The Defendant

by Chris Taylor

  The only thing that hadn’t changed was her beautiful, wheat-colored hair. She’d worn it long, even back then and the casual ponytail was as familiar to him as her smile. Not that he’d seen a lot of her smile lately. He determined to change that: starting right now.

  He’d called her with the intention of explaining everything from start to finish—just like Riley had suggested—and he would… But…not right now. Not when her eyes were alight with excitement and she all but danced with anticipation. So what if it was all about his motorbike? He’d take whatever time he could get.

  He didn’t know how she’d react to his story, especially after the way he’d treated her since he found out she was in town. All this could be too little too late. Still, he’d enjoy the next few moments and make them last as long as he could. If things went badly, the memories of her on the back of his Fireblade might have to last a lifetime.

  Within minutes, she returned, tugging a helmet on her head. Together, they walked to the Fireblade and Chase swung his leg over the bike. Holding it steady, he couldn’t help but gasp when she climbed on behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. The feel of her pressed up against him was heaven and he cursed beneath his breath.

  What kind of hell had he just made for himself? He’d tossed his jacket aside earlier and now felt every inch of her soft breasts against his back. His skin burned beneath his T-shirt and his cock hardened with need. How the hell was he going to stop himself from dragging her into his arms later and burying himself inside her? He didn’t know.

  In an effort to distract himself, he pulled on his helmet and blew out his breath on a heavy sigh. If she felt his tension, she didn’t say anything and a moment later, he pressed the starter button and the Fireblade’s engine roared to life.

  One hundred and fifty-three horsepower and more than seventy-eight pounds of torque throbbed between his thighs and the familiar bolt of adrenalin surged through him. Josie’s arms tightened around him and all of a sudden he didn’t care about anything but the two of them.

  He intended to treasure this moment in time that might never come again. The girl he loved more than anyone else was pressed tightly against him, astride his motorbike. Life didn’t get any better.

  When they turned onto the main road that led into Watervale, Chase opened up the throttle and enjoyed the rush of wind against his face. He turned slightly and caught Josie’s wide smile and contentment swelled in his heart. She loved it, just like she’d told him. He couldn’t believe his luck. The woman of his dreams loved his hobby, probably as much as he did.

  They rode along the highway without saying a word, heading further away from the town. So caught up was he in the wonder of the moment, that Chase didn’t notice the light had faded until Josie tugged on his arm. They’d best turn around for home.

  Switching on his headlight, he pulled onto the shoulder of the road and slowed. Coming to a halt, he put his foot on the ground to maintain their balance and then tugged off his helmet.

  “So, what do you think?” he asked and smiled at Josie. She pulled her helmet off and shook out her hair. The ponytail had loosened and strands of golden silk hung in all sorts of crazy directions.

  Her grin was wide and infectious. “It was great. I loved every minute of it. I thought my Triumph was fast. It’s got nothing on this.” She nodded toward the Fireblade and he smiled back at her, pleased and proud.

  Their eyes locked and suddenly the world faded around them. The noise from the nearby highway disappeared. The encroaching evening was forgotten and all of a sudden, he couldn’t breathe. His cock throbbed with desire, his heart beat double time. His mouth was as dry as sandpaper and he couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

  Josie seemed to be similarly affected. She opened her mouth and then closed it and then opened it once again. In the dimness, her eyes were huge and dark and…full of need. He moved closer and cupped her chin in his hand and slowly lowered his head. His lips touched hers with the lightest of pressure, but it was enough.

  Familiar memories engulfed him. She tasted exactly the same. Her lips were soft and full and giving, just as he remembered. He’d never get enough. With a groan, he pulled her hard against him and kissed her like a man starved and tried to satiate his need.

  “Chase,” she breathed and his heart swelled with emotion at the sound of his name on her lips.

  “Josie, Josie, Josie. Hell, I want you so much. It’s been so long. God, I’ve missed you. You can’t imagine how much.”

  Her arms crept up around his neck and she joined him kiss for kiss. Little sighs and moans of need escaped through her mouth. His cock throbbed painfully against the denim of his jeans. He’d have to slow things down or he’d take her right there, against the seat of his bike.

  Their first time after a decade deserved so much more, no matter how much the idea of seeing her bent over the Fireblade’s seat appealed to him. He wanted their second time to be so much more than that. He dreamed of lying her down across satin sheets and loving every inch of her with his tongue. He dreamed of her legs around him, holding fast to the frantic pump of his hips. She’d rise and meet each one of his hard thrusts and beg him for more.

  As if also sensing the side of the highway was probably not the best place for an intimate reunion, Josie pulled slowly back and slid her arms away from his neck. Her breath still came fast, but she put some space between them and offered him a nervous smile.

  “Phew, that was… I’m not sure if I can describe it.”

  He smiled back at her and nodded, knowing exactly what she meant. Relieved that she wasn’t going to deny the chemistry between them, even after all these years, he pulled her back into his arms for one last hard hug and pressed a lingering kiss against the softness of her hair.

  “We better get back,” he murmured against the silky strands. He felt her nod.

  “Yes. We better.”

  * * *

  Josie poured each of them a glass of Prosecco and carried both drinks out to the front porch. Chase was sitting on the loveseat that stood at the far end. He’d set it to swinging gently and appeared to be engrossed in the view of the yard. Only the last vestige of sunset was visible on the horizon.

  Josie offered him a glass and he murmured his thanks. “It’s beautiful out here.”

  She looked up and absorbed the red and purple and deep golden-orange hues that colored the evening sky and nodded. “Yes,” she said with feeling. “It is.”

  “It must be a change from the city.”

  “Yes. A lot quieter, for one thing and I don’t miss the daily commute, although the city has its advantages.”

  “Tell me,” Chase murmured.

  Josie made her way over to the loveseat and sat down beside him. Taking a sip from her glass, she drew in a breath and spoke.

  “The city’s alive with people. There’s never a dull moment. Brisbane’s not like Sydney or Melbourne, of course, but it has a charm all of its own. The river is busy with ferries and boats and yachts and all sorts of other watercraft and I love to go down to the port and watch the freighters coming in. They carry flags from all over the world and sometimes I wonder about the sailors on them: arriving in yet another foreign place, exploring another unfamiliar city.”

  She shrugged and smiled and felt a little foolish because she’d rambled on, but Chase only looked at her with gentle encouragement and she continued.

  “I love the shopping, of course and all the things you can do in a city: the live shows, the musicals, the concerts. There’s always something on. You’re never bored there—at least, Chanel and I never were. She still lives there. She’s finished her degree in medicine and is doing her internship at Royal Brisbane Hospital.”

  “I remember Chanel. She’s a few years younger than you.”

  “Yes, she’s three years younger. The last time you saw her was at my graduation and she was a gawky fifteen-year-old.”

  Chase smiled. “I recall she wore some kind of blue shiny dress that s
he complained long and loudly didn’t fit. That’s about all I remember. I had eyes only for you.”

  Josie’s heart stopped completely and then thudded against her chest. She stared at Chase and remembered. Every word, every smile, every minute detail of that night was branded in her mind.

  Chase was remembering, too, if the pool of emotion in his eyes was any indication. The light was fading fast, but he stared at her like he used to; like she was the only woman in the world. He moved closer until there was barely an inch between them.

  “Josie,” he croaked, his voice husky with need.

  She wanted so much to kiss him, to take up where they’d left off, but this time, the purpose of his visit held her back. The mystery of the reason they were no longer together crashed into her consciousness and she eased herself away. He’d come there to tell her the truth, to give her the explanation she was owed.

  She trembled at the thought of what he might say, but there could never be anything between them in the future until the past had been put to rest.

  “Chase, we need to talk, remember? That’s the reason that you came.”

  He blinked and then drew in a deep breath. Blowing it out in a rush, he nodded and then looked away.

  “You’re right. Yes, of course. Talk. We need to talk.” He stood abruptly and gulped at the remains of his wine.

  When it was empty, he set it on a low table that stood a short distance away and then ran his hands through his hair. Josie swallowed her nervousness and braced herself for what was to come.

  “From the moment I spied you on the sidelines, sitting in the bleachers with that broken leg, I was in love with you. Your smile, your laughter, your presence—you lit up the stadium. I felt it clear across the other side of the football field.” He shrugged and looked a little embarrassed, but the earnestness in his expression convinced her he was sincere.

  “It sounds like some soppy crap from a terrible B grade movie, but it’s the truth.” He snagged her gaze and held it. “I still feel that way.”

  Josie’s heart faltered and time stood still. She tried to look away, tried to break the spell, but couldn’t.

  With another sigh, Chase turned away. “The night of your graduation was the most magical night of my life. I couldn’t wait to tell the world of our love. I couldn’t wait to make you mine.”

  He shook his head sadly, caught up in the memories. Josie knew how he felt. She was remembering, too.

  “What happened, Chase?” she asked softly. “Please, tell me.”

  His shoulders slumped and the light disappeared from his eyes. Slowly, like a man nearing the end of his time, he made his way back to her and sat down in the loveseat.

  Now that the moment was upon her, Josie couldn’t breathe. Panic clawed at her throat and all of a sudden, she didn’t want to know. Surely, not knowing was better than hearing the awful truth—whatever that might be? And awful it must be or Chase would have told her a decade ago.

  “Chase, you don’t have to—”

  “Yes, I do,” he interrupted her and she saw the determination harden his face. “I do.”

  Josie eased out a breath between lips that were sand-dune dry and prayed for the strength to see this through. Chase’s lips moved silently and she could only wonder if he was praying, too.

  “The day after your graduation, the day after the most magical night of my life, my mother rushed me to a specialist at the hospital. I was poked and prodded and sent for a scan. A biopsy was done. Many hours later, after the results came back, the doctor told me I had cancer.”

  Josie gasped in shock and horror, never once suspecting this had been the reason for his abandonment. All the years when she’d cursed him for dumping her without a word rushed back to haunt her and she burned with shame. While she’d been thinking the worst of him, he’d been lying in pain on a hospital bed, hearing news of a devastating kind.

  “W-was it malignant?” she stammered, already knowing the answer.

  Chase nodded slowly. “Yes. In the rush to get to the hospital, I’d left my phone at home. I had no way to let you know.”

  “But what about after? You’re here, alive and well. You got treatment. You got better. Why didn’t you call me?” She tried hard not to sound accusatory, but the pain of his endless silence crept in. Chase moved a little closer and took both of her hands in his.

  “I wanted to, believe me. There was nothing more that I wanted, but…” He shrugged helplessly.

  “Don’t shrug at me, Chase Barrington. I deserve better than that. I loved you with everything that I was. I wanted to be your wife!” Tears filled her eyes and she swiped at them with the back of one hand. She had to get a handle on herself. There was more to the story that Chase hadn’t told her. She was sure of it.

  “What kind of cancer did you have?” she demanded, suddenly realizing he hadn’t told her.

  He pulled his hand away from hers and leaned over to rest his elbows on his thighs. His head hung low.

  She was right. There was something he hadn’t told her. The certainty didn’t make it any easier. Her heart pounded and she forced herself to ask again.

  “Chase Barrington, you tell me right now. What kind of cancer did you have?”

  She waited in silence with bated breath. It was the longest minute of her life. At last, he lifted his head.

  “I had Stage Two testicular cancer. They removed all of one and most of the other and then I had chemo and radiotherapy to deal with the spread of it to the lymph nodes in my abdomen.”

  Josie gasped and tried to process what he’d told her. Before she had a chance, he spoke again.

  “I was still trying to come to terms with the fact that I had cancer when the doctor started talking about infertility. I was nineteen and someone was telling me the treatment I needed to stay alive would make me infertile. I’d never father a child. I’d never know that joy. All the things we’d talked about, all the plans we’d made. They dissolved into ashes in front of me.”

  His voice hitched with emotion and Josie’s tears fell unheeded down her cheeks. She couldn’t believe what he’d told her, but knew it was the truth. It explained so much; it explained everything. Her heart weighed heavy with sadness for all that they’d lost, for all that could have been.

  “Oh, Chase,” she gasped and threw herself in his arms. Taking refuge against the strong wall of his chest, she cried and cried and cried. A long while later, the deluge subsided to the occasional sob and it was then that the guilt set in.

  All through her crying jag, Chase had held her pressed tenderly against him, murmuring soothing noises against her hair, but it wasn’t all about her. He had lost, too: perhaps even more so. He’d mourned the loss of their dream for a decade, believing everything was lost. She’d always maintained hope that one day, they’d find each other and everything would be all right once again.

  “I’m so, so sorry, Chase. How could I have blubbered all over you like that? You’re the one who had cancer. You’re the one with the right to be devastated.”

  Chase stared at her, his green eyes a sea of desolation. “I was devastated. I am devastated. Every time I think about it, I have to try hard not to get angry at the hand I was dealt. It would have been okay if it had only affected me, but your dream was destroyed, too. It wasn’t just me facing a very different future. The life you’d envisaged was also gone.”

  He shook his head slowly as if he were still unable to believe it. “We’d talked about the family we’d have. We’d even named our kids. You couldn’t wait to be a mother. I couldn’t tell you the dream was over. That it would never happen with me. I-I just couldn’t do it.” His voice cracked and he bit down on a sob.

  Josie’s heart broke at the anguish etched onto his handsome face. She wanted to erase it, to wipe away his pain, but she didn’t know how.

  “It’s okay,” she whispered and laid her palm tenderly against his cheek. The roughness of his five o’clock shadow brushed against her hand. “I understand. I wish you’d
told me, but I understand why you didn’t.”

  “Are you… Are you still mad at me for leaving without a word?” he uttered hoarsely.

  She shook her head vehemently. “How can you even ask me that? I spent ten years being mad at you and loving you just the same. Now that I know the truth, the anger has disappeared. All I feel is love.”

  Chase’s eyes widened in surprise and hope bloomed on his face. “Love? You still love me?”

  Fresh tears sprang in Josie’s eyes, but she nodded and smiled at him and tried to make him understand.

  “Of course I still love you. It’s never changed. A decade, a lifetime later and I love you as much as I always have. I love you with every fiber of my being. It’s just the way it is. Even when I wanted to hate you, I couldn’t stop loving you.”

  Chase leaned forward and held her head while he planted a hard kiss against her lips. “I love you, too. God, you’ll never know how much.” With that, he released her and stood and moved away. Josie frowned in confusion.

  “What is it, Chase? What’s the matter?”

  He spun on his heel and faced her, his eyes bleak with despair. “Don’t you see? This changes nothing. You love me. I love you. It doesn’t cure my infertility. It doesn’t give you a child.”

  Josie’s jaw dropped open in shock. It was swiftly replaced with anger. No longer able to sit, she stood and advanced upon him.

  “You can’t be serious? You can’t seriously expect me to believe you think your ability to provide me with a child is more important than spending my life with you?”

  Chase’s continued silence infuriated her.

  “How can you think so little of me? How can you think me so shallow? So selfish? So utterly self-absorbed? How can you think your worth to me is measured in your ability to father a child?” Her breath came fast and she made an effort to control her temper. In a slightly calmer voice, she continued.