want to work a bit and then relax. Who’s asking?” he said giving a know it all smile “Stacy. She wants to have lunch. I’m pretty sure she wants to tell me all about her dinner last night,” I said shaking my head.

  “Go. Have lunch with her. I’ll be fine,” he said.

  “Are you sure?” I asked and he nodded.

  “Go, you need some girl time,” he gave me a grin that I immediately knew he was suggesting that I needed to talk about what happened the night before. Maybe I needed to but I didn’t know if I was ready to do that with Stacy of all people. Stacy who was in love with Patrick most of her life. Until Nick.

  “Ok. I’ll see you later,” I said and before I turned around towards the pool house he grabbed my hand.

  “Bring back a couple of sorbet pints. We can watch a movie while eating those,” I smiled and nodded.

  “Sounds like a plan,” I said and finally went to get my purse and jacket from the house.

  “So how did last night go?” I asked Stacy once we were settled and had ordered our food. We had met in a little Italian Bistro somewhere in downtown. I had to rely on my GPS to find it. It felt really weird to drive again after almost 6 months of being driven everywhere by Mike or Patrick.

  “Oh, it was great, Lucy! Nick’s parents are awesome,” she said all dreamy and on 9th cloud.

  “Yes, they are really cool. I guess that’s where Nick gets his coolness,” I said giving a sip to my water.

  “I know,” she said with dreamy eyes.

  “Oh you are so in love,” I laughed out loud.

  “I think I am, Lucy,” she suddenly seemed sad. “I know you said Nick was good for one night and everything but…. He is perfect,” she looked at me and I raised my eyebrows. “Ok, perfect for me,” she went on and I nodded. “I’m scared of letting him know how I feel,” she said looking at her hands in her lap.

  The waiter came with our salads, because we both agreed that we had over eaten the night before, and we were left alone again.

  “I know I said that, Stacy“I said breaking the silence and giving a sip of my white wine “But I’ve never ever seen Nick act like that. I don’t know if he is in love but… he definitely is feeling something he never had before,” I put a piece of lettuce on my mouth. “At least, not while I’ve known him,” I said after swallowing the lettuce.

  “You think?” she asked with baby deer eyes.

  “I think,” I nodded.

  She went on telling me everything about the evening. The food, the little jokes, and the nice comments she got from Nick’s parents. Every single detail was shared and analyzed while we both ate our salad.

  “And you?” she asked as we both got our cappuccinos “How did your evening went?” I sighed not even noticing I had.

  “It was perfect, everyone had a great time,” I gave a sip of the scorching liquid just in hopes she would leave it at that.

  “But… and… what happened?” she asked looking at me directly, not even blinking.

  “Nothing... who said something happened?” I shrugged while adding sugar to my cappuccino. I was sure I had added too much.

  “Your face, Lucinda. Something’s bothering you,” said Stacy not even asking. Just making the affirmation that indeed something was up as if she already knew. It was that, the fact that she was acting as if she already knew, that made me open up to her.

  “Patrick kissed me,” I said really quickly. Stacy looked at me with no reaction whatsoever. I waited for her to say something but nothing.

  “Did you listen what I just said?” I asked

  “I did,” she nodded. Oh God! Was she angry?

  “And?” I said getting ready to flee the scene if she screamed at me.

  “Well, nothing, Lucy…. I assumed something bigger was coming because Patrick kissing you… it’s not a shocker…if that was the first time he kissed you then I would be surprised,” she gave a sip of her cappuccino.

  “What?” yeah that’s all I said.

  “Yes, it’s obvious there’s something going on,” she said while shrugging.

  “Is it? Obvious for whom?” I was panicking.

  “Oh so there IS something going on,” she grinned.

  “No,” I said really quickly.

  “C’mon Lucy, just tell me what is going on between you two,” she grabbed my hand.

  “Well,” I said looking around. I didn’t even know what was going on “you are right about him kissing me before,” I said and she just nodded.

  I sighed. She wanted the whole detailed thing, right? She was a girl, girls do that. We go on and on about everything just like she had with the dinner at Nick’s.

  “He first kissed me the day after my birthday,” I said “After you and Brian made out?” she asked wide eyed I nodded “Oh my God, Lucy, I went to your house that day,” I nodded “Why didn’t you tell me?” “I don’t know Stacy. It was confusing,” I shook my head looking at my napkin “The kiss?” she asked.

  “No, well the kiss too,” I sighed “We were watching TV, he had me breakfast by the time I came to the room and I thanked him for helping me and then…. He was kissing me, Stacy, my boss was kissing me and just like that it ended and he said I’ll leave you to think about it while I go get some movies or something like that!” I almost screamed the last part.

  “That is confusing,” she said nodding.

  “Right?” she nodded again “well, we never talked about it again because then, as you know, I still had the Brian thing going on.”

  “Of course,” she said and I went on.

  “Then, my parents came into town; we don’t get along at all. Well, Patrick decided that we were having lunch with my parents, Stacy. My parents.” She looked at me clueless. Of course, she doesn’t know them “Well, that lunch was the opposite of what you lived yesterday. Horrible. But, Patrick stood up for me and my parents took that opportunity to disown me,” I realized it still hurt to remember my mother’s final words.

  “Oh no! Lucy! Are you ok?” she grabbed my hand again and took the opportunity to give a sip or two of the cappuccino.

  “Yes, no, I don’t know,” I said “I wasn’t ok that very day. Patrick found me in the floor by the pool crying.”

  “Oookay,” Stacy looked at me weird.

  “I was breaking in some of Patrick’s shoes,” I shrugged “Of course,” she said as if it all made sense

  “He made me tea,” I said remembering that day and smiling more to myself than to Stacy “He did?” she was weirded out by so many aspects of my story but of course the kiss made perfect sense.

  “Well, he brought the water, the tea bags, and the sugar, everything to the library. I prepared the tea,” she smiled and nodded.

  “Then Brian came and we watched a movie, I slept basically and when he was gone Patrick asked me to change into something comfortable because he had a surprise,”

  “Patrick?????” said Stacy I nodded.

  “Yeah, Patrick. When I went back to the kitchen, right there in front of me, he had transformed the breakfast bar into a sorbet bar.”

  “Oh my God, that’s so….”

  “Shhh,” I shushed her because really, I didn’t want her to say the words.

  “The thing is,” I went on once I was sure I had her attention back “We kissed again. And I asked him what it meant and he asked me what I wanted it to mean and I said I didn’t know,” I took a deep breath, “he said that he was going to wait for me to make a decision and that it didn’t matter if it was a week, a month or a year but once I told him what I wanted to do about that kiss he was going to go through with it,” I s
ighed.

  “Oh My God,” I looked at her and she shut up. “But what does that mean?” she asked “I don’t know. He won’t say.”

  “Have you decided?”

  “He asked me that last night,” I said shrugging. I was shrugger that day.

  “And….” It would be better to let the whole thing out quickly and painless.

  “I said no and he asked if I needed to be reminded of it and I said yes and we kissed.” I looked down.

  “Oh my God…,” I looked at her and she shut up “so, you haven’t slept together,” she asked and I shook my head “and you didn’t sleep with Brian,” I shook my head again. “Why did you break up with Brian?” she asked.

  “I didn’t break up with him. He broke up with me,” I said looking at her finally.

  “Really?” she looked away and back to me “I would have put my money on the fact that you had broken up with him. Anyway, why you guys broke up?”

  “Well, the talk happened because I lied to him about me being in NY when I was here all along,” I shrugged. Told ya “but he said it was because my heart was somewhere else,” I shrugged again.

  “Yeah…. Thought so,” she nodded.

  “So, that is what is going on,” I nodded.

  “That’s huge,” she said “what do you want Lucy? What did you feel when he kissed you?” she asked narrowing his eyes and looking me in the eye.

  “I liked it; I’m not going to lie. It was nice kissing him because when I kiss him… I forget he is my boss, I forget where we are,” I was daydreaming about kissing Patrick and that was wrong. I snapped out of my dream and went on “but I don’t want to ruin everything I have now by sleeping with my boss. I don’t even know what he wants and I could lose everything, Stacy. He IS my best friend and I could lose him by sleeping with him. It’s stupid,” and it was.

  It was betting everything on the chance that we would have great sex for a while and then stop and pretend that nothing had happened. It was stupid.

  “I wouldn’t worry about that too much,” she smiling like she knew something I didn’t.