The Killer's Game

by Joe R. Lansdale

  “The best clothes are at the back in a storeroom most looters miss,” the young man said.

  “Okay. What’s your name?”

  “Jim, James Leroy Carver. What’s yours?”

  “Sally Louise Alice Mistral Corabeth Angelique Kiki Anne Robinson Lewis Thompson Johnson Mason Something or Other. In other words, I haven’t the vaguest clue but I think my Mother called me Sally.”

  “Well, dang, that’s a mouthful, Sally.” He smiled.

  Sally felt suddenly weak. He held out his hand. “Let’s get you some new clothes. I could use some new trousers myself. These jeans are getting too tight.”

  They were tight, she noticed, but didn’t think that was such a bad thing.

  In the storeroom, the lantern came in handy. They tried on clothes, backs turned, used to nudity and unaware that seeing each other might provoke some strange feelings.

  She looked at him like a wolf looked at a wounded pig when his pants slipped to the floor so he could try some gray silky suit pants.

  “You don’t got any underwear on. How come?”

  He seemed stunned and uncomfortable. “Just don’t see the point.”

  “Oh.” She pulled on a short red skirt. “This is cute but I guess I need me some pants, too.”

  He threw her some jeans. She tried them and grinned. “I can wear these. They fit. I want me a shirt with pockets. And a jacket and sweater, too.”

  He grinned.

  “I need me a back pack better’n that thing of yours. How come you carry such a little baby backpack? Don’t you need a bigger one now? You’re a man, not a kid.”

  “I guess I should. Never thought about it, really.”

  “Hey, thanks.”

  “Don’t mention it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I guess we’re friends now.”

  She tried on a jacket after shaking the dust out of it. “This could do with a wash in the creek. Mud Creek has a creek, doesn’t it?”

  “Sort of. We can go bathe in the creek, if you’d like, but you can’t swim with a gun.”

  “I’d like that, Jim. But I want my food back first or I’m telling you I’ll kill you and roast you for supper.” She waved the Glock 19.

  “Put that away or we can’t be friends,” he said.

  Jim had done more talking with Sally than he’d ever done with another human being. She talked so much that it shocked him. He talked so much he got hoarse. They talked at the creek before they got naked and jumped in. He had never seen such a pretty girl in his life, certainly not one his own age and certainly not one with a gun.

  He really wanted to look at the gun up close but she wouldn’t let him. She made her dog sit on it while they swam.

  Jim wanted to touch her so badly he actually ached. It hurt to watch her breasts bob in the water. They swam closer and closer to each other. He shook the cold water out of his ears when he came up for air after a few strokes that brought him right next to her. He suddenly had to do something or burst. He grabbed her and kissed her. She resisted at first and then she kissed him back. They were kind of sloppy at kissing.

  It took a few tries before it felt right.

  They kissed a lot and then she got scared and swam away. She got into her clothes, whistled to her dog and left. Jim treaded water for awhile and then he got out before his skin got all wrinkled. The sun was going down and the warmth of the moment had vanished.

  He waited for her to come back and get the food he’d stolen from her but she didn’t. He didn’t want to go all the way back into town to the SUV so instead he went to the rocket ship where he hid things.

  That night he sat alone outside the Rocket, and looked at the stars and wondered what she thought about their kisses. Way out in the distance, coming from the mountains, he could see light. Fires. Someone was up there. He wondered if one of the lights belonged to the girl. He wondered if she were still alive or if some other man had her and was enjoying her.

  It was not a thing he liked to think about for very long. Then he thought about the ridge and the giant faces.

  He told himself that she was most likely not that far away. The lights from the fires looked near, but they were not. Maybe the beasts of the jungle were coming or the monsters or the cannibals. He wondered if they would come to the Rocket and find him. He feared that. He knew that he could stay inside his hiding place and finally figure how to close it up, and it would be impossible for them to come in after him, with him way up high, the hatch closed and air-tight. No one could ever get to him in here.

  Maybe that girl Sally had become a cannibal. Let her have that damn Glock 19 and that dog she liked to sleep with. Maybe she had fleas. Maybe if he slept with her he’d get fleas and they’d scratch themselves to death. If he did not get caught outside, nothing could happen. That was the thing to watch out for, not getting caught out where there was a chance of being hurt, captured, killed and eaten. Or maybe just his supplies taken, his rocket ship stolen by a girl who could grow up to be like, well, Mrs.

  There were other rockets. Someone like that girl could come along and move in next door. There could be a lot of people living in the rockets. They could call it Rocket City on Wuthering Heights Street. They could borrow tools and plant gardens and share and work their way straight into a Post-Revolution civilization. They could get that dang DVD player working again and the electric plant and make new Spam and pork and beans that never rotted.

  It was a pretty thought, but he knew it was just a thought. If more men and women like Sally came with guns, they would most likely kill him. They had formed their packs, and the packs were what they protected. If you were outside the pack, they wanted you dead; they wanted to eat you.

  He wondered if he would eat a human being, and knew, if there was no other food available, he would—easily—with or without potatoes. Sally had mentioned garlic. He liked garlic.

  He remembered his garden behind the garage growing in the moonlight. It was fat with vegetables, and he was pleased by the thought of the coming harvest. If he didn’t go check on it, what would happen? The garden needed watering.

  Seemed like several days went by and he got bored waiting to see if Sally would come find him. She didn’t so he decided to go into Mud Creek to just see what she was up to and check on his garden but he was afraid. What if she laughed at him?

  He lingered in the rocket ship, at the doorway after checking his clothes and looked out, hoping she’d still come so he wouldn’t have to search for her. He had slept poorly the night before, and while it was dark he had released the hatch and sat with his feet dangling out of the opening. Just sat there watching the sunrise, as bright as red-orange trumpet flowers opening in the morning air.

  The air smelled rich with oxygen and the trees around him were bright green and the mountains in the distance shimmered a blue-violet capped with white snow. He thought going to the mountains might be nice. It was cold up in the mountains and the air might be thin, still he might be able to breathe better, think better. The beauty might be enough to soothe his itch.

  But he decided he had a better chance of coming home if he went into town, and even that was not smart.

  He went anyway. He went back to the store where he first saw her.

  Sally hid behind a stack of hardware when she heard him enter the store.

  He looked about, didn’t see her. It was a large store. She knew he was looking for her. The store, an old Wal-Mart, had mostly been looted, but there were still tools lying about, and any one of them might make a good weapon.

  He didn’t pick one up. Maybe he didn’t want to look aggressive. Still she couldn’t be sure it was safe to be his friend. Could humans be friends now? Was she human? Could anyone be trusted after the Revolution? She crept backwards, trying to reach a back room.

  “I’m just lonely,” he said out loud and that surprised her. ”I’ve seen you in your underwear, and you’ve seen me in less than that. We kind of know each other.” He laughed. “We should
at least be friends.”

  And then she stood, at the back, just behind a door. But the door had not pulled back far enough. It had swollen and would only go so far, and he could see her right elbow poking out.

  “Look. I don’t have a weapon. I know where you are. I don’t want to hurt you. Wouldn’t you like someone to talk to some more, Sally?”

  He stood still, waiting.

  She did not move.

  He said, “I have more fresh food. I could share it. I have some cocoa powder, too. I have a nice safe place to stay in the Rockets. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  The elbow moved.

  An arm appeared. Sally waved. “Hi, Jim.”

  “Hi,” he said.

  They embraced. She shivered in his heat.

  He took her not to the Rockets, but to the ridge. He wanted her to see the stone faces staring up into the stars that night they finally satisfied their hunger.

  The faces watched them make a fire. They ate and they mated like the animals in the jungle. He felt almost safe in her arms. Then he became frightened. Towards the chill of dawn he slipped from her sleeping form, gently disengaging her arms from his waist and pulling his blue blankie over her to keep her warm. Little One took his place. Sally moaned in her dreams but didn’t awaken. He crept to the Rocket where he hid things, where he felt truly safe. He fell asleep, curled around his ratty backpack, The Jungle Book on his bare chest.

  Morning came. Jim rubbed his eyes as he heard something rustling. The hatch he had not been able to secure had betrayed him. She had found a way inside.

  Sally stood over him with her Glock 19.

  “I should kill you now, but I won’t.”

  Jim tried to snatch the gun. She drew back. Little One growled.

  “Go away!” Jim said.

  “I intend to do just that.”

  “Go!” he said.

  “Well, I am. But do you want to go with me?” Her large eyes blinked away tears.

  Jim shook his head, confused. “This is my Rocket. You leave, now!”

  “Jim, please—don’t you understand? I’m taking this spaceship. I know how to activate it and I’m going home. The second I saw it, I remembered everything I’m supposed to do. Maybe my mother told me or something or somebody else. All I know is I’ve got to get out of here, now! I’m leaving this awful place. It’s programmed to take us home.”

  “Us? Home?”

  “We don’t belong here, you know. We never did. We just got stuck here, that’s what Mother said before she died.”

  “No.”

  “Yes. Now you must decide. You can either get out of this Rocket or I’ll kill you and throw you out and let what’s left of the damn humans eat you for dinner.”

  Jim pulled out his pocket knife.

  Sally pointed her gun.

  Little One whimpered behind her.

  Sally put one hand on a dull panel that burst into violet and orange hues that pulsated and hummed. “L21—00-systems go,” she whispered.

  The Rocket thrummed louder, a high-pitched keening. The long-dead Rocket had come to life, a silver bullet primed to erupt into the heavens.

  “You’ve got to get out if you’re staying. You’ve got to decide. You’re either in or you’re out.”

  Jim got to his knees and dropped his knife. He couldn’t hurt her. “But this is my home. It’s not yours.”

  “Why can’t it be mine, too? Why can’t we just share it?”

  “You’re stealing my safe place, my home—” Jim tried to knock the gun out of her hand and she hit him. He grabbed her wrist.

  “How dare you?” she said. ”Who are you?”

  They struggled for possession of the gun.

  She kicked him where it hurt the most. He let go, groaning. He had kissed her. He had—loved her? Love. What did that word mean? Hell, what if she wasn’t even human? Was she a lost wanderer? A gypsy? An alien monster?

  “I’m sorry. Oh, Jim, did I hurt you?” The gun slid down to the smooth reflective surface and they saw their own scared faces. She kicked the gun and the knife out of the hatch. Their reflections shimmered.

  “Yes, you did—but I hurt you first, didn’t I?” Then he understood. If Sally was a lost wanderer, maybe he was too.

  “I don’t want to be alone. I just want to go home.”

  The hatch slid into place. The strangers stared at each other while the dog licked Jim’s hand.

  “But where is home? Where are we going?”

  Sally didn’t know.

  He didn’t either.

  Maybe it was better that way.

  At least they could be alone together.

  And as far as home went, they’d figure that one out when they got there.

  Sally reached for Jim’s hand, the one free of dog slobber. A half-smile touched her lips. Jim sighed as his fingers curled around hers. Maybe they were already there.

  Home.

  The Events Concerning a Nude Fold-Out Found in a Harlequin Romance

  Looking back on it, I wouldn’t have thought something as strange as all this, full of the real coincidence of life, would have begun with a bad circus, but that’s how it started, at least for me.

  My luck had gone from bad to worse, then over the lip of worse, and into whatever lower level it can descend into. My job at the aluminum chair plant had played out and no rich relatives had died and left me any money. Fact was, I don’t think the Cooks, least any that are kin to me, have any money, outside of a few quarters to put in a jukebox come Saturday night, maybe a few bucks to waste on something like pretzels and beer.

  Me, I didn’t even have money for beer or jukeboxes. I was collecting a little money on unemployment, and I was out beating the bushes for a job, but there didn’t seem to be much in the way of work in Mud Creek. I couldn’t even get on at the feed store carrying out bags of fertilizer and seed. All the sixteen-year-olds had that job.

  It looked like I was going to have to move out of Mud Creek to find work, and though the idea of that didn’t hurt my feelings any, there was Jasmine, my teenage daughter, and she still had a year of high school to finish before she went off to Nacogdoches to start her degree in anthropology at Stephen F. Austin State University, and I planned to follow her over there and find a place of my own where we could be near, and improve our relationship, which overall was all right to begin with. I just wanted more time with her.

  Right then Jasmine lived with her mother, and her mother doesn’t care a damn for me. She wanted to marry a guy that was going to be a high roller, and believe me, I wanted to be a high roller, but what she got was a guy who each time at the mark throws craps. No matter what I do, it turns to shit. Last break I felt I’d had in life was when I was ten and fell down and cracked my ankle. Well, maybe there was one good break after all. One that wasn’t a bone. Jasmine. She’s smart and pretty and ambitious and the love of my life.

  But my marital problems and life’s woes are not what this is about. I was saying about the circus.

  It was mid-June, and I’d tried a couple places, looking for work, and hadn’t gotten any, and I’d gone over to the employment office to talk to the people there and embarrass myself about not finding any work yet. They told me they didn’t have anything for me either, but they didn’t look embarrassed at all. When it’s you and the employment office, better known as the unemployment office, feeling embarrassed is a one-way street and you’re the one driving on it. They seem almost proud to tell you how many unemployment checks you got left, so it can kind of hang over your head like an anvil or something.

  So, I thanked them like I meant it and went home, and believe me, that’s no treat.

  Home is a little apartment about the size of a washroom at a Fina Station, only not as nice and without the air-conditioning. The window looks out over Main Street, and when a car drives by the window shakes, which is one of the reasons I leave it open most of the time. That and the fact I can hope for some sort of breeze to stir the dead, hot air around. The place is
over a used bookstore called MARTHA’S BOOKS, and Martha is an all right lady if you like them mean. She’s grumpy, about five hundred years old, weighs two-fifty when she’s at her wrestling weight, wears men’s clothing and has a bad leg and a faint black mustache to match the black wool ski cap she wears summer or winter, on account of her head is as bald as a river stone. I figure the cap is a funny sort of vanity, considering she doesn’t do anything to get rid of that mustache. Still, she always does her nails in pink polish and she smokes those long feminine cigarettes that some women like, maybe thinking if the weeds look elegant enough they won’t give them cancer.

  Another thing about Martha, is with that bad leg she has a limp, and she helps that along with a golf putter she uses as a cane, putter-side up for a handle. See her coming down the street, which isn’t often, you got to think there’s not much you could add to make her any more gaudy, unless it’s an assful of bright tail feathers and maybe some guys to follow her playing percussion instruments.

  I liked to go down to Martha’s from time to time and browse the books, and if I had a little spare change, I’d try to actually buy something now and then, or get something for Jasmine. I was especially fond of detective books, and Jasmine, bless her little heart, liked Harlequin romances. She’d read them four or five a weekend when she wasn’t dating boys, and since she was dating quite regularly now, she’d cut back mostly to one or two Harlequins a weekend. Still, that was too many. I kept hoping she’d outgrow it. The romance novels and the dates. I was scared to death she’d fall in love with some cowboy with a cheek full of snuff and end up ironing Western shirts and wiping baby asses before she was old enough to vote.

  Anyway, after I didn’t find any jobs and nobody died and left me any money, I went home and brooded, then went downstairs to Martha’s to look for a book.