“Hey, Victoria,” Jason approached her desk and she quickly looked up at him. “We still on for today?”
Victoria stood up and straightened her back, squaring her shoulders and offering Jason a hand. “Yes, we definitely are. Good to see you, Jason.” Jason shook her hand with a questioning look on his face.
I’m trying to be professional! she internally explained… not for you, Jason, but for Gabe.
“We ready?” Gabe asked suddenly, failing to even offer Victoria a hello.
Shit, maybe he really was mad at her about what happened at the lake.
“I’ll introduce you two.”
Victoria walked to the center of her little semicircle, clasping her hands together in front of her chest as she waited for everyone to sit down and give her their attention.
“Alright, everyone, today we are going to be doing things a bit differently. We talk a lot in here about the emotional aspects of addiction, the way it affects our relationships and our outlook on life, but what we don’t talk too much about is the physical tolls that addiction takes on us. Because of that, I wanted to have two experts come in to talk to you guys about their experience as EMT’s dealing with overdoses, alcohol poisoning, and other substance-related emergencies that they’ve seen.”
Victoria caught Gabe in the corner of her eye as he winked at Michael, who then chuckled under his breath in response. “So, since I’m sure you’re all getting quite tired of hearing me talk, I will introduce our guests: Jason Foster, who has been an EMT for twelve years and has responded to hundreds of overdoses in that time, and an EMT for three years who I’m sure you all remember, Gabe Matthews.”
Victoria moved away, sitting among her “students” and watching Gabe and Jason take center stage. Jason began talking, sharing a story from his very first call, a heroin overdose of a single mother of three.
Victoria subtly surveyed the class, noting how entranced everyone was in what was being said. Victoria couldn’t lie, she herself was very interested. It was hard, though, to concentrate, when Gabe kept catching her eye and smiling that flirty half-smile of his and melting her damn heart.
They spoke for thirty minutes, and Victoria couldn’t pull her attention from him. Every time Gabe was near, she couldn’t help but be incredibly aware of him and his presence. That was just Gabe, it was who he always had been.
It was one of the things that made her fall for him.
“I became an EMT for my sister,” Gabe started. “I know Jason started off this little speech thing we’re giving you with why he became an EMT, but I’d prefer to end with why I did. It was for my sister. Amy.”
Victoria felt spellbound by him. When she heard the timing of when Gabe had switched careers, she thought it might’ve had something to do with Amy’s death. She couldn’t ask that, though. She couldn’t bring her up to him like that. It just felt wrong.
“Amy was a great girl. Beautiful, funny, smart. She was so damn good at talking to people and could make anyone feel comfortable. I swear. That girl had a gift.” He smiled and put his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I remember one time, my dad and I had gotten into a nasty fight.”
“I was fucking up, as per usual, and he was threatening to throw me out of the house. I was just about ready to pack up and go, and never look back, and then Amy walked in. She didn’t do anything special, she didn’t try to reason with us or lighten things up with a joke, but within five minutes of talking to her we were all laughing, my dad’s arm around my shoulder as he reminisced about taking me to high school football games when I was a kid. That was Amy. She was a people person. She was good.”
She was. Amy was one of the friendliest, most outgoing people Victoria had ever met. That’s why they clicked so well… opposites attract, and all. Without her realizing it, Victoria’s eyes had begun to tear up at the thought of her best friend.
“I was in my early thirties, making a shit ton of money in the tech world, and living the life. Amy? Twenty-four years old, climbing up the corporate ladder and using those amazing people skills of hers to win everyone over, like she always had.”
Victoria noticed as Gabe’s entire demeanor changed. She shifted in her chair out of reflex, her eyes still glued to him. His? They hadn’t met Victoria’s gaze since he started talking about Amy.
“When my sister got into the car with a man who’d been drinking and he wrapped their car around a pole, she had seventy-three minutes after the crash. Seventy-three minutes for somebody to show up and save her life.” Gabe looked down as Victoria’s heart iced over. Victoria hadn’t heard this part of the story.
“My little sister, my baby sister who was so fucking good and who was going to share that good with the world, she died that night instead. Alone on cold pavement. My baby sister, who loved people more than anything in the world, died alone on the fucking pavement.”
You could hear a pin drop in that room. Victoria didn’t even want to breathe. It seemed like the others in the room had the same idea.
“When you get over your addiction, you don’t just do it for you. I know that Victoria is going to tell me I’m wrong here, that you have to do it for you, but you don’t. You do it for the people you love. You do it because you love them so much and they deserve better than to see you like that, to live with you like that, to hurt because of you.”
“My little sister grew up watching me drink and drive like it was no big deal, and when she had a guy who’d downed enough alcohol to kill a horse offer her a ride, I bet she didn’t think twice. Why? Because she saw me do it over and over again and because I told her a hundred fucking times that I was fine.”
He took in a visible breath, and Victoria ached to hug him, hold him, tell him that it wasn’t his fault. She desperately wanted to comfort him, but she stayed anchored in her chair and didn’t dare move a muscle.
“If you can’t do it for you, then do it for them. They deserve better. My sister Amy deserved better. Your families? Your families deserve better. Do it for them. Get better. Be better.” Gabe’s eyes met Victoria’s, finally, and held them tight for several seconds. “Never stop fighting to be the person they deserve. And if you know for a fact they deserve better, but they give you a second chance anyway? Be fucking thankful and make sure they never regret giving you that chance.”
Gabe broke eye contact and let the silence hang in the air for a minute. Victoria’s eyes stung with tears, but she had to hold it together in front of the group. She schooled her breaths and soaked in the silence.
“Alright! Enough of the heavy shit. Let’s chit chat. Questions?” Gabe clapped his hands together and smirked. Victoria finally released the breath she’d been holding in. No matter how hard Gabe tried, Victoria could still see the sadness in his eyes from talking about Amy. She felt the same sadness.
Needing some reprieve and a chance to gather her emotions, Victoria scurried to her desk while Jason and Gabe answered questions and talked with the group. She began to jot down ideas for a future meeting based on what Gabe had discussed. Before she knew it, she had three pages of notes written down.
“Victoria!”
Her eyes shot up at the sound of her name.
“Did you hear my question?” Gabe smirked at her.
She felt heat rush to her cheeks. “No, I’m sorry. Would you repeat it for me?”
He chuckled. “I have a question about your chosen career path. Would you care to give it a go?”
Uhh. “Sure.”
“So I remember you telling me why you wanted to go into psychology. But why specialize in addiction?” Gabe looked to be genuinely curious.
“Well,” she started, a smile slowly spreading across her face, “I have always been interested in the nature of addiction and dependence. What I started to realize as I completed my graduate work was that physical addiction and substance abuse and dependence do not always go hand in hand. I started looking at addiction from a different perspective, and boom, I’d written my dissertation on addictive tende
ncies in non-addicted substance abusers.”
“That’s interesting,” Gabe muttered, pulling a hand from his pocket and placing it over his chest. “Sounds familiar.” He raised an eyebrow at her.
“Does it?” she asked, prompting him to share more.
“I wasn’t an addict, you know,” Gabe said. “I was fucked up, yes, but I wasn’t addicted to it. I could go weeks with nothing when I needed to.”
Victoria caught herself staring and forced herself to remember they were in a room full of people.
Gabe continued. “I had no withdrawals when I quit. It was just there and then it wasn’t. Smooth transition.”
“You struggled with alcohol abuse for years. You had no withdrawals?” Victoria was surprised by that. She’d always had assumptions in her mind when it came to Gabe’s problem.
“Nada,” he shrugged. “I think that’s why I stayed messed up for so long. I didn’t see it as a problem because I never had any issue stopping.”
“Well, clearly you did,” Victoria interjected.
Gabe looked at her, and his lips slowly spread into a half smile. “Clearly, I did,” he agreed.
Victoria stared at him for a moment, overwhelmed by the feelings she had spinning inside of her. They may have been surrounded by people, and what she wanted to say wasn’t any of their business, but Gabe needed to know. It mattered to her that he hear it.
“It wasn’t your fault, you know,” Victoria blurted out. Gabe stared at her. “What happened to Amy wasn’t your fault.”
Gabe nodded and pulled out his phone, looking intently at the screen.
“And just like that, we’re out of time. Duty calls.” Gabe shrugged.
“You guys have a great psychologist working with you. Victoria over here is the best!” Jason smiled. Victoria smiled back, but her heart still yearned to console Gabe.
And with that, they began walking out of the room, without so much as a goodbye. Victoria surged to her feet and ran to them. “Guys, hold up!”
They spun around just outside the doorway, looking to her. Well, looking down at her. Both men towered over her.
“That was really great, thank you guys so much for coming in and doing that.” She smiled weakly, wanting to say more but not knowing what to say.
Jason hugged Victoria and began walking, but Gabe just stood there, looking at her.
“Gabe, I… uhm.”
Gabe pulled her into his arms, lightly at first, and then squeezing harder after she returned his hug. When he pulled away, Victoria nearly felt lost.
“Gabe… can we maybe… do you want to… uh.” Why couldn’t she speak?!
“Yes,” he smiled.
“How do you know what you’re saying yes to?”
“I know.” He winked at her and started walking towards Jason.
“But what if I don’t know?” she called out after him.
He turned around, still walking away but facing her. “My house. Eight PM. I’ll have food.” He spun around and continued walking with Jason.
“I’ll be there,” she smiled, her voice loud enough for only her to hear.
***
“SO VICTORIA, TELL ME… what do you think about when you can’t fall asleep at night?” Gabe smirked his most wicked smirk as he stared at Victoria’s deer-in-headlights gaze from across the table.
“That’s a weird question,” she finally answered. I know my answer, Victoria… you.
“I like weird questions. I know the answers aren’t rehearsed.” He winked.
Victoria stared back at him, but he gave her nothing else. He wanted an answer, and was more than willing to wait for one.
She let out a sigh and shrugged. “Life.”
“I tend to think about you,” Gabe said, reaching across the table and taking her hand.
Victoria froze and stared up at him.
Gabe massaged circles into her hand with his thumb. “I think about you quite a lot, actually.”
“R-really?”
“Really.” Was she really surprised?
She silently went back to eating her food as Gabe returned to his own plate. Victoria may have rejected him back at the lake, but he wasn’t giving up just yet. He would convince her that he had changed, and when she was ready, only when she was ready, she would give herself to him. And him? He was already hers. Gabe kinda thought that he’d always been hers, somehow.
At least, he had been since that night seven years ago. She’d been haunting his head ever since.
Just as Gabe ate the last piece of meat in his plate, the lights flickered. Gabe looked up towards the ceiling, knowing that the winds were wild outside, but not quite anticipating any type of power outage.
“Hey, do you remember back when we were kids,” Victoria started, pulling his attention from the ceiling lights. “You used to come home every Christmas, and then you just stopped. What happened there?”
Gabe smirked. “I don’t know if we wanna go there.”
Victoria stared at him. “Where’d you go?”
Gabe sighed. “My dad and I didn’t get along, Vic. We put on a damn good show, but we never got along. About a month before Christmas, we got into it again, and it was bad. He told me never to come back. I told him that wouldn’t be a problem.”
“What was the fight about?” she asked.
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t even remember.” A lie, but a harmless one. The lights flickered again. “I’ve never told anyone this, but my dad liked to shove me around when I was a boy.”
Victoria looked surprised, but of course she did. Mr. Matthews was a great father. At least, that’s what he wanted everyone to believe.
And hell, to Amy, he was a pretty great father.
But not to his fuck up of a son. As it turned out, though, he couldn’t beat Gabe into being a good kid. Actually, his beatings had the opposite effect.
“I came home for Thanksgiving that year. I never did that, but I thought it would be a nice surprise. I arrived late Wednesday night, and my dad met me outside the house.” Gabe couldn’t believe he was sharing this information with Victoria. “Of course, I had been drinking on the plane, and he smelled the alcohol instantly. He pulled me into the garage and got on my case, bringing up the low grades at school and the trouble I’d gotten into with a few friends…”
“I remember your mom and Amy mentioning one night that you weren’t doing well at college. Your dad hushed them. It wasn’t brought up again.”
Gabe nodded. “Well, after our little chat, I turned around to go into the house, and he shoved me. I fell and blacked out. Came to after my fist hit his face for the third time.” Victoria’s eyes were wide, but he had to finish. She had to know who Gabe really was. “I told him if he ever laid a hand on me again, I would kill him. I didn’t see them again for years.”
The silence hanging around them stretched on too long, until finally Victoria stood. Was she about to leave?
No. She didn’t leave. She walked over to Gabe and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He pulled her close and buried his head in her chest.
“Standing up for yourself doesn’t make you a bad person, Gabe. You had every right to defend yourself.”
“He was my dad. I fucked up.”
“It’s never too late to fix it. It’s never too late to make amends.”
Suddenly, a siren sounded. Of course. Just his fucking luck.
“What is that?” Victoria asked, pulling away from him as alarm spread across her face.
“Tornado warning,” Gabe muttered. “Here, let’s hangout in the basement, just in case.”
“Tornado?” Her eyes were wide. He loved those beautiful eyes.
Gabe smiled at her without answering.
“One thing I didn’t miss about Ohio.”
Gabe chuckled as Victoria rolled her eyes.
At least Gabe never bothered to get the candles from the basement as he’d originally planned for their little dinner. They needed them down there.
About three min
utes after they got into the basement, all of the power went out. Wonderful. Gabe placed the lit candles on the floor, cursing himself for never putting more work into the basement.
Victoria sat on top of the mattress he had down there for when a buddy of his needed to crash at his place. That was the only bit of furniture aside from light fixtures that were of no use to them now. At least he had pillows and blankets to keep Victoria comfortable.
Gabe settled onto the mattress next to her, placing an arm over her shoulders.
“Did I say too much upstairs? Ruin your image of me even more than I already have?”
Victoria turned and looked up at him, her grey-blue eyes wide and filled with worry. “No. No, I’m glad you opened up to me.”
She still looked so worried to him. Gabe brushed a hand across her cheek, aching to reassure her. “What’d I do this time?”
“I’m scared to trust you, again,” she finally admitted. “It was sex, and it was fine, but then this? This isn’t about sex. And that’s scary, because that means you can hurt me again.”
Gabe bit the inside of his cheek, hating himself for the damage he caused this poor girl. “I didn’t know it would hurt you like that, Vic. I had no fucking idea.” He let out a sigh. “I really thought I was doing right by you.”
“I don’t know if I can do it again, Gabe.”
He pulled her face towards his, angling it up so that they were only an inch apart.
“I will never hurt you like that again, Victoria. I swear.” He meant it. “If what you need is for me to disappear and never speak to you again, I will do it. I will do whatever you need me to do. But I don’t want to do that. I want to make it all up to you. I won’t hurt you again, Vic.”
She gazed into his eyes, and he couldn’t quite tell what emotions he saw there, but he could’ve sworn he saw fear.
“If you do-” she trailed off.
“I won’t.” He cut her off.
“If you do,” she continued, “you’ll never see me again. I promise you that.”
He pulled her face to his and kissed her. This wasn’t like the other kisses they’d shared. It was soft, gentle. He needed her to understand that he wanted more from her than sex. He wanted everything with Victoria.
Hooked On You Page 12
