Beer Goggles Anthology

by Anthology

  Is it weird that they were bought for me by a guy that I just met because I lost my other panties after a one-night stand with the man’s little brother’s roommate?

  Yeah. It would definitely sound as bad out loud as it did in my head.

  Shit.

  Chapter Eight

  Carter

  I’m still smiling as I make my way back to my brother’s apartment. I’m not sure if buying the panties was the right move or not, but I could tell that going to work without them made her uncomfortable.

  When I filled out the card, I had to address it to Sadie, Producer for Steel Jones’s Show, since I had no clue what her last name was. I listened to the show, hoping I’d catch her name mentioned by the host, but he never said it. Hell, I was tempted to call the station and request her voicemail in hopes that she says her last name in her greeting. But that seemed a little creepy. No more so than buying a thirty-dollar pair of underwear for a virtual stranger and sending them to her office though, right?

  I have big plans today, and none of them include fantasies of a certain brunette with fantastic tits, wearing nothing but those simple, satin panties. Shit, my dick is already a semi just thinking about it.

  Nope, I have three apartments to view in hopes of finding one to rent for the foreseeable future. After the shit hit the fan with Claire, my ex, and my best friend that I left behind to keep an eye on her while I was serving our country, I moved from the apartment we shared. I threw all of my shit in a storage unit, and slept on Collin’s couch whenever I was home on leave. It worked.

  Our parents died in a car crash when we were young, leaving my brother and I to be raised by our grandparents. Unfortunately, they both passed in the last two years as well, leaving Collin the only family I’ve got left. We make due, though. I helped him out with schooling, thanks to my salary with the AF, and he helped me out in other ways. Namely, finding a realtor and setting up appointments to view places to rent.

  I spent twelve years of my life in the Air Force. I worked my ass off and up in the ranks, honorably discharging as a major. Flying choppers is my main passion. Sure, I’ve enjoyed other hobbies like fishing and woodworking, but nothing like the fulfillment I receive when strapped into the cockpit. My CO has a buddy who runs one of the airstrips just outside of town, and has already put in a good word for me. I’d be part mechanic, part pilot, but I don’t give a shit. I love working on them as much as I love flying them. That’s another phone call I have to make today now that I’m a civilian again.

  First thing’s first, though. I need to pick up my brother and run him to work. When I moved out of the place I shared with Claire, I gave my truck to Collin to use to get to and from school. Last year the transmission finally started to slip, so he traded it in for this little matchbox car I’m driving. A new truck is the next thing on my to-do list.

  “Let’s go,” I holler at Collin as I let myself in his dinky apartment.

  “Ready,” he says when he enters the kitchen looking every bit the computer nerd he is.

  “Did you get it?” Peter says as he rounds the corner from the hallway.

  “Get what?” I ask, playing stupid.

  “Her number, dude. She was smokin’ hot. I bet she can’t wait for another ride on the Peter express again.” To emphasis his tackiness, he thrusts his hips in my direction.

  I stare at the young man, barely twenty-three years old. He’s not nearly as tall as me and about as big around as my thigh. His glasses are thick, black, and sit awkwardly on his nose. His voice is higher pitched, like he’s still waiting on the other one to drop, and I’m pretty sure he’s missing a tooth.

  “Nope, she said she doesn’t have a phone. Sorry, man.”

  “Who doesn’t have a phone these days?” he mutters to himself.

  “We’re dropping Peter off at work since it’s just down the road from me. It’s supposed to rain later so he doesn’t want to ride his bike,” Collin says as we head out the door. “How was the sex, dude? She was hot. And older. I bet she’s close to thirty, and those chicks are crazy in bed,” he adds, making me roll my eyes.

  “What do you know about it?” I ask, elbowing him in the gut. I’m barely thirty years old, and I’m pretty sure my brother (who’s seven years younger than I am) knows nothing about sleeping with older women.

  “Nothing!” Collin declares at the same time Peter says, “She was wild!”

  I slide into the driver’s seat, eager to hear more, yet not wanting to know any of the details of Sadie’s night with him. Fortunately, he starts running his mouth the moment we get situated in the car.

  “We did it like six times, man. She wanted more, more, more. We were practically swinging from the rafters all night long. That bed was squeaking so bad, I thought for sure the cops would show up. And don’t get me started on her loud moans. She was a screamer,” he says all in one big breath.

  Weird. I didn’t hear shit, and I’m a light sleeper. The only reason I wasn’t in the living room on the couch when they got home was because I got up to take a piss. And I was awake for a while afterwards. Never heard a bed squeak, never a moan, and definitely not a scream. I did hear a lot of puking, though.

  “That’s awesome, man,” Collins says from the passenger seat, fist-bumping his roommate for his “score.”

  I’m quiet the rest of the way, politely ignoring Dumb and Dumber as they stroke themselves off by talking about their conquests. I’ve never been one of those guys. Shit, I’ve never really had a reason to. I dated Claire for four years before proposing, and we all know how that ended up. Sure, I could have been one of those dudes who went out and stuck my dick in every vagina out there, but that’s just not my style.

  But I wasn’t lying when I told Sadie that we’ve all made those mistakes. Yes, I’ve gotten drunk and woken up in some girl’s bed, only to barely be able to remember her name. I even passed out in my grandparents’ front yard after a long night of shooting pool and shots of Jack. Damn neighbors heading to church found me the next morning, butt-ass naked and snoring loud enough to wake the dead. Still no clue how I lost my clothes.

  My point is: I’ve been there. I like her. And I think she likes me too. When we touched, it was like touching a frying pan. My skin sizzled and burned, shooting lust, sending it soaring through my blood. And when our bodies connected? Holy fuck. Holding her naked in my arms may very well have been a defining moment in my life so far. And that’s saying a lot for a man with a military career that spanned more than a decade. It felt amazing. Right.

  After dropping them off, I make a new plan. First, apartment. I need to secure a place to live so I’m not shacking up on my brother’s couch any longer than I have to. Second, wheels. I need a vehicle I can actually sit in without having to worry about getting a humpback from slouching. Third, job. My CO sent me the phone number of the ol’ man running the airstrip. I need to get a hold of him stat. I’ve got a little money saved up, but not as much as I’d like. Paying for Collin’s college and living arrangements took a toll on my bank account.

  Fourth, secure a date with Sadie.

  That’ll be the tricky one since I don’t know her last name. But I do know where she works. I just have to figure out how to get the information I need and make my move. Because the idea of spending more time with her suddenly seems like the best damn idea I’ve ever had. I can’t let her slip away without finding out if something was starting to brew between us.

  That’s my main objective.

  Chapter Nine

  Sadie

  I’m not late for work on my second day as producer, but I could have been. When my alarm went off this morning, I found myself recalling every moment of meeting Carter (after waking up in Peter’s bed, of course) yesterday. Like a recurring dream, I kept picturing his rock-hard abs and his growing rock-hard other thing. Carter–wait. I don’t even know his last name. Oh, shit!

  Anyway, Carter Whatever-His-Last-Name-Is has quickly wormed his way into my subconscious. Like one of those
crazy sci-fi movies I refuse to watch because they’re just weird and leave me more confused than ever. How has fifteen minutes in his presence made it so I can’t even focus on basic tasks without thinking of him?

  When I step into the studio, I find Steel and David with their heads together. One look at their sheepish or guilty grins sends uneasiness skittering down my spine. What the hell are they up to?

  “Good morning, Sadie,” Steel says with a bright smile. His long hair is pulled back at the nape of his neck and his blue eyes twinkle like Christmas lights.

  “Morning,” I mumble as I set down my coffee and grab my schedule for today’s show. Except my page is mostly blank. “What’s going on?”

  “Oh, today’s show is going to be a little different. We’re just gonna wing it, for the entire second segment.” Grabbing his own coffee, Steel heads into the live studio to prepare for his show. David moves quickly, keeping his head down, completely avoiding eye contact.

  The second segment? The most popular, most listened to hour of the show? Beginning at seven, that segment is a listener gold mine with almost twice as many calls coming through as the first and third segments combined. Why do I get a bad feeling about this?

  “You’re not gonna give me a hint?” I ask David before slipping my headphones on.

  Again, he doesn’t make eye contact, but at least glances my direction. “You know Steel. He does what he wants.” Not exactly the answer I was looking for, but there’s no time to dispute or ask more questions as the clock hits six a.m. and Steel goes live.

  My stomach churns, leaving my coffee and muffin unsettled, the closer the clock gets to seven. I have no idea what he’s up to, and for the life of me can’t shake the feeling of impending doom. Much like the feeling I had when I woke up and realized I was in a stranger’s bed only yesterday.

  When the clock finally hits that dubious hour, he starts the new segment as if it were any other day. But my gut tells me it’s anything but ordinary. David’s busy at his soundboard, and I’m waiting to start fielding and screening the calls when they come in.

  “WKAT listeners, I’m excited to inform you all that I have a new team member in the mornings. Producer Sadie joined my show yesterday morning, but she’s no stranger to the show. She was the production director prior to entering the studio with me in the mornings. Sadie? Why don’t you come on in here and say hello to Seattle?”

  And there it is.

  My legs are leaden and my stomach flips like a diver competing at the Olympics. David is beside me, practically peeling me out of my chair, and guiding my stiff body through the closed door and into the live on-air studio. Steel is still talking, but I have no idea what he’s saying. The only thing I can hear is the blood swooshing in my eardrums.

  “There she is. Good morning, Sadie. Welcome to the Steel Jones Show. Say hello to everyone,” he instructs while David places a pair of headphones on my noggin and moves the mic in front of my mouth.

  “Hi,” I chirp.

  “So, yesterday was your first day on this side, correct?” I nod my head. “You have to say words, Sadie. Our listeners can’t see you. I understand you’re single, right?” My ears burn and my radar goes on high alert. He continues speaking before I can respond. “Well, ol’ David and I were talking, and we thought it’d be fun to have a little, well, a fun little contest. What do you say, Sadie? Are you game?”

  “I don’t know,” I mumble. My brain to mouth connection seems to be shorting out right now. Words seem to be hard to find.

  “You’ll love it. It’s called Win A Date with Producer Sadie. Producer David went ahead and posted a picture of our little Sadie on The Kat’s Facebook page so our listeners can see what our contest consists of. If you think you’d like a date with Producer Sadie, then give us a call at 866-977-WKAT and tell me what your ideal first date would be, if you were the winner. Producer Sadie will get to pick the winner at the end of the show. Sounds fun, right?”

  My mouth is like the Sahara Desert right now. “No. No, that doesn’t sound like fun at all.”

  “Oh, but it will be great, Sadie! The Kat is going to pay for the date too. And look, the phones are already lighting up!” My pits start to perspire.

  Steel looks at the monitor and see the first caller in cue, ready to go. His name and address show on the screen. I glance over my shoulder and see David sitting in my chair, answering the phone and inputting data into the system. Basically, doing my job.

  “Christian, are you there? You’re live on the Steel Jones Show.”

  “Hey, Steel. Love your show, man. And your producer is freaking hot. Like hotter than hot. Total babe-nugget, dog!”

  “I think that’s a compliment, Sadie,” Steel says, grinning at me broadly. Meanwhile, I wish monkeys were flying out of my ass or a tsunami would carry me out to sea. Anything would be better than this torture! “So if you were to win a date, what would you do with Producer Sadie?”

  “Ahhhh, man! I’d totally take her to the movies. I love those sci-fis, but I’d take her to something else. Like a horror movie. Then when she gets all scared, I’ll swoop in and save the day. And maybe cop a little feel while I’m at it, dog.” I reach over and push the button, cueing up the next caller.

  “Win a Date with Producer Sadie on the Steel Jones Show. Up next is Karen.”

  “Does Producer Sadie like girls? ’Cause she’s totally gorgeous. I’d date her in a heartbeat.” Great, even the lesbians are calling in. Next.

  “I’d take Producer Sadie to a romantic dinner with candlelight and fresh seafood. After a gourmet dinner, there’d be dancing down on the docks.” Sounds promising. “And then we’d get freaky in the bathroom.”

  Each call gets progressively worse, and at that point, I zone out. I hear myself making a slight noise every so often, but I’m not actively participating in the show. I almost throw up when one listener says he’d take me to a BDSM club he’s been dying to try out.

  Welcome to my version of hell. And the best part, my humiliation is live on the air for the entire city to hear.

  Fuck me.

  Chapter Ten

  Carter

  I listen as caller after caller makes himself sound like a complete jackass. My blood pressure is high, my pulse hammering in my neck. After renting a condo yesterday, I went to a dealer and purchased a used truck that I’ll pick up today, since I was having them install side steps and a leveling kit. I can pick up my new wheels after four.

  That’s why I’m stuck driving Collin’s little POS car around for another day. I need furniture and some supplies for the new pad, and since I was able to take possession today, I decided to not waste the day sitting around at my brother’s place.

  Collin and Peter are sliding in as I listen to caller after caller drone on about their idea of the perfect date. With Sadie. My Sadie.

  “Hey! Is that my hottie?” Peter asks, his eyes wide with excitement as I glance at him in the rearview mirror. I almost forgot about that tidbit of information.

  “The girl from the other night?” I ask, playing dumb.

  “Yeah. The one I made scream like twenty times,” he says, fist-bumping Collin. “That’s totally her! I can tell by her sexy voice.”

  She does sound sexy as hell, I’ll give him that. I dreamed about that voice last night and woke up this morning diamond-hard. But I still have my doubts about what happened with Peter that night. As we drive, I decide to get to the bottom of it.

  “So, you slept with her, right?”

  “Hell yes I did!”

  “And was this before or after she passed out cold?”

  Peter fumbles the words. “Af…I mean, before. Definitely before.”

  “Funny, ‘cause she passed about thirty seconds after she got to the apartment.” Honestly, I don’t know when she passed out, but I do know it was fairly quickly after her shower. But he doesn’t know that. I glance up and stare straight at him through the rearview.

  “Whatever. I totally did the deed with the hotti
e. Like eight times.”

  Now I call bullshit. His story keeps changing. When I pull up to the stoplight, I keep my eyes completely trained on his. “How many positions?”

  “All of them.”

  “What was your favorite?”

  “The one where I’m behind her.” He smirks and gives Collin a high-five.

  “Doggie-style? Nice. And when did you finally stop making her scream?”

  “Like four a.m.”

  “Funny, I never heard her scream at all. In fact, I heard a lot of snoring. You wanna know what I think happened?” I ask. His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows deeply.

  “I think you didn’t screw her at all. I think you made it up.”

  “Whatever,” he whispers. I stare straight at him. I can feel him weakening under my gaze. I used to use the same look on my little brother back when we were teenagers. “Fine! I didn’t sleep with her. She passed out in my bed before I even got in my room.”

  “Dude!” Collin yells, laughing hard.

  “Shut up! At least I had a girl in my bed, “he mutters.

  “Yeah, but she wasn’t even conscious.” Collin continues to laugh, but I feel nothing but relief.

  “How did she get naked?” I ask.

  Looking defeated, Peter says, “When she got to the apartment, she was really green; like gonna blow chow kinda green. You were in the bathroom so she went into my room to lie down, while I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. When I brought her the water, she bolted to the bathroom. You were in the kitchen. I couldn’t go in there and help her cause then I’d puke, you know?”

  “So you left her in the bathroom while getting sick?”