Neel Dervin and the Dark Angel

by Neeraj Chand

  “How did I escape?” Neel burst out urgently. “I remember lying on the road. I was fainting. I thought I was going to die.” “ Your health was in extremely critical condition for overtwo hours.” Divya answered in a low voice.“You had pretty minor cuts and bruises, and the shock of the impact of the car was also temporary. The main problem was the drug Mehta gave you. It was powerful enough to knock out a horse, but fortunatelyit wasn"t lethal. The bullets,” Divya stopped abruptly, catching her breath. But then she took a deep breath and resumed in a normal voice. “You were shot three times. But your body did a good job of recovering from them. You should barely have a scar left in a few days.”

  Neel nodded.“Who was the biker? Who saved me?” “I did.” Arjun spoke up. “I was ordered privately by General Bakshi to watch over you on your assignments. That"s why I never spoke to you whenever you were on your missions. I was never at Swan Labs.”

  “You"ve been watching over me on all my missions!” Neel stared at him in amazement. “How come I never saw you?” “Something about being a veteran in this business.” Arjunshrugged. “It was a good thing you came out of the complex before you fell. Going in there with all those guards would have been extremely unpleasant.”

  “Thank you.” Neel said to Arjun slowly. Arjun said nothing, but continued to watch him, his dark eyes unreadable. “I took you to Swan Labs, where an army docto r was called in to operate on you. Once we were sure you would survive the incident, Negi, Premi and I took you to your house and got you in bed.

  “My mom didn"t hear you break into the house at night?” “We had to throw a sleeping gas in through the window in her room.” Arjun said. “Not dangerous in anyway, but it was absolutely essential. She won"t experience any ill effects from it except sleeping longer than usual. We had to break down the front door, but we replaced the hinges. The door"s better than new now. We took you up to your room and put you in your bed at around five.” Arjunleaned in closer. “You were in an extremely weakened condition. Your jacket should have done a better job of protecting youfrom the bullets.”

  “I didn"t have it zipped up.” Neel said in a very low voice, avoiding Arjun"s gaze. “It"s easier for me to move when it"s open, and I didn"t know I was going to have to fight. So I thought I"d just let it stay openfor a little while.” His voice died away into silence. He knew Arjun must be disappointed in him.

  Neel sat for a long moment staring blankly ahead. So much had happened last night. So many risks had been taken. So many close calls, and all because of him. He turned to Doctor Fahim, trying to say something that would encompass how he felt at the moment.“I"m sorry.” His said finally, his voice very low.“I blew the mission. And then I almost got myself killed.”

  He hung his head, face burning with shame. He knew what had happened last night was his fault. He had grown overconfident and careless, and had begun to think of himself as invulnerable. And that could have been the last mistake of his life.

  “I should"ve seen the trap.” he said, his eyes still lowered, as he spoke mainly to his hands. “He knew I was coming, and he knew what I"d done in the gym and at the concert. He was ready for me.I should"ve been more careful.”

  Dr Fahim took a chair and sat next to Neel . He reached out and took the young boy"s hands in his own,forcing him to look at him. “What happened to you in front of the car?” he asked gently. The weathered old hands held onto his tightly.

  Neel took a deep breath, and began to tell them everything that had happened since he had hung outside Mehta"s window. He told them about the noise emitting machine, and the syringe. He told them about the fight to get out of the complex. And then he stopped abruptly, as memories of what had happened on the road returned. But DoctorFahim"s grip tightened on his hand, and slowly, he told them what he had felt. Watching the car come towards him and remembering the most painful incident of his life. His heart hammering loudly in his chest. The chills that had run up and down his spine. And the sudden, overpowering feeling of panic that had paralyzed him.

  There was complete silence in the room as Neel finished and sat looking down at his hands again. Arjun was watching him with a frown. Doctor Fahim leaned back slowly and glanced at Divya.

  “PTSD.” he spoke quietly.

  “What?” Neel raised his head to stare at the doctor. “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.” Divya spoke in a sober voice. “It"s a severe anxiety condition. Sometimes, when people experience psychological trauma because of some terrifying event, like excessive cruelty, or in your case, a near death experience, the memories leave very deep and painful scars in their minds. Those memories can come back to haunt them, and overwhelms their ability to cope with similar situations in the future.” She gazed at him, looking as though her heart was breaking for him. “I"m so sorry, Neel.”

  “It wasn"t your fault.” Arjunspoke up abruptly. “That accident was a terrible ordeal for you. And post traumatic stress is quite common, especially among soldiers and war veterans.” “I should have considered the possibility.” Divya said in a hard voice. “It"s my fault; I should have gauged your emotional state during your training. We should have known about this from the start.I"m so sorry.”

  “It is nobody"s fault.” Doctor Fahim said firmly as he rose from his seat. “No one could have predicted your brain"s response in that situation. But we are going to help you overcome your fear.You are not alone in dealing with this, Neel.” Neel nodded, and he felt better for the first time that morning as he listened to the doctor.

  “Have you had anything to eat?” Divya asked him suddenly. Neel shook his head. “Wasn"t hungry.” he mumbled. Divya rose and went into the kitchen. “Don"t worry about the mission.” Arjun said. “Mehta"s not going anywhere. And everyone is allowed to make mistakes. We are all amazed athow well you"d done the job until yesterday. Neel, look at me.” Neel looked up at him unwillingly. “Stop blaming yourself, okay? We"re going to manage this together.”

  Neel nodded quietly, and the three fell into silence. Doctor Fahim was watching Neel intently. Despite the long sleep he still looked worn out and shell shocked. Divya came back with a plate containing three sandwiches. “Try these.” she said. “You"ll feel better.” Neel took a sandwich and mechanically took a bite. Then he realized how hungry he was and quickly polished off the rest. The other three watched him as he ate. There was nothing more that could be done at the moment. He finished his meal, and they rose to leave. Arjun squeezed his shoulder again, and gave him an encouraging smile.

  “We will discuss this again verysoon, Neel.” DoctorFahim said to him quietly. “Just like we handled your training and missions, we will handle this as well.” Neel nodded to him gratefully.

  The three left the house, leaving Neel staring after them as they walked down the street to the car they had parked a certain distance away. Neel turned to stare at the street in front of his house. Everything seemed peaceful.He couldn"t believe that only a few hours ago he"d been surrounded by blood and pain and bullets. He went back inside his house and made his way slowly up to the nest.

  CHAPTER 12: PTSD The next day, Neel awoke from a fitful sleep and went to school. He tried to act as normal as possible, but his mind was completely elsewhere. He was supposed to meet Arjun that afternoon. A new thought had occurred to him which was disturbing him considerably. He had reviewed his present position and realized something which brought a terrible wrench to his heart.

  At two, Arjun met him in the same dusty old car. After some questions about his health, they both lapsed into silence. Neel sat with his head laid back as he listlessly watched the traffic flow around them. Arjun glanced at him intently but remained quiet.

  First they went to a small but immaculately kept clinic on the outskirts of the city. They showed a card to the head nurse, and were taken immediately to a private theatre ward. A doctor came in, exchanged a brief nod with Arjun and told Neel to take off his shirt. The wounds on his back were examined and redressed, the doctor not attempting to engage them in conversation once
, or even asking their names. It was over within minutes. Then they were on their way again. When they reached Swan Labs, he was taken straight to the main building, where he found Negi and Premi sitting talking quietly together in the lobby.

  “Hey, kid.” Negi called out as they entered. He and Premi came forward to meet them, their eyes filled with concern. “How are you feeling?” “I"m fine.” Neel said . He was conscious of a sense of security as he stood with his three trainers. “And thanksfor helping me get back home that night.” He stared fixedly at a spot on the ground, embarrassed to dwell again on the failed mission.

  “We"re proud of you, Neel.” Premi said abruptly.

  “What?” Neel"s head whipped up in surprise. “You were in such horrible shape, and you still managed to get out of the complex.” Negi said. “Do you know how many experienced soldiers would be dead if they had been in your position?”

  “I blew the mission.” Neel said, his voice unexpectedly bitter. “You don"t have to lie to make me feel better. If I hadn"t grown so overconfident”

  “Mistakes would still have been made.” Premi said coolly.“We"re not lying. Just because you are an Alphasoldier does not mean you are perfect.” “ Some slip-ups are inevitable during missions, kid.” Negi said sagely. “We were actually amazed it took you three assignments to make one. And thank god you did, otherwise we wouldn"t have found out about your PTSD condition. It could"ve eaten away at your mindfor years without anyone knowing about it.”

  “You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened that night, Neel.” Arjun warned himquietly. “Unnecessary guilt will not help you duringtherapy.” Neel nodded soberly. “Now we know what it is, and we can get to work curingit.” Premi said. “Doctor Fahim will help you resolve the problem, and then you"ll be stronger than ever.” “Yeah, that"s how you have to see this experience.” Negi added. “You"ve learnt pretty much all you can in the gym. Now it"s time for your mind to work out its kinks. So good luck, kid.” He clapped Neel on his back.“Remember, it"s all in your head, and you"re in charge of your head, not this PTSD thing.” Neel managed a small smile while Premi smiled encouragingly at him as well.

  “ DoctorFahim is waiting for you in his office.” Arjun said to him quietly. “Good luck.” Neel nodded, and looked at his trainers one last time. Then he turned to the stairs and made his way up.

  When he arrived at Doctor Fahim"s office it was empty. He waited for a few minutes, and then the doctor entered, greeting him with a smile.

  “Good afternoon, Neel.” he said. “You should be feeling bettertoday.”

  “I do.” Neel lied. “Last night"s rest was all I needed.”

  “Your back?” “It"s getting better.” Neel said, twisting around slightly to show him. “It doesn"t hurt anymore and the wounds are just scabs now.They"ll be gone soon. The doctor said I can take off the bandages tomorrow.”

  “Good. I think we should start with your treatment as soon as possible.” the doctor said. “Post trauma therapy is not my field of expertise, but we can"t trust a strange doctor with your past. I believe I know enough to help you. I will begin by telling you that I myself have had some very personal experiences in this field.”

  Neel said nothing, suddenly feeling awkward as he looked at Doctor Fahim. The doctor noticed his expression, his eyes studying Neel shrewdly.

  “Divya has alreadytold you about my past.” he said quietly. His piercing gaze made Neel feel like an intruder on an extremely private matter. He nodded dumbly.

  “Then that saves me a long explanation.” Doctor Fahim said with a sigh.

  “I"m sorry about what happened to your wife and son, sir.” Neel said quietly. “Thank you.” Doctor Fahim said. He was silent for a long time. When he spoke again, his voice was soft but calm.“After my son died, I went into depression. The two people who had meant the most to me had died because I had failed to take care of them. The work that had cost me my family, the goal we were trying to achieve, seemed a fantastic dream that could never be a reality. For a long time, I was completely useless. I consulted several psychiatric experts to assist me in dealing with the guilt and loneliness and the depression. But none of them could help.”

  “ So I decided to take matters into my own hands. I read every book on the subject that I could lay my hands on. I corresponded with all the colleagues I had worked with who had experience in the area. The completely different field of research itself helped pull me out of my slump by giving me something new to focus on. And now I may say with some confidence that I know just as much about the subject as anyother psychiatrist. However,” he leaned in and stared at Neel intently. “The choice is up to you, and it is a very important one. If you feel like you would rather have the help of a true professional, or would like to try more reliable forms of therapy, I will personally make sure you get the best help possible.” But Neel shook his head.

  “I want you to do it, sir.” hesaid. “I won"t be able to trust anyone else as much as I do you.” he hesitated for a moment. “But I want to knowsomething first.” he said, trying to speak calmly. “And I don"t want you to lie, or try to avoid the question. Please.” He looked up at Doctor Fahim, who stared back for a moment in silence, and then nodded slowly.

  “Project Alpha.” Neel said. “What"s going to happen to my part in it? Will I still be allowed to continue with the missions?” Doctor Fahim stared at Neel for several moments more without answering. But at last he spokequietly, “No, Neel. What happened that day showed us how blind we were. You are still young, and you were almost killed. You survived bullets and getting hit by a car but you won"t always be so lucky. We forgot to take your emotional age into the equation, the wisdom which can only come through experience. You can see why your continuing with this mission would be a bad idea when you have such a severe case of PTSD. The government can"t let you be a part of the project unless you are one hundred percent fit.”

  Neel nodded, his heart heavy. He had been expecting this. There was nothing he could think of to say in opposition to the decision. “But that is not important now.” DoctorFahim said. “The project will continue in some other form. We will find out what Mehta is doing. The most important thing for you, however, is to get better as soon as possible.” Neel nodded again slowly.

  “ Then that is going to be our new goal from now on.” DoctorFahim rose to his feet. “I see you are still feeling shaken. Perhaps it would not be wise to start today. We will begin your therapy from tomorrow. Arjun will come get you in a few minutes. Go home, rest well, spend some time with your friends and family, and try to think as little about this as possible until tomorrow.” The doctor placed a hand on his shoulder. “As frightening as all of this is, you must do your best to stay positive. Therapy will be difficult, and will require all the concentration you ever invested in your training if your condition is to improve even a little. I will see you tomorrow. Take care of yourself until then.” Neel nodded again.

  Doctor Fahim walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Neel stared at the ground, thinking. Every time he had talked with Doctor Fahim before, he had always told him that he would be able to master his senses, his powers, and any exercises they threw at him. But this time, he had not said once that he would be completely cured one day.

  Several feet away from the door, General Bakshi stood waiting for Doctor Fahim, having once again listened in on a conversation in a private room. “Well , General,” DoctorFahim said heavily, “it seems you were right all along. It was unwise to entrust such grueling work to a teenager. But I thank you and Mr. Rai for allowing our team to remain in contact with him long enough to help him overcome his disorder. I feel I owe it to him to help him deal with it.”

  The General nodded, but his mind seemed to be far away. He was staring at the door of DoctorFahim"s office. “He is certainly a remarkable boy.” he spoke quietly, almost to himself. “And he handled the case very well up till now. It seems almost a pity…” He stood lost in thought for a moment, but then he re
membered what had caused the accident, and focused his attentionon the new problem. “You realize, of course, what saidnight"s events signify?” he said, walking side by side with the Doctor down the corridor.

  “Yes” DoctorFahim said grimly. “Mehta somehow knew about Project Alpha. He knew about Neel"s abilities and how to use them against him. This can only mean one thing.”

  The General nodded again. “There is a traitor among us…”

  * * * And so the final days of Neel "s epoch at Swan Labs began. The atmosphere there was different now. Swan Labs had transformed overnight from the place where he was taught to be a soldier, to the place he visited to get help for his mental disorder. Instead of training for combat, Neel now had one hour sessions with Doctor Fahim.

  On the first day of therapy, Neel sat in DoctorFahim"s office. A much more squashy and comfortable couch had been brought in, and Neel sat on it facing the doctor.

  “Comfortable?” Doctor Fahim asked him. Neel nodded. “All right.” DoctorFahim leaned forward, his gaze intent. “The purpose of these sessions, Neel, is to help to understand your problem, and then to work together to cure it. Shall we begin?” Neel nodded again slowly.

  “Now, you had never experienced anything similar to what happened at Phlicer Complex before that night?”

  “No.” Neel said. “At least-” He stopped and frowned, his mind chasing an old memory.

  “Take your time.” Doctor Fahim said encouragingly. “I do remember something.” Neel said slowly, thinking hard. “At the hospital, when I woke up. I rememberedthe accident, and then,” he stopped, remembering the violent shudder that had passed through his entire frameat that moment. “I felt really scared.” he said in a whisper, his eyes far off. “For a moment I couldn"t breathe. I felt likeI was going to die…”

  His voice trailed away, and there was silence in the room. Doctor Fahim leaned back in his chair.“And then?” he asked quietly.

  “Then I had trouble seeing and hearing properly.” Neel said slowly. “Then you and Divya came in. And I forgot about it.”