Love & Loss (The Austin Series)

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘Who cares,’ he muttered between kisses.

  ‘Everyone could be waiting for us.’

  ‘Let them wait, I have more important things to do.’

  ‘You did me twice last night,’ I sighed as he moved onto my neck.

  ‘And you didn’t wear your Santa outfit so I demand a re-run tonight.’ He gently pushed me onto my back and I automatically parted my legs to let him settle between them. ‘Gentle or hard?’

  ‘Gentle please, hard tonight.’

  ‘What about this afternoon?’

  ‘This afternoon too?’

  ‘Think of me as your after lunch Christmas cracker, which a very large surprise inside,’ he winked.

  ‘Hmmm I love large surprises,’ I giggled, then gasped as he pushed his way into me and hissed through his teeth. I gripped his shoulders and lifted my hips up to meet his powering down.

  ‘Good?’

  ‘Excellent,’ I whispered on a breathy sigh and he smiled and bent his head to kiss me as he moved inside me. It never ceased to amaze me how much more connected I felt to him when he was inside me, on every level. ‘Gabe,’ I sighed as I felt myself clench around him and slipped my hands down his muscular back to grip his pert buttocks and drag him deep inside me.

  ‘You want more of me?’

  ‘All of you, always,’ I moaned as he withdrew and pushed back in, until my body resisted him going any further.

  ‘Shit,’ he groaned as he did it again and lifted one of my breasts and applied his lips, teeth and tongue to my nipple.

  ‘Gabe … I’m so sorry … I’m coming,’ I groaned as I felt everything clench and that tingling in the top of my scalp.

  ‘Fine with me baby,’ he mumbled against my breast as my back arched and legs stiffened and I felt an explosion of pleasure surge through me as stars filled my eyes.

  ‘Gabe,’ I cried as tremors jolted my bones. He groaned my name as he emptied himself into me and collapsed on top of me, his face in the crook of my neck as I stroked his hair. I was so looking forward to moving into the apartment when we could just lie here in pleasant orgasmic bliss and have nowhere to go and nothing else to do. I loved these moments after we’d both come, where we just lay happily in each other’s arms. ‘I guess we’d better get up, we have presents to open and dinner to prepare.’

  ‘I can’t wait until we can just spend all day in bed together,’ he sighed as he ran his lips up and down my shoulder.

  ‘I was just thinking the same,’ I laughed. ‘But we only have three nights to wait, so come on,’ I replied with a smack to his bottom. He lifted his head to look at me, his blue eyes sparkling. ‘What?’

  ‘You in my bed, under me. Best Christmas present ever.’

  ‘You might revise that assessment when you open your actual present,’ I smiled.

  ‘Unless it involves you, much as I may love it, no contest baby.’

  ‘Stop wooing me, you make my insides melt,’ I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him again. ‘Come on, shift it, I’m excited to give my presents out.’

  We found everyone already in the kitchen, where a chorus of Happy Christmas’s filled the room as we all hugged and kissed. Robert poured us some champagne and he and Gabe sorted us scrambled eggs and smoked salmon on toasted bagels and we all headed to the lounge to open our gifts.

  I insisted on giving Robert his thank you gift first, the silver tie pin I’d purchased in New York and he looked chuffed to bits and handed me a small package that contained a stunning pair of white gold and diamond drop earrings and I hugged him tightly making him laugh. Lexi and I gave Doug our joint gift, a forty minute Ferrari thrill ride at the Silverstone formula one race track and he punched the air and laughed as Gabe sulked.

  ‘Would you have liked that Gabe?’ I asked as I looked at him.

  ‘What guy wouldn’t?’ he sighed as Doug continued to chuckle and wave the voucher in his face.

  ‘You’d better have one of my presents to cheer you up a bit then,’ I advised and handed him a wrapped gift box and watched his face light up when he realised not only had he got Silverstone vouchers too, but they were two half day ones, a Ferrari experience and the Audi experience.

  ‘Get in,’ he yelled and grabbed my face and kissed me hard.

  ‘Happy now?’ I laughed.

  ‘Ecstatic,’ he groaned as he read about what was involved, while I gave Robert his Ferrari thrill voucher as well.

  ‘I figured you could all go together and have a boy’s day out.’

  ‘Mia that’s wonderful, thank you. I’ll tell you what, I’ll pay for the three of us to stay for the weekend at Whittlebury Hall, make it a proper boy’s weekend. It’s about time I taught you two youngsters how to play golf.’

  ‘A whole weekend?’ asked Gabe as his hand quickly tightened around mine.

  ‘It’ll be good for you Gabe, you can have fun with Doug and your Dad,’ I rubbed his bicep reassuringly.

  ‘But what about you?’

  ‘Gabe, it’s ok, we can plan it advance to make sure that you’re happy, you don’t have to get stressed about it now ok?’ I ran a hand through his hair and saw Robert wince and whisper ‘Sorry’ over Gabe’s shoulder. I shook my head to let him know it was ok, smiled and quickly changed the conversation. ‘Ok Doug, here’s a couple of small extra’s from New York for you, Lexi too.’ I went to move my hand out of Gabe’s, but he wouldn’t let go, so I nodded to the gifts under the tree. Doug was over the moon with his FBI Female Body Inspector and Keep Calm Smoke a Bong T-shirts and Lexi grinned as she shook her snow globe and then hugged her one kilogram bag of Jelly Belly’s making me laugh. She looked really touched to have a bottle of her favourite perfume from Robert and he smiled to get a large ceramic Marmite pot with a jar inside, Gabe had told Lexi that he loved the stuff. Gabe had got Lexi some new Xbox games and she actually squealed with delight at her silver Jimmy Choo clutch from him and launched herself at him across the sofa making him laugh.

  ‘I love it, thank you thank you thank you,’ she planted loads of kisses on his cheek making him blush.

  ‘Great, way to show me up dude,’ sighed Doug as he handed Lexi a small wrapped box. She opened it and pulled out a silver chain with a large puffed silver hammered heart on the end and froze staring at it. ‘Shit, you don’t like it do you? Too much?’

  I gave her a sympathetic smile as she quickly looked at me and I winced as I saw she had tears in her eyes. She stood up and quickly walked out of the room as everyone went quiet.

  ‘I’ll go after her,’ I went to stand and Doug put his hand on my shoulder.

  ‘No, it’s ok let me. I knew it was a risk, it’s an overdue talk.’ I kissed his cheek and watched as he left and closed the door and my heart sank.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Gabe asked looking confused.

  ‘He’s just told Lexi that he’s serious about her and loves her, without using the actual words. She’s never heard that from a guy before, so she’s not handling it well.’

  ‘Like you didn’t?’

  ‘Probably worse,’ I sighed as I looked at the door, hoping she wasn’t going to break up with him today of all days.

  ‘Is there anything we can do anything to help?’ asked Robert.

  ‘Thanks,’ I smiled, ‘but I think they just need to have a talk on their own. She’s not had much love in her live and finds it hard to let people in.’

  ‘Well you were like that and look at us now,’ reassured Gabe with a kiss to my temple.

  ‘I know, but it’s harder for Lex.’

  ‘Ok, well let’s finish your presents while we wait for them, as we’ll need to make a start on the cooking soon.’ He handed me my bag from Mum and Gerry and I found another large cheque and unwrapped another hot pink leather item, like my iPhone cover, but I looked at it confused, not sure what it was for. ‘Here open my gift and it may make sense,’ Gabe laughed. I carefully undid the paper and looked at Gabe with my mouth open.

  ‘An iPad?’

  ‘An i
Pad air, it’s the latest model with the biggest memory for all your music, plus you said you wanted to do more reading, well you can have hundreds of books on here all at your fingertips.’

  ‘Gabe I love it, thank you so much,’ I beamed. I’d coveted one for ages as my old notebook computer had been playing up for a while.

  ‘I’ve already charged it for you and loaded some apps I thought you’d like and some photo’s too, so your Mum and Gerry got you the Italian leather case and stand to protect it. I got you a silver keyboard as well. You can play with it later while Dad and I cook,’ he laughed and snatched it out of my hands as I was trying to look for the on button. ‘You have another present from me to open.’

  ‘Gabe you’ve already spoilt me,’ I protested.

  ‘Remember that conversation we had?’ he asked with a stern look.

  ‘Ok,’ I sighed and looked at Robert in despair, he just laughed and held his hands up.

  ‘You won’t change him Mia, if he wants to do something he does it.’

  ‘Yeah I’m getting that and he has the audacity to call me stubborn?’ I laughed. I watched as he grappled a large rectangular package from behind the Christmas tree.

  ‘Careful, it’s breakable,’ he warned. I felt my eyes fill up as I looked at the Peter Smith painting in a white frame, it was two of his Impossimals with love hearts floating all around them, called “It’s Love” and I bit my lip as I looked back up at Gabe. ‘I thought it might be nice in the bathroom, above the fireplace,’ he advised as he wiped my tears away. I just nodded, I couldn’t say anything, he just knew me so well.

  ‘I’m going to see if it’s safe to go in the kitchen and make a start,’ advised Robert as he stood up.

  ‘I’ll be with you in a minute Dad, I’d just like a minute with my girl,’ Gabe advised as he took the picture from me and propped it up safely behind his blanket box against the window.

  ‘Ok, remember to come and help yourself to drinks whenever you want Mia.’

  ‘Thanks Robert and thanks so much for my stunning earrings. I’d like to have Sofia’s number off you too later if I can, I’d like to thank her for my studs.’

  ‘We’ll facetime her later off your iPad,’ he smiled and left Gabe and I alone.

  ‘Gabe I feel so lucky, you’ve got me so many nice things, thank you,’ I mumbled as I sniffed and tried to stop myself crying. He came to sit with me and clasped me face and kissed me.

  ‘Why are you upset?’

  ‘Because I’ve never had a guy be so nice to me Gabe. I love you, you know that right?’

  ‘Of course I do baby, are you ok?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ I nodded. I was partly worried about what was going on with Lexi and Doug and also missing Mum and Gerry.

  ‘I know your fine means it’s not. Are you missing your Mum?’

  ‘A bit,’ I smiled, feeling embarrassed to admit it.

  ‘We’ll ring her later, you’ll just have to make do with me ok?’

  ‘I’ll never just make do with you Gabe, you’ll never be second choice for me.’

  ‘Thanks baby. You do have another present, but it’s under the tree upstairs as it’s for private eyes only.’

  ‘Not another vibrator?’ I gasped.

  ‘No,’ he laughed. ‘Now we’re having sex again you won’t need any more than you already have.’

  ‘Well you have another couple of presents too,’ I told him as I went and got the small box from under the tree.

  ‘More presents? Those Silverstone experiences will have been really expensive,’ he frowned.

  ‘Are you seriously lecturing me on overspending Gabriel Austin,’ I laughed and handed him the smallest box. He was really chuffed with his silver Ferrari cufflinks, it had taken me ages to find a pair. ‘Now this box you can’t open in public either,’ I winked and he laughed.

  ‘You haven’t got me a cock piercing have you?’

  ‘Ewwww that would be sacrilegious scarring that work of art,’ I gasped.

  ‘My cock’s a work of art?’ he smiled.

  ‘O yes, a masterpiece and I’m still looking forward to pulling that cracker later as promised.’

  ‘Hmmm, I pulled a cracker when I found you,’ he sighed.

  ‘Pass me some crackers to go with that cheese,’ I giggled and grabbed his face and kissed him fiercely.

  ‘Christ five minutes alone and he’s all over her again,’ came Doug’s voice. We broke apart and I looked up to see him standing holding Lexi’s hand, she was chewing the corner of her mouth, which I knew meant she wasn’t happy.

  ‘Well I need to go and help Dad with dinner, can I trust you with the fire Doug?’

  ‘And leave me alone with two emotional babes, no way, I’m cooking.’

  ‘You can’t cook Doug,’ I laughed.

  ‘I can stir. Stirring is way preferable to being left alone with you two, you look like you’ve been crying as well,’ he replied with a flick of his head to me.

  ‘Good tears, my man’s spoilt me. I can look after the fire Gabe, you boys go and help Robert. Lexi and I haven’t exchanged gifts yet so we can have some girly time.’

  ‘Want some Bailey’s?’ Gabe offered.

  ‘Yes please,’ Lexi nodded vigorously, I smiled and nodded too.

  ‘Ok, I’ll be back in a second,’ he kissed me again and stood up. Doug kissed Lexi’s cheek and they closed the door and she looked at me and sighed. I stood up and went to hug her.

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘Not yet, not when Gabe’s about to come back in. Presents first ok?’

  ‘Ok.’ I kissed her cheek, took her hand and sat her down on the sofa and handed her a lemon truffle then shoved one in my mouth as I grabbed the remaining presents from under the tree. ‘Here, open Mum’s first.’

  ‘Are we ringing them later?’ she asked as she undid the gift bag.

  ‘We sure are, I miss her and Gerry today.’

  ‘Me too,’ she sighed and then grinned as she pulled out a bottle of Crystal Head Vodka in a skull shaped bottle. ‘Awesome.’

  ‘Mum wasn’t convinced when I told her you’d love it,’ I laughed.

  ‘You know me so well,’ she smiled and squeezed my hand. Gabe interrupted and handed us two large glasses of Baileys and ice and kissed the top of my head and disappeared again. Lexi chuckled as she pulled out a set of four matching skull vodka shot glasses and gasped as she saw her cheque with a post it saying Strictly for clothes NOT alcohol Lexi. Love Mr & Mrs P x. She was equally happy to open the box containing the black mini bodycon dress I’d purchased with silver safety pins securing the slits up the side to the hip, and across the cleavage. ‘Seriously?’

  ‘You said you never feel sexy, I figured this would make you feel sexy,’ I shrugged. ‘Here, you have another present.’ I pushed it towards her and she looked at me worried.

  ‘Mia this dress will have cost you loads and you’re trying to save up.’

  ‘I got it in the sale, stop complaining and enjoy. You’ve been so amazing with me lately, even more than normal since I started seeing Gabe,’ I reminded her. She clapped and squealed again as she opened the white gold and diamond nose stud, to replace the cheap ones she was wearing. She grabbed me into a big bear hug before pushing a small bag into my hands.

  ‘Sorry it’s not much.’

  ‘Lex, you don’t need to spend lots of money, you always get me something really thoughtful,’ I smiled, my smile got wider as I found the Annie Haak Santinees bracelet with an open heart on it, Doug had given me one with a lucky clover. ‘Lex I love it.’ I slipped it on, it looked perfect with my bangle from Gabe.

  ‘Just wanted you to know that I love you,’ she shrugged.

  ‘I know that already you daft mare,’ I giggled as I hugged and kissed her. I also had a small bottle of baileys and more lemon truffles. ‘Thanks so much Lex, I love you too.’

  ‘Lot of that going around today,’ she replied with a rueful smile.

  ‘He told you?’

  ‘Yeah,�
�� she nodded. ‘Sorry about leaving, it was too much seeing that necklace, I just knew what was coming and I feel like such a shit.’

  ‘Well you obviously haven’t ended it.’

  ‘It’s Christmas bloody day, would you break up with someone on Christmas day?’ she asked shooting me a look.

  ‘No,’ I sighed, ‘but how did you handle it?’

  ‘Mostly the truth. That I really like him, but I’m not in that place and that he’s scared me.’

  ‘Knowing that doesn’t change your mind about how it’s going?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she groaned and dropped her head in her hands. I reached over and rubbed her back. ‘He’s so nice Mia, I don’t deserve someone like that, not for my first relationship, not when I’m not ready to let anyone in, and certainly not if I can fuck around behind his back.’

  ‘Listen Lex, I felt the same when Gabe told me he loved me. Just do what I did, take it day by day, just because he loves you doesn’t mean you have to feel the same. I’m sure he’ll wait for you.’

  ‘I could if it wasn’t for the sex issue as well, I really think I could fall for him,’ She looked back at me, her eyes filling up again and I shuffled closer and pulled her down into my lap and stroked her hair.

  ‘Well it sounds like it’s make or break time Lex. You either let go of whatever’s holding you back in bed and see if that changes how you feel. Trust me, holding back how you feel doesn’t help, give into it or you’re going to have to give up, it’s not fair to string him along if you’re going to keep chasing down orgasms with other guys.’

  ‘I know,’ she whispered. ‘He just makes me feel so … so …’

  ‘Safe,’ I whispered and she looked up at me surprised and nodded. ‘I’m right there with you and trust me, if you can give into that feeling and let him in it’s incredible Lex. The way Gabe makes me feel about myself, let alone us as a couple, it’s just … everything. Love really can be amazing you know.’