The edge of life: Official cover - coming soon

by Rachael Tonks

  “I’ve got all night,” I say with a smile, instantly hating myself for saying it. Shit. What am I doing?

  “Our father was the worst. A violent drunk who took out his anger on his children with his fists. Jax got it worse than I did. Dad always said he was a disappointment.” Ryder speaks so quietly; I really have to concentrate to make out what he’s saying. He clutches his hands together tightly, so tight that I’m pretty sure he’s going to cut off the circulation. I can see how uncomfortable he is when he talks about this, his jaw tensing repeatedly, his eyes narrow and darkened.

  “That doesn’t explain his hatred for your mom,” I whisper back.

  “He blames her. He feels like she did nothing to protect us. But that’s not how I see it,” he says with a slump of his shoulders. “I see a woman who has lived with a lifetime of abuse. I see the mom who held us together when everything else was falling apart. The blame for Dad’s behavior doesn’t lie with Mom. She is just as much a victim as we are. She couldn’t fight back. She always tried to stop him but got caught in the crossfire.” He breathes out heavily. “But Jax doesn’t agree. And there isn’t a damn thing I can say to change that crazy asshole’s mind.”

  “Shit,” I say, not really knowing what else I can say. I sit beside Ryder, feeling caught in the crossfire, with neither one of them being right or wrong.

  “Give me some time. Let me think about it.”

  “I want you to have something better than this. Better than here with us. You deserve that, at least.” He speaks with emotion, and I watch as he swallows down hard, his pronounced Adam’s apple moving as he does. I can’t snap my eyes away, but I know I need to. What I want more than anything is some space from them because my head is dizzy with confusion. I don’t understand what I’m feeling or what I’m supposed to do. I consider walking back over to Eric’s trailer and hiding out in my room until tomorrow, but the horrendous image of Eric and that woman is enough to make me shudder.

  “I should go,” I say jumping up like a shot.

  “You can’t,” he rushes out. “What if Eric’s still in there? I won’t let you back in there until I’ve spoken to that fucking prick,” he hisses.

  “I gotta go,” I say, spinning on the spot and making my way out.

  “Stop,” he whisper-shouts. “Why? What the fuck’s wrong? Is it something I’ve said?” He looks at me pointedly with a puzzled look on his face. His hands land on the top of my arms.

  “I just… I just can’t be here right now.” I pull my arms from his hold and bolt out of the door. Within seconds, he’s behind me, pulling me to a stop again. He grabs my elbow, pushing and forcing me against Jax’s parked car.

  “You can’t run from me,” he breathes, his body pinning me against the car.

  “I need space, Ryder.”

  “Space from what? Me?” he asks.

  “Yes,” I strain my voice. “You’re confusing me,” I admit. “This whole thing between us is too much, and it’s messing with my head.”

  He allows his eyes to flutter shut, nodding subtly. “If it’s me, then consider me gone. I’ll go work out at the gym and free up some time, so you’re not forced back into the fucking sex pit,” he jokes, pointing at Eric’s trailer. “Go find Jax; I reckon he probably needs you right now. I know how hard he finds this whole fucking thing about Mom.”

  I smile sympathetically at him.

  “But be careful, darlin’. Don’t get too involved because he’s the worst kind of fucked up you can imagine. We both are,” he says, lifting his brow before digging in his pocket and getting into the car. The smile fades as quickly as it appears. I step back, the wheels spinning as he peels away. I stand there, watching him drive away.

  Ryder

  Driving like a maniac, I force the wheel to the side of the road, slamming on the brakes.

  “Fuck,” I roar, thumping my hand against the wheel and my head against the headrest. I’m not sure how much longer I can cope with this. Having her so damn close, wanting to put my hands around her throat and fuck her until she’s screaming out my name… not his.

  I know she feels it too. I see the way she fears me, and how much of a turn-on that is for her, how her nipples harden at the slightest touch of my hand.

  But the one thing I want, the one thing I desire so desperately, is the only thing I know I can’t have. And I want to make sure she stays away from Jax too. He’s self-destructive, emotionless even. He puts on the best act, but he doesn’t fool me. Never has, never fucking will.

  I watched as he raged a war against everyone and everything after the incident with Dad.

  The turning point in both of our lives. I live out my anger. I scream and shout out, fighting to expel the pain hiding deep inside. But not Jax. He bottles it up, acting like nothing’s wrong. But I know better.

  After Dad’s death, he did everything possible to prove how much of a man he was. The fucked-up things Dad had said stayed with him. He brought girls back to the house and practically fucked anything with a pulse. All to prove Dad was wrong.

  Saying that what I saw didn’t affect me would be a total lie. Of course, it affects me. Every damn day, I think about what that sick fucker did to my brother, what he tried to do to him. Every day, my mind flashes back to the moment when I saw my dad take his last breath, remembering how fucking good it felt to see him suffer. He deserved to die, just like the other sick fuckers whose lives we took.

  That’s right. We killed men. I’ve lost count of how many. But I knew each one deserved it. Just like my father.

  Unfastening my belt, I check in the backseat for my gym stuff.

  Shit.

  It’s not here. I let out an audible growl of frustration and decide to check on Mom instead. I press down on my pocket, realizing I’ve forgotten my keys. I’d taken off in such a hurry that I had pretty much forgotten everything.

  Fuck.

  I have no choice but to go back. Unless I want to spend the next few hours in my car. I have no keys, no money, and no fucking gym stuff.

  God-fucking-dammit.

  I release the handbrake, turning on the road, and head back toward the trailer park. I pull up outside. Leaving the engine running, I run back up the steps and sneak inside the trailer quietly. I respect her request of needing space, and hopefully, I can get in and out without being seen.

  Nothing could prepare me for what I was about to walk into. Moans and heavy breathing fill the small space. My narrowed eyes roam the room trying to work out what the fuck is going on.

  I blink down hard, trying to tell myself this can’t be real. Kailee and Jax have their backs to me. She’s bent over the table, every ounce of her pale flesh on show, her body writhing against my brother’s face. He’s on his fucking knees between her legs—sucking, licking, and tasting her.

  I want to scream out. Tear his body away from hers because it should be me and only me. But I can’t move.

  I’m so fucking torn.

  Totally disgusted and aching for it to be me, but massively turned on by it at the same time, I watch from behind the kitchen cabinet. Neither one of them aware I’m watching. My dick stiffens and strains against my pants.

  Fuck, I want to taste her too. Her moans and cries of ecstasy are such a freakin’ turn-on.

  I have to get out of here. I have to find my own release. I see my keys to the side, so I take a silent step forward, swiping them and racing back out the door. My heart pounds so ferociously I can feel it in my neck. I jump in the car and race out of the trailer park, heading to the one place I know I can find a broad who will give me a motherfucking release.

  I drive and drive, hoping my fucking pounding heart will stop galloping. But it doesn’t. The anxiety rises as my mind races with thoughts of nothing but Kailee. How could she? How could she be so intimate with him after everything I said to her? I warned her. I told her nothing good could come of being with my brother, the asshole I share my DNA with.

  Fuck. I’d give my life for him. He’s blood, my on
e and only brother, but that doesn’t mean I have to like how he is sometimes; how his actions can impact others. Until a few days ago, I couldn’t have given a shit who he was fucking.

  But not Kailee.

  Not that sweet, innocent girl. Anybody but her. The more I get to know her, the more I want her. I can’t fucking help it. I’ve tried to control it, to fight it, but I can’t.

  I reach in my pocket and retrieve my phone. I scroll through the list of contacts, hitting dial when I get to Marco’s name.

  “Ryder,” he answers after just a few rings. “Everything all right?” I can hear the music in the background, and I’m just hoping here’s there. At the strip club.

  “You at Dollar’s?” I ask.

  “Man. It’s mouth to south Monday.” He blares his laugh down the receiver. “It’s the only place you’ll find me on Mondays.” He continues to laugh loudly.

  “Good. I’m on my way,” I say, hanging up.

  I pull up outside the dull lit strip club. This is just another of Marco’s money laundering businesses, but it has its perks, I guess. I step from the car, grabbing my smokes from the coin tray. Lighting up, I take a huge drag. I head over to the bouncers at the door, knowing they’ll recognize me. This is a regular haunt for me. Girls, drink, and drugs on tap with no expectations or complications. Just fun—exactly the way I like it.

  “Hey man,” I grab the hands of the bouncers, patting their backs as I make my way inside. The music blares, the lights are low, and the place is in full swing. I head over to the private room Marco reserves for himself. The VIP area is his and guarded by yet more security guards. Despite not being here to cause trouble, I feel vulnerable. I’ve brought nothing with me, no protection at all. Rushing out really wasn’t a great idea. I walk past the security as they give me the silent nod of approval.

  “Ryder, my man!” Marco says enthusiastically, jumping up from his seat and embracing me in a pathetic attempt at a man hug. “On your own tonight?” he asks with a smirk.

  “I need to get off my fucking face and smash some beauties, man,” I say with a heavy sigh. “I’ve had one hell of a fucking night.”

  He narrows one eye and tilts his head. “The girl,” he says, slowly nodding his head and pursing his lips. “I knew something wasn’t right,” he says, waving his finger in front of my face. I have to laugh. Marco is so fucking camp, but he isn’t choosy. Men, women, it doesn’t really matter to him.

  “So what will it be tonight?” he asks, taking my arm and guiding me to the seats in the huge VIP booth. “We have Asian, Latino, European. You name it, man, and it’s all yours.”

  My eyes scan the booth, but no one strikes me.

  “Guys, can I get you some drinks,” I hear the voice shouting over the sound of the music. I look up at the waitress with a skimpy outfit showcasing her fine fucking figure. She draws in the corner of her bottom lip as her eyes roam from my face and across my body as she takes in my whole physique.

  “Whiskey. On the rocks.” I smirk. “And make it a double.”

  “Sure thing,” she replies with the sweetest voice.

  “So which one you want, man?” he says, tapping my shoulder and looking over at the girls opposite us, lifting his head slightly.

  “That one,” I say, nodding in the direction of the waitress.

  “She’s bar staff, man.”

  “So make her non-bar staff,” I order.

  “Give me a break, Ry,” he says with a huff. I glare at him for a second before rolling my neck.

  “I’m not kidding, Marco. You need to make it happen. And fast.”

  I’m really not in a position to be making demands, but she’s the only thing that’s made my dick twitch since I walked in the joint, despite there being naked women pretty much everywhere you turn.

  “I’m not sure she’ll be any good, man. I’m guessing she doesn’t really have the experience these other girls have since she’s only bar staff.”

  I glance at the girls surrounding us, trying to get my dick to react to at least one of them. But it doesn’t. I don’t want to be an asshole, but I need the girl who makes my dick twitch like a motherfucker.

  The girl walks back over, holding the tray in her hand and smiling at me sexily as she sets down our drinks. She winks at me, and fuck, I have to bring my leg up to conceal the fucking boner pressing against my jeans.

  “It has to be her.” I snap my head back at him. “The waitress.”

  “I mean I can try… but no promises, man. If she says no, we ain’t forcing it.”

  What the fuck did he just insinuate? My blood pounds so hard I can hear it vibrate through my ears. Like a fucking Porsche, I go from seated to pinning him up in less than six fucking seconds.

  “What the hell did you just say, motherfucker?” I growl in his face, unable to control myself. I can feel my anger spiraling out of control, and I have little to no control of it right now.

  “I’m a lot of sick fucking things, but a rapist I ain’t. Does it look like I have trouble getting women to fuck me?” I say, grabbing his jaw with my hands.

  “No, man, no.”

  “If you ever fucking so much as suggest that again, I’ll fuck you up,” I whisper-shout into his ear. “Got it?”

  “Got it…” he says breathlessly as I shove him back against the chair. I turn and fall back into my seat, noticing a line of bouncers just a few feet away.

  “I’m good, guys,” Marco shouts to them. “It’s all good here.” He straightens his shirt, brushing his hand shakily through his hair.

  I’m playing a dangerous game, but it’s too late to go back now. I reach for the glass on the table, tossing back the whiskey that burns as the heat coats the back of my throat. But I don’t care. It’s a satisfying burn and one that’s helping to calm me down.

  “Let me go and see what I can do,” Marco says, resting his hand on my broad shoulder as he makes his way past. “If I can make this happen, I will. You have my word.”

  I stand up from the seat, pushing my hand toward him. “I’m sorry, bro. I totally overreacted. My head’s a fucking mess,” I say, letting out a bluster of nervous laughter.

  He smiles solemnly, acknowledging me with a slight nod of his head. “Don’t sweat it. I know what a hothead you are. No harm done.” He pats my back before heading off to the bar. I step up, walking the short distance to the bar. Another drink is in order. I rest forward against the bar, unable to shake the vision of Kailee and Jax. I close my eyes, shaking my head in a weak attempt at clearing the mind fuck image.

  “Ryder,” the saccharine voice calls. I open my eyes to see one of the strippers leaning against the bar beside me. “Looking for a repeat of last time?” she asks, running her French manicure nail down the full length of my arm. I watch her finger before making eye contact with her. I take her in, trying to place her. There’s no way I’m ever going to remember her damn name. In fact, I don’t remember her at all.

  “How d’ya know my name?” I ask a little harsher than I’d anticipated.

  She leans closer, her bare tits now resting against my arm. But it’s doing fuck all for me. She flicks her blond hair over her shoulder, cupping and caressing her own breast.

  “You must remember,” she says with a grin. “You are, hands down, the best customer I’ve ever had,” she says seductively.

  “Can’t have been that fucking good, princess, because I have absolutely no recollection of it whatsoever.” I watch as her face drops, and a sadness washes over her eyes. “So do me a favor?”

  “Anything,” she says as if injected with life again.

  “Fuck off and leave me in peace.”

  She quickly steps back, her lips pursed together. “Asshole,” she sneers before turning and walking away from me.

  The bartender comes into vision. “Can I get you something, sir?” he asks with a smile.

  “Whiskey. Make it a triple,” I order, suddenly turning at the feel of a hand on my back.

  Marco is standing beside
me, dangling a small key in front of me. “Private room five. You were lucky. Nicole fancies the fuck out of you. But be careful, Ryder. She’s not one of the strippers who works here. She’s rare so treat her like a diamond,” he says with a lift of his brow.

  I snatch the key, excited at the prospect of what is to come. Knowing she wants it too makes it all the better. My legs practically sprint down the hallway, and I rush to push the key in the door. Unlocking it, I step in, noticing her steadily pacing the small room. This room has everything you need.

  “Hey,” she says with a smile as I turn and lock the door. “So I’m Nicole,” she says offering her dainty hand to me.

  “I’m not here for the conversation, darling,” I retort, leaning back against the door.

  I watch as she swallows down nervously. I reach behind my head, pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it on the floor.

  “Wow,” she whispers under her breath, but I still hear it. She walks toward me. “I love the ink,” she says breathlessly. “Can I touch?” She slowly reaches out her hand to me. My eyes wander the full length of her body. There’s no mistaking that she is a close match to Kailee. The red hair and the small frame. But nowhere near as fucking pretty. But if I have to settle for second best, then this girl is as close as it fucking gets. I lift my eyebrows, indicating she can. Her small, cold hand runs over my arms.

  “I have to be straight with you,” I say to this young girl looking at me like I’m some sort of god. “I need you as a distraction. I didn’t request you because I actual like you; you just remind me of someone. Someone I want so fucking badly.”

  Her face drops, and there is a sadness in her eyes. “Can’t say I’m not disappointed, but I know what you guys come here for. And let’s be honest, it ain’t a long-term relationship.”

  “I’m glad we got that straight,” I say with a tilt of my head. And that’s all it took. I reach for her, sweeping her off the floor, and her legs lock around my waist. I turn for the light switch, knocking the lights off. The lamp beside the bed is the only light in the room, and it’s just enough. Through the haze of alcohol and the marginal light, it is enough to make my mind think I’m fucking Kailee. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Tonight, there is no Nicole in my mind. Just Kailee. I turn, slamming her back against the wall as my mouth crashes down on hers. She kisses me back, and I pour every ounce of pent-up frustration and passion into that kiss. Her moans do crazy fucking things to me, and I turn and throw her on the bed. I look down at her. I need to get her out of what little clothing she is wearing. And fast. My cock is straining so fucking bad; I’m about to explode. I reach down, grabbing the neck of the small cropped top she’s wearing and pull, ripping it from her. I can feel her tremble as I reach for her skirt. I pull it off, leaving her in just her bra and panties. I reach my hand behind her back, effortlessly unclipping the clasp on her bra. Her small tits spring free, and I bend my neck, taking one in my mouth, sucking and teasing her nipple. Cupping her tits, I work one then move to the other. She writhes beneath me, her sweet moans like music to my ears. I drag my hand down her thigh, her legs parting for me.