by Chris Taylor
Her heart beat faster at the memory of what had come after and needs long denied overwhelmed her. Despite the cool water, she burned from the inside out and only Chase could put out the fire. Knowing that the thought of her with Rohan had sparked his jealousy, her heart lurched with a sudden burst of hope.
Perhaps he cared for her more than he was willing to admit? No one got jealous over someone they didn’t have feelings for. Could it be possible that he wasn’t as immune to her as she thought?
The idea sent a surge of excitement running through her and then she remembered the way he’d dumped her and some of her keen anticipation died away. She’d believed all this and more a decade ago—and where had that gotten her? Lonely and alone and broken hearted.
It wasn’t like she’d forgiven him… But maybe, maybe the hurt she’d carried around for so long was easing and now that he was here, back in her life, they could talk things through and work things out and somehow, some way, make it happen.
“Are you finished in there?” Chase pulled off his sunglasses and a single dark eyebrow was raised in query. A curious smile played upon his face.
Josie’s lips tugged upwards in answer and all of a sudden, she felt better than she had in a long, long time.
“Afraid I’ll turn into a wrinkled, old prune?” she quipped and then followed it through with a wink.
She heaved herself from the pool and strode passed him, feeling his gaze on her every step of the way. She pulled off her goggles and tugged off her cap and then collected her towel from where she’d left it. Wrapping it around herself, she flicked her wet hair out of her eyes and squeezed out the excess water from her ponytail. At last, she stole another glance at him.
He stared at her, his eyes burning with an intensity that did funny things to her tummy.
“Who cares about old and wrinkled? You’ll always be beautiful to me.”
His words caressed her. Heat surged throughout her body and she flushed, feeling naked beneath his gaze. She secured the towel tighter around her, grateful she hadn’t chosen a bikini. He hadn’t seen her this close to naked since high school and even then, she’d had the protection of the night. When they’d made love the sky had been lit with nothing more than the faint illumination of the moon.
It had been the first time for both of them and it had only happened once. She’d never felt more beautiful than when he slipped her graduation dress off her shoulders and trailed kisses all over her skin.
He’d kissed every inch of her, loving her with his mouth. When at last he slowly entered her, she’d gasped at the wonder of it and the feel of him deep inside her. She’d breathed through the pain and had enjoyed each exquisite sensation, under the canopy of stars.
Every moment had been perfect, to savor and cherish and wonder at, over and over again—except it hadn’t turned out that way. He’d taken her home amid murmured words of love and tender kisses and promises to see her again the next day.
But, he hadn’t called, hadn’t texted, hadn’t tried to contact her at all. A week later, she found out through mutual friends he’d returned to Goulburn. She didn’t hear from him again.
* * *
Chase watched the emotions come and go across Josie’s beautiful face and guessed she was also reliving their past. He forced himself to remain unmoved, but it was difficult, especially when the shadows of sadness in her eyes tore him apart. She didn’t know why he’d abandoned her and the guilt would stay with him all his life.
So what if she was better off without him? So what if he’d broken off their relationship for her? The problem was plain and simple and had been for more than ten years: He could no longer offer her what she wanted most. No matter how he wished things were different.
He’d love her with his dying breath, but he couldn’t let her see his true feelings, ones he’d worked so hard to mask for such a long time. What was the point in telling her how he felt and possibly reigniting all that they’d had when it wouldn’t make any difference? It had been hard enough to turn his back on her the first time. He’d never have the strength to do it again.
So, he cleared his throat and ignored his pain and focused on his job. To maintain the distance between them was for the best, for both of them.
“I was wondering how the Logan case is progressing and if you’ve started the report?”
The shadows in Josie’s eyes were gradually replaced with steel. Chase bit down on a stab of regret.
“I’ve met with him three times already and I’m meeting with him again this afternoon. Don’t worry, I’ll have my report to you in plenty of time.”
“What are your initial impressions? Are the charges going to stick?”
Her eyes narrowed and he cursed silently, wishing he’d used more tact. What was it about her that made him lose his mind? He couldn’t think straight around her. He never had.
“I’d rather not say at this point in time. I’ll wait until after I speak with him again. He’s a young boy, terrified out of his wits. His family’s falling apart. I’m going to give him all the time he needs to speak and give me what I need. Whether the charges stick or not is of no consequence to me. My job is to determine the truth of his state of mind and his capacity to know right from wrong.”
Chase flushed under her anger. “I wasn’t implying you’d be influenced one way or the other. If I didn’t believe in your professionalism and your ability to do the job, I’d never have recommended you to the prosecutor.”
Josie continued to glare at him. “Good. As long as we understand each other.”
“Good,” Chase nodded, hating the childish attitude that had crept into his voice.
Josie turned away from him and began to gather her things into a brightly striped canvas swimming bag. She dropped her towel on a nearby bench and tugged a short cotton dress over her swimsuit. He tried not to notice her long, tanned limbs or the way her lithe muscles flexed when she moved.
The dress was a pale blue that set off her eyes and hugged the curves of her breasts. Not that he needed to be reminded of how they looked. They’d been amply displayed in her swimsuit. He was sure she hadn’t meant the modest one piece to be so alluring, but the fact was, she could have been wearing a chaff bag and he would have noticed.
Blood rushed back to his groin and his cock hardened. He cursed under his breath, hoping she wouldn’t notice. He was grateful for the suit pants that went a long way to concealing his desire. It wouldn’t be fair for her to get the wrong impression. He should be showing more restraint and doing everything he could to show her they were over, not having bursts of jealousy or having his body react like a teenager’s whenever he saw her. And what was that stupid comment he’d made about her always being beautiful?
So what if all of it was true? He’d vowed every night since he’d met her at the station to make sure she understood they were over, in case she held any illusions to the contrary. There was no future for them. There hadn’t been a decade ago and nothing had changed in the years since. He had to make sure she knew it.
An idea formed in his mind. It was so awful he could barely contemplate it and yet, it made perfect sense. It would be just the thing to convince her they were never going to be a couple again. The more he thought about it, the more he knew if he managed to pull it off, it would be the end of them.
Deep sadness and regret filled his gut and tightened his chest until he had to gasp for a breath. He had to do it. It was the only way. He prayed for the courage to see it through. Forcing a smile, he cleared his throat and hoped she didn’t notice the strain.
“What are you doing later, Josie? Perhaps we could catch a drink at The Bullet?”
Her eyebrows flew up in surprise and he could understand her confusion. One minute he was hot and the next he was frozen. He had to stop this waffling, this inner weakness, while he still could. The Bullet would give him the perfect venue and opportunity.
“I-I guess so. My last patient’s at five-thirty. How about I meet you around seven? T
hat will give me enough time to go home and change. I need a shower after a day in the clinic.”
His thoughts flew to her wet and naked and soapy and his jaw tensed on a groan. Scrambling around for something to distract him, he said the first thing that came into his mind. “Where are you staying?”
“I took a short term lease on the old Holloway place, out on Whiskey Creek Road.”
“So you’re not in town?”
“No. After living in Brisbane for the last decade, I can certainly handle the daily commute. Ten minutes feels like nothing. Besides, I like the serenity of the countryside. My nearest neighbor is more than four miles away.”
“You must have a good view of the mountains up there?”
“Yes, it’s spectacular from my bedroom window.”
As if only just becoming aware of what she said, Josie averted her face, but not before he caught the crimson blush as it spread across her cheeks. His heart turned over, even as another rush of blood went straight to his groin.
Knowing what he planned for later, his body’s reaction sent a burst of self-disgust flooding through his veins. He intended to carry out a plan that would devastate the woman he loved. He had no right wanting her.
But wants and needs were distinct and separate things and the two of them often didn’t coincide. He wanted nothing more than to have Josie in his life; what he needed was to set her free, once and for all. Though his plan would paint him a prick of the highest order, he was doing this for her.
* * *
Kelly Logan heard her husband’s heavy tread in the hall, heading in her direction and pulled the blanket up over her head. The sun was way up in the sky and yet she still hadn’t been able to bring herself to climb out of bed. The energy it took to dress and prepare herself to face yet another day was beyond her. Not even for her family could she find the strength required to make the effort to look like she cared.
The phone on her nightstand peeled shrilly in the stillness and she snatched at the receiver: Anything to avoid having to make conversation with Trevor. It had been nearly a month and he still couldn’t bring himself to look at her.
“Hello?”
“Is that Mrs Logan?”
“Yes,” she answered, her voice low and cautious. Ever since the assault, she’d been bombarded with calls from the media. It was a sad indicator of the deterioration of her relationship with her husband that she’d rather risk speaking with a journalist than talk to the man she’d been married to nearly half of her life.
“It’s Phoebe Jamison. I’m a psychologist at Grafton Base Hospital. I’m also a friend of Josie Munro’s.”
“Yes. I remember. She told me she’d call you.”
“She did and I apologize that it’s taken me awhile to get back to you. We have an enormous backlog of patients needing our services.”
“It’s fine,” Kelly muttered, wanting nothing more than to end the call.
“Josie asked me to look into what counseling options might be available to you,” the woman continued. “Unfortunately, there are no government funded face-to-face counseling services available, but she told me a little about your circumstances and I…I’d like to help your family, free of charge.”
Kelly frowned and did her best to follow the counselor’s conversation. Trevor entered the bedroom and stood a short distance away, staring at the floor. A cup of coffee and a plate of toast were on a tray in his hands. Her heart lurched at his thoughtfulness.
“Mrs Logan? Are you still there?”
“Y-yes,” she managed. “I’m still here.”
“Would you like to make an appointment?”
Kelly closed her eyes and tried to block out the pain. The sane, logical part of her brain urged her to respond with an affirmative, but the ever-present blackness overshadowed it. She didn’t want to make an appointment. She didn’t want to ever have to think about that nightmare again. She couldn’t think of anything worse than reliving the terror of it before a stranger—or anyone. Not even her husband.
“I’m…I’m sorry, Ms Jamison. I really am. I appreciate your call and your very kind offer, but I don’t think so.”
“Talking about it with someone can help, Mrs Logan.” The woman’s gentle reply brought tears to Kelly’s eyes. She turned her face away from her husband and bit her lip against a sob.
“I-I’m sorry, I have to go.” Quickly, she returned the receiver to the cradle and then buried her face against her pillow. The pain she’d tried so hard to hold at bay seeped from her eyes and sent a paroxysm of shudders through her body. She thought she was all out of tears, but fresh ones kept coming. They ran down her cheeks and dampened the pillowcase.
A rough hand swiped gently across her hair. She tensed and then forced herself to relax.
Trevor. It was only Trevor. It was the first time he’d touched her since it happened. She cried like she’d never stop.
CHAPTER NINE
Josie stared at the untouched chicken and mayo roll on her desk and swallowed a sigh. She’d dashed out between patients and purchased it from the café around the corner, but hadn’t gotten around to eating it. Now, as she waited for Daniel Logan, her appetite disappeared.
While she’d refused to share her thoughts with Chase, she was fairly certain in which direction they were headed. From all accounts, Daniel was a well-mannered, well-behaved preteen who had been raised with courtesy and respect. While he’d been through severe trauma, the kind she wouldn’t wish on anybody, it couldn’t be said that he was unable to grasp the seriousness of what was going on. In their last session, he’d even asked about the court process and how long a matter like his might take.
No, she was sure that his fitness to stand trial and his ability to comprehend what was going on was unquestionable. What she was less certain of was his ability to discern right from wrong in the criminal sense that the Crown required. Secretly, she hoped when she questioned him in this regard, he would display obvious signs that he didn’t quite understand. The last thing she wanted was to see him stand trial.
He’d killed a man, but who wouldn’t have done the same in similar circumstances? Most of the townspeople were appalled he’d been charged, men and women alike. Some were hailing Daniel a hero. Even others were calling for a bravery award. She hadn’t heard a single whisper that the law had played it right.
It tore Josie up inside. She was among the people who wanted to laud the boy as a hero, but they were part of a society that lived and died by its rules—rules that were imperative to survival and were necessary to ensure order. Without them, there would be anarchy.
She couldn’t imagine what would happen if people were free to shoot and kill as they pleased. No one had the right to be judge, jury and executioner, no matter how despicable the crime. Laws were put in place for a reason. It wasn’t up to a twelve-year-old boy to decide when and if he would follow them. Her thoughts turned to the police and the difficult job they faced.
She wondered about Chase and Riley and the pressure they both must be under. Helplessness and compassion tightened her chest. She hoped the people of Watervale understood that the police were merely doing their job. She remembered her outburst when Chase informed her that charges would be laid and she felt a stab of guilt. She’d been unfair. The Chase she’d known wouldn’t have made the decision lightly.
She recalled his invitation earlier that morning to get together for a drink and her heart skipped a beat. The invitation was not something she expected and just the thought of meeting him sent heat coursing through her. It was foolish to get so excited at the thought of seeing him again socially. Years ago, he’d dumped her without a word of explanation. His actions shredded her heart into so many pieces, it had taken her years to heal. He’d taken the one thing she offered him so freely and lovingly, something she could never regain, then turned around and left her without looking back.
He was just like the boys her mother had warned her about; the ones who were only after one thing. Josie used to smother
a smile every time her mother said it: ‘They’re only after one thing’—like her mother couldn’t bring herself to say the word sex.
The fact that her mother had been right saddened her; that Chase was the one to take her innocence and leave without a word devastated her even more.
And yet, here she was, a decade later, contemplating forgiving and forgetting the past. Did she love him that much that she’d be willing to overlook his cruel and callous behavior, the way he exited her life the very day after she slept with him? Despite everything, did she still want more of him?
She sighed heavily, scared that the answer was yes, regardless of the reasons why she should not. Somewhere buried deep within her, she hoped he’d finally offer her an explanation; one that would blow all the heartache away; one that she could nod and smile in relief and say, ‘Of course, that’s why you didn’t call; why you left without a word.’
She glanced at her watch: Three more hours before she was due to meet him; three more hours before, hopefully, she’d know the truth and if that truth could set her free, then maybe, just maybe, she’d feel his lips on hers again.
Excitement, apprehension and uncertainty surged through her. The tangled web of emotions sent a tingling sensation all the way down to her toes. She remembered the way he held her, like she was the most valuable thing in the world. She remembered his soft caresses, of the feel of him deep within her. It had been too long since she felt cared for and loved. She’d been so lonely. All of a sudden, the time to meet him couldn’t come soon enough.
The phone at her elbow buzzed and she picked it up and answered the call.
“Josie, it’s Moira. I just wanted to let you know your next appointment is here.”
