Uncertain Past

by Roz Denny Fox

  Emmy fought against the tears scalding her eyelids. The way Jed ran her first name and last initial together made it sound like M&M’s—the brightly coated chocolate candies Jed used to give her as a treat. Wresting herself away, she picked up her fallen cardigan and dropped it onto the purse she’d set on the couch. “Then why—tell me why—you didn’t find me and bring me back?”

  Jed scraped a hand through his short-cropped hair. “Lordy, Emmy, if you only knew how hard I tried. I got home that day and found a terse note from someone saying the state had taken you. Will read it, panicked, packed his duffel bag and lit out for the territories.”

  Will McClain had always reminded Emmy and Jed of Mark Twain’s characters. An amused quirk of Jed’s lips aided his feeble attempt to joke, and Emmy smiled briefly, too. “I must have made a hundred phone calls after that, trying to find you. Everything here was in chaos.” He paced to the window and propped a hand against the casing. “Try to understand, Emmy.”

  “I guess I never thought about how tough it must’ve been for you. But later, Jed, after things settled down. Couldn’t you have tracked me down then?”

  “I tried. So did Riley. He stormed the office of social services in Tyler. They tossed his butt in jail. I didn’t have the money to bail him out. His mom borrowed from her brother to post his bond.”

  “Riley did that for me?” Her eyes teared and her voice grew high and shaky.

  “He did. He acted like a wildman. But his run-in with the law really cooled our heels. As it was, I was just weeks away from graduation, and everything was going down the tubes. Ray Jennings surprised the hell out of me. He stepped up and lent me a hand. I figured out later he didn’t want to lose the Beaumarais accounts. At the time, all I knew was that he saved my bacon.”

  Emmy released a long, shuddering breath. “Sorry for coming on so strong. There’s no need to belabor this, Jed. I know the struggle it takes to survive. I ditched my last foster placement the second I turned eighteen. I hitchhiked to Florida where I ended up working with a lion tamer in a traveling circus.”

  “You traveled with a circus? God, Emmy. I may have stayed here, but that’s not to say I ever understood why you and Will never bothered to see what had become of me. Or of Frannie.”

  Emmy winced. “I can’t speak for Will. But I worked hard to wall off every trace of my life before Houston. You know, with the passing years, pain and frustration subside and memories fade—at least a little. Enough to allow you to function in a new life. You must’ve experienced that, too. Where’s Gwyn? She and I talked a little bit about that.”

  “She wanted to give us time alone to sort out the past.” Jed’s full smile softened his hollow cheeks. “Isn’t Gwyn something? The best thing that’s ever happened to me since my mom died and Frannie took me in.”

  “Jed,” Emmy said hesitantly. “What do you think happened to Mom Fran?”

  “It’s a relief to know you don’t accept the consensus around town that I killed her.”

  “Never,” she said fiercely.

  He tucked his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “I’ve lain awake nights trying to reconstruct the weeks leading up to the day she disappeared. You may remember she and I quarreled over a stupid permission form that morning.” Jed removed a hand from a pocket and swiped it over his jaw. His eyes turned bleak. “It hasn’t been easy living with that guilt.”

  “I don’t imagine it has,” Emmy murmured. “They will get to the truth, won’t they?”

  “They would if Fielder wasn’t so focused on me.” Jed sounded bitter.

  Emmy’s voice was far from steady. “Right before I came here tonight, the sheriff and a deputy paid me a visit. I—I answered a few questions. Then Fielder took out a notebook and started grilling me about stuff that happened back then. I refused to answer without having an attorney present. I don’t have a lot saved up, Jed. Can you recommend a competent but not-too-expensive lawyer?”

  Before Jed had an opportunity to answer, the woman who’d ushered Emmy into the house reappeared. Jed glanced at his watch. “June, why are you still here?”

  “Miss Gwyn told me to leave on time, but I wanted to fix a special meal for you tonight. It’s ready in the oven. I’m leaving now.”

  “Why, thank you. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and I know Gwyn does, too. Emmy, June and her husband worked for my uncle. I couldn’t have managed the estate without them, especially in the early years when I was a greenhorn. June, Emmy is the long-lost sister I told you about.”

  The woman issued a warm greeting before she donned a light jacket and hurried out the front door, leaving Jed to show Emmy into the dining room.

  Gwyn appeared at the bottom of a winding staircase. Stepping down, she accepted Jed’s outstretched hand, all the while glancing expectantly between her husband and Emmy.

  Jed ushered both women into the dining room and pulled out cane-backed chairs on either side of where he’d sit at the head of the table. “Don’t look so worried,” he told his wife. “Emmy and I talked through some old stuff. As you’d expect, there are regrets on both sides.” He squeezed Emmy’s hand as he seated her. “If only we’d been older and more in control of our lives. Hardly a day goes by that I don’t start a sentence with if only . . .”

  Emmy unfolded her napkin and spread it across her lap. “My stock phrase is what if? Like, what if I was really a princess stolen at birth? Stuff like that,” she said with a self-deprecating laugh.

  Jed accepted the basket of rolls Gwyn passed him. “I feel I should apologize because things worked out so well for me, Emmy, and you’ve had it rough,” he said, handing her the silver basket.

  “Don’t be silly. After the rotten way your uncle treated you and your mom, Jed, you deserve good things. Not that I call being a murder suspect good. But at least you know there aren’t any criminals in your background.” She broke off a corner of her roll. “What’s my recourse if Fielder tosses some accusation like that against me?”

  Gwyn gasped. “He wouldn’t . . . couldn’t do that. Jed?” Her light-blue eyes sought concurrence from Jed as she set a platter of fish on the table.

  He served the main course, while Gwyn retrieved two side dishes. “Tracing roots is supposedly easier now, Emmy, with the Internet and everything. Have you tried? I know the uncertainty, the doubt, always bothered you, even as a kid.”

  “That’s one reason I’m here,” Emmy admitted. “I’ve imagined finding my birth parents for so long and did nothing. When I read the article saying that an archaeologist had found Mom Fran’s, uh, bones, my circumstances had just changed. For the first time, I had the freedom—and the money—to return and possibly mount a search. Now I’m seesawing again. Since I’ve decided to hire an attorney, I may have to forgo hunting for my parents. It was probably a dumb idea, anyway. I haven’t got the foggiest notion where to start.”

  Gwyn sat, still holding a steaming dish of asparagus tips. “Maybe you could do both for one fee. An adopted friend of mine began her search through a lawyer. Why not hire Riley? For a nominal retainer, wouldn’t he accompany you to Fielder’s office?”

  “Oh, I couldn’t ask him.” Emmy’s mouth twisted. So did her heart. “Anyway, Gwyn, you were the one who said his field is more business-oriented.”

  “It is, but Riley counseled Jed at first. Fielder hasn’t accused you of anything, has he, Emmy?”

  She shook her head. “He said not to leave town. Right after he said trouble followed me. Of course, he included Riley and Will in that remark. I frankly doubt it would improve my circumstances to show up at Fielder’s office with Riley in tow.”

  “I’m in no position to offer you an opinion,” Jed said. “But if you’re strapped for cash, I’m sure Riley would help as a favor. For old time’s sake. Otherwise, you’ll need to hire someone from Jefferson or Tyler. Those guys charge transport fees
to come here, on top of high hourly rates.” Jed touched a napkin to his lips and cleared his throat. “In case you can’t tell, this is the voice of experience speaking.”

  Emmy knew Jed and Gwyn thought she ought to contact Riley. They wouldn’t understand her reluctance. Nor did she want to go into her reasons. Trying to explain the mad crush she’d had on Riley at thirteen sounded like a lame excuse for not seeking his help all these years later. Even to Emmy.

  Although, goodness, the man hadn’t lost all that much sleep over her. Forget what Jed had said about Riley spending a few nights in jail for trying to locate her; clearly, he’d wasted little time in finding someone else to fall in love with and marry.

  In all fairness, though, Emmy couldn’t hold that against him. Her memories of Riley hadn’t stopped her from entering an occasional relationship. Nor had he been the main reason for her never taking the matrimonial plunge. That came down to an unrelenting fear of the gaps in her ancestry. But people who hadn’t actually walked in her shoes would never understand the ongoing worry that something horrid might lurk in her genes—waiting to emerge in the next generation. It was a fear that struck every time Emmy moved to a new city and changed doctors. Their forms asking for family history remained painfully blank.

  Richard insisted she could undergo blood tests to see if she carried something like hemophilia. But what if her father had been a rapist or if her mother had been mentally unbalanced? Blood tests wouldn’t disclose those facts.

  “Thanks for the advice,” she muttered. “I’ll give it serious thought.” And she turned the problem over in her mind as talk about law and lawyers continued throughout dinner. Jed and Gwyn ate as they talked. Emmy picked at her food.

  Gwyn finally pushed back her chair and folded her napkin. “Let’s have our coffee and dessert in the library. We’ll discuss happier subjects than our need for lawyers.”

  “Good idea.” Jed got to his feet. “I’ll bring the coffee,” he said, opening the door leading to the kitchen.

  “What you ate tonight wouldn’t feed a sparrow,” Gwyn fussed as she hooked an arm through Emmy’s and aimed her toward the back of the rambling house. “I hope meeting Jed didn’t make you too nervous to eat.”

  Emmy gave her new friend an impulsive hug. “At first, maybe. But Jed’s exactly as I recalled. Oh, I wish we had some way to locate Will. Who knows if he even stayed in the state? He mentioned joining the marines.”

  “Hmm. Maybe he just thought it sounded macho.”

  “I don’t know what Jed’s told you, Gwyn, but Will wasn’t nearly as tough as he let on. Fran knew it was all a big act. She had a way of relating to troubled kids. It’s sad that her life was cut short.” Emmy sighed unhappily.

  “Hey.” Gwyn shook Emmy’s arm. “We were going to change the subject, remember?”

  Emmy stopped to stare when Gwyn snapped on several lamps in the massive room she’d called the library. Shelves of books did dominate, but unlike the parlor, the furniture here begged to be sat on. Two creamy leather couches flanked a ceiling-to-floor marble fireplace. A huge round glass top rested on a polished burl that served as a coffee table between the two couches. A comfortable-looking plaid chair with matching ottoman completed the arrangement.

  A big cat sprang off a pillow on which she’d been napping and wound around Gwyn’s legs. A dog, the sheltie she’d seen in the yard earlier, rose from his bed on the floor and came to sniff Emmy. “Oh, aren’t you beautiful,” she murmured, patting him as she slipped to her knees to look more closely at the regal cat.

  “Watch Jed accuse me of having an ulterior motive for wanting coffee in the library. She’s seal point Siamese. I’m weaning her kittens. Cleopatra is an excellent show cat and I bred her to pass on those qualities. The problem for a breeder is that not all of a litter is necessarily up to show standards. Cleo’s awards and her pedigree ensured the sale of the best kittens but I’ve got a couple left.” She rolled her eyes. “I believed my vet, who said Siamese tend to have small litters. Wouldn’t you know, Cleo gave birth to six.” Gwen held up six fingers.

  “Are they terribly expensive? I’d love a kitten if they’re not.” Emmy absently stroked the dog’s furry ears. “I don’t care if I have a show-quality cat.”

  “If I say they’re free, will you take two? It’s certainly less lonely living by yourself if you have animals. Frannie’s house is set so far off the main road, I was glad to have both a cat and a dog. I feel guilty shoving kittens at you. Maybe you’d rather get a dog.”

  “I’ve always thought I’d be more of a cat person, Gwyn. That probably sounds foolish, since I admitted I’d never owned either.”

  “Of course not. I love all animals, but some people lean toward a particular species. After we have coffee and a piece of the luscious pecan pie June made today, I’ll show you the two kittens and you can decide if you want one or both.”

  Jed carried in a polished silver tray filled with a coffee service and three plates of pecan pie. “I knew I shouldn’t leave you two alone. Has my lovely wife twisted your arm to get you to take a kitten, Emmy?”

  “There was very little arm-twisting going on. I practically begged her.” Emmy grinned as she plumped the pillow Cleo had so recently left. “And Alanna will be ecstatic if I come home with a cat. I think she was ready to trade me for Gwyn once she found out I didn’t have any pets.”

  Jed and Gwyn both chuckled. “So you’ve met Riley’s precocious offspring,” Jed mused.

  “I did,” Emmy said. “It’s hard for me to think of Riley having a daughter. Somehow I imagined him with a houseful of boys.”

  “Alanna has him wrapped around her little finger.” Jed set the tray on the glass-topped table.

  “Did you know Riley’s wife?” Emmy inquired casually.

  Jed bounced the tips of his fingers together. “I saw her a couple of times. She didn’t much like Riley’s friends. Not just me, but Rico and Jake, too.”

  “Goodness,” Emmy exclaimed. “Did she think you bachelors would lead him astray?”

  “I don’t honestly know. And Riley’s completely closed off that part of his life.”

  Emmy said no more as she sat thinking that Riley must have loved his wife to distraction. It would be like him to deny his own pain.

  Gwyn busily arranged the coffee cups and plates of pie so that the three of them sat in a cozy triangle. “If you want to wash the animal hair off your hands, Emmy, you’ll find a bathroom two doors down on your left. Pop into the room across the hall and see the kittens.”

  Jumping at the opportunity to get off the subject of Riley and his child, even though she’d been the one to keep it alive, Emmy excused herself at once. She found the room with no trouble, but hesitated to touch the gleaming gold faucets. The bathroom was as grand as the rest of the house. The entire bathroom in her last apartment wasn’t as big as this glassed-in shower stall. In fact, her whole apartment would probably have fit in this room, she thought as she left and shut off the light, then peeked at the kittens next door.

  “They’re adorable, Gwyn. But I can’t choose. Maybe I’ll take them both.”

  Gwyn gave Jed an I-told-you-so grin.

  The hour grew late as the three discussed Jed and Gwyn’s horses. Jed and Emmy also reminisced about people from the past, while Gwyn listened, obviously captivated. After a while, Emmy caught herself yawning in spite of her interest and the help of strong chicory coffee.

  “I think we need to call it a night,” Gwyn said. “Why don’t I drop by your house tomorrow with the kittens, Emmy? I have extra food and a cat bed in the barn that I’ll bring, too. Shall we say late afternoon? That way, if you find anything that needs fixing in the house, it’ll give you time to compile a list.”

  “Speaking of the house,” Emmy said, after gathering her purse and sweater, “we never discussed the rent.” She pulled out her checkbo
ok. “I assume you’ll want the customary first and last months?”

  Gwyn fell back, letting Jed escort Emmy to the door. “Call me sentimental,” he said, after clearing his throat. “The place was as much a home to you as to me. Probably more to you. You were there first, and if Frannie’d had the means, she would’ve tried to adopt you. She’d be very upset with me if I charged you to live in her home. And I’d like to pay for your lawyer, too.”

  As if she understood that her husband’s gesture had overwhelmed Emmy, Gwyn punched him on the arm. Then she grinned. “He had no compunction about charging me. Grab the deal and run, Emmy.”

  The tension shattered, they all laughed. Emmy rose on tiptoes and brushed a kiss on Jed’s cheek. Then she turned and hugged Gwyn. “Both of you—thanks. You shouldn’t make me too comfortable—I may stay here forever. I can’t accept your offer to pay for an attorney, though, and if you ever change your mind about the rent, I promise there won’t be any hard feelings.”

  “Scram, kid. I’m not going to change my mind.” Jed slipped his arm around his wife, and they waved from the steps as Emmy climbed into her truck. She navigated the circular drive and blinked her lights in a final goodbye.

  On the drive to the place she’d always considered home, Emmy basked in the warmth from her visit with Jed and Gwyn. After nineteen years apart, she and Jed could so easily have found their reunion awkward, or worse. This was the kind of homecoming she’d often envisioned with her birth parents.

  For years after Emmy had been ejected from the only home she knew and loved, she’d made up elaborate stories about Frannie Granger being her real mom. Even though she knew it wasn’t true, Fran had retold the story of her rescue many times—how Joleen Berber, a nurse and Frannie’s best friend, had chanced upon Emmy at the back of an antique booth at Monday Trade Days. For a while, Emmy had convinced herself the two women had concocted the story to cover an illegitimate pregnancy. Reflecting on Frannie’s life, Emmy saw the fallacy in her childish dream. Fran Granger cleaned homes for some of the town’s most prominent and gossipy residents. Inside of six months, everybody for miles around would have known if she’d been pregnant.