The edge of life: Official cover - coming soon

by Rachael Tonks

  “I’ve been thinking.” His eyes dart down at the paper and then back up to meet my eyes.

  I have no idea what it is, but when he removes his hand and relaxes back into his seat, I reach forward and take it.

  I wasn’t well educated, by any means. School hadn’t been my greatest achievement, but I get by with what little I know. I look at the front cover entitled “Business Plan.”

  I drop it back down, disinterested in anything business related.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” he screeches. “Pick it up and fucking read it, Ryder,” he demands, his mouth gaping a little as his gaze fixes on me. I sigh heavily, picking it up and scanning through it.

  “You’re opening a gym,” I say, throwing the booklet down again.

  “No, you are.” He smiles widely at me.

  “I don’t have that kinda money; you know the situation with my mom.” I glare at him.

  “Take it with you and read everything I have set out in the plan. Including the financial details. Let me know,” he says, clapping his hands together.

  “Ryder.” Kailee gasps. “This could be just what you need. This could really be the turning point for you.” She bends down, sealing a kiss on my lips.

  Kailee

  We drive back home, and I scan quickly through the business plan Marco gave to Ryder.

  “This is fantastic,” I mutter, engrossed in the details of the plan. “He doesn’t want a cent toward the setup cost, but the business will be yours, solely in your name.”

  “Why?” he asks. “Why would he do that? There must be more to it than that. What’s in it for him?”

  “I have no idea, but it even outlines the youth boys’ program you talked about. This is amazing, Ryder. It’s like he’s giving you the opportunity to shine. To be the man you were always destined to be.”

  “I’m not too fucking sure about that.” A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.

  “If you’re going to do this, Ryder, you need to work on the cussing.”

  He laughs vivaciously. “Can’t promise,” he says with a wink.

  Making our way inside, Ryder talks excitedly about the opportunity to run his own gym. I can’t believe Marco offered to do this for him. For us.

  “What do you want to do when you finish school, pip?”

  “I think I’d like to go to nursing school. I want to follow in my mother’s footsteps.” I smile widely, my memories of her flooding my mind. She was such a caring, amazing person while the whole situation with my father is messing with my head. How could Mom not have known what my father was like, or did he hide it from her so well that she had no idea.

  “What the fuck is wrong with your face,” he asks, his heavy hand on my arm pulling me to a stop. “Are you okay?” He softens his tone, bending his head until it’s within my line of sight.

  “Just thinking about Mom.” I sigh. “I miss her. So much,” I choke out, desperately fighting back the tears trying to force their way to the surface. His arms encompass me, pulling me to his chest. His hand gently rubs the top of my head. He bends down, placing a soft kiss on the top of my head, and it’s the sort of comfort I’ve craved.

  “Thank you,” I murmur. “I feel safe in your arms. I feel at peace.” My breathing slows, and I close my eyes, concentrating on the feeling, the warmth I feel here with Ryder. It helps push out the grief, the pain.

  Ryder parts from me, taking my hand in his as he leads me inside. “Hey, Ma,” he calls out for his mother.

  “In here, son,” she replies, her voice sounding different somehow. More croaky than normal, more hoarse.

  “You okay?” he asks, rushing over to her. A box of tissues rests on her lap, and her hand holds them shakily.

  “I’m fine. I’m fine.” She tries to reassure him as he slides in beside her on the couch.

  “You don’t look fine. Has something happened? It’s not Jax, is it?” His voice lowers to an almost growl.

  “No, no… It’s just that, I, uh…”

  “Spit it out, Ma. I feel like I’m going crazy here.” Ryder exhales heavily, positioning himself on the edge of the couch and moving as close as he can to his mom.

  “The doctors called, son. I don’t think it’s good news.”

  The silence that falls in the room is deafening. After what feels like the longest time, Stella reaches her hand up to Ryder’s face. “It’s time, son. My time has come.”

  “No,” he cries out. “Don’t talk like that. Whatever it is, you have to fight this.”

  “I don’t want to. I want to be free of pain. I’m sick of struggling, and I certainly don’t want to be a burden to anyone. You two lovelies are just starting your life together. I can’t possibly expect you to put your lives on hold for me.”

  “Ma, stop,” he placates, wrapping his hand around her head and pulling her toward him. “We’re fighting this together. No arguments.”

  Silent tears stream down my face with the feeling that my heart is being crushed as I desperately try to fight for a breath. This is all too fresh for me, too painful. I force my eyes shut, making my way into the kitchen and pressing the button on the coffeepot. I try to distract my mind, but the tears still flow; the images of my mom as she deteriorated and could no longer fight.

  Breathe, Kailee.

  Inhale.

  Exhale.

  I will myself to pull it together, to put my own pain to one side to be strong for Ryder. I grasp the countertop, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. This isn’t about me. This is about Ryder. I wipe away the tears, dabbing my face with a tissue.

  I hear footsteps and quickly get to work making the coffee.

  “I need a smoke,” I hear him mumble. I turn to face him, rushing over and wrapping my arms around him.

  “She’ll be okay,” I whisper. “Let’s hear what her doctor says first.”

  I look up. My eyes make contact with his, and for a second, I’m sure my hearts stops. The pain on his face is evident. Creases appear on his face that I’ve never seen before, his eyes glazed as though tears are there but not breaking the seal.

  “It’s been coming for a long time. She’s sick. Fuck, she’s been sick for a long time. I just need to prepare myself for the worst,” he says matter-of-factly.

  “It’s okay to hurt, Ryder. It’s okay to admit you’re in pain and how hard this is for you. No one will think any less of you,” I reassure him.

  His lips pull up at the end as he smiles, but he doesn’t say anything. Separating from me, he heads outside. I have a feeling getting him to open up, to be comfortable with his own emotions, is going to be difficult.

  Stella’s doctor’s appointment is scheduled for today, and the whole day in class, I check my phone, waiting to hear some news. Desperate for good news. I race out of school, looking for Ryder, my eyes searching the school parking lot. I see the car parked a few rows back and zigzag my way through the parked cars until I reach Ryder. I reach for the door, my hand shaking as I notice him with his head resting on the top of the steering wheel.

  “Hey,” I say warily, closing the door behind me.

  “Pip,” he whispers, looking down at his hands, which are clenching and unclenching nervously. His face deepens, his eyebrows furrow, and he presses his lips together into a fine line. After a moment, he looks up at me again, still unsure what to say.

  “What Ryder. What is it?”

  “It’s fucking bad, pip. Real bad.”

  I swallow down the huge lump that has formed in my throat. I see the pain etched on his face, and it’s killing me inside. I watch as he shifts uncomfortably in his chair, and I reach for him, taking his hand in mine. I rest my head on his shoulder.

  “It’s cancer, isn’t it?” I whisper.

  “In her lungs. It’s spread, pip.” His voice is strained, and he drags his hands over his face.

  “I’m so sorry,” I say. His eyes land on my lips before he rests his hand on my cheek, leaning in and kissing me gently.

&nb
sp; “I need you, pip. I can’t get through this without you.”

  “I’m here; I’m not going anywhere, Ryder.”

  He kisses me deeper; the entire time, my heart hammers in my chest. I’ve come to realize that Ryder needs me as much as I need him. He’s the only person I have in my life, and the only person I can truly rely on.

  “I have to find Jax. I know that piece of shit won’t be in the slightest bit bothered, but Mom has requested that I notify him.”

  The sound of his name causes my stomach to knot, the color draining from my face.

  “I got you, baby.” He cups my face. “I won’t let him hurt you, I promise.”

  My heart hammers again, but this time, it’s not driven by love. It’s driven by fear, by anxiety at the thought of seeing him again.

  “Trust me,” he reiterates, his eyes widening. “I will not lose you too.” His eyes fix on mine, and I nod. “I risked my life once to make you mine, and I’d fucking do the same again, pip.”

  A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth as his eyes are fixed on me as if waiting for an answer.

  “Okay,” I say in agreement, sitting back into my seat and buckling up.

  We drive the short way to the one place I’ve tried to forget and avoid at all costs. The trailer park. And all the memories that came with it. The feelings that now haunt me as a result of my short time there. Deceit, betrayal, hurt, and anger. All feelings I didn’t like one bit. I can feel myself sinking into the seat as we pull through the gates and make our way outside the trailer. Ryder cuts the engine, sighing heavily as his eyes wander the area surrounding.

  “Hey, pip,” he says suddenly, pulling me from my thoughts. “Do you mind driving the car back, so I can take my bike to Mom’s?”

  “Sure,” I say with a smile.

  “Great. Stay here while I go and see if I can find my asshole brother.”

  I give him a nod of agreement and pull out my cell phone to text Cady and Lina, explaining why I rushed off after school. My eyes flit back and forth between Ryder going into his old trailer and the phone in my hand. A few seconds later, he emerges from the trailer, looking over at me and shaking his head lightly. I guess Jax isn’t here. He walks the short distance to Eric’s trailer; my body shudders as my eyes follow him, and memories of Eric flash through my mind. He pulls on the handle of the door; the trailer appears to be unlocked. I look down at my phone; a message has come through from Cady. I begin reading her message before hitting reply. As I glance back up, my heart stops in my mouth, and my body stiffens as my eyes land on the one man I never expected to see again.

  My father is here.

  And he’s pointing a gun at Ryder’s head. I scramble, reaching for the handle as quickly as my hands will allow.

  “No!” I scream at the top of my voice as I race to step from the car. “Let him go, Dad.”

  “I can’t do that, Kailee. He’s caused a lot of trouble for me, and it’s payback time.”

  “He caused trouble for you?” I screech, my eyes glaring at him with utter disgust. “What about what you did to me? How you tried to sell your own daughter in a human trafficking auction? I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

  I watch, and I see the anger rising in Ryder’s face. His face contorts, and his nostrils flare. “Move the fucking gun before I do something we’ll both regret,” he growls at my father.

  “What’s wrong, hard man? Huh? Don’t like it when you haven’t got the upper hand? Well, guess what?” he says, pushing the gun against his temple, “I’m not scared of you, and I think I’ll enjoy burying this bullet deep inside that empty fucking skull of yours.” He laughs menacingly, and I can’t stop my feet from moving. I start to charge forward, only to be pulled back with force, my back landing heavily against an unknown object.

  “What the…?” I start to speak, turning my head to see what’s going on. It’s all happening so fast; my mind can’t catch up. I turn to see his face, and my stomach flops.

  Jax.

  Tears start to roll down my face. My breathing stills, and I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. The fear has taken hold of me, and my body and mind have shut down on me. His grip tightens around my wrists as he pulls my hands behind my back.

  “Get your fucking hands off her,” Ryder roars at Jax, stepping forward. Before he can move any farther, my dad stands in front of him, pressing the gun against his forehead.

  “One more move, motherfucker, and I will pull the trigger.”

  I push down the bile that rises in my throat.

  “Don’t do this, Dad. Don’t hurt him; he doesn’t deserve it.” I manage to finally force out the words. His head snaps in my direction, eyes glaring intensely.

  “You’d risk your own life for… him?”

  I laugh. “He’s every bit the man you’re not. He’s showed me true love, something you failed to do these last few weeks. Oh, no, you were too busy trying to sell me off for your own selfish gain. What sort of father does that?”

  “One who has no other choice, Kailee. That’s who,” he shouts back, his words come out with a hiss, his teeth clenched together.

  “You’re no father of mine,” I scowl at him, venom in my tone.

  “Take her away. Donny will be waiting.”

  “No,” I say, screaming and kicking out my legs. I watch as Ryder wrestles with Dad, thrusting his arm toward him, his elbow connecting with Dad’s face. But I’m helpless as Jax drags me backward, my feet scraping against the ground as I try to fight back, as I try to resist him. Dad cowers, instantly drops his head, and Ryder reaches down for the gun. Jax stops, alerted by the shouting between the pair as I watch him fight to take the gun from his hands.

  Bang.

  The sound exploded so closely to my ear, crackling through the air.

  Jax and I fall to the ground. My head hits the ground with force, and I let out a yelp.

  “What the fuck?” Ryder roars, his voice echoing in the distance.

  I look down to see blood everywhere. I reach up and touch my face, which is now coated in thick, warm, red blood. I hold out my hand, trying to focus on it as it shakes uncontrollably. The full weight of his limp body is on top of me, knocking the wind from my chest. It’s making it hard to breathe, and the more I try to make sense of what is happening, the more black dots appear in my vision.

  Ryder suddenly appears beside me, holding a gun in his hand. He rolls Jax off me, pushing his lifeless body to the ground and finally freeing me from his weight. But it doesn’t help. I drop my head back to the ground, bringing my hand up to my head. I can’t feel anything. My body feels lifeless, and the darkness is coming.

  “Please, pip, hold on for me.”

  I fight to open my eyes, but I can’t. I attempt to open my mouth, to say something to him, to tell him how much I really do love him, but I feel like my body is shutting down.

  The darkness becomes heavy, and I can no longer fight it.

  I can’t hold on any longer.

  The darkness lures me, finally taking me as I can no longer fight back the inevitable.

  5 years later…

  Ryder

  I kneel beside the grave, setting down the roses I bought on the way here. Every week is the same. Every Sunday, I come and spend time with her talking to her about all the things I’d hoped we could have done together, all the things she’s missed since she passed away. I tell her about the gym, but mostly, I talk about the boys.

  The twins born on her birthday, the two completely identical boys who are every bit like their mom and nothing like me.

  “I wish you could have met them, Mom. I wish you could see how great things are for us.” I arrange the roses into their vases at the side of the headstone. Rising to my feet, I push my hands in my pocket. I often wonder just how I got so lucky. How I managed to make something out of the wreckage that had been my life for so long. And I know exactly what made me change, or should I say who.

  Kailee.

  I thought I’d los
t her that day her fucking asshole of a father turned up at the trailer park. Luckily, she wasn’t hurt badly. But Jax was.

  He was pronounced dead at the hospital. Kailee’s father ran but not for long. The police caught up with him. He’d been hiding out at the apartment that Kailee and he had lived in for a short time; the whole story about being on the run was bullshit. He’s currently serving a life sentence for Jax’s murder.

  I’m not going to say things weren’t tough because they were real fucking hard for a long time. Coming to terms with the loss of my twin and also dealing with my mom’s decline was some of the hardest shit I’ve ever had to deal with. I wasn’t sure I could ever get through it. But I did. And it’s all down to her. To the woman who holds my fucking heart so tightly in her hands, I don’t ever want her to let go.

  Mom didn’t survive very long, only about three months after her cancer diagnosis.

  “Still miss you like crazy, Mom,” I whisper, looking back over my shoulder as I walk away. I jump in my truck, driving the short distance to the gym.

  The one place where I could forget. Where I could focus all my attention.

  Blackheart’s Gym.

  Has a fucking ring to it and I have to admit that every time I see the name, or I hear someone talking about it, my heart expands with pride. With the help of Marco, I’ve built my own empire and have not just one but three gyms in the area. The youth programs have been a huge hit, but most of all, the best fighters want to train here. And that’s because of Kailee. She’s the best sports physio in the area and is exclusive to our gyms. She spreads her time across the three gyms, and I love that I can keep my eye on her at all times. After what happened before, I’m taking no fucking chances. I thought I’d lost her once; it ain’t happening again.

  I’m thankful every day that Marco took a chance on me, that he helped and invested in the gym. He and Francis are married now, and since going completely straight, I don’t see as much of him, but we still keep in touch.