Unstuck

by Liliana Camarena

  “The bow is not straight,” I said in my buzzed state. I was not drunk, but I felt liberated. I heard a groan coming from Patrick. I stood up and walked a bit closer to look at the bow.

  “You look stunning tonight,” I heard Patrick said as he put his hands around my waist.

  “Thank you,” I said really quick and really low because feeling his hands on me made me lose a bit of air.

  “Have you thought about what you want to do with that kiss,” he whispered in my ear. I was about to pass out.

  “Yes,” I said. He made me turn around and put his forehead against mine.

  “What have you decided?” he asked with his eyes closed.

  “I said I have thought about it but I haven’t reached a decision,” I said looking at him. He still had his eyes closed. He smiled a smile that was a mix of pain and amusement.

  “Smartass,” he said opening his eyes finally. I smiled back. And suddenly there we were again kissing. I didn’t know what to do I just felt his lips on me. I had the perfect amount of alcohol to make me want to kiss him without comprising our relationship so I let go. He grabbed my neck and put my arms around his neck and kissed. Kissed with everything we had. I had a sudden moment when I realized that kissing him made me happy but it completely left my mind the moment I felt one of his hands on my ass. I thought I would’ve had jumped at the move but my reaction was completely different. I liked it, I liked that he was touching me somewhere new. I felt that I had not enough limbs to make contact with him. I touched his back, his neck, his cheeks, and his hair. I rubbed my leg against his. I needed more, more closeness, more of him.

  As if he had read my thoughts he lifted me up in his arms and I immediately wrapped my legs around his waist. I think I heard a little moan coming from him but I was too into the kiss to pay attention. He laid me down on the couch and then laid on top me. I looked at him directly in the eye. Neither of us said anything, he was looking for some kind of green light. I guess he found it because he kissed me and I let his hands wander all over my body.

  I guess there was not enough alcohol in me to make him stop. There was enough alcohol in me to favor my emotions.

  Nineteen

  A horrible, pounding ache that seemed to increase every time I moved my head for half an inch woke me up. I didn’t want to open my eyes because I clearly remembered what had happened the night before. I wasn’t THAT drunk, and because I was afraid the light of the day would not only blind me but my headache would make my head explode.

  I sighed feeling Patrick’s hands around my waist. I wanted to grab them, to touch them; I wanted to hold on to the last moment before the bubble would burst. Whatever it was that happened the night before was a big leap from innocent kissing to straight up confusing.

  We didn’t have sex because Patrick, not me, Patrick, had stopped mid make out session and asked me if I was sure of doing whatever we were planning to do without having a formal decision. Her business man attitude and mind went with him all time, apparently. An erection and three gallons of champagne would not stop him from making rational decisions. Of course, we stopped. It freaked me out and I was about to run away when he said “Let’s pretend we are really drunk and fall asleep together,” I couldn’t say no to that.

  So there I was, still in my beautiful dress and with the mother of hangovers. Seemed that champagne hangover was a bitch. I sighed again thinking about the day I had ahead of myself. I grunted.

  “Good Morning,” I heard Patrick’s voice in my ear and I was sure he could feel my whole body tense.

  “Relax; we don’t need to talk about it today. We have a long day ahead,” I relaxed a little, feeling so thankful for the man that Patrick was. Always understanding, always perfect. I sneaked out of his arms and put my feet on the floor. Yep, karma was a real thing. My head ache was horrible.

  “Merry Christmas,” he said sitting up next to me. I turned to look at him and put my head on my hands with my elbows on my knees.

  “Merry Christmas,” I said smiling.

  “How’s your head,” He asked looking at me. I just shook my head and regretted it an instant later. “I have a gift for you. Let me go up and get it,” He was about to get up but I grabbed his hand and he sat back down.

  “I have a gift for you too but what about this. We go have a shower, come to life and meet here in about 40 minutes,” I said looking at him. He smiled and touched my cheek with his finger.

  “Sounds good,” he nodded and I nodded. We both got up from the couch and went to our respective bathrooms.

  I’m not going to lie and say that the shower made the hangover go away and I walked into the kitchen looking like a Victorias Secret’s model on Christmas morning. Nope, I looked like hell but the head ache was going down and I felt clean; that was enough for me. When I was going to the house I found that Jane and her team of miracle workers was already in place to decorate the house. I mean, the house pretty much settled on the Christmas decorations, thanks to me, but we needed the dining room ready for the night and of course all the food I had asked for. I was hoping for a delicious meal because the food at the party had sucked so much.

  “Good Morning, Jane,” I said smiling at her.

  “Good Morning, Miss Stuart. The same amount of name holders?” she asked “Yes,” I smiled and went on walking.

  “I tried to make coffee but that’s the machine from hell,” I heard Patrick’s voice the minute I entered the house “and there’s too many people in there,” I chuckled.

  “Let’s open the gifts in the library. Here,” I said giving him a big bag where I had his gift “No peeking,” I warned him.

  “Damn, Pepper, what the hell did you get me? This is heavy,” He said as he walked towards the library with my gifts and his.

  I went on and made some coffee, we both needed it, and made some frozen waffles. It was the only thing I could make with all the people in the kitchen.

  “Here,” I said placing the tray with everything in the floor in front of Patrick. He had turned on the fireplace and was sitting in front of it.

  “Thank you,” he said grabbing the coffee. He sighed looking content. I guess coffee can make you feel that way when having a massive hangover.

  “So,” he said reaching for his gift.

  “No,” I interrupted him “Me first. Please?” I asked reaching for the bag with my gifts. He just nodded.

  “So, first,” I said taking out of the bag a small box and gave it to him. He opened it and smiled “socks,” I said “You really need to get rid of some horrible pairs you have,” I shrugged.

  “Thank you, Pepper, I like socks,” he was grinning like a little kid.

  “Apparently, not the right ones,” I said reaching for a second gift “Second,” I took out a huge clear vase filled with chocolate covered pretzels “ This was made to fit perfectly on the SUV, so you can eat your snacks in there,” I smiled and Patrick looked at me nodding.

  “I love this, Lucinda, thank you so much,” he was about to hug me when I interrupted him once again.

  “Not yet, mister,” I said pulling out a binder from the bag. He looked confused. “Ok.” I took a deep breath, “I made this binder with everything that you like but don’t know what it’s called or where they sell it,” I said opening the binder in the floor “It’s divided in food, clothes, movies, restaurants, music, and toiletries.”I sighed “you get my point,” he looked moved. As if this binder contained the answer to all his prayers. He grabbed my face with his hands and looked me directly in the eye.

  “Thank you,” he said. I thought he was about to kiss me but he just hugged me but it was a hug filled with emotion and gratitude and friendship and all the other things that people is supposed to feel during the holidays “but I don’t need it,” he finally said letting me go.

  “What?” I was about to bitch slap him.

  “Why would I need it? You are always with me,” he said trying not to laugh.

  “Because, Patrick,” I sighed I was abo
ut to be honest and it would mean so much more to our relationship, whatever it was, that maybe it would change things “I get a panic attack every time I think of someone not being able to give you what you like, what you need. I hyperventilate whenever I imagine an idiot trying to get you the perfect espresso that you like or the exact NY cheesecake that makes your day less stressful. It’s for when I am not around,” I ended the sentence with a whisper and looked at him. He had a frown, the emotional frown.

  “Are you planning to leave me?” he asked holding my hands.

  “I’ll be around for as long as you want me,” I didn’t know if what I was saying meant exactly what I said or I was trying to tell him something else.

  “Ok, then,” He nodded “let’s say this binder is just to keep record of things,” he really looked scared. I nodded again. “Ok,” he said again and clap his hands “my turn,” he said and I smiled.

  “Here Merry Christmas, Lucinda,” he gave me a big box that was wrapped in black and white striped paper. I couldn’t help but smile.

  “It matches the decorations,” I said.

  “It’s Christmas. It had to be perfect,” he said as we both sat on our heels and I opened the box.

  “I know you like them,” he said as I contemplated two perfect pairs of shoes. I wanted to cry. They were beautiful. First I took the pair of Christian Louboutin black, high heeled boots and I swear I sniffed them. I thought I was about to die. I tried them on and they fit perfectly. After that I took in my hands the most perfect shoes I will ever have. They were another Christian Louboutin pair. They were glitter navy blue. GLITTER NAVY BLUE!! Perfect, elegant, classy. I immediately put them on and walked a bit. They were going to be a bitch to walk on but they were worth it.

  “Thank you, Patrick. They are beautiful,” I said walking around in front of the fireplace.

  “You look beautiful in them,” he said looking up from the floor. I just smiled.

  “You have great taste. I’m surprised,” I said sitting back down in the floor and keeping the shoes on the box and putting my snickers back on.

  “Regina helped,” he shrugged and I laughed.

  “Thank you, really,” I said giving a tiny squeeze to his hand.

  “I have something else,” he said reaching for the bag he had brought and took out a frame. Something was framed.

  “This is for you,” he gave it to me “that’s where it all began, Lucinda, I want us to be able to remember that for the rest of our lives,” I looked at him and back at my hands. He was giving me the HR authorization he signed after he decided I was having the job. I had tears in my eyes.

  “This is supposed to be in my files,” I said wiping a tear and not looking up at him.

  “I know,” he laughed “I had to go through the files to find yours and then find the paper,” I could see him shaking his head from the corner of my eyes. “I think I was lucky to find it. Look at the state of it,” indeed it was full of stains. I had the feeling Brian had spilled some coffee on it and then something that seriously looked like marinara sauce; there were visible wrinkles all over it but there it was, Patrick’s signature. I finally looked at him and hugged him with everything I had to let him know what it meant that he had done something like that for me.

  “Thank you, Patrick. This really means everything to me,” I said still hugging him.

  “You mean everything, Pepper,” I wanted to run away at the sound of those words they meant so much. They made me shiver. It wasn’t’ that I didn’t want to hear them it was that I didn’t want to hear them coming out of his mouth. He let me go first because he knew that I had no words to say, I knew he knew and he was ok with that.

  “Thank you,” I said again and he smiled. “I need to check on everything for tonight,” “Everything will be great,” he said as if nothing had happened and I nodded. I got up and grabbed my gifts.

  “Are you working today?” I asked looking at him. My heart still was racing.

  “No, I will hang out. I’ll be watching T.V if you want to join me,” he said getting up from the floor.

  “Ok,” I nodded and went to the pool house to leave the gifts in there. I placed the framed authorization on the desk and stared at it for a long time. I felt things that were new to me. I didn’t know how to feel loved. It was uncomfortable but nice at the same time. I wanted to get used to have people care because that meant that I had a family, a real one not the one that loves you when you are a big success and disowns you when shit hits the fan. Not that I wasn’t a big success. I was damn sure that I was. For the first time in my life I was successful in almost every single aspect in my life! That made me proud of myself because I had tried something new; I’d opened up my mind to challenges and to human interaction. The results were amazing. The only thing that kept on popping up in my head was that I wanted to sleep with my best friend and that went against everything that I had accomplished. Yes, I so wanted to kiss Patrick again and maybe something more. I sighed as I took another look to the gifts he had given me and decided that I was going to put everything on hold for the moment because I had a lot of things to do.

  I went back to the kitchen and oversaw that everything went according to plan. It smelled delicious as I was sure it would be. I spent too much time in the kitchen watching Jane’s people work. The dinner was cooked in the kitchen, of course, but the decorations were prepared in there too because the snow wouldn’t allow the people to work and they would freeze.

  “Eggnog,” asked Jane giving me a cup that smelled like heaven.

  “Oh yes, thank you,” I said taking it and tasting the eggnog “This is amazing, Jane,” I said as I saw the people working while I seated on a chair by the small kitchen table.

  “I know. It’s one of our specialties,” she said proudly.

  “Would you give me one cup for Patrick?” I asked, and Jane immediately gave me one and I proceeded to take it to the T.V room.

  “Hey,” I said as I went into the room to find him watching a sports channel and reading on his iPad.

  “Hey,” he turned to look at me and smiled.

  “Here,” I gave him a cup and sat next to him.

  “Oh My God, Lucinda, this is the eggnog that your guru should use for the sorbet,” he said widening his eyes.

  “Oh!” I said too excited for my own well, “That would be so good,” I nodded giving another sip to the eggnog.

  “Want to watch a movie or something?” he asked looking at me.

  “Sure. What about lunch?” I asked and he shrugged “there are some leftovers. I think there’s some Lasagna and chicken salad. What do you want?” I asked and he thought for a bit.

  “Chicken salad, I think,” he said. I nodded.

  “I’ll get that and you pick the movie,” I said going up the stairs to the kitchen. Patrick decided to watch Terminator and I didn’t see a problem with that. After we ate the chicken salad we had a bit, no, A LOT, of eggnog sorbet from the night before and I went to get ready for the night. I had a second shower because I needed to relax and after that I did my hair and makeup. I wore my straight hair down and a very natural make up with just a bit of lip-gloss. I put on a black pleated mini skirt (not too mini, I wasn’t 18), a mustard tight-ish (again I wasn’t 18) sweater and black tights. To finish the look I wore black pumps. It was nice enough for Christmas.

  When I got to the dining room everything was almost ready. The table was placed with a black and white striped tablecloth; the stripes running the length of the table, the china was completely white and the napkins were black. The center pieces were clear, rounded fishbowls with water and berries; its greenery and tiny round candles floating. They were simple but added the red that was needed to match the house. As name holders there were black, round tree ornaments placed on a tiny white holder. The ornaments were painted in chalk paint and the names were written in white chalk it was a nice touch to the table.

  “As always, amazing,” I heard Patrick and saw him coming down the stairs. He was wearing
black pants and a burgundy sweater. When he was close to me I pulled his pants up to check his socks.

  “I am wearing yours,” he said smiling and I nodded.

  “Good. So, do you like it?” I asked admiring the table.

  “I do,” he said and reached for my hand, “I wanted to talk to you before everyone comes,” CRAP! “But you said…,” I wanted to run away.

  “I know what I said and we are not going to talk about us tonight, maybe tomorrow maybe next year,” he grinned. There was one week left of the year. “But I wanted you to know that what happened or NOT happened was special for me, ok?” I nodded. “I don’t want to be all weird during dinner. Let’s just enjoy the night,” I nodded again. “Ok?” he searched for my eyes until I met them.

  “Ok,” I whispered. And he let go of my hand. I checked on the kitchen and just as I did on Christmas I begged everyone to be perfect. I wasn’t planning on getting married, ever, but if I ever did I was sure I’d be a Bridezilla.

  Finally, everyone arrived and the appetizers were taken to the coffee table in the living room. We had Caprese salad canapés. They were delicious and everyone enjoyed them. We also had the eggnog and everyone agreed it was the most delicious they had ever tasted.

  “Lucy, I can’t believe you got Patrick to decorate the house,” said Elaine looking around, “It definitely needed to,” I smiled.

  “She is obsessed with Christmas decorations, I couldn’t say no. She even decorated the company’s Christmas party,” said Patrick smiling at me from the couch. He was sitting next to Stuart and I was in one of the black chairs.

  “Is that so?” Patrick’s father turned to look at me and I nodded. I could so feel myself blush. That was bad. “I’ve always thought that Christmas decorations are soothing and relaxing,” he continued

  “Yes,” I exclaimed a little too animated.

  “Oh you really love Christmas, Lucy,” said Regina all bubbly as always.

  “Not really,” I said as I took a sip of eggnog “Christmas itself has never been my thing but the decorations have always being a passion of mine,” I shrugged.