Victoria thought she heard Jason laugh, but she couldn’t bring herself to look away from Gabe. Her eyes were glued to him as she internally screamed and waited for him to respond.
“You’re funny,” Gabe finally said. “Real funny, Kara.”
Victoria forced herself to release the air in her lungs.
“I’m serious! I can see the way you look at each other when you think nobody is looking. I’m not blind.” Victoria’s stomach did a back flip.
“You should’ve seen them when we played pool a couple weeks back.” Jason placed a hand on Kara’s shoulder. “And by them, I mean this guy over here.” He used his other hand to pat Gabe on the back.
This time, Gabe blushed. Victoria tilted her head, an involuntary response to the confusion she felt. What did Gabe do when they were playing pool? That was the night that they…
“Quit breaking our balls. We’re not fucking tog-”
“Victoria!”
Victoria’s head snapped forward and she saw Caleb staring at her with that perfect smile of his. He was unloading a bass boat into his SUV, probably packing up after a day of fishing out on the lake.
“Caleb. Hi!”
Victoria put on her happiest face, but for some reason, her stomach still hurt over what Gabe was in the middle of saying.
***
WHEN VICTORIA WALKED towards the man who’d called her name… when he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on the cheek… Gabe wanted to fucking rip his throat out.
He put everything he had into schooling his expression and holding his shit together while they were in public.
“How’ve you been, Victoria?”
“Good, good.” She sounded so bubbly talking to him. “How about you?”
“I’ve been good! Though I’d be better if I wasn’t still waiting for that second date.”
Gabe tightened his fists and dug his heels into the ground. Don’t say something. Don’t say something. Don’t fucking say something. Victoria went on a freaking date with this guy?
Jason tossed a weary look Gabe’s way, and for some reason, it sent him over the edge. Fuck it.
“So who are you, exactly?” Gabe blurted out, sauntering forward and throwing a possessive arm over Victoria’s shoulders. Despite his over-the-top move, she didn’t pull away from him. Yet.
“Caleb knows my father. My parents connected us.” Victoria faked a smile, but Gabe could see how uneasy she was. Fuck.
“You two dated?”
“We went on one date,” Victoria quickly stated.
“I’d love to make it a second.” Caleb. The prick’s name was Caleb.
A growl escaped Gabe’s throat at Caleb’s comment. Victoria pulled away from him. Caleb took a step closer.
“Do you have a problem, man?”
“Stay away from Victoria.”
Caleb’s eyes widened. “Oh! Oh. Listen man, I didn’t know she had a boyfriend, now.”
“He’s not my boyfriend!” Victoria nearly shouted the words. Gabe found himself staring at her frustrated face. Her expression was careful, calculated, cold… but Gabe could see the pain in her eyes. He never wanted to see pain in those beautiful eyes.
“Gabe is not my boyfriend, he is my friend. That’s all we are. Friends. Now if everybody could leave me alone, I’d really freaking appreciate it.” She huffed out a breath and turned away, walking off the trail and into the trees.
Gabe started to walk after her, but Jason grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. “Let her go, man. You’re not what she needs right now.”
Gabe grunted. Jason was right, but he really didn’t want to accept that. He quickly turned to Kara and opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. “Don’t worry, I’m already on it.” She gave a quick smile to Caleb, and then ran in the direction Victoria had gone, leaving the men alone on the edge of the main trail.
“Tell Victoria I’m sorry,” Caleb muttered. “I didn’t mean to cause trouble. I was just being friendly. See you, guys.” He hopped into his truck and pulled out of the parking spot, driving away just fast enough to let Gabe know he was far more pissed than he was letting on.
Good.
Now, it was just him and Jason. Jason’s hand still squeezed Gabe’s shoulder. He turned to look at Jason, waiting for him to say whatever it was he was holding onto.
“Not exactly a good way to prove you’re not together, man. Just saying.”
Gabe shrugged off Jason’s hand and began pacing by the trees.
“We’re not together,” Gabe muttered.
But I really want us to be…
***
“YOU OKAY, LADY?”
Victoria’s head shot up to see Kara approaching her. Her face was sympathetic, kind. It felt nice to have friends who showed her genuine kindness. She hadn’t felt like she had that since… since Amy.
Victoria pushed off her knees, scooting over on the tree trunk she’d sat on so that Kara could have room beside her. She sat up straight and smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry about that.” She had to apologize. Victoria couldn’t believe she’d stormed off like that.
“Hey, hey, you’re fine.” Kara placed a hand on Victoria’s back. “That was awkward as hell. You honestly handled that far better than I would’ve.” Victoria looked over to Kara, her face probably reflecting her curiosity. “Probably would’ve cried,” Kara laughed.
Victoria smiled and laughed with her, leaning into her friend.
For a few moments, they sat in silence, and Victoria’s mind couldn’t help but return to Gabe. She knew that she should’ve put him in his place, reminded him of where they stood, apologized to Caleb and taken that second date.
Truthfully, though, it took everything Victoria had not to fall into Gabe’s arms. She loved the way he grew protective of her, possessive even… she loved the way that he made her feel like she was his. That’s all she’d ever wanted, after all… to be his.
She couldn’t have that, though. She couldn’t give into it. Whatever game Gabe was playing with her, no matter how genuine things felt, she knew it couldn’t be true. Even if he did feel it now, in this moment, he’d change his mind.
Victoria had never let Amy in when it came to Gabe… it felt like a betrayal to her best friend. It broke Victoria’s heart that she kept such a big part of her life a secret from her. That was the problem, though—to Victoria, Gabe was everything. And to Gabe? A fun night. A good fuck, if she wanted to use his terminology. That was all. That’s all she’d ever been to Gabe.
Victoria sighed. Maybe it was time to open up.
“It wasn’t just a joke.”
Kara’s body moved at the sound of Victoria’s voice breaking the silence. She waited. Victoria continued.
“When we used to poke fun about me having a thing for Gabe? It wasn’t a joke.” She paused and thought for a moment. “Well, it was… but not to me.”
“How long?” Kara finally asked.
“From the first time I met him, I thought I’d marry him.”
Kara’s eyes widened in surprise at that comment. “I was thirteen. Young. Stupid. It was a schoolgirl crush.” Victoria chuckled. “But I couldn’t seem to get over it. I thought that when I was all grown up, when Gabe stopped seeing me as a child and started seeing me as a woman, that he’d see it, too. I thought that he’d fall in love with me, that we’d get married and start a family. I thought we’d have it all, if only he could see me as a grown up.”
Understanding spread across Kara’s face. “Amy’s grad party!”
Victoria half-smiled. She nodded.
“So that’s why you went all out that night. You wanted Gabe to see you in that knockout dress and fall for you.” Kara perked up. “I always wondered why you went so crazy with the outfit that night… it was so unlike you! Shit! That makes so much sense.”
Victoria chuckled. “Yeah.”
“But it didn’t work? Gabe didn’t notice you that night at Amy’s party?”
“Oh, I noticed her.” A chil
l went down Victoria’s spine. “She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.”
God, how did he do that? Victoria’s heart ached as she turned to watch Gabe approach.
She wanted to believe that this was real, that she could have a future with this man, that he meant the sweet things that he’d been saying to her. She desperately wanted to believe that he had changed. But believing that was a big risk. A risk Victoria didn’t know if she could take.
“Can I borrow Victoria from you?” Gabe’s question was directed at Kara.
“You and I need to finish this conversation later, yes?” Kara asked Victoria.
“Promise,” Victoria smiled.
Kara returned the smile and gave her a quick hug before getting up and walking over to Gabe. “You be nice to her, mister. She’s fragile right now!”
Victoria hid her head in her hands and sighed. Oh, Kara. She always had good intentions, but geez.
Victoria jumped when she felt Gabe plop down next to her on the tree trunk, his leg brushing against hers and reminding her of how small her little makeshift bench was.
She turned her head and looked up at him, taking in his handsome features and rough jawline. He was gorgeous. Damn it, he was perfect.
Without saying a word, Gabe pulled Victoria into his arms, and she melted into him. She didn’t want to, really didn’t, but she just couldn’t help herself. She found herself completely enveloped in him, her body perfectly fitting into his. Being in his arms made her feel warm, safe, protected. She never wanted to be anywhere else but right here.
And that was a problem.
For what felt like several minutes, they just sat there, wrapped up in each other, Gabe comfortingly stroking Victoria’s back and Victoria deeply inhaling the deliciously musky smell of Gabe. When he finally pulled back from her, Victoria felt instantly cold and wrapped her arms around her waist.
Gabe stared at her, and Victoria couldn’t help but notice how nervous he looked. He was clearly on edge over something, his eye movements slightly erratic and his jaw tense.
“I’m sorry about that back there,” he started. “I shouldn’t have acted that way and—” Victoria had to cut him off.
“Gabe. It’s fine. Really.”
He shook his head and furrowed his brows. “I shouldn’t have acted that way and I know that, but it made me realize something.”
Victoria stared up at him, her eyes wide and her heart ready to burst from her chest.
She watched as Gabe opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, chewed at his cheek, let out a breath he’d been holding in… what was so hard for him to say? Victoria felt panic pulsing through her with every second that passed.
“I don’t want to just sleep with you. I don’t want to just be your friend. I don’t want that anymore.”
Victoria felt broken. I don’t want to sleep with you. I don’t want to be your friend. Victoria played the words over and over in her mind. He doesn’t want me anymore.
Victoria knew this day was coming, but it still hit her like a ton of bricks. She pulled away from him with all intentions of running deeper into the woods, deep enough that he wouldn’t find her, but before she could get away, he grabbed her forearm. In a blink, she was sitting on his lap, cradled in his arms. Her face was only a few inches from his, and his eyes… they shimmered with emotion despite his brows rising in confusion.
Victoria bit her lip and held Gabe’s stare. Finally, she spoke. “Why are you doing this?” She looked down at his arms around her.
“Doing what? Holding you?”
Why did he seem so confused?
She nodded. “You just told me you didn’t want me anymore, that you didn’t want to be friends anymore… so why are you doing this?” She gestured again to their bodies.
“Don’t want you? Fuck baby, no. That’s not what I said at all.” He seemed frantic in his response, shaking his head and squeezing her tighter.
Victoria stared at him, her expression blank now as she grew frustrated. “You said, and I quote: ‘I don’t want to sleep with you. I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t want that anymore.’ What am I missing here?”
“Sweetheart, you missed the most important part. I said that I don’t want to just sleep with you. I don’t want to just be your friend. I don’t want to be just a fun night or a buddy to call. It’s not enough for me. I want so much fucking more than that… if you’ll have me.”
“Oh.”
Victoria stared at him like a deer in headlights. She must’ve looked completely dumbfounded, but she didn’t think she had ever been so caught off guard. She had no idea what to say, and “oh” didn’t exactly suffice, but it was all she could muster.
“Oh?” Gabe laughed a nervous laugh, his leg bouncing beneath Victoria and causing her to rock in his lap.
“Oh,” Victoria repeated.
Gabe laughed and pulled her into a hug, squeezing her tight as Victoria nestled into his neck. She breathed him in, let his words replay in her head.
Gabe wants to be with me.
Gabe wants more than friendship.
Gabe wants more than sex.
Gabe wants… me.
It was a dream come true. Everything she’d ever wanted and here it was.
Gabe… wanted her. She couldn’t wrap her head around it. He… wanted to be with her? For real?
After all these years, Gabe finally wanted what Victoria always had.
Or, at least, he thought he did… he said he did.
The old Victoria hung on his every word, believed every single thing he said to her and never questioned it. The old Victoria was inside of her, jumping up and down and crying tears of joy, screaming as loudly as possible ‘I was right! How dare you doubt me! I knew he would love me!’ The old Victoria would’ve said ‘yes, yes, a thousand times yes!’ and run off with Gabe right then and there. The old Victoria would’ve given into those butterflies in her stomach and believed that Gabe felt something more than lust for her.
But Victoria wasn’t that person anymore.
She wasn’t some naive young woman who was ‘in love’ with her friend’s older brother. She wasn’t a foolish girl who mistook lust for love, attraction for connection, or a one night affair for a lifelong romance.
She wasn’t that girl anymore, and as much as that girl wanted to come out, to give in, to believe Gabe and let herself to fall for him again, Victoria couldn’t allow that. She’d spent seven years rebuilding and hardening herself into the strong woman she was now, and some kind words from Gabe Matthews couldn’t derail her and make her forget everything he’d put her through.
People don’t change. Not really. Not enough. Gabe didn’t change, he was just acting. Maybe he felt guilty, maybe he felt lonely, maybe he was just playing around and seeing how deep Victoria would fall.
It didn’t matter what the case was, it only mattered that Victoria didn’t fall for it.
She would’ve given anything for Gabe to love her, but he didn’t and he couldn’t. She had to be smart, for her own sake.
“I’m sorry, Gabe. I can’t.”
She nearly jumped off of him, quickly walking back towards the trail and creating distance between her and Gabe. Right before she got lost in the trees, she dared to take a quick glance back at Gabe. He was still sitting on the tree trunk, his fingers knotted together and staring at the ground.
And Victoria could’ve sworn he looked sad.
She turned and continued walking, but his voice forced her to pause in her tracks.
“Vic?”
She exhaled slowly, taking her time before responding. “Yes?”
“Can we pretend we didn’t have this conversation? Can we continue on as we were?”
Victoria bit her lip, mulled over the words. She turned towards him with her best fake smile. “Of course we can.”
He smiled and looked relieved. Lucky him.
Chapter Ten
AS VICTORIA WATCHED the members of her little class shuffle in, she thoug
ht back to the conversation she’d had with Gabe last week. He had told her that he wanted to be more… and she had turned him away.
She hadn’t spoken a word to him since.
She hadn’t gone to bed without an aching heart, since, either.
Today, Gabe and Jason were supposed to speak to her group about the medical side of addiction and substance abuse. They’d all talked about it before Caleb showed up and everything got shot to hell.
Victoria wasn’t sure if they’d remember, or if Gabe would show up even if he did remember, but secretly, she prayed he would. She was desperate to see him, but terrified to admit it, and this was the perfect way to avoid giving in while still getting to see Gabe.
What a terrible way of thinking. Victoria mentally scolded herself. Her fear of weakness and vulnerability had driven her to become an expert in her field, to rise to the top and never let herself fall prey to anyone with ill-intentions. She was always on top of herself and her life. But now, suddenly, her favorite coping mechanism that had driven her to amazing heights was becoming a burden and a curse.
What if Gabe had been genuine that night? Would it really kill her to give him a shot?
It could, she thought to herself. It definitely could…
“Gabe! No way!” Michael’s voice saying his name immediately pulled Victoria from her thoughts. Her eyes shot around the room, searching.
“Ay, Mikey! What’s up, man?” Gabe’s voice always sent chills down her spine.
They must’ve been in the hallway. Victoria quickly fluffed her hair, flattened her skirt, and took a deep breath. Grabbing a pen, she then pulled out a journal article on a genetic study that was done which followed twins who were fathered by alcoholics and separated at birth. She’d read it three weeks ago, but she had to pretend to be busy when he walked into the room.
“Hey Mikey, is that your doctor?” Gabe. Victoria kept her eyes on the paper.
“Uh yeah, you know that.” Michael’s voice had laughter in it. Victoria kept her eyes on the paper.
“She’s really hot.” Heat scorched Victoria’s cheeks as she did everything in her power to keep her eyes on the paper.
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