The Fantastic and Terrible Fame of Classroom 13

by Honest Lee

  “Gross,” Emma said.

  As his eyes slowly opened, Liam whispered, “That was fart for ‘thank you.’”

  CHAPTER 20

  Fatima

  “Are you an actress?” Lucy asked Fatima.

  “Who, me?” Fatima said. “No.”

  “That’s a shame because I told my movie studio friends I had an actress, but things didn’t really work out with him.”

  “But they let me keep this!” Mason said, climbing back into the cardboard box like a kitten.

  “Are you sure you’re not an actress, kiddo?”

  Fatima blushed. “No—but I’m really good at reading comics.”

  “Any interest in starring in a comic book movie?!” Lucy asked. “Those are all the rage right now!”

  “Comic book movie?!” Fatima said, unable to hide her smile. She considered the possibilities.…

  No more cosplay with cheap costumes—she could wear a movie-grade supersuit. On-screen, she’d be a real superhero, blasting special-effects lasers out of her eyes or maybe even flying. She could be on panels with her favorite comic book movie characters. And best of all, she’d be the first to see her comic book movie—before anyone else!

  “Ever heard of the Super Squad?” Lucy asked as she scanned emails on her phone. “They’re looking for new cast members for the sequel.”

  “Super Squad?! It’s only my favorite comic book movie of all time!” Fatima squealed with delight. “Count me in!!”

  Amazingly, Fatima was cast in the sequel to her favorite movie. Not so amazingly, Fatima was not cast as a superhero—she was cast as a supervillain.

  She would be the evil Porcupina, the half-human, half-porcupine nemesis with spikes all over her body. This was terrible. Fatima hated Porcupina. So did most comic book fans. Porcupina sliced and diced their favorite heroes, and almost destroyed them on multiple occasions. She was cruel, awful, and just plain mean. She was the most sinister and deadly villain the Super Squad had ever faced in the comic books.

  But this was Fatima’s chance to meet the cast and be part of a superhero franchise. She couldn’t pass it up. So she stayed her course and played the villainess. After filming had wrapped, Fatima and the rest of the actors from Super Squad were invited to San Diego Comic-Con.

  As Fatima walked out on stage, the announcer said, “Introducing the bad girl you love to hate: Porcupina!”

  But rather than clapping and cheering, the fans went crazy with rage. They booed and hissed, tossing half-eaten corn dogs at her. One fan even threw a Porcupina action figure. Its tiny plastic spikes really hurt!

  Fatima was sad. No one at Comic-Con wanted a picture with her. Her costars were scared to be seen with her. She smelled like corn dogs. And worst of all, a mob of angry fans chased her out of the auditorium, shouting, “Stay away from our heroes, evildoer!”

  “It’s just a movie!” Fatima yelled. That only made the fans even more mad.

  Fatima declined to go to the red carpet premiere. Instead, she stayed home and watched the first Super Squad movie—alone.

  Don’t feel too bad for Fatima—she made a million dollars from the movie.

  Then again, famous agent Lucy LaRoux took most of that.

  CHAPTER 21

  Mark

  Everyone knew Mark was the most handsome boy in class. So when Lucy came to his desk, she immediately said, “Let’s make you a model.”

  “Actually,” Mark said, “I’ve always wanted to be a comedian.”

  “But you’re so gorgeous,” Lucy argued. “You’re the universal idea of what beautiful looks like. I can make you the poster boy for just about anything.”

  “Yeah, but I don’t want to be known for my good looks. I want people to know what’s inside. That’s what counts, right?”

  Lucy started laughing. She kept laughing.

  “What’s so funny?” Mark asked.

  “You are funny!” Lucy said. “But honestly, no one in Hollywood cares what’s in your heart or your head—not unless you’re a writer. Like Honest Lee. I represent him. And everyone likes his writing. Don’t they?”

  Mark and Lucy both looked right off this page and looked at you. What do you think of the writing?

  CHAPTER 22

  Zoey

  Mark didn’t want to be a model, but Zoey sure did. “Not just any model—I want to be a supermodel!” Zoey said.

  Lucy shook her head. “I’m sorry, gorgeous, but you’re too short. Supermodels are tall.” It was true. Supermodels are usually very tall, and Zoey was the shortest girl in Classroom 13.

  “But it’s my dream!” Zoey said.

  “I once had a dream,” Lucy said. “And life crushed it. That’s why I became an agent. Do you want to be an agent? You could rep models.”

  Zoey thought of helping other people to become models while she remained a… non-model. The thought was too much for Zoey, and she began to cry. She buried her face in her hands—her soft, well-shaped, perfectly sized, beautiful hands.

  “Those hands!” Lucy said. “They’re stunning!” She took off her watch and handed it to Zoey. “Put this on!” Lucy told her, forcing the watch around Zoey’s wrist.

  Lucy gasped with awe. The watch had never looked better. It was a real-life vision that could be on a billboard over Sunset Boulevard. Zoey’s hands were perfect for modeling rings, bracelets, gloves, and more.

  “Kid, I take it all back. You are going to be a supermodel,” Lucy said.

  Zoey leapt up with excitement. “I am?!”

  “Yes! A HAND model!”

  Zoey was usually very picky and particular, but in this case, she didn’t care. As her classmates cheered for her, Liam went in to high-five Zoey, but Lucy stopped him.

  “Nuh-uh, Mister! Those hands are never to be touched. They are now Ace Agent Agency property.” (So Liam high-fived himself.)

  Lucy immediately took Zoey to get fitted for protective gloves. The pair of gloves were made of titanium metal on the outside and the softest silk on the inside. “These will keep your precious hands safe when you’re not working,” Lucy explained.

  The following day, Zoey began her hand-modeling career. She modeled the newest watches, the most expensive rings, the craziest nail art, and a variety of lotions and hand soaps.

  Zoey’s hands became famous! Well, at least on commercials. But her hands were working so much, Zoey never got a break. She liked being a model, but she did not like working. She was tired, and her hands were exhausted.

  That night, when she got home, she went to put on her protective gloves. But they didn’t fit. Zoey tried and tried to shove her fingers in there, but somehow, her hands were too big.

  “I think my gloves shrank,” Zoey told Lucy.

  Lucy shrieked. “Your hands! Your glorious hands! What happened to them?! They’re… they’re huge!”

  “They look the same, though,” Zoey said.

  “It doesn’t matter. Little-girl hands sell products. Man hands don’t.”

  Lucy tried to hide the problem. But on set, Zoey’s hands were too big for the jewelry. The photographer took one look and said, “You can’t model our dainty product with those meat hooks. You’re fired. Sorry, not sorry.”

  “But, please, I can still model!” Zoey pleaded, trying to grab the photographer. Her hands were so strong that she crushed his camera without meaning to.

  “I can fix it! I can still do this!” Zoey said.

  “Talk to the hand,” the photographer said, holding up his normal-sized hand, which was smaller than Zoey’s. “Get off my set.”

  Lucy was about destroy Zoey’s contract when she got a call. “Looks like I need a man-hands model. How do you feel about modeling boxing gloves, men’s deodorant, and paper towels?” Lucy asked.

  “Do I still get to be called a supermodel?” Zoey asked.

  “Sure.” Lucy shrugged. And that’s how Zoey started her modeling career.

  CHAPTER 23

  Teo

  “Let’s get me famous,” Teo s
aid to Lucy as soon as it was his turn.

  “And what’s your talent?” Lucy asked.

  Teo pulled out his phone and showed her his homepage. “I want to be a world-famous YouTube star,” Teo said. “I have forty-seven followers, but I can do better. I have ideas. Lots of ideas.”

  “I like you, kid.” Lucy smiled. “Let’s get started.”

  Lucy followed Teo around for days and days and days. She recorded everything and uploaded it to social media. Then she had her other famous clients post and repost, again and again. In a matter of days, Teo had forty-seven million followers.

  “Much better!” Lucy said. “But now we need to build your brand.”

  “My brand?” Teo said, confused. “But I’m already famous. I have forty-seven million followers.”

  “That’s nothing! If you want to stay famous, you have to keep up the hard work,” Lucy explained. “You need a brand. What makes you you?”

  “Um, well, I like video games and movies and goofing around.…”

  “Perfect! That’s your brand!” Lucy said.

  So Lucy and the Ace Agent Agency camera crew followed Teo around. They filmed him playing video games, talking about his favorite movies, and goofing around on his skateboard. But as Sunday rolled around, he remembered he had plans.

  “Sorry, I can’t film today,” Teo said. “I have plans with my grandpa Walt. We’re going kayaking and then mountain biking.”

  “Kayaking and mountain biking are IN,” Lucy said. “But grandfathers are OUT. No one wants to see grandparents doing fun things.”

  “I do,” Teo said.

  “Do you want to be famous, or don’t you?” Lucy asked.

  Teo thought about it. “I really do like being a famous Internet star, but… well, famous is temporary, but family is forever.”

  As Teo walked away from his fame, he felt good about himself. When he went home, he and his grandfather made the funniest, most famous Internet video ever. It turned out Lucy was wrong about grandparents being OUT. They are very much IN.

  CHAPTER 24

  Chloe

  “Ready to be famous and rich?” Lucy asked Chloe.

  “Famous, yes,” Chloe answered. “Rich, no.”

  Lucy didn’t understand. But that’s because she didn’t understand Chloe.

  Chloe cared deeply—about everything. She never met a can she didn’t want to donate, or a tree she didn’t want to plant, or a paper she didn’t want to recycle. Chloe loved her causes. Why? Because…

  Chloe cared.

  “I want to make the world a better place,” Chloe explained to Lucy.

  “I don’t get you, kid,” Lucy said.

  “I have an idea. It’s a nonprofit charity called the Care-plane Society,” Chloe said. “Like airplane, only it’s Care-plane, because we care—”

  “Yeah, I got it,” Lucy snipped.

  “So what we do is the Ace Agent Agency buys an airplane, and I’ll fill it with food and medicine and school supplies. Then we fly the plane all over the world, dropping off goods to those in need. We would put it up on social media and get people to donate food and medicine and school supplies. Or they can just donate money—”

  That got Lucy’s attention.

  “I like money!” Lucy squealed. “Hmmm. I suppose this would be a huge tax break for the Ace Agent Agency. My boss will like that. Genius!”

  “That’s not what I meant,” Chloe whispered. But she went along with it so that she could make the Care-plane idea into a real thing. People in need would have food and medicine and school supplies, and that’s what really counted.

  Chloe organized everything. There were places to drop off food, hospitals that would donate medicine, and large companies to provide free school supplies. But Chloe needed someone to run the website for money donations. She looked online and found a successful New York businessman to organize the donations. His name was Jeremiah Jerk.

  “It’s pronounced Jerr,” he explained. “The k is silent.”

  Then Chloe and Lucy put together a huge celebrity bash to raise awareness about the Care-plane Society. Together, they raised millions and millions of dollars. Chloe couldn’t believe it. Her dream to help others was about to come true.

  Only it wasn’t.

  It turns out Jeremiah Jerr really was Jeremiah Jerk, famous con man. He wasn’t putting the money in the Care-plane Society’s account. He was putting it into his own pockets. He stole the money, then stole the actual Care-plane. He flew it out of the country and didn’t drop a single dollar, canned good, medicine, or school supply on anyone’s head—rich or poor.

  He was never heard from again.

  The Care-plane Society was now penniless, planeless, and helpless. And Chloe—poor Chloe who cared so much—was known, infamously, as a thief.

  CHAPTER 25

  Earl

  When Lucy came to Earl, she took one look at the class hamster and said, “Ew. It stinks. No celebrity potential there. I’m not going anywhere near that rodent.”

  Rodent?! Earl thought. He was very offended. He’d show that awful agent a thing or two.…

  CHAPTER 26

  Mya & Madison

  “We want our own clothing line, our own perfume, and our own TV show,” Madison & Mya explained to Lucy. No one in Classroom 13 wanted fame more than the twins.

  “But what’s your talent?”

  “We don’t have any,” the twins said. (Remember what I said in Ximena’s chapter, about every child having a talent? I meant that. But in this case, Mya & Madison were right. They didn’t have any talents.)

  “No talent?” Lucy smiled. “Then you’re perfect for reality TV.”

  After school, Mya & Madison went home to find their house had been taken over by a TV crew. Camera guys and sound teams and makeup assistants wandered in and out of every room. There were even a bunch of writers.

  “What do we need writers for?” the twins asked. “Isn’t reality TV supposed to be based on reality?”

  The writers all laughed. “In reality TV, real moments are all totally fake, scripted stuff we think up when we’re on the toilet.”

  “Oh,” Mya & Madison said, confused. They sat down at their desks to do their homework, like usual.

  But the director stopped them and asked, “What are you doing?”

  “Our homework.”

  “Nope. That’s boring. This is reality TV. You need to spice it up,” the director said. “People want to watch people fighting! Let’s have the two of you fight over this pencil. And… roll the cameras. ACTION!”

  The girls stood there, confused.

  “But why would we fight over a pencil?” Mya said.

  “We have more pencils in the drawer,” said Madison.

  “Pretend you don’t!” the director growled.

  “ACTIOOOON!” the director shouted again. “Roll the cameras. ACTION!”

  The girls pretended to fight. Mya pretended to yell at Madison, and Madison pretended to keep the pencil away from her sister. But after a while, the twins forgot they were acting and started fighting for real. They screamed and pushed each other and pulled each other’s hair. They even knocked over a table with their mom’s favorite lamp. It broke into a thousand pieces.

  “Perfect! I love it! Give me more!” the director called out.

  So Mya & Madison gave him more—more fights, more arguments, and more tantrums. The girls were getting good at being mean to each other. But the moment the cameras turned off, they apologized and went back to loving each other.

  Their reality show, Mya & Madison: TWINning at Life! was a huge success. The girls had their show, they had a new clothing line, and a new fragrance. The twin sisters felt like they had finally made it—

  —until the gossip blogs online started making up stories about them. Some of the headlines included:

  MADISON KILLS ALLIGATOR,

  MAKES IT INTO PURSE!

  MYA HIRES ORPHANS TO CLEAN

  BATHROOM FLOORS!

  REALITY T
V TWINS POUR OIL ON PENGUINS,

  ON PURPOSE!

  MYA & MADISON, NOT REAL TWINS!

  Of course, none of that was true. (Well, Mya did hire some orphans to scrub her bathroom tub, but only because her mom insisted they still do their chores at home.) But it still hurt the girls that people really thought that about them.

  When Mya & Madison felt like they couldn’t take it anymore, Lucy taught them the harsh truth about reality TV: The negative press was part of why the show worked. Some fans hated to love them, and others loved to hate them. But the most important thing was that the people kept watching their show, no matter what.

  Mya & Madison agreed. Being infamous wasn’t so bad. So they kept fake-fighting for the cameras. It turns out they did have a hidden talent after all.

  CHAPTER 27

  Jacob

  One kid in Classroom 13 knew TV better than he knew the freckles on the back of his hand. (Oddly enough, one of those freckles was shaped like a TV.) That kid was Jacob Jones.

  Lucy sat on his desk and said, “I like your face. You should be on TV.”

  “I don’t know,” Jacob said. “I’ve had a taste of celebrity life, and it wasn’t as great as I’d hoped. You can’t go anywhere without people recognizing and harassing you. It’s kind of awful.”

  “What if you could be famous without people seeing your face?” Lucy asked with a sly smile.

  “I’m listening.…” Jacob said, intrigued.