Love Letters

by Jane Larry

  But just then, John interrupted, saying, “Care to tell me what you’re thinking about?”

  Lisa remained silent for a while before she finally came clean, “…I haven’t been here for so long.”

  John looked confused of the circumstances but couldn’t muster up the confidence to ask about it. It seemed such a serious subject. And he wasn’t ready to address any backlash that might come up from uncovering old wounds. For the most part, he kept quiet and left Lisa to the privacy of her own thoughts. But once they got to the car, he conveniently changed the topic and asked where Lisa wanted to eat.

  “I don’t know. I’m not that hungry. Maybe I should just go home,” she replied.

  “Are you serious?! You allowed yourself to get dragged around town and then leave just when you are about to get what you came for? Get in the car.”

  It was rare for Lisa to have such a personal interaction with the likes of John. And the more time she spent with him, the more confusing his identity became. Yes, he was the typical jock, alpha male, tactless flirt. But little by little, he’s been showing her a side to him that no one of his social status would dare expose. Was it because he knew she wasn’t the type who’d tell or make a big deal of it? Or was it just all a coincidence? I’m sure her friend Hanna would not be happy knowing she had spent more than a day with John Mitchell. No one would. So what was the deal? Why was she in that situation?

  During the drive, John broke the silence by admitting, “My grandfather has been battling cancer for a year now. Three months ago, we found out it came back. He’s going to do chemotherapy again. And I have to be there to take care of things.”

  “…I’m sorry.”

  “Why? It’s not your fault he has cancer. Anyways, that’s why I need you to help me out on the writing assignment. You’re good. And I could use the grade.”

  “…I see.”

  “So if I help you out with this whole ‘Louie’ situation, are you okay with doing my work for me?”

  “Yeah...wait?! Now, I have to do everything for you?!”

  John laughed. “I was just checking your reflexes. Of course, I’m only joking. But if you do feel like doing it, I’m not one to stop you.”

  * * *

  Lisa and John spent the whole afternoon getting to know each other. And while waiting for his contacts to come through, John told Lisa about how he had lost his father four years ago in an accident. It was a tough time for everyone. But he felt like he didn’t have the luxury to feel vulnerable because he had to take care of the family from that time on. He confessed he once thought about taking the wrong path and just succumbing to the pressure. But then, he realized how much that would devastate everyone he cared about more. So he sucked his fear up and gave a whole lot of effort, even going so far as sacrificing his wants.

  First, he figured he had to position himself for a scholarship. So he made sure he got on all the relevant athletic and educational programs in school. At present, he still tried to perform well on each of them. But given his tight schedule, he often prioritized tasks and just did the minimum requirement on others. Second, he decided he had to be financially independent as well. So without his mother’s consent, he took on several jobs with a few charitable organizations in town so he could spend for his extracurricular activities. He shared that he has done everything from delivering groceries to physically impaired individuals to street sweeping. And now, he even added coaching Little League to his responsibilities. He said he could opt for bigger paying gigs if he wanted but he appreciated how his recent connections were able to bulk up his school records significantly. If there was anything he needed, it was the chance to be more eligible for college admission. He said once that was settled, his third objective was to find part time work that would earn him enough to keep his mom from worrying about him once he was enrolled.

  If he could, John said would have just coasted through high school like every other person, maybe even play in a band. He admitted that he knew Lisa for some time now and was envious of her lack of restrictions, particularly the way she was able to do whatever she wanted to. Even more so, she wasn’t afraid how people saw her and didn’t care how she would be treated.

  “Wait, what?!” Lisa interjected.

  “Well, you like hanging out on the bleachers post practice, right? I left my towel once on the benches and had to come back after practice, that’s when I first noticed. Usually, people gathered there when we were around running drills. But you’d come right after we’ve packed up, when it was quiet.”

  “…oh,” Lisa said, somewhat embarrassed.

  John laughed again. “Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t a big deal. I just noticed.”

  It was then that he received a text message.

  * * *

  John’s friends weren’t able to dig up any relevant leads on “Louie” but they were able to come up with a few possibilities for the recipient of the letters, ‘Irene’. So John and Lisa started driving up to each of their homes hoping they could talk to them about the matter. Unluckily, the first two addresses were no longer viable. And as they narrowed down the list, Lisa became more and more agitated.

  “Are they serious?!” she barked at John after receiving disappointing news yet again. “Were they really looking or did they just give us random information?”

  “Hey, my guys are good. And it’s not like you’d even get up to this point if you did it alone.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t. But I certainly wouldn’t be wasting my time either.”

  “Okay. Okay. We’ll do this last one and then I’ll take you home.”

  Their last stop was a fifteen minute drive from the previous and it was unexpectedly more upscale than all the other homes they’ve been to. In fact, it was so ritzy that the idea of having someone walk down the long driveway to answer questions pertaining to an English project was intimidating, not to mention embarrassing. John and Lisa had to pass the baton back and forth for some time before they both decided they would press on the bell at the same time. A voice was broadcasted through the intercom asking about their identities and intentions. And Lisa had to uneasily respond…

  “Hi...uhm...we’re Lisa and John. And we’re here for Irene. We were hoping to ask some questions about her and Louie…”

  A 30 second hush came over the dialogue before the gate buzzed and opened itself. And then the voice on the intercom asked them to, “Come in…”

  Lisa walked in cautiously while John jumped on his car drove it as close to the front door as he could. When he got out, he urged Lisa to hurry up as he didn’t want to be the one talking about the love letters when the stranger came. Lisa delayed herself even more, hoping that she would be exempted from having to explain her absurd intentions. Regrettably for her, she still had to face up to her own shadow as the attendant came soon after she arrived on the front porch.

  “Please follow me,” he commanded. And they were led into a long hall with expensive portraits and crystal effects. On the first right was another huge door which the man tapped lightly before he opened and introduced the two guests. Taking in deep breaths, John and Lisa entered with great anticipations. But as things progressed, it suddenly dawned on her that she hadn’t prepared any questions other than “Did you write this?” and “So what happened?” It was thick of her to expect that people she didn’t know would just open up about sensitive topics. This wasn’t a movie. This was reality. And she could have at least brought “Irene” a small token or gift to ease her way into the person’s favor.

  Without noticing it, Lisa’s hands began to tremble and her walk became heavy. John, sensing the panic, held out and gently tugged her stone frozen body towards the chairs. When they sat down, the hostess, who was about six years older than they were, showed them a kind smile while she poured some juice to drink. She then lightly moved the glasses to her guests’ direction before asking…

  “So, you’re here to talk about Irene and Louie?”

  “…uhm, yes,” Lisa confi
rmed. “I’m sorry. It didn’t even cross our minds that it was late.”

  “That’s okay,” the lady consoled. “It’s not every day I get to talk about them.”

  “Wait...,” John interjected. “So you’re not Irene?”

  “Hardly,” she said with such shrewd tone that John had a sinking suspicion that Lisa wasn’t going to get what she wanted. “Well, in a way, I am. But my name is Natalie. I assume you’re currently going to Great Rapids High School. I’m actually an alumnus.”

  “I see,” John responded. “But what did you mean by what you said?”

  “Well, there was this class I was taking when I was in 11th grade and the final project for the year was a short story. I made one based on my relationship with a boyfriend who was one year older. But when he got into college…he...changed his mind about us.”

  Natalie poured herself some tea to clear her throat. And then she continued on by saying…

  “So I had to deal. But it was hard for me. I wasn’t really that confident of a girl. And Greg was the first guy who I had ever taken a chance on. My world revolved around him for a while. And like the story I did, I was hoping we’d have a happy ending as well. But that wasn’t going to happen anymore. So I tried to change things. That’s when Louie came along…”

  “I don’t understand…,” Lisa impatiently jeered.

  “For some time, I kept going back to the writing I did and figured out how I could redeem myself from the situation. It was clear I loved Greg more than he loved me. And the unfairness of it all was infuriating. I just wished I could’ve had an option. That my story didn’t end up as tragically as it did. So I figured I’d create someone who was waiting in the wings. That was Louie. And after the idea came to me, I started making love letters. For a while, it made it seem like I had a new lease on love. But eventually reality settled in and I began to see the absurdity of it all.”

  Natalie paused and took another sip of her tea. “I woke up and realized I was still alone. The love I wanted was nothing more than a figment of my imagination. And no one was really coming to save me. I had to stop holding on to the idea because it wasn’t taking me anywhere.”

  “So you packed them all up in an envelope and inserted it in a book?” asked Lisa.

  “Yes. I figured it was still part of the story I made. And then, I graduated and forgot all about it...until now.”

  Lisa’s head was spinning. She definitely was not expecting that twist. All this time, she was looking forward to meeting Louie. And here, she’s being told that he never existed.

  “I’m sorry,” Natalie said, recognizing the disappointment. “Did he matter to you?”

  “No, not really,” John interjected. “She was just using the characters for her own writing project. We’re actually doing the same thing for the same class.”

  “Let’s go,” Lisa demanded. “I want to go home.” And with that, she stood up and paced towards the front door.

  John and Natalie exchanged courtesies before he went on and followed the disconcerted Lisa. When he got out, she was already halfway towards the gate. So he hurriedly started the car and drove to her side.

  “What’s wrong with you!?” John yelled out from the driver’s seat. “Get in! NOW!”

  Lisa followed suit and kept quiet for the duration of the drive, speaking only when she had to give home directions. When they reached her place, she immediately got out of the Jeep, without thanking John for his efforts. That evening, she tried to sort out her thoughts, hoping to uncover why she reacted the why she reacted when she learned of the truth. She definitely was not hoping to fall in love. But somehow, she was attached to Louie; attached to the man she decided Louie was in her story.

  While sipping a can of Coke, Lisa finally was able to afford herself a hearty laugh for falling for the same damn thing as Natalie did but within another plot. She was so engrossed with an idea that was inspired by something none existent that she chased after it without thinking about its rationality. It was like the opposite of fear. And it was as addicting as much as the latter was crippling. She wanted it for all the reasons it wasn’t. And for the most part, she realized, she drew...and pushed people away with the same misguided thought process. We love and hate strangers for what we think they are and what we want them to be instead of who they are and who they will be. We get attached to these ideals and blind ourselves so much that we end up looking like a fool.

  * * *

  “We could love a flower that lives on a star and see the whole sky in bloom. But the reality is, there’s no flower there. And that could never be a possibility. What this says about the feeling of love is controversial. But I would dare assert that like everything else, love is all in the mind. For the most part, it is a choice in the same way it is everyone’s choice to be okay after someone very important to them loses their life and to dread a place where they had nearly lost theirs. If they wanted to, they could be doing the exact opposite; carrying out what’s predictable or unforeseeable. But it takes awareness and control. So if you must love, hate, cheer or avoid something, you should at least be informed of what it is about – because ignorance, even though blissful, won’t push you forward to the right direction. Love is never real if you don’t base it on what’s there, what’s happening, and unquestionably, on what the person is.”

  “Thank you Miss Reynolds! That was insightful,” said Mr. Kallum as everyone in class applauded her short presentation. “Now, we move on to the next one...Mr. Mitchell, would you do the honors.”

  Lisa looked on as John Mitchell made his way to the front. He seemed confident about what he had done. And he definitely looked sharp wearing that blue polo shirt. It’s a good thing that guy is patient, Lisa thought; otherwise, they wouldn’t have finished that report. But it was strange that he didn’t insist on Lisa’s input after they made it halfway. Nevertheless, she believed in him. And she was sure he would make something great out of it. So while he slaved away in front of the computer during the last three days of Spring Break, she resolved to help him out instead with taking care of his grandfather. Never would she have imagined this was a possibility before, let alone just after seven days. But reality had a funny way of working itself out.