Chapter 31
The thick aroma of baked goods wafted Vance's senses as he stepped inside of his mother's bakery. Watching her bustle behind the counter as the crowd of people lined up for her cakes, made him smile. He loved to see her business doing well. With her bakery set right in the heart of the hood, residents from all over town lined up to get a dose like fiends itching for a fix. No one could deny his mother's magic touch. She was a hustler in every sense of the word. And just seeing her in her element doing what she loved, always warmed his heart.
He greeted the familiar faces from around the way, before making his way behind the counter.
"Sup, Ma," he greeted.
"Oh hey, baby. I didn't see you walk in," she said to him, handing a customer the box of cake.
"I see you're extra busy today."
"Mhmm, you know how it is on a Saturday."
"Yeah, I see. Sup, Kenny," Vance said to the young cashier.
"Wadup, Vance." He gave him daps, before collecting the customer's money.
"So, what brings you by?" his mother asked.
"Just checkin' in." He shrugged, sitting on a desk nearby.
"Well now that you checked in, come and help me with these boxes."
Vance aided his mother by handing out goods to the customers. When the crowd died down, Vance and his mother sat around a table, catching up.
"So, how's my future grandbaby doing?"
Vance knew that would be the first thing she asked. Ever since he revealed the news of Laurie's pregnancy, it was all she wanted to talk about. She had been waiting years to have grandkids.
He nodded. "Good. We went to the doctor yesterday and she said we'll be able to find out the sex of the baby in a few more weeks."
"You better have a girl."
"Yeah, I know Ma." He smirked.
She told him every chance she got.
"Laurie wants a girl, too. She already started picking out names," he said.
"She must be so excited." She smiled.
"Yeah, she is."
"What about you?"
"Me? I mean, yeah I am too." He sighed, rubbing his jaw. "It's just a little overwhelming, to be honest."
"That's normal. The first time always is. When I was pregnant with you, me and your father were scared out of our minds." She chuckled.
His mood tensed at the mention of his father.
"He was just working odd jobs trying to make ends meet and I was in college trying to finish up school. So, having a baby wasn't in our plans at the time. But we loved each other so, we did whatever we could to make it work. And it did work out for the best. Well, that was before he went off into the army and..." She sighed and shook her head.
Vance wanted to end this conversation. Just seeing the sad look on his mother's face, pained him. He hated talking about his father.
She cleared her throat. "All I'm saying is, it won't be an easy road. Having a child is a lifelong commitment and it takes a whole lot of sacrifice. But it's the best gift anyone could ask for. And as long as you two love each other, you both will be fine."
Vance rubbed his thumb into the palm of his hand with a sigh. He tried to look at the brighter side, but the whole idea of having a child shook him up. Was he really ready to be a father? Did he have what it took? He truly didn't know.
"I just can't wait for the day you go on and marry the girl."
He hissed his teeth. "You soundin' like Laurie, now."
"Well, of course. That girl loves you to death. You better stop having her wait so long."
"How do you know she's waiting?" He looked at her.
"Because she told me."
He scoffed, annoyed. He wasn't surprised. Laurie was always running her mouth to everyone about their issues, especially his mother.
"And plus, I'm a woman, I know these things. It's not easy loving a man who doesn't want to commit to you."
"I'm already committed to her. I'm with her."
"You know what I mean. Infinite commitment. Marriage."
He shook his head. He didn't know what it was about women and marriage.
"I just don't see the point of marrying her. If she knows I love her, why do I need to put a ring on her finger to show I do?"
"Because every woman wants to know that the man they love is willing to be with them forever."
"And if we don't work out, then what?"
"Then you just don't work out. Anything is possible. But that doesn't mean you have to always think so negatively."
"Nah, I'm just being realistic. There's a billion people in this world. How do I know Laurie is the one I'm supposed to be with forever? One day, I could meet a girl and just end up...falling for her..." He looked at his palm.
"Have you met somebody else?"
He blinked away and shifted in his seat. "Nah, I was just speaking hypothetically."
His mother stared at him for a moment. "Well, if you love Laurie like you say you do, then you should consider marrying her. Vance, you’ve been with that woman for years. She's not getting any younger, and neither are you. After a while, she's going to get tired of waiting and move on. Is that what you really want?"
Chapter 32
The shimmering moonlight gleamed the darkened apartment, the beauty of the night sky visible from Vance's window. The faint sounds of the busy traffic filled the air, as they laid together in silence. Zara slowly ran her fingers across the stubble of hairs on Vance's chest, touching the sheen of sweat coating his skin, as he ran his fingers through her lofty locks.
"You staying the night?" He asked her.
"I don't know, do you want me to?" She looked up at him.
He shrugged. "It's all up to you."
He honestly did want her to stay the night. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he enjoyed her company here. It was a lot more comforting than sleeping alone.
"Well, when you say it like that...I don't know if I should." She reached across the nightstand and rested the cigarette in the ash tray. "But I'll stay anyway, since I know deep down you want me to."
He snickered. "Oh really. And what makes you think that?"
"Because you'll be here all alone, with no one to keep you company," she whispered, rubbing the hairs of his goatee.
"It's cool. I like my space."
"Please. You like when I'm around, admit it."
His face grew hot, and he shook his head. There was no way he was admitting that.
She rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine. But we both know the truth."
"Aye, believe what you want, baby." He smirked, shrugging.
She chuckled. The air grew quiet, as they settled in their own thoughts.
"You know, I was thinking..." she spoke up, after a while.
He looked at her. "What?"
"I was thinking about making dancing a full time career."
"Really?"
"Yeah, it's something that's been on my mind lately. At first I only took the job because of my probation, but now I realize that it's something I actually wanna do. I honestly never thought I could do something like that, you know, teaching kids how to dance, but working with those kids have really taught me a lot....it's probably the best decision I've made so far."
Hearing that warmed his heart. It felt good to know how passionate she was about the kids. He could hear it in her voice as she spoke about them, or even witness the way her face lit up whenever she was around them. It was clear she cared about the kids just as much as he did. And he appreciated that.
"That's good. I'm happy to hear that," he said honestly. "And I know the kids would be too, they love you."
"I love them too," she said with a smile. "They're amazing."
"Yeah, they are," he said softly.
Silence wavered the air.
"I never thought I would get to this place in my life," She admitted. He stared at her, listening. "I mean, just have a stable job, being sober...I never pictured things would turn out this way. When I was on the streets alone, I was really in a dark pl
ace in my life. I went through a lot, just drinking, getting high, doing whatever I could to cope. It's a miracle I was even able to make it to this point. And as crazy as it sounds, it’s scarier now than it was back then. I've been such a failure my whole life, I'm just afraid of fucking it all up again."
"How long you 'been sober?" He asked.
"10 months."
He was surprised by that. Although, 10 months wasn't a long time, when it came to using drugs, it was. He knew all too well about addiction growing up, and the fact that she had been able to stay sober for that long, he had to give her credit.
"Everyday’s a struggle, but I'm still trying. After everything that happened, I refuse to let drugs ruin my life more than it already has. And I know it may not seem like it, but I'm really working on being a better person."
He could see she was. She had done a complete 180 from the Zara he once knew, or thought he knew. It actually surprised him to see the changes she made over the years. She had become the woman he least expected. Despite all the obstacles she faced, she managed to push forward and turn her life around.
It only made him think of his mother's words, "Nothing in life ever stays the same. Including people." He never believed that. In his mind, he always believed people were stuck in their ways, but now he wasn't so sure. Zara was showing proof of that. Had Zara really changed? He wanted to convince himself she hadn't. It would be the only thing that would give him comfort with these new whirlwind of feelings that began to unsettle him in pertinence to Zara.
When her fingers traced the leathery scar on his chest, he grabbed her wrist and she flinched. She stared at him, shocked and he realized how tightly he had grabbed her. Looking away, he slowly loosened his grip.
"What happened there?" she asked, softly.
"Nothin', it's just an old scar."
Drawing back her hand, she didn't say a word. She sat up, as her eyes slowly surveyed his upper body, the sadness on her face making him uncomfortable. He knew she wasn't admiring his physique this time. She was looking at the scars that marred his skin, scars that symbolized his dark past. His usual edge of confidence slipped away with each layer, and he now felt stripped, naked, unmasked for the first time around her. He moved away and sat at the edge of the bed, grabbing another cigarette from his nightstand.
"Were those from your father?"
His head spun to her. "What?"
She recoiled, looking down. "Nothing."
He frowned, darting her with a heated glare. "How do you know about that?"
"It was...it was just a guess," she said lowly.
He scoffed and faced forward. How dare she ask him some shit like that? He urged to kick her out for bringing up such a personal topic.
"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have brought it up."
He clenched his teeth, staring out at the dark skies through his window. The mention of his father always set off a rush of emotions he hated to feel. What he hated more, was how much it still affected him even now. That was years ago, he was supposed to be over it, and here he was, seething with anger, just thinking about all the pain he used to put his family through.
Realizing how quiet Zara had gotten, he turned his head to see her seated in a curled position, fiddling with her fingers. He suddenly felt bad for how he reacted to her.
He sighed and faced the window. "When my pops came back from the army, he started drinking a lot. I guess whatever he went through fucked with his head because he just lost it. He used to beat on my mom whenever he got the chance. I remember when we were younger, me and Trish used to hide in the closet and I’d have to cover her ears so she wouldn't hear the type of shit that was going on." His throat tightened, as the painful memories flashed vividly before his eyes. The mattress shifted beneath him, as Zara moved to his side.
"After a while, I just got sick of it. I got sick of seeing my mom cry every day, so I tried to stop him. Started fighting back, then he directed the beatings toward me."
He averted his gaze to his arms, tracing his fingers across the scars that marred his skin. Each time he looked at them, he felt weak and he hated it.
"Got this when he burned me with a cigarette one night..."He said, pointing to a small faded scar on his left forearm. “This one was the first beating he gave me, hit with a belt buckle. I think I was about 9..."He said, pointing to the the series of scars on his upper back.
He then traced his fingers on the leathery scar on the left side of his chest. "Got this one when he cut me with a beer bottle. Had to get stitches that day."
Zara let out a deep breath. Vance chuckled bitterly, picking up the cigarette from the ash tray. "Crazy muthafucka."
All these years, he tried to remain strong for his sister and mother. Trying his best to protect them, never letting what his father did to him break him down. But it had all taken a toll on his spirit. His father had been dead for over 10 years now, due to alcohol, yet he managed to haunt him to this day. Even as strong as he tried to be, that was just one part of his life he could not fully get over. No matter how much he tried.
He quickly blinked away, suddenly embarrassed for exposing too much. He walked across the room and leaned against the window sill, staring out at the busy neighborhood within the darkened night.
After a while, Zara trudged toward him. He kept his gaze out the window, too ashamed to face her. She stood before him. Her hands softly traced his upper body, touching each of the scars embedded on his skin. He slowly met her gaze. The sadness in her eyes unsettled him and pulled away from her, hating the vulnerable feeling that came over him. She was pitying him.
Despite his response, she stepped closer to him and placed her warm hand on his chest. His heart raced from her touch. She kissed his chest, the same place his father had cut him, and a wave of emotions he didn't expect to feel engulfed him. She placed kisses on each of his scars, the soft touch of her lips breaking down each barrier he tried to shield himself with. His throat tightened, as tears he tried so hard to fight back, shielded his eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him. Yearning for her comfort, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight in his embrace.
Chapter 33
"Aww!"
Zara rolled her eyes at Reyna's theatrics as she entered the kitchen and placed down the bouquet of roses she had just received from the delivery man.
"So, that’s like what, the 5th time in a row that man has been sending you roses? Girl, his ass is so in love with you, he don't know what to do with himself."
"Yeah, I know," Zara said with a sigh.
Since Sean had left for California last week for a business trip, he had been sending her flowers each day. Although she was supposed to be flattered by Sean's gesture, she wasn't. With every gift he sent her, and with each phone call he made, reminding her how much he loved and missed her, it only deepened her guilt. Things between them had gotten even more serious since meeting his family recently. They had all welcomed her with open arms, especially his mother, who surprisingly had been nothing but warm to her. But although everything turned out well, Sean seemed to have gotten overly affectionate to the point it began to get overwhelming.
She didn't deserve any of this. She was still sleeping with Vance and she hated herself for it. With every moment they shared, she was falling deeper in love with him and she didn't know how to stop herself.
She felt horrible.
"Well sheesh, don't look too happy," Reyna uttered, and Zara snapped out of her trance.
"I am happy." Zara placed the roses in the vase with the rest of the flowers.
"Nu-uh, no you're not. It shows all on your face. What's up? Everything alright between you two?"
"Yeah, everything's fine."
"Zara."
"Everything's fine, Reyna."
Zara idly arranged the flowers, ignoring her suspicious stare. As much as she trusted her sister, she wasn't willing to disclose the situation between her and Vance. She was only going to condemn her and make her feel worse than what s
he was already feeling. She was in no mood to deal with her judgments. She knew what she was doing was wrong, and she was going to deal with it however way she chose.
"Whatever, I don't have time for ya moods. Anyway, pass me that spray on the counter right there." Reyna voiced, pointing to her direction.
Zara turned to her side and handed her the spray of bleach. Reyna took it and began cleaning the counter.
"Why're you cleaning so much?" Zara asked.
All afternoon, Reyna had been cleaning the whole house from top to bottom. Although Reyna was generally a neat person, this wasn't the usual for her.
"Ma's coming."
She froze, wondering if she had heard her correctly.
"What?"
"Ma's coming over for the weekend. She's driving up with Aunt Maureen-"
"Wait, hold up let me get this straight. Ma's coming. Here. And you're just now telling me this?"
"I just found out today. They called me this morning and told me they're coming. They wanna help with the wedding."
"Ugh Reyna!" Zara leaned against the countertop, rubbing her temples.
"What else was I supposed to do? I don't want them here either, but I can't say, ‘no don’t come.’ I had no choice."
"Does Ma know I'm here?"
"No, I still haven't told her."
A sigh of relief slipped her lips and she nodded. "Good. 'Cause I'm not staying here. I'll find somewhere else to sleep."
"No, you're not."
"Yes, I am."
"So, you're just gonna run away again?"
"No, I'm not running. I'm just laying low for right now. I ain't tryna deal with Ma's shit."
"Oh, c'mon. It won't even be like that. I already told you she misses you Za. She'll be happy to see you."
"Oh please." Zara scoffed. "This is Ma, we're talking about. The same one who didn't visit me in jail not once, or answer any of my phone calls when I really needed her. You really think she'll be happy to see me?"
Ashes Page 18
