Even Sinners Have Souls

by Joy, E. n.

  Avoria took the liberty of setting everything up for us. Justin and I were to meet her and Duvall at Four Seasons, a quaint, Japanese restaurant themed for all seasons of the year: winter, spring, summer and fall.

  We were to meet up at sevenish, and lil' man pulled up to my apartment at 6:00 o'clock sharp, roaring and ready to spend time with me. When I opened the door to greet him, he politely placed a dozen white roses in my hands.

  "For you," he mused with one hand in the pocket of his brown slacks, rising up to kiss me.

  He knew how I loved white roses, though he'd have to come much better to win me back.

  "Thank you. These are beautiful. Come in." I stepped aside and allowed him to enter, closing the door behind him.

  Staring like a kid at Christmas under the Christmas tree, he commented, "You did a total make-over to your place. Man, that High Def T.V. is right. What size is it?"

  I wasn't surprised at Justin's reaction to the gift I had treated myself to a month prior with my profit bonus check from work. That was the only piece of equipment Duvall seemed interested in as well. Over the years I had put in major money to get customized drapes, table cloths and monographed eatery, the whole nine. None of that meant anything to either one of them. What mattered was the relaxation of my furniture and the featured items on the deluxe remote control.

  "It's a 52 inch," I bragged.

  Suddenly, he got lost in flicking channels. I didn't know why he was so pressed. The man had a 60 inch wall set up in his entertainment room and flat screens throughout his house.

  "Nice," he said before he began to speak his mind. "You know, I must admit, I was glad to hear your voice on the phone yesterday." He feigned anger. "It was about time you called me back, too. I was beginning to wonder if you had a new man."

  I turned to walk inside the bathroom to put on the finishing touches of my make-up, yelling back, "I do have a man. God is my new man. You should try Him out, too. Visit my church sometime."

  "Alright. So when do you want me to visit this church of yours you've been going to?" he said as if I had just invited him to a Patriot's game.

  "Huh? What?" I stammered, caught off guard by his quick acceptance.

  "Visit your church? When do you want me to come?" Who knew it would be this easy? Heck, I could have left the whole dinner thing out altogether. "This Sunday would be perfect," I said before he changed his mind.

  "Dang, I'm thinking you was gonna say Family and Friends Day or Men's night sometime in the next couple of months or so. You trying to get a brotha all holy and sanctified before he even gets any make-up sex," he joked.

  "Very funny," I stated, checking out my reflection in the mirror.

  "How about we get through tonight first? It's bad enough we're going out on a date with a PK and her hus- band, the armor bearer." Justin thought for a minute.

  "Date? Hey, does this mean we're officially back?"

  "Not on your life. I'm still in the healing stages, remember?"

  I wasn't really, but he didn't need to know all of that. When I got off the phone with him the night before, I released him in my prayers. I forgave him for betraying me in hopes that I could free myself of any bitterness I had towards him and move on so that God could bless me and remove all the mess from my life. And on top of that, I did have love still present for Justin. But I also had a place in my heart for Duvall.

  "It's time to go. Let's get moving before we're late." I clutched my handbag under my arm and seductively walked to the door, waiting for lil' man to be a gentle- man and open the door for me, as Duvall would have. However, he didn't. He never had been the chivalrous type. But I figured he'd do back flips for me tonight. I was wrong. "Figures," I mumbled and opened the door for myself.

  "You look stunning, but don't you think that little, red dress is a bit revealing? I mean, it's clinging like Sara Lee to them hips."

  "It's pass my knees and there is no cleavage showing" I said as I gave myself the once over.

  "Maybe it's just me; that red has got me on fire."

  "Come on, silly," I said, hitting him in the arm with my clutch.

  When we got outside, he disalarmed his Benz and I kindly opened the passenger door, as I had in the past, to ride a few notches above my 4matic.

  Since I'd been dealing with Duvall, my confidence level had shot up some. And that confidence could be read all over my face as I sat with my chin pointed high.

  "So, you like this church, huh? Going out with the saints, huh?" Justin joked.

  "I do. They're cool. I think you'll like both of them and they are really down to earth."

  "Well, if their invitation for us to join them to dinner is the start of us hooking back up, then I like them already," Justin said as he drove us to our destination.

  We finally arrived at Four Seasons Japanese restaurant on time and ready to eat. I'd saved my appetite, just for this occasion, by not eating all day.

  I must admit, I wasn't the least bit noided about being around Duvall and Avoria in such an intimate set- ting. The same way Duvall's presence in my life had kept my mind off of Justin, hopefully Justin's presence could keep my mind off of Duvall.

  Pursuing this date, now that it had begun and was at the point of no return spite how it turned out, Justin and I entered the restaurant and let the waitress know that we were accompanying the Spencer party of four.

  "Welcome. The Spencer family has selected winter as the season of the evening. Please remove your shoes and have a warm and cozy time." The hostess complimented her kind words with a nice Japanese nod.

  As we followed the hostess to meet the other half of our party, my eyes cast upon Duvall first, who was sit- ting on a thick seating pad next to his gorgeous wife. They greeted Justin and me with the same Japanese nod, a sure indication that we were feasting Japan style.

  Justin laughed a bit before saying, "Okay, first my

  shoes and now I have to sit down on the floor?"

  I nudged and gripped Justin's forearm to guide him down to the seating area. We still hadn't verbally greeted "The Spencers," and I took that as Duvall being uneasy about the date.

  Once we got down on their level, Avoria spoke first. "Welcome. I'm glad you two could make it. Semora, you and my husband are already acquainted. Now, please introduce us to this handsome lil' fella."

  I suddenly heard Duvall snicker a bit as his eyes advanced to Justin, inspecting him.

  "Well, Avoria and Duvall, this is my friend and date, Justin," I said.

  Justin reached his hand out to shake Duvall's, but instead he received another Japanese nod. I could tell by the expression on Justin's face that he didn't know how to take that. Both Duvall and I could tell by the look on Avoria's face that she didn't either. So for fear that his horns were showing and that he would out himself by his jealous tactics, Duvall forced himself to break the ice.

  "What's going on, man? It's nice to meet you," he said to Justin. "I'm Duvall. It's good seeing you again, Semora. I'm glad you two could make it. Avoria's really been looking forward to this."

  Thank God, I thought. If he hadn't opened up, it was going to be a long night.

  Together, Duvall and Avoria appeared happy in love. We were all gathered around large piles of fake snow, and with the lights dimmed and the focus of the flood lights on the blue sky painted walls with snow filled trees, it did seem like winter. The electric fireplace was on blast and it gave off such a warming sensation.

  "Did you have a chance to check out the game before you left? 'Cause I didn't." Duvall broke down and began conversing naturally with Justin.

  "Nah, man. Not with Semora rushing me out her crib. You know, Semora has spoken very highly regarding both of you. And she doesn't normally take to people this easy. She's pretty much a closed individual. That's why I knew I had to meet y'all," Justin said.

  I was sitting with my knees slightly bent, watching Justin from my peripheral vision, while Duvall and Avoria were giving him direct eye-to-eye.

  "That's
because we take good care of her at Tabernacle," Duvall slickly replied, moving me with his response.

  Avoria was attesting to what her husband had just said, not knowing the underlying meaning of her man's comment. "We sure do. Semora has found a new family and a church home. We absolutely love her," she said.

  I casually gave off the Japanese nod, but caught Justin's glimmer of uncertainty as he peeped Duvall out sipping on a black ceramic mug filled with herbal tea. So, I immediately began talking about how striking Avoria's voice was to shun Justin from sizing Duvall up. He fell right for it.

  "Guess what, Justin? Avoria can sing her butt off. I'm telling you, she can go," I reported, sounding just like the church members always complimenting and catering to her gifts.

  "Let me hear something, then, I'll be the judge of that." He looked to Duvall. "Do you mind, bro, if your wife serenades us tonight?"

  "Go ahead and shine, baby," Duvall stated to his wife.

  Avoria removed the cloth napkin she had laying in her lap and then stood proudly under the flood lights to bellow. She began to sing, causing the waitress to stop and admire her vocals with us. Chills went down my spine as she sang acapella her rendition of "I Don't Know About Tomorrow" by Kelly Price, directly serenading her husband.

  I don't know about tomorrow, I just live from day to day--

  Avoria sang with such passion to her husband. You could tell she really loved her man from the depths of her soul. She meant every word she was singing to Duvall. Who was I to interfere with that kind of love?

  Justin was steadily nodding, giving Duvall his approval that his wife was blessed in the vocal department. Avoria was still singing to her husband, and this fool Duvall was rubbing his foot against mine under the table sending signals. To abruptly stop this, I summoned for the waitress to prepare for our order.

  After a stern look into his eyes, our night went smoothly and without incident; mainly because I made it a point not to look at Duvall for the rest of the night. But, Lord, where would I get the strength to not still want him in my life?

  ***

  On the way back home, I asked Justin, "So, what did you think?"

  "They're alright. Nothing special other than ole girl's voice. Normal Jo's. My man is kind of corny if you ask me. Didn't even clap for his wife and she sang; I mean, sang for him. It was a special moment and he didn't even thank her. That's real lame."

  "Listen at you," I commented, stretching both my legs up, wondering if Duvall was going to thank his wife that night. "Yeah, he's just used to her singing, that's all. He treats her like a queen though."

  "Later for them. You wanna come back to my place or what? You haven't been there in a while. I promise everything is all good."

  "Nah, I'll pass."

  Sitting silent for a moment in Justin's car, I began to stroke the butter soft, leather trim of the seat, reflecting about our tarnished relationship. Justin hadn't given me a heartfelt apology or a true reason why he broke my heart the way he had. Perhaps, I never should've invited him to the dinner, because even though we had a great time, I felt myself having a Turrets moment, wondering if Avoria hadn't ever asked me about the man in my life, would I have let Justin back in this easy? I think not.

  Yes, I often thought of him; missed him many nights, but I could've gone longer without him. The fact is, I used him as a front. A cover-up to show Avoria I did have a man, but now that facade was wearing off and the freshness of Justin working Tiny overtime in his bed slowly made me have a hot flash. I just couldn't let a good night end on a good note. At least, not this one. If I was ever going to make it work with him, I needed closure to that chapter in our relationship.

  "So what about Tiny? Are you still with her? Or, better yet, what was it about her that you enjoyed more than me?" I heaved out, giving Justin my direct attention.

  He pulled up in front of my place and let out a sigh. "C'mon, Semora, we've had a great night, let's not ruin it with the past. Let the past stay in the past."

  "No, I can't. Not until you explain it to me." I held my guns.

  "Why don't you let me come upstairs and we can discuss this in your place."

  "No, we are perfectly fine right here." By now, I was getting pissed because he was avoiding my question like the plague. "What was it about her that you had to cheat on me?" My voice cracked, but rose in volume.

  "Well...see...It's like this..." he paused, at a loss for words.

  "I'm still waiting, and in about another second, if you stumble on another word, I'm going to stumble on you."

  "Semora, let me walk you to your door," Justin stupidly responded, still clearly ignoring me. That did it. I threw my hands up and tried to fight back the urge to punch him in his face.

  "You no good --- ---- ---!" I called him all the names I shouldn't have spite the words in the Bible that says, "Be angry, but sin not." Oh, I was sinning, swearing and about to start a true smack-down. "I'm not getting out of this car until you tell me why you cheated on me!" I screamed madly.

  "Alright," Justin finally answered, matching my screams. "It was for my own selfish reasons. You didn't give me any reason to cheat on you. It was my bad decision and I'm sorry that I hurt you this way, baby. Tiny didn't have anything on you. You are a good woman. I promise you that, Semora. I promise. I even promised God that if He brought you back in my life as your man,

  I'd never let you down again, and I mean that."

  As much as I wanted to vent out my anger on him, my conviction wouldn't let me. He didn't blame me for his shortcomings. Yet, I blamed him for me jumping straight into another man's comforting arms. Then he had to go and add that line about his promise to God. It was that comment that truly humbled me.

  "I respect your honesty, Justin, and I'ma leave it alone."

  I began to exit the car, but I felt his arms pull me back.

  "Wait. Let's take it an hour at a time if that's what you need. Let me prove to you that I am the man for you. You know I'm not that religious, but I know God placed us together. You and I are meant to be, Semora. Let me work through my faults and you work through yours. 'Cause you do have some whether you believe it or not," he smiled. "If we can get through them, God knows what the future holds for us."

  I sat quietly thinking of how God worked without explanation. He had finally begun to work on Justin when I was a wretched mess. Or, did Justin know when to throw God in as a plea to save himself? Whatever the case, it was working.

  "We'll see," I half-smiled, getting out of the car.

  "Drive home safely."

  "Hold on, when am I going to see you again?" he asked, as if we lived in different towns.

  "My family reunion is this weekend. You can come enjoy some of the festivities with me if you want to."

  "For real? Oh shoot, I'm in like Flynn now," he cheesed. "A brotha gettin' back in with the fam and things? You must've really missed ya baby. Thank you,

  Jesus!"

  I laughed at him. Yeah, I had missed his company, but not his lovemaking, because Duvall had him beat in that area.

  "Should I take that as a, yes?" he pressed me as I opened the car door.

  "Of course," I shyly admitted.

  "Good. So, I'll talk to you later."

  "Alright. Holler at you later," I said, with a simple smile.

  Although I had enjoyed Justin's company, back in my apartment I couldn't help but think about Duvall. I wondered if him seeing me with Justin had gotten to him so much that he'd find an excuse to get away from Avoria and come be with me. I had hoped my phone would ring any minute with him telling me he was on his way, but that wasn't the case.

  Confined to the course of my room, alone, I paced and rambled to myself, knowing that Duvall was right where he needed to be, with his wife. It was just one more thing that let me know that I needed to leave him alone and try to make things right with Justin. That's what my head was telling me to do anyway. But my heart begged to differ. And at that moment, I had no idea which would prevail.

&nb
sp; Chapter Eight

  The Pride of Life

  It was Memorial Day weekend, time to attend the Mills, Dickerson, and Hairston family reunion: my family. Whenever family got together, there was always going to be some drama, but I had no idea that Justin and I would be the butt of it.

  As a Hairston, I felt full of pride to see generations come together, and even though my granny, the head honcho of the family, wasn't physically in attendance, I knew she was smiling down from heaven. My aunts, uncles, cousins, and in-laws had flown in or driven to Maryland from many cities and states: Los Angeles, Detroit, Las Vegas, Irving, TX, Alexandria, VA, Chicago, New York, Philly, and Delaware. I mean we were deep rooted. As many as 250 family members made it to little ole' Pocomoke, Maryland to celebrate our reunion that took place every other year.

  This would be the first year that I introduced Justin as my "partner." I'd finally fully forgiven him for cheating on me and we were, as he would say it, "back". Inviting him to the family reunion was his official re- entry to my life. Even with that, I wanted a strong, black, God-fearing, praying, Christian man that would help me in my times of weakness...one like Duvall. Justin couldn't pull me up because he was just as weak as I was. But, he was trying to do everything in his power to make it right. The problem was, now I had let another person in my heart and it wasn't that easy for me to let Justin completely back in. Even though I was wrong and had backslid, I didn't want him, nor my family, to know, so I kept it gully, just going through the motions.

  Several of my family members were saved, not that many, but a good number. All of us were rooted with the seed, "Jesus is the light of our salvation," which was my granny's favorite saying.

  Our family reunions weren't the typical one day affair. Nah, it always began on a Friday and wrapped up on Monday afternoon. Friday was our meet and greet gathering at the hotel and t-shirt distribution day. Saturday was our cookout at the park and later gambling, partying or hanging out just enjoying the nightlife. Sunday was our day of praise and worship, and afterwards a catered family dinner. Yes, the heathens of the family partied and drank one night and the next day went to beg for forgiveness. And after an exhausting weekend, on Monday everyone would pre- pare for their journey back home.