Beautiful Collision

by Tori Alvarez

  “Yes.”

  I quickly strip down to my boxers and slide under the covers, making sure I give her space. As soon as I get comfortable and stop moving, I feel the mattress move as she curls herself into my side. I move my arm out, and she lays her head on my shoulder, draping her arm on my stomach. Her nearness is exciting the little man, but now is not the time for him to be awake. Her long, slow breaths let me know she is relaxed. Her long lashes brushing against my chest as she blinks lets me know she is wide awake. As tired as I am, I do not want to close my eyes. I’m savoring this for as long as I can, because I don’t know how long it can or will last.

  Toni

  Life can change so quickly. I never in a million years thought I would be back in this bed again. He shouldn’t want me here. He doesn’t know who I am, what I’ve done. But even with all I’m keeping, he’s here. He wants me in his bed. He was there to let me cry. To be scared. No questions. No inquisition. Just his protective presence.

  I can’t let myself get caught up in a fairy tale. I’m well aware of men’s want to protect and control. That’s all this is. It’s in his kind nature, but he could never see me the same again. He will want out. It was so hard the first time to cut him out and avoid him. I don’t want to start all over again.

  “I’m sorry, I have to go,” I inform him as I sit up.

  “Woah.” He wraps an arm around my stomach. “If you are going to bolt, I’m going to need to know the reason.”

  “No reason. We aren’t together. Actually, we never were. I can’t expect you to be there. It’s okay. I was scared earlier, and I wasn’t thinking.” I’m rambling and trying to move out of his embrace.

  “Stop!” He keeps his arm holding me while sitting up. “If you are leaving this time, I deserve a reason. Not that bullshit you just tried to give me.”

  “It’s…it’s not bullshit. It’s the truth. We were never together.”

  “You’re right. We weren’t officially together, but not because I didn’t want it.” He lets me go as he reaches the bedside lamp.

  The pain in his eyes is unmistakable.

  “You know what? I can’t. I can’t go through that again.” He pushes himself up the bed and leans against the wall. His gaze drops to the bed. “If you are going to go, pues vete (just go). I can’t stop you. You do whatever the hell you please, anyway. I was just the pendejo (idiot) who was just along for your quick ride.”

  What the fuck? He’s going to blame this shit on me. He’s the fucking guy. Guys are the ones who need a fucking wake-up call.

  “Fine. I’m out!” I yell at him, angry he thinks he can turn this around on me. I stand, picking up my things. I open his bedroom door to find Lola blocking my way.

  “We’re out.” I motion for Lola to move.

  “No, you’re not.” She doesn’t budge, her arms crossed in front of her with the most serious face I have ever seen on her.

  “Yes, I am,” I insist.

  She just shakes her head at me, cocking an eyebrow to challenge her.

  “How shitty did you feel without him?” she asks me. When I refuse to answer, she continues, “Have you even admitted you lied about dating someone else?”

  “I didn’t lie! He just assumed because he saw Alex.” I try and defend my actions even though I KNOW I’m in the wrong.

  “But you could have corrected him.” She is like stone except for her mouth moving. “Now, I am going to leave. And I’m taking your keys too. Call me when I need to bring them back to you. You are staying here and hashing things out.” She hugs me, pushes me back a couple of steps, and grabs the door handle, closing it behind her.

  I stand with my back to the bed, staring at the closed door. He has heard the beginning, but there is so much.

  “Why did you let me believe you were dating your cousin?” his voice breaks the silence.

  When he says it like that, it sounds absurd. I can’t stop a small laugh that escapes. I turn around, leaning against the door. The space between us is necessary to keep me thinking straight. It is too easy to get lost in the feel of his arms.

  “That wasn’t my plan, really. It just happened that way. But if I’m being honest, Alex had thought of it.”

  “Why?” he asks, his eyes penetrating me, wanting answers.

  I take a deep breath, building the courage to have a conversation I never expected to have. “I’m not the typical college girl. I don’t hang at frats, and clubs, and bars, making friends. Well, that was until this year because Alex made me.”

  “I’m still not following.” There’s a slight annoyance in his voice.

  “I’m poor. No one leaves the hood. They try and try, but it always pulls you back. I got a full ride, so Alex insists it’s my way to escape. But I need money to live on, and that’s where the waitressing comes in. It’s easy money, and I don’t have to work all year long. If I budget, I can take a couple months a semester off so that I can concentrate on school.”

  “Okay….”

  “I don’t want people knowing what I do. I don’t want judgment or pity. I’m doing what I need to get by. Girls are catty bitches. I don’t want fuckin’ rumors to start because of where I work. I can hear it already—from waitress to stripper. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but I just don’t need that shit in my life.”

  “I can get that. But we were together, whether you want to admit it or not. We weren’t seeing anyone else. True or false?”

  “True.”

  “Then why break it?”

  “Because my mom is a worthless human. I was done working for the year. I was able to save for the entire year. I didn’t think I was going to have to work again. But then my mom came around and ruined everything. She borrowed money from my grandmother. I needed to cover for her. Alex and Javie are strapped right now. They couldn’t cover. They just covered for their worthless dad over the summer. So I had to go back to work. I couldn’t date you and work at the club. I didn’t want to tell you where I worked. I couldn’t lie. That wouldn’t have been fair to you.”

  “No, what’s not fair is not giving me the choice.”

  “But that’s not it. I’ve done other things. Things you don’t want to be a part of. I can’t stand judgment. And I especially don’t want it from you.”

  “Tell me.”

  “No!”

  “Yes.”

  He stares at me, waiting for me to blurt all my truths out. This is what it’s going to take for him to let me walk away.

  “I slept with men for money!” I yell out, hoping he kicks me out and I can go back to my life before him—the life I knew how to handle. I stare at him defiantly.

  He’s quiet for several long seconds before he informs me, “I assumed that already. And I’m still here.”

  His assuming lights a fire of anger in me. “What do you mean you assumed?” He thinks I’m a whore? I don’t wait for an answer. I turn around, ready to walk home.

  I hear him behind me, and as I am about to open the door, he is shutting it on me. I turn around to face him. He places his hands on the door on either side of my head, caging me in.

  “I assumed because of what Kevin told me…or didn’t tell me. He was insistent I should dump you, but I couldn’t. You intrigue me. You don’t fall over yourself for me. You call me on my bullshit. You are real.” He places a small kiss on my nose. “Now, don’t get me wrong and think it didn’t bother me. It did. It took me some time to think about it and come to terms with it.”

  He places a gentle kiss on my right cheek. “We all have pasts. I can’t judge yours and think mine is squeaky clean. Our pasts are just that: pasts.” He comes in close, our noses brushing against each other. “We haven’t done the same things, but I can’t claim I’m a wholesome virgin. And neither can you.” He brushes his lips past mine quickly. “I just need to know if that part is over.”

  With his last statement, he pulls back to look me in the eyes.

  How is it he can make me lose all the smarts I thought I had buil
t with guys? No one has ever been able to make me feel weak, and that is exactly what he does. He makes me want him around.

  “That part is over. I haven’t since…never mind. Just know I haven’t since we have been together,” I admit to him.

  As soon as the words are out, his lips are on mine, desperate. I welcome the feeling, wanting to get lost in him, but I’m terrified at the same time. As his arms encircle my body, bringing me closer, all I can think of is him. He pulls back, placing his forehead on mine as he takes a deep breath, slowing us down.

  Wanting to feel every part of him, I bring my hands up to his bare stomach and let them softly and slowly slide up his abs and chest, savoring the ridges of his muscular, lean build. My hands come to rest on his shoulders, not knowing where to go from here. My big secrets are out, but there is still so much more. I still fear trusting him because he is a male. Rather than get lost in my thoughts, I pull him into me again, wanting to feel him instead.

  His hands cup my ass as he lifts me to him. My legs wrap around his waist, and my lips find his. A desperate need fills every part of me. He gently places me down on the bed and crawls on top of me, his weight on his forearms.

  “Are you sure?”

  My hands are tracing the muscles on his shoulders. “Yes.”

  His lips meet my neck as his hand slides up my waist to my breast, squeezing softly then tracing my nipple with his fingers. His kisses are soft and slow as he makes his way from my neck to my lips. His hand slips down my stomach to my upper thigh, dancing close to my center but not giving me satisfaction. I can feel him harden, his wanting as desperate as mine.

  I place my hands on his cheeks to bring his mouth to mine in a fevered kiss. He follows my lead, but his caresses stay slow and controlled.

  “I need you. Now.” I’m panting, feeling out of control.

  “I’ve got you, darlin’.” His hand comes to my center over my panties as he cups with pressure.

  “Now,” I persist.

  He hooks his finger in the side of my panties and begins to slide them down. I reach down, pushing down his boxers, needing to feel him inside me. He gets up, pulling mine all the way off and finishes undressing himself before pulling a condom out of his nightstand.

  I sit up, grabbing it from his hands, opening it and sliding it on for him. I lie back down, legs open, unashamed of my desperation, waiting for him.

  He bends over and begins a trail of kisses beginning at my knee, up my thigh. He teases so closely with his breath then continues up my stomach, stopping at my right breast. He kisses and teases it as I’m writhing under him, lifting my pelvis, trying to feel any part of him. He presses himself in my center, my body grinding to his, wanting a release. He pushes himself in slow and controlled until he is in fully. He holds himself there, kissing my neck and bringing his lips to mine.

  Staring at the ceiling as my breath is returning to normal after the best orgasm I’ve had, I begin to wonder again if this is something that can happen. Can I trust a relationship?

  “Tell me what you’re thinking,” he asks as if he knows thoughts are swirling.

  I consider how to answer. “My life has been fucked up. I’m telling you, we are a hot mess struggling to survive. And I don’t know how to trust you. Not because of anything you have done, but watching relationships around me, I know they all fall apart, and the only person you can trust is yourself. I don’t want to be the helpless girl who crumbles when a man leaves her.” I close my eyes, unable to look at him with this admission.

  “Darlin’, my intention will never be to hurt you or leave you. You crushed me when you walked away. But that won’t stop me from trying with you again.” His hand cups my cheek, bringing my gaze to his. “Why do you not know how to trust me?”

  I take a deep breath. If I want him, I have to lay it all on the table. He has to know and make the choice, like he said before.

  “My grandmother raised me. My mom dropped me on her doorstep when she felt I was the reason men didn’t stick around. She’s a money-grubbing loser, but I saw her believe all the men she dated. She would lose herself in them, believing whatever lies they told her to get into her pants, have fun, then dump her. She was crushed every time. And it’s not only her. Every single girl I know has had some guy jerk her around all while looking for his next. I won’t be them. I will take care of me. I don’t want to be let down. Not when I know better.”

  “I can’t tell you any of that is wrong. You lived it. But it doesn’t always have to be that. My parents are still married after 27 years. I’m sure it wasn’t always easy, but they committed to each other and take turns carrying each other.” He places a kiss on my forehead. “I want you. Even after all you’ve told me. I don’t know if you are telling me in the hopes that I will walk away, test me, or are really just being honest, but you are not scaring me off that easy.”

  “Are you sure?” I ask, nervous about going forward.

  “Yes.” He brushes stray hairs from my face behind me ear. “And I guess since you have been honest, I should be too.”

  Here it comes. A lie to ruin everything.

  “I’m not just some other guy. Like I said before, I’m relieved you are making me work for your affection and trust. You don’t fall over yourself to be with me. You aren’t chasing and making it easy, hoping to bag me.”

  I can’t help the giggle that escapes. “You are a good-looking dude, but there are others too. Why would girls fall over themselves for you?” I inform him, trying to keep it real. No need for him to get too full of himself.

  “Because they want my last name,” he states matter of factly.

  “They want to marry you?” I ask, still confused what the big deal is.

  “Yes. Because of who I am.”

  He’s still being cryptic, and I’m not following. “You are going to have to give me more, because I’m just not following you.”

  “I’m Garrett Anders.” He pauses, watching me. “Anders Beef. My family owns the largest beef cattle distributor in Texas.”

  “Huh?” I say, confused with his statement. “You mean…” I don’t know how to ask or say he’s rich without sounding like an idiot.

  “Yes. My family is wealthy. Most girls want me because they hope to be the next housewife. I want a partner, not some leech.”

  “Oh…” Now I’m nervous because I just admitted I have nothing. Less than nothing. He should be with someone worthy of all he has. The haze that has crept into my brain with his admission has me moving slowly. I sit up, needing to gather my things and leave him to his…

  “What are you doing?” He pulls me back down and places his body on mine.

  “I was gonna leave. I’m sure there is someone way more suitable for you than me. I just admitted to you I’m a peasant. I don’t fit in your world.”

  “You, my dear, fit perfectly.” He pauses, taking a deep breath. “Do you like me?” His voice is unsteady.

  “Yes, I like you,” I answer quickly.

  “Do you care for me?” he continues.

  “Of course.”

  “Then, you aren’t leaving my life. Even the royals get to choose who they marry now.” He winks before bringing his lips to mine again.

  “We should get some sleep. You will want to head to the hospital early.” He rolls away from me but extends his arm, letting me snuggle into his side.

  Can this really be it?

  Chapter 22

  Part of crazy

  Garrett

  Waking up with her snuggled into me is a glorious feeling. We are both holding back so much. Since she mentioned her mom and uncle briefly last night, I’ve been wondering where they have been. Neither of them were at the hospital yesterday.

  It’s seven a.m., and I know she will want to get to the hospital soon.

  “It’s seven, darlin’.” I kiss the top of her head.

  She stirs a moment before panicking.

  “I’ve got to get to the hospital.” She sits up quickly.

 
“Take a shower, and I will text Lola for your keys.”

  She jumps out of bed and heads into my bathroom.

  Back at the hospital, her grandmother’s condition has not changed. She has not woken up, and they are fearing she may not. Her oxygen levels were too low, not breathing normally, so she was placed on a ventilator.

  “You aren’t going to mess with Toni’s head, are you?” Alex questions me while we are in the waiting room while Javie and Toni are in the room with her.

  “That wasn’t my plan.” Annoyance quickly rises since it was his idea to let me believe the lie. I don’t want to offer any more information than needed.

  “Are you sure you want to be a part of this shit? Because if you’re not sure, you may need to step,” he continues.

  “Look, I don’t know if this is big-brother talk or what, but when we figure out exactly what we are, she can let you know.” I don’t want to get on his bad side, but I’m still figuring out exactly where I stand.

  “Look…it’s not only that. She has been handed a shit hand. We all have. But she has the ability to leave it behind. I don’t want some guy crashing everything she has worked so hard for. I haven’t been pushing her to a better life for her to come back to the hood broken.”

  He’s looking out for her and cares about what happens to her. “Yes. I care. Much more than I care to admit…especially since I still feel like I’m standing on shaky ground.”

  “Fair enough.” He nods, satisfied.

  The waiting room door opens, and an older woman with a face full of makeup, jeans, a low-cut shirt, and heels walks in. “What the hell, Alex? Why didn’t anyone tell me what happened?”

  “What would you have done, Maria? Called 911? Ride in the ambulance? Oh yes, that’s what you would have done if there was a cute EMT.” He stands from his chair defiantly.

  “You’re an asshole.”

  “How did you even know where we were?” His body tenses.