Tin Badge
Page 20
“Nothing,” Stone replied, wearing a shirt and jeans freshly scrubbed and ironed by the girls at Miss Elsie’s place. “It’s time for me to move on.”
“We wish you wouldn’t do that, John. You’ve done a lot for this town and we don’t want to see you leave, but I can understand why you wouldn’t want to be sheriff anymore. It’s a dangerous job and doesn’t have much of a future. But there are other things you could do here in Petie. Do you think you might be interested in something else?”
“Such as?”
“Name it and it’s yours,” Mayor Randlett said. “Let’s not beat around the bush. I own this town and I can do anything I want. I believe you said once that you wanted to become a rancher. We can set you up on your own ranch, lend you whatever money you need at reasonable terms. This town needs a man like you, and you could have a brilliant future here. A rolling stone gathers no moss, you know. You’re young and strong now, but where will you be thirty or forty years down the road? Think about all the old worn-out cowboys like Toby Muldoon that you see in every town on the frontier. They were young and healthy like you once, but they never settled down. Do you want to end up like one of them?”
Stone thought of Muldoon, an alcoholic forced to beg strangers for money. “No, I wouldn’t, but I’m looking for somebody.”
Mayor Randlett leaned forward. “What if you’re just chasing a dream, a chimera? What if you spend your whole life searching for somebody, and never find her? What then?”
“I try not to think of that, Mayor. I try to think that I’ll find her.”
“You have no guarantee that you’ll find her, and where is she anyway? Why didn’t she leave word for you? That’s what she would’ve done if she cared about you and wanted you to follow her. Have you ever stopped to think about that?”
Stone looked up from his plate of food. “I can see that you’re a fine lawyer, because your arguments are very persuasive, but you don’t understand. I’m in love with the woman and I have to find her.”
“Love?” asked Mayor Randlett. “What’s love? Poets and philosophers have tried to figure it out since the dawn of time, and they’ve never done it yet, to my knowledge. Let me tell you something, John: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. It’s an old saying but it’s true. On one hand I’m offering you a ranch and a future, and on the other hand what do you have? A dream, a fantasy, maybe even a form of madness? Take a step back from the situation and think it over. You don’t have to give your answer now. But give it some thought. Don’t dismiss it so quickly. It’s a big decision. An opportunity like this comes along once in a lifetime.”
That night Stone lay in bed in the attic above Miss Elsie’s place and thought about what Mayor Randlett had said. His window was open and the drapes were pulled back so he could see stars blazing in the sky above the wide prairie.
He realized that Mayor Randlett was offering him a fabulous opportunity. It’d be wonderful to own his own ranch, raise his own cattle, maybe even breed horses on the side. The financial part wouldn’t be a problem, because as Mayor Randlett said, he owned the bank and nearly everything else in the area. Mayor Randlett could make it happen.
Mayor Randlett liked him and wanted him to stay, and Petie was as good a place as any to settle down. It was true: a rolling stone gathered no moss. He was just a poor drifter with a few dollars in his pocket, and life could be cruel when a man got old. He thought of Toby Muldoon and all the other old cowboys who hung around the saloons of frontier towns, and shuddered when he realized he could wind up like that: penniless, weak, raggedy and toothless, begging for coins.
He recalled Jennifer Randlett sitting to his side at the table. She hadn’t said much during the dinner meal, but she’d been utterly beautiful, wearing a gown that showed her smooth bare shoulders. Stone knew that she was part of the deal, and a man couldn’t ask for a better wife.
He saw a wonderful future unfolding ahead of him. No longer would he have to sleep on the prairie with his saddle for a pillow and nothing except an old moth-eaten blanket to protect him from the wind and rain. No longer would he be the stranger riding into towns, with the local people eyeing him suspiciously, and there was always a crazy drunken cowboy around who wanted to fight.
Stone closed his eyes. All he wanted was an ordinary life with Marie, but where was she? Maybe Mayor Randlett was right. Maybe he was chasing a fantasy that could become a nightmare when he became old.
He felt agitated and couldn’t sleep. Rolling out of bed, he lit the lamp on the night-table, then rolled a cigarette. He reached to the bedpost, took down his shirt, and pulled the photograph of Marie out of the shirt pocket.
He sat on the edge of the bed and puffed the cigarette as he looked at the picture of Marie. They’d been like two components of the same being, but where was she now? Mayor Randlett’s argument had made sense. If Marie still loved him or wanted to see again, wouldn’t she have waited for him back in South Carolina after the war? Or if she had to go away, why didn’t she leave a message?
It was incredible that she’d disappear without a word, but that was what happened. Maybe she’d fallen in love with someone else and didn’t know how to break it to Stone. The war had changed a lot of people, including himself, and maybe it had changed Marie too. Maybe she thought that their love had just been a youthful fancy, not the kind of thing she could build her life on. Maybe she’d fallen out of love with him and didn’t care about him at all anymore.
“Why didn’t you write to me?” he asked the picture. “Why did you just disappear without saying anything?”
Stone had thought their love would last forever, even enduring beyond the grave, but now he wasn’t so sure. He was searching for her across the length and breadth of the frontier, and maybe she’d completely forgotten about him.
Once again he found himself questioning the validity of his search. On the one hand he had Jennifer Randlett, with her flaming red hair and green eyes, plus a ranch all his own, and on the other hand he had dusty trails and broken-down cattle towns, lonely days and lonelier nights.
Stone looked down at the photograph and didn’t know what to do. Mayor Randlett had offered him a chance for happiness, and he couldn’t turn it down so easily, but how could he forget the love that had left its own special brand on his heart?
A wave of confusion passed over him. It was as though Marie held him by one arm, and Jennifer by the other, and both of them were pulling him apart.
He was tempted by Mayor Randlett’s offer, but he wanted Marie. He felt that he’d never be able to rest until he solved the mystery of her disappearance.
He puffed his cigarette and realized that was the crux of his dilemma. He could marry Jennifer and wind up owning the finest ranch in the territory, but he’d never be happy. He’d spend the rest of his life wondering what had happened to Marie, worrying that she needed him, and it would undermine his happiness, eating into his soul.
He’d pretend he was happy with Jennifer, but knew he’d never forget Marie. He’d love the children he’d have with Jennifer, but he’d always wonder if he might’ve loved the children he had with Marie more.
He and Marie had grown up together. He’d loved her even when he was a boy, and he’d love her all his life. He held the picture of Marie up to the light, and the expression in her eyes cut deeply into him. It was as if she were pleading with him not to abandon her, because she needed him.
She was his first and only love, and he’d never had anything to do with any other woman. He knew that no matter where she was and what she was doing, she wouldn’t be able to forget him, just as he hadn’t been able to forget her. He’d always thought God had brought them together, and nothing could ever break them apart.
He might wind up as a lonely old derelict someday, just like Toby Muldoon, but at least he’d know that he tried to fulfill his destiny. He might never find Marie, but he had to try. Hardship, danger, and lonely nights lay ahead of him, but he saw no choice. He’d never forget her, no matter
how many ranches he owned and how many Jennifers he married. He might be chasing a dream, but it was the best dream he had.
He clenched his jaw and balled up his fists. Then he arose and put on his clothes. He strapped on his gunbelts and picked up his rifle and saddlebags.
Descending the stairs to the kitchen, he tossed a few cans of beans and some biscuits into the saddlebags. He left by the rear entrance and walked toward the center of town. At Mayor Randlett’s office, he unpinned his tin badge and dropped it into the mailbox, along with the keys to the sheriff’s office.
He headed toward the stable, keeping in the shadows where no one could see him. He didn’t want to say good-bye to anybody or make explanations or excuses. He didn’t think anybody could understand his quest. He wasn’t sure he understood it himself.
He passed the Paradise Saloon, heard the laughter and the piano. It’d be nice to go in for one last drink, but one last drink would lead to two, and before he knew it he’d be living on a ranch with Jennifer and a bunch of kids, hating himself for turning away from the one true love of his life.
“Goin’ somewheres, Cap’n?”
Stone stopped in his tracks. Ahead of him, sitting on the bench in front of Bob’s Barbershop, was Toby Muldoon, his new guitar leaning beside him.
“I’m on my way out of town,” Stone told him.
“Why’s that, Cap’n?”
“Just a drifter, I guess.”
“Buy me a drink?”
Stone flipped Muldoon a few coins. Although it was dark, the old bum snatched them out of the air.
“Happy trails to you, Cap’n,” Muldoon said. “If you ever find that gal you’re lookin’ fer, give her a kiss fer me.”
Stone walked past him, heading for the stable. He found Mortimer in his stall, and the big black horse looked at him curiously.
“We’re moving on,” Stone told him.
Stone saddled the horse and put on the bridle. Then he walked to the office, woke up the man, and paid him for taking care of Mortimer.
“Where you headed?” the man asked sleepily.
Stone shrugged, because he didn’t even know himself. He returned to the stall where Mortimer was, and climbed into the saddle.
He rode out of the stable and down the main street of Petie, the sound of the horse’s hooves echoing off storefronts closed for the night. It was deserted in that part of town, and ahead was the open range.
Stone wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing. He couldn’t say for sure what the right thing was anymore, but he didn’t dare look back at the town that had given him the opportunity to lead a new life.
He didn’t want a new life. He wasn’t finished yet with the one he had.
He rode onto the prairie and disappeared into the night.
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If you’ve enjoyed this book , read the rest of the series:
THE SEARCHER
Searcher
Lynch Law