Hooked On You

by Brittany Anne

  “Gabe, honey, it’s been so long. What in the world have you been up to all this time?” Gabe’s mom asked.

  Gabe shifted in his seat.

  “I’m working as an EMT, now. I’ve been trying to do some good, give back where I can.” Gabe felt the awkwardness in the air. It was heavy. Why the fuck did he stay away for so long?

  “Oh honey, that’s wonderful. How did you two reconnect?”

  “I ran into him at the cemetery. We were both visiting Amy,” Victoria said.

  Gabe’s mother gave the saddest of smiles, and it broke his heart. He wanted to take her into his arms, apologize for all the wrong he’d done, apologize for Amy.

  Gabe’s dad laughed.

  “Funny. You can show up to her grave now, but where were you when we buried her?” Anger was oozing from his every word. “Huh, Gabriel? Where were you when we buried your baby sister?” Silence. “Oh, that’s right, you were out partying with your buddies.”

  “I wasn’t partying…” Gabe wanted to run the fuck out of here. Why did he agree to this?

  “Oh, really? Because we got a call from the hospital later that night and they were pumping your damn stomach. We almost had to bury two children.”

  Gabe glanced at Victoria out of the corner of his eye, and she looked shocked, disgusted. Of course she was disgusted by him. Who wouldn’t be? He was disgusted with himself.

  “Must’ve been a fun party, huh Gabe?”

  “Bill, enough,” Gabe’s mother butted in.

  “Fun, fun, fun. That’s all you ever cared about, eh? More than your baby sister, that’s for sure.”

  “Bill!”

  “I loved Amy. You know how much I loved Amy.” He did. Gabe loved her more than anything.

  “Yeah, I’m sure your love for your sister is why you decided a party was more important than her funeral!”

  “I wasn’t at a party!” Gabe responded. “I was home. In my room. Grieving just like you were.”

  “Oh yeah, I’m sure. Making love to that bottle must’ve been so damn hard on you.”

  “I was trying to drown in it!” Gabe shouted. He lowered his voice, but the words poured from him without his permission. “I knew that it was my fault and I wanted to drown in the thing that killed my sister. I wanted to die. I almost did, too! Not because I was partying, not because I was having fun and overdid it. No. I almost died because I wanted to fucking die. I skipped Amy’s funeral because I couldn’t fucking stand to see my little sister get lowered into the ground. I couldn’t say goodbye so I thought I’d give her justice instead. I skipped her funeral so I could kill myself.”

  Silence. Not a peep from anyone. Gabe’s mother looked horrified, torn between crying and pulling Gabe into an embrace and yelling at the world. His father was stunned into silence, a feat he’d never thought possible. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Victoria. He didn’t want to see the pity on her face, or the judgement, or whatever else was written there. He should’ve known he didn’t have a chance at that future, especially not with a girl like Vic. She deserved so much better than him.

  “I shouldn’t’ve drank as much as I did throughout the day. The alcohol poisoning hit me before the pills even got into my system. They must’ve come out when the doctors pumped my stomach.” Might as well get it all out in the open. “I was never meant to make it to the hospital. I didn’t intend to come out of that one. My very last drink? Bourbon. It was a good last drink.”

  The silence stretched longer. He continued. “When I woke up and saw you in the hospital, I knew I fucked up. We fought. You left. I met Jason, the EMT who saved my life. When I was walking out, he was bringing in an accident victim. The girl had nearly bled out, but Jason stopped the bleeding a saved her life. Poetic, eh? So I decided right there: I’d give up the drinking, I’d give up the partying, I’d give up the money, I’d give it all up and I’d do good. For Amy.”

  “But it would never be good enough. I will never be good enough and not a single fucking thing I do will ever make up for all of the people I’ve hurt and all of the fucked up shit that I’ve done. It’s hopeless. I’m hopeless.”

  Gabe stood from his chair and stormed out, walking right through the front door and towards the sidewalk.

  “Gabe!” Victoria. “Gabe, wait!”

  “What?” he snapped, turning to her as she stopped in her tracks and stared up at him.

  “Gabe, I’m so sorry. I had no idea that…”

  “That what? That I’m fucked? That I shouldn’t fucking be here?”

  “No. Gabe, no! Listen to me, this was not your fault.”

  Gabe laughed. Victoria kept pleading. “Gabe, I’m serious. You know that I’m right.”

  “Do I? Because I don’t think I do. You know what I do know? That I’m too damaged. I’m too fucked up. Come on, don’t you see it, baby? I’m a lost fucking cause.”

  Victoria shook her head. “No, Gabe. No, that’s not true. You’re not-“

  He cut her off. “Enough with the bullshit, Vic. I don’t think you’re understanding the situation.”

  “You’re right. I’m not.” She sounded almost angry.

  “It’s done, Vic. Just walk away.” Gabe turned and started down the sidewalk, walking towards home.

  “Hey! Wait! We had a deal!” she called after him.

  “A deal?” Gabe didn’t have the time right now.

  “A date. Remember? We made a deal.” Her eyes were pleading. She was beautiful in every way, everything he could’ve ever wanted.

  But Gabe knew that he didn’t deserve her. He never had, and he never would. He was a fool for trying.

  “Fuck the deal.”

  “Gabe! We shook hands.”

  He almost laughed. He stopped himself. Instead, Gabe just continued to walk away.

  He thought he heard a sob, but it had to be his mind playing tricks on him. Victoria said it herself, it was just sex. He’d been the one who tried to make more of it. But he realized how stupid that was, now. A girl like Victoria deserved far better than him. She always had. He’d even known that when half-conscious and drunk out of his mind.

  He was a fool for thinking he could have a happily ever after.

  He didn’t deserve an angel like Victoria.

  He didn’t deserve anything close.

  Chapter Twelve

  “HI, MISS WILSON.”

  “Please. Victoria.”

  “Oh, uh, right. Victoria. I just, uh, wanted to say thank you.” Victoria watched as Mary tugged at her sleeve, pulling it over her knuckles and avoiding consistent eye contact. It was very clear that she was nervous.

  Victoria placed a reassuring hand on Mary’s shoulder, smiling at the young girl. Mary forcefully returned the expression, the smile never reaching her eyes. Mary had been very quiet throughout the entirety of the sessions, taking part in journal work and being an excellent listener for the others in the group, but rarely contributing herself. Victoria knew that there was more going on there, but she was trying to give Mary time to reveal that on her own. This was clearly a big step for her, and Victoria didn’t want to let Mary walk out just yet.

  “Have you been finding the sessions helpful?” Victoria asked, moving towards her desk and distractedly moving papers into folders.

  While it may have seemed rude to an outside observer, Victoria was actually providing Mary with some much needed reprieve. By taking part in another task, and thus not putting her full attention on Mary, Victoria was giving her the space she needed to feel more comfortable. For somebody like Mary, attention could be nerve-wracking, and Victoria certainly didn’t want to add to the girl’s list of things to be nervous about.

  “I- I have,” Mary said. “Very helpful.”

  “I’m glad. I try my best to make the program versatile and interactive so that people of many different circumstances can benefit from it.” Victoria looked towards Mary and smiled.

  Mary pushed a lock of onyx hair behind her ear, looking towards the floor and feigning
a smile. “I should be going. I will see you next weekend.”

  Victoria watched as Mary left, wondering how many more weeks it would take for her to get Mary to open up to her. The sessions had gone very well over the past few weeks. Jimmy had asked about Gabe’s absence once, but other than that, everyone had moved forward as normal. Jimmy seemed saddened by the group’s loss of Gabe.

  Truthfully, Victoria was saddened herself. She hadn’t seen Gabe since the day they went to his parents’ house. She thought about trying to go to one of his old hangout spots like she did last time she wanted to find him, but decided against it.

  Okay, maybe that was a lie. Victoria had gone four times to four different establishments Gabe typically frequented, making Ellie’s a stop each night she went out looking. She never found him.

  Could she just go to his place, hunt him down and demand answers? Probably. But she didn’t want to leap through hoops for a man who did not want her. He had made his choice clear, and it wasn’t her.

  Victoria couldn’t help but think that he was afraid. Swirling in the back of her mind were thoughts of how his behavior had always been self-sabotaging, that he had a long history of ruining good things and running away from his feelings. Perhaps he was choosing to run away not because she didn’t mean anything to him, but because she meant too much to him.

  It was foolish thinking. Victoria was a foolish woman.

  No. No, that wasn’t true. Victoria was very smart, wise and well-versed in human psychology. Her problem was not her brain, it was Gabe. She just couldn’t seem to think straight around that man. All of her knowledge and logic flew out the window when he was around her. Gabe set her on fire, igniting something wild within her and silencing her every thought.

  Victoria wished she could be smarter when it came to Gabe, but that just didn’t seem to be in the cards for her. For him? She was a fool.

  At least she wasn’t stupid enough to think he was in love with her this time around.

  ***

  GABE STARED AT HIS sister’s gravestone. It wasn’t fair. She was so young, so smart, so beautiful and kind and wonderful. And now she was six feet under ground, with only a stone and some flowers to tell the world she was here. She mattered.

  Gabe put his right hand on top of stone, feeling the roughness with his hands. Amy wasn’t rough. She didn’t deserve to be there.

  He did.

  Gabe stepped back from the stone and looked down at his left hand, fingers tightly wrapped around a glass bottle of amber liquid. He moved his hand, watching the poison swish from side to side.

  Lifting it up and staring into his fate, Gabe wondered what it would taste like. Would it burn again? Would it be hard to swallow? Would the years between him and his past mean nothing? Would it still go down like water?

  It didn’t even matter.

  Gabe had bought this bottle the day after his sister’s funeral, the day after he’d tried (and failed) to drink himself to death. He planned to try again, until something inside of him changed his mind.

  Amy. He knew it was Amy. He kept the bottle all this time, his crutch for whenever he felt weak. He’d never given in and drank it, but it brought him peace to have it, just in case.

  Now, he knew it was time. Gabe was going to dump this drink and say goodbye forever, overwhelmed with the realization that he was ready to say goodbye and move forward once and for all.

  Gabe began to twist off the cap to dump the thing when he heard the rustling of leaves behind him.

  Could it be Vic? For a split second, Gabe prayed that it was her. But then he realized what he was doing, and prayed that it wasn’t. She would never forgive him for having this.

  Hell, who was he kidding? She’d never forgive him, period.

  Gabe was shocked to see Jason walking towards him.

  “Hey, bud. How are ya?”

  Gabe clenched his jaw. “Aren’t you supposed to be working right now?”

  Jason smiled softly. “I had something important to do. Took the day off.”

  Gabe turned around, carefully maneuvering the bottle so that Jason wouldn’t see it. He held the bottle close to his torso, his back to his friend. Gabe went back to staring at his sister’s grave, hoping Jason would get the hint and leave him be.

  “Do you want to grab food?”

  Jason was getting on Gabe’s nerves.

  “I’m busy.”

  “You seem hungry. C’mon. Let’s go get food,” Jason persisted.

  Gabe stared down at his sister’s name carved into the stone. He came here to ask her for help. He came to ask what he should do. He looked down at the bottle in his hands and suddenly wondered if she was giving him her answer.

  Before he could think more about it, Jason’s hand clamped down on Gabe’s shoulder, yanking him from his thoughts. He turned to his friend, who simply shook his head.

  “You don’t want that,” Jason said, his eyes darting down to the bottle. “Let’s get food.”

  Gabe turned his head back to his sister. Maybe Amy hadn’t been reduced to a stone, after all. Gabe had kept his distance for so many years, refusing to get close to anyone for fear of what might happen to them. Maybe this was Amy’s sign for him, her message that it really was time.

  Gabe nodded and began walking with his friend, filling him in on the story of the bottle. Jason smiled when Gabe asked if he wanted to have it, shaking his head and thanking him for the offer.

  “This one? I think we need to send this one downstairs.”

  Gabe laughed as the two of them headed towards the dirt to dump the damned thing.

  Gabe was really done. He was really moving on.

  Now he just needed to fix things with Victoria.

  ***

  VICTORIA NEEDED SOMEBODY to talk to, but she couldn’t wait until she got to her friend. She knew Amy was with her, and she started talking on her way there, praying that Amy would hear.

  “Hi, love. I, uh, I need to talk to you.” Victoria looked around, making sure nobody was close. The streets were completely empty, the day cloudy and dreary, the skies threatening to open up at any minute. Victoria was a fool for running out like this. She didn’t care. She needed it.

  “I know that I never opened up to you about Gabe, and I should have. You were my best friend. And I should’ve talked to you about it.” A slow breath of air pushed out of her mouth. “I thought I was in love with him, all those years ago. And that night that I told you we kissed? Well, we might’ve done more…”

  A quick glance around her again confirmed she was still alone. Victoria saw the cemetery gates approaching.

  “He broke my heart, Amy. I ran away because he shattered me to pieces. I swore that day that I would never be so weak again.” Victoria begged the tears in her eyes not to fall, looking towards the sky and walking even faster. “I broke my promise, though.”

  Victoria stepped through the cemetery gates and began walking to the spot she’d been to far too many times, the spot that shouldn’t exist at all. That spot should’ve gone to someone else, someone who was old and had lived a long, beautiful life. Not to her friend. Not to Amy.

  Victoria stopped in her tracks, seeing Gabe and Jason standing by Amy’s grave. Jason stood behind Gabe, watching him. Then he slowly sauntered towards Gabe, placing a hand on his shoulder. Gabe jumped and looked at his friend.

  Victoria walked slowly towards them. She caught a glimpse of Gabe’s face and her heart skipped a beat. She looked towards the ground, and then back at Gabe.

  “I think I love him, Amy. I think maybe, I always have.” The words were barely a whisper, but ridding her body of them made Victoria feel like she’d lost a thousand pounds, dropped a ton of bricks from off her back.

  It was a sign. It had to be. Him being here, her finally admitting that after all these years, it was still him, it would always be him. She had to tell him.

  Victoria took a deep breath and quickened her pace, lifting her chin and straightening her spine, walking into this prepared to fi
nally release the feelings she’d been holding onto for so long. She would tell Gabe how she felt, she would tell him that she wanted more. And then he could answer. One time. One final chance. And that would be it. One way or the other, this was it for them. Victoria felt it in her gut.

  She was only a few yards from them when Gabe and Jason turned around and began walking away. About to call out to them, Victoria stopped dead in her tracks when she saw what Gabe was holding.

  Her stomach churned. Victoria thought she was going to be sick.

  She turned around and ran as fast as she could. Victoria had spent the last 7 years running from Gabe and all of the pain he’d caused her. Why would a few weeks change anything? She should’ve never come home. She should’ve never put herself in the position to see him again, to care for him again, to fall for him again.

  Victoria might have been a slow learner when it came to Gabe, but she would not make the same mistake twice. When Victoria ran away from him this time, she would never come back.

  Chapter Thirteen

  GABE WAS STRESSED OUT. He’d spent the last two weeks trying to reach Victoria, but all he ever got were dial tones. He knew he fucked up with how he treated her after their visit with his parents, but he knew that if he could just explain himself, she’d forgive him. She had to.

  Gabe paced around the front of Victoria’s office. He’d spoken with Michael and knew that there was a meeting today. When he saw people start to leave, he’d slip in and catch her in person. They could talk and he could grovel.

  Checking his watch, Gabe watched the big hand move onto the 12. The meeting should be over, now. He waited. Jimmy was the first person to come out, and he looked pretty damn surprised to see Gabe there.

  “Gabe. Long time,” Jimmy nodded. “How are you doing, son?”