I was mad. The bright happy sunshine outside pissed me off, because my life had never felt more grey and clouded. I was angry because of the years he’d sacrificed at his own doing. He’d spent time locked inside a correctional facility while I’d welcomed a most precious gift into my life. It seemed unfair at the highest level. I was pissed because some girl I’d never met had made a bad decision to operate a vehicle while impaired, and after all these years, he remained guilty in the eyes of his family, the grief-stricken family of that innocent woman, and the world.
“It’s bullshit!” I mumbled to my own god-awful reflection in the mirror.
What kind of person lets someone go to prison for them? How could she do this, knowing it would take away years of his life?
Sure, he’d played a crucial role in their actions, and he shouldn’t have ever been anywhere near a vehicle in that state, but taking responsibility and protecting her name by affronting his own made my head spin. I shoved a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
“Damn you, Stone. Damn the person who screwed us over and damn Tessa for letting that shit happen!” I whispered to make myself feel better, but it didn’t. Nothing made me feel better.
He hadn’t called or sent a text, not even to check on Savannah. Part of me wished he would, but hearing his voice was like asking for the pain with the torture. I picked up the laundry basket from the floor and instead of taking it to Savannah’s room, I sat it on the end of my bed. I couldn’t face her and risk not keeping my shit together in front of her.
Heading toward the kitchen, I stopped at her door to sneak a quick peek. She was stretched across the floor with a pile of small cartoon figurines, and I watched for a few minutes before marching to the dining room.
Sinking into a chair at the dining room table, lost in a thousand thoughts, I absently rolled my thumb around the rim of the glass I’d left on the table earlier. Circle after circle, I traced the edges while staring at the tiny wood grains of the table. Regardless of what happened between us, I was still ever so thankful she was going to have a dad in her life.
Not once had Dovie ever mentioned anything about Stone getting into trouble, but I couldn’t blame her. A couple months after my family and I moved away, I found out I was pregnant. Vowing Stone would never lay his eyes on her, staying away from Dovie had been the only choice I had. After Savannah was born, guilt consumed me, and even though we still talked on the phone, sent letters, and cards, I couldn’t face the only grandmother I’d ever known. Selfishly, I’d chalked it up to West Tempie holding far too many painful memories, but I’d missed her terribly. When I finally dug deep and found the courage to visit, she dared mentioning Stone’s name, forcing me to draw a hard line. The scars were too fresh and excruciating for me to handle. Dovie seemed to understand, and from that moment on, she never mentioned his name again.
Numb and in a fog, deep into memories, I didn’t notice Lindsey and Kaylee approach the back door until she tapped on the pane. One look at me through the window caused her smile to fade. Not bothering to knock again, she eased inside, steering Kaylee off to Savannah’s room.
“Oh, Avery. What happened?” Genuine loving concern filled her warm chocolate eyes.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Where do I start?”
She sank down in the chair across from me with worried eyes filled with sympathy. “At the beginning.”
I wanted to tell her everything, spill my guts from A to Z, but I couldn’t. I needed Lindsey to help me understand, to soothe the pain and help me heal. I yearned to empty my soul, but I wouldn’t. I couldn’t do that to Stone.
“I’m an idiot. He wanted sex and I wanted his heart. He made himself perfectly clear, and I didn’t listen. I held on to the hope that he would feel something like he used to. I mean…when we found out he didn’t sleep with Mom, I thought what we used to have would invade him as it did me, that he would think about us as much as I did. I thought if he loved me back then as much as I thought he did, then he had to still feel something for me. We didn’t have a reason we couldn’t at least try.”
“Did you tell him how you felt? Or did he come out and say he didn’t want more?”
“I never told him. Him? Yes. No.” I sighed. “Maybe.”
“When you were at the beach, did he…give you any clues? Make you feel there was anything between you two?”
“Oh, my God, yes. It was like old times, slipping around together. It was like he couldn’t keep his hands off me. I swear it was like we rolled back in time. It was fun, exciting, daring, and my God, the way he made me feel. At night, when Savannah fell asleep, we sat out on the deck, lay together watching movies on the couch, and the sex was amazing, but none of it was enough to make him want anything more than a hot time between the sheets.”
“When are you supposed to see him again?”
“I don’t really know. Things…went south, and he sent us home. He was supposed to go to Savannah’s doctor’s appointment tomorrow, but that’s not going to happen. He said he’d be in touch.”
“Sent you home? As in asked you to leave?”
“He didn’t ask anything. He made the arrangements for his pilot to fly us home, just told me how it was going to be.” I paused before adding, “Something about a business meeting he couldn’t get out of.”
She cocked her head to the side, making air quotes. “When he ‘gets in touch’, it’s time for you to show him what he’s throwing away. Let him see what he decided he didn’t want is available and is fair play for every single man down at The Blue Cactus.”
“I’m not leaving Savannah with a babysitter. You know I don’t do that. She may have a seizure.”
“Honey, you forget he wants to have visitation. That means he’ll be keeping her over the weekends and some during the summer. Give him education on what do and how to give the medication. Write it down so he’ll remember. That first night when he comes for her, you and I are going out, and his damn mouth is going to hit the damn floor.” Her eyes beamed with mischievous flashes like a neon sign.
A smile teased the corner of my lips. “Sounds like something I might have done once upon a time, but now? I don’t know. It’s not like he would even care.”
“Like I said, his damn mouth will hit the floor. You let me know when he’s coming, and I’ll make sure I have a babysitter lined up for Kaylee. It’s high time you went out, and who knows, you might get laid and forget all about Stone. Maybe he just woke up your girl parts from the coma they’ve been in!”
Lindsey kept me company the rest of the afternoon and after she left her words pin-balled in my thoughts. How would Stone react? Would he even care? I only knew, Lindsey was right about one thing and wrong on another. It was time I went out and had a fun night, but forgetting about Stone for one second was impossible.
The next day Savannah’s doctor’s appointment went exceptionally well, and Dr. Grimes was pleased the medication regimen kept the epilepsy managed. While in Dallas, Savannah and I shopped at one of her favorite stores called Color Me Happy where she picked out a new set of coloring pencils and a princess fairytale art book. Afterward, we spent our mother-daughter time grabbing grilled cheese sandwiches and riding a carriage through an old market square.
On the way home, I made the decision to make the call to Dovie. It was time to plan a visit and face the weight of my own deceptions. My heart hurt thinking about the risk of losing the sweetest woman in the world, but the time had come to brave the truth and put the lies behind us.
“Is my daddy coming to see me?” Savannah asked out of nowhere.
“I’m sure he is,” I said, answering the best way I knew how—he was, I just didn’t know when.
“Soon?”
“I don’t know when, sweetie. Maybe soon.”
“Can I call him?”
Well hell…
“Um…sure. Let’s wait until we get home. Mama doesn’t want to look up his number while driving.”
“But you can use your radio, like before whe
n you use your phone.”
Geez, when did she become so observant?
Swallowing hard, I replied, “I guess you’re right.” I pressed the hands-free button and used the voice-activated system. “Call Stone.”
A second later, the sound of his phone rang over the speakers in the car, and waiting for him to answer seemed to make my heart speed up. I ran my tongue over my dry lips, waiting to hear his sexy voice that did something to my insides. I prayed for courage, peace, and strength. Regardless of how much he hurt or infuriated me, I had to do this for Savannah.
“Hello.” He sounded curt and reserved, far from warm and inviting.
“Hi Daddy.” Her voice was sweet and excited.
“We’re on speakerphone. She wanted to call you and I didn’t think you would mind.”
“Hi there, Savannah-Anna.” His voice was now filled with playfulness.
“When are you coming to see me?” Her eyes gleamed.
“How ’bout in the morning, kiddo?”
“Yay! He’s coming in the morning!” She was beside herself, chanting her excitement.
Glancing toward her, I nodded with a fake grin plastered across my face.
“That good with you, Avery?”
“Of course. That’s fine,” I answered coolly, as if my heart didn’t feel like it was being strangled. I wasn’t ready for Stone to come so soon. I’d been so desperate to give in to him, hoping he’d lose himself in me, praying he’d want the same. When he didn’t, I’d lost the last tiny piece of me that I’d never get back.
An awkward few seconds passed before Savannah squeaked, “Me and Mama will make you cookies.”
“That sounds yummy. What kind?” His tone seemed boyish, the way he had been with Dovie when we were growing up, full of love and happiness.
“Chocolate chip.”
I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles blanched.
“My favorite. I can’t wait. Princess, I need to talk to your mom for a minute.” There was a brief pause. “What time is good for me to come?”
Never. “I’m good with whenever.”’
He took a deep breath and his sigh echoed through the car. “Plan for eleven then.” He paused before adding, “I’ll be staying a few days.”
My breath caught. “Okay.”
“How was Savannah’s doctor’s appointment?”
“Good.”
“Avery, you and I need to talk tomorrow.” He sounded irritated, probably because of my short answers, but that was all I had to give. I’d already given the last piece of me, and he’d tossed it back as if it were nothing more than the dirt he walked on. “Savannah-Anna, I can’t wait for those cookies.”
She beamed, nodding her head as if he could see her. “Bye Daddy.”
Chapter 20
As promised, Stone arrived at eleven AM sharp, and when he knocked on the door, Savannah flew from the table where we were coloring pages out of her new book. A lavender colored pencil rolled against the plate of fresh baked cookies as she darted toward the door.
His voice charged the air with so much sexiness, it gave me a thrilling adrenaline rush. I swallowed hard as I failed at keeping my eyes off him. He looked like every woman’s dream. His khaki shorts showed his defined, powerful legs and his royal blue polo stretched taut against his chest.
Mercy.
Against my will, he stole the air from my lungs without trying. In all his perfection, he knelt down, pulling Savannah into a genuine embrace. So loving, warm, and caring, and so perfect. He was and always would be the most beautiful man I’d ever laid eyes on. Two days before, he’d been sad as if shrouded in despondency, and now it was like it had never happened.
I didn’t have to meet Tessa to strongly dislike her. She’d been a coward, allowing Stone to take the fall for the death of the innocent woman. Somewhere a family despised Stone for plowing his truck into that woman’s vehicle. For robbing them of the years they might have had left with their grandmother. For stealing that one last birthday, holiday, or—if she was anything like Dovie—a glass of lemonade on the front porch. They all blamed Stone…because he’d lied about driving under the influence when really he’d been fast asleep in the passenger seat.
Looking up, his gaze caught mine, and I waited breathlessly for him to shift his eyes from mine…but he didn’t. He lingered, locking his unreadable stare on me. Tingles prickled my skin, and I wondered if he felt the same electricity.
He cast a slight smile in my direction as if silently asking for a truce. My chest squeezed, wanting the least bit of a sign that he wanted more, that he’d had second thoughts. Though I’d vowed not to shed another tear, especially in front of him, I knew I was on the edge of cracking. Nothing made sense. Sure, he’d made some bad decisions, but now he had a chance to be happy. He had a shot at love, and he didn’t want it.
One minute, I couldn’t take my eyes from him, and the next, my feet carried me outside on the patio. Over the wooden fence, Lindsey’s car roared to life before pulling out of her drive. She and Kaylee were headed to our usual Saturday dining spot, Mama Carina’s, which served up the best pizza in the whole state of Texas.
Resting my head on the back of the chair, I swiveled around in a circle. My thoughts shifted from us to what would never be, back to Stone and Savannah and how he would always have a tie to me through my baby. I wondered what I’d done wrong to live a life of punishment, to be destined to constantly face the man I’d always love but couldn’t have.
Get a grip. You can let him go. You did it once, you can do it again.
The door opened and closed behind me. Savannah’s small feet ran past where I sat, stopping at the ladder of the slide attached to the swing set.
“Watch me!” She peeked around the side while bouncing up the steps.
“I’m watching,” he called out to her. Not taking his eyes from her, he said, “We need to talk, Avery. About us.”
I kept silent, watching her slide down on her tummy while giggling.
“Do it again!” Stone encouraged. “Avery, stop brushing me off with short, to-the-point answers. We need to settle things between us, for Savannah.”
“There’s nothing between us that needs settling. We’re parents, we’re friends, and we are going to forget about all the yesterdays—at least that’s what I intend to do. All we have left is to come to an agreement on visitation. Hopefully we can meet somewhere in the middle before scheduling appointments with our respective attorneys and going before the judge.”
He frowned. “It can’t work between us.”
“I’m not asking for it to work, not anymore. Relationships are a two-lane road, and I was on a one-way street,” I said flatly. “From this point forward, I don’t want to talk about me and you. It’s all about her. Savannah needs a consistent routine and when school starts, you can see her every other weekend. You’re welcome to come here any time you like, I only ask that you call first.”
God, how I hated letting her go. Sharing her was difficult, just as it was difficult to accept that Stone had built a wall around his heart. He had so much to give, but kept his gifts buried deep inside.
He nodded. “My parole officer is willing to allow me to travel once a week to see her. I can come every other Friday afternoon, fly her back to Houston, and return her on Sunday. If something changes, how do you feel about Hank flying her to Houston for me?”
I hated it. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Are you able to stay for the weekend?”
“Yes.”
“What hotel are you staying at?”
He frowned. “I assumed you’d want me to stay here this weekend so you could monitor everything. I guess I should have asked.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Yes, you should have asked. If you’re planning on coming often, you need to consider finding a place of your own. We’ll do this once, but you can’t stay here again.”
He nodded. “Deal.”
“Come push me!” Savannah climbed into the s
eat of a swing, kicking her feet back and forth to gain momentum.
Stone stood. “I’ll make it up to you by cooking up some steaks tonight.”
Without looking at him, I stood and called over my shoulder. “It’ll just be you and Savannah. I made plans to spend time with Lindsey.”
I felt the burn of his gaze heat my back as I marched inside. For the first time, I wanted to go out on the town. I wanted to let go of the past and show him exactly what he’d thrown away.
The rest of the afternoon, I stayed in my bedroom going through outfits. I hadn’t done the bar scene since before Savannah was born and didn’t have a clue what to wear. I ran my hand along the clothes in the closet, laying some across the bed.
Me: Hey, what do you think about a denim skirt, layered shirts, and my red boots?
Lindsey: Maybe….or you could wear that short black and white chevron dress, red accessories, and your red boots.
Me: We’ll see…I’ll try them on.
Lindsey: Does he know you’re going?
Me: Not where. I only told him I have plans with you.
Lindsey: This will be good. Don’t come out of your room until I ring the doorbell. That will only give him a few minutes to wonder what the hell just happened as you waltz out the door with me, dressed to kill.
Me: I’m doing this for me, Linds. For me.
Lindsey: :) See you soon.
“Avery?” Stone called from the other side of my closed door.
“Hang on.” I frantically swept up the clothes strewn across my bed and dumped them in my closet.
Opening the door, I calmly asked, “What’s up?”
His eyes turned a dark shade of blue as they scanned the posters of the bed then drifted to the mattress. I knew he was thinking of me dancing and all the wicked things we’d done in here. “You sure you don’t want to have dinner with us?”
“I’m sure—which reminds me, you need to know what to do in case Savannah has a seizure. The most important thing to know is that you can’t stop it and you just have to keep her in a safe position. Roll her to her side if necessary. Thankfully, she doesn’t have the kind with severe jerking movement. Still, you need to protect her airway by rolling her to the side and keeping her head protected from injury. Use a pillow if there’s one within reach. Afterward, she won’t come around for several minutes. It’ll feel like forever. When she does, she may complain of a headache and usually wants to sleep a lot the rest of the day. It’s been six months since she last had one and the doctor was pleased with her progress.”
Chasing Wicked (The Mitchell Brothers - Wicked Series Book 1) Page 14
