He could not have killed his wife. It was not even certain that she was dead. No matter what he had gone through, she could not believe Alexander was a cold-blooded murderer. He was tender, affectionate, devoted and thoughtful, not cruel. She could understand jealousy for the first time. Any woman looking at him intently set the emotion burning in her breast.
But to kill his wife and her sons? Unless she had posed a danger to him in some way because of her pro-Bonapartist sympathies, she could not imagine it.
In any case, though Sarah knew she was living in a fool's paradise, she did not care. When her brother got home, if not before, she would find out his name, where he came from. A letter from Jonathan could tell her what she needed to know any day.
For the moment, all she wanted to know was the way he made her feel when he held her in his arms and kissed her. When they were alone in bed together. Their fierce passion grew stronger with each passing day, and night. She had no intention of giving Alexander up, no matter what she thought he might have done.
In the eyes of society, she would be condemned as a wanton and a fool, but she didn't care. She loved him beyond all reason or sense. Without shame or embarrassment. He took her in his arms and the whole world fell away. She belonged to Alexander now, irrevocably. He had put his stamp on her, in more way than one.
For as the days passed and her cycle did not appear regularly, she began to suspect that the thing he had feared had actually come to pass. She was thrilled. The thought of a new life growing inside her was more moving than anything she'd ever experienced. Alexander's child. Proof of their love.
But also proof of their sin for all to see. In her heart they were married, one heart, one flesh, one soul. Not everyone would take so tolerant a view, however.
She knew she was going to have to make some plans for the future. She would have a few months yet. The one thing she did not want to do was disgrace her brother. The trip to Bath would enable her to look at her options. It would mean leaving Brimley, moving to a new neighborhood where people would believe they were really married.
Then they would have everything they had ever dreamt of. She would find things which would fulfill Alexander, even blind as he was, and with her money, they would be provided for amply.
Much as she longed to blurt out the news, she knew he would only worry. So when it seemed a logical time, she pretended her monthly courses had come.
"But we can still share the bed, be intimate in other ways," she hastened to add when she saw his face fall.
"I'm glad. I don't want to spend a single night without you."
He clung to her fiercely. She wondered again how much he really remembered about his past with his wife. He said it had been an arranged match, but he was a passionate man. It must have hurt him deeply to have been rejected thus and treated so cold-heartedly.
She went out of her way to be affectionate towards Alexander. If he was ever hesitant about touching her, she gave him every encouragement. She was not afraid of a mussed gown or hair, or even what people said when they were affectionate in public. Not when she had the regard and love of this incredible man.
She was delighted with her pregnancy despite her fears for the future. The thought of a new life growing inside her filled her with elated wonder. There would be time enough to think, to plan, to make appropriate arrangements.
For the moment, she just wanted to hug her joy to her, forget about the rest of the world. The gossip, whispers, the ugly names and looks. She was sure the only person in the world she could love as much as Alexander was his child. How could their love be deemed wrong when it felt so incredibly perfect?
But complete and perfect happiness was as elusive as a rainbow. The long unread batch of letters she forced herself to comb through one rainy afternoon as she put her feet up in front of the fire in her study brought with it most devastating news from Randall Avenel. His brother Michael had in fact been killed at Toulouse. That was why they had not heard from their faithful correspondent. She read the letter with trembling hands, hardly able to take it in, and turned to Alexander for comfort.
"I know it was silly to think that all the Rakehells and my other friends could come out of it unscathed, but losing Michael is hard. He was so lucky for so long."
"Did you love him?" he asked, his voice as raspy as a file.
She kissed him warmly by way of reassurance. "Not in the sense you mean, no. Like a much, much older brother, though he was almost the same age as Jonathan. Michael was a good man. As different from his youngest brother Randall as night and day. Yet the same noble character runs through them both. Dedicated, persevering, and, well, the stuff of which heroes are made. The Grim Reaper. But all too mortal himself, it would appear."
She shed a few tears from him, and Alexander burned with jealousy for a time, but told himself that he was there with Sarah now, not Viscount Glyne. The poor man was gone. She was his own true love, soon to be his wife. Once he was a bit more certain about who he was, and could arrange things, he was certain they would wed. He couldn't imagine life without her by his side, or indeed life beyond Brimley and Eltham.
The parishioners all adored Alexander. He had a way of listening which put them at ease. He remembered their names, their interests, and asked about their families, and could recall what he was told even days after he had met them.
If he ran into them in the street, he was able to pick up the conversation instantly, without even needing Sarah to tell him who they were, so long as they spoke a greeting.
She guessed it had to be that he was good with voices, and did have a remarkable memory, even if it was blocked in places. She was sure the obstructions were a result of the emotional turmoil he had experienced during the war, and he would gradually let down the barriers.
He had already come so far; his physical well being improved every day. With each bath and application of ointment and massage, his movement increased. He sat a horse better, and his shooting and saber skills also improved.
When she told him he did not have to try so hard, he simply replied, "I'm determined to be everything I was before I was injured. You've been praying that I shall eventually be able to see, haven't you, Sarah? That my memory will come back in full? Well, so have I. I want to be ready for that day."
She put another pile of clothes on his navy blue silk bedspread as they began to get ready for their jaunt to Bath. "Ready for what?"
He took her hand and kissed it. "To be the husband you deserve. Your protector, your partner in all things."
"I'm perfectly safe, my darling. And you are my partner already. You're with me side by side, in a way I've never known before. There are very few things you can't do, and those things don't matter to me."
"But they do to me."
She stretched up to cup his cheek. "I fell in love with the man you are, Alexander, not the man I hope you're going to become. Just let it go, love. Don't try so hard to get it all back. From what I've heard, some of it would not be worth having."
He nodded and kissed her, and resumed packing the items she had laid out for him on the bed. She planned to get him more clothes and trinkets when they got to Bath, but for the moment he put in the basics, fresh linens and the waistcoats and cravats she and Jenny had run up for him.
"You will most definitely need some hats when we get there. You head is so much larger than Jonathan's."
"I have the one we bought last week to tide me over."
"Yes, but it's not quite the fashion compared to what you can buy in the big city."
"I don't care about that," he said, his tone sharp with impatience. "Do you?"
"No," she admitted with a light shurug. "I don't care. Suddenly it all seems so very unimportant, all these absurd social conventions and pretenses. The only thing important is you going to soak in the Baths and getting better." She embraced him around his lean waist.
"I feel better every day, thanks to you. In fact, I feel so good, I might just lie down for a while."
&nbs
p; "Lie down?" she asked in confusion. "But you said you felt well."
He gathered her to him. She felt the intimate pressure against her stomach, and laughed delightedly.
"Lying down makes it easier and more comfortable."
"But it's broad daylight," she protested mildly.
"I hadn't noticed," he said dryly. "Do you mind very much?"
By way of reply she shoved the items and valise to one side and laid down with him in the bed that had become their heaven on earth.
"Not at all, my darling. It's almost better in the day. Seeing us together, you naked, is such a thrill," she admitted, unfastening his trousers and bending her head, as he lifted her skirts and buried his tongue between her thighs.
"I'll settle for just feeling it," he murmured. "This is bliss. I worship you, Sarah."
He began licking her intimate space as though dining on the most fabulous meal, while she ran her tongue along his rigid length until he was glisteningly wet and so enormous she couldn't fit all of him in her mouth. But he fit perfectly below as she moistened and blossomed with desire. He moved now to position himself between her thighs, his huge pulsing head poised at the entrance to her paradise.
"How do you want me?" he asked in a throaty whisper.
"Anyway you want."
"Hard or languid?"
"Come inside and we'll see where it takes us."
He slipped in a fraction further with a sensual honeyed glide which soon had her hips rising off the bed and her shouting his name.
Languid became lusting as he drove into her toward his own climax, until she could feel him explode inside her so intensely that for a brief moment he was almost certain he could see her writhing under him in incoherent joy.
Then Sarah moved her hips, propelling him even deeper. He could feel himself trembling on the brink of another pinnacle of pleasure, and tumbled into the darkness, and the light.
Chapter Twenty-two
Sarah and Alexander set out for Bath on the Friday of that week, which dawned fair and warm. After giving Jenny and Caleb their last-minute instructions, they loaded the luggage, got into the gig and headed off.
While she drove, he kept one hand on the reins, the better to get the feel of the road, and simply because he liked the contact. Every so often he would lean over to give her a kiss, and she would thank him and pat his hand.
"We're going to have to be a bit more circumspect when we get to Bath. The people there are not accustomed to such warm devotion," she warned.
"I don't care. I want the whole world to know I love you."
"Very sweet, I'm sure. Just so long as you don't put your hand there in front of everyone in the Upper Rooms."
"That's the pot calling the kettle black." He grinned. "I'm definitely glad you can drive the team single-handedly."
They stopped off at Stone Court to see Henry Stone, but his wife Josephine told them he had gone to Bristol on business.
She looked at Alexander with undisguised admiration. Sarah was relieved that Jo was a respectable married woman. Otherwise she might never have spoken to her again. "He'll be so sorry to have missed you and your cousin. We never met at Jonathan's wedding, did we?"
"Er, no, I arrived shortly after. Back from the war, you know," Alexander said calmly.
"Pity that. Both the war and missing the wedding, I mean. Terrible news about poor Michael, and Gareth too."
"Yes, dreadful. Michael at least is resting in peace, but who knows what Gareth is suffering at the hands of the French."
"Oh don't," Josephine said with a shudder. "I just pray he's still alive."
"As do we all."
"But enough of this gloom, when you've come to visit with such a fascinating guest. Wretched war. Thank God it's over. Listen, are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner?"
"No, that's fine. Thank you all the same," Sarah replied.
"Who knows, maybe we can get up to Bath to visit as well, if Henry can get away. But with Clifford and Vanessa being in Ireland-"
"I understand, really. How are they?"
She smiled. "Very well. She's due in a few weeks. They should be back soon."
"Wonderful. Give them my best. I'm sorry to say I'm not nearly as diligent in my correspondence as I used to be."
Josephine gave her an indulgent smile, and patted her blond curls almost flirtatiously as she looked at Alexander. "Well, with such a houseguest, who could blame you."
"Tell them all I'll write soon," Sarah said in an even tone, surprised at her jealousy and her normally sensible friend's almost giddy response to the darkly handsome man.
"I shall. I'm so sorry you missed Henry. But we'll try to come up to keep you and Alexander company."
"That's all right," Sarah said quickly. "Duty calls. In any event, we wouldn't be having too much fun. Alexander is still very ill. We'll be spending most of our time in the Baths and taking the waters at the Pump Room."
Josephine eventually got the hint. A light of understanding lit her eyes and she smiled.
"Very well, Sarah, we wouldn't want to delay you and Alexander in your search for his cure. Take care, and come visit us on the way back, won't you?"
"We'll try. Goodbye."
Sarah breathed a sigh of relief that they had escaped staying for a meal or the night. She knew it was selfish, but she loved having Alexander all to herself. Every moment with him was like a magical adventure that she didn't want to share with anyone.
"Your friend was very nice," Alexander commented as they drove away, "but I am glad she won't be coming to Bath."
She kissed him, relieved that he hadn't seen the way Jo had ogled him. He tended to have that effect on even the most sober matrons, and she tried not to feel resentful of his magnetism. After all, being blind, he had no idea, could not be blamed for their desires. She kissed him again, drawing an even more delightedly warm response from him, and clicked the horses on.
They had dinner at an inn on the outskirts of Bath, and arrived at the townhouse in the Royal Crescent just as the first red rays of dusk began to descend on the lovely city.
They were shown to their rooms, having requested a suite. The servants were too well bred to comment on the arrangements. If they were at all suspicious, they were more than understanding when they saw that the handsome young gentleman was blind and would require every assistance.
Sarah asked for a male servant to be assigned specially to him to assist him with his toilette. The young open-faced boy was soon eagerly helping Alexander unpack, and talking a mile a minute about all the wonderful things to do in Bath.
Young Bob was intelligent enough to realize that the room ought to be easy for Alexander to walk around. Though she left the adjoining door open just to keep an ear out in case she were needed, they got along fine.
"Shirts in the first drawer, cravats second, stockings third," she heard Bob telling Alexander, before giving him a tour of the rest of the room.
Her abigail Alice was told not to bother ever coming in until she was rung for. Sarah settled into her own room, she and the girl working to unpack. Then she dismissed the girl for the evening. Once all the boxes in both rooms were empty, Sarah and Alexander sat down to tea in the small parlor and began their plan of attack.
"We'll make an early start in the morning, with breakfast, first, and a ride if you like. Then we shall go to the Baths, and spend about two hours there. I can go in with you, and can also sit on the side and read to you. Just make a list of your preferences for reading materials. Once we've changed, we can spend some time in the Pump Room taking the waters.
"Then it will be time for luncheon, and a walk if the weather is fine, or a visit to the Abbey or acquaintances if it is not."
"What day are you going to make your at home?"
"I don't know that I should. Most people will be up to London for the season, and your health is far more important than the meaningless social round."
"Still, it would be good to have one day to rest and re-group, would i
t not? And perhaps stay in bed late?" he murmured.
"Ah, but you haven't heard the schedule for the rest of the day. I did actually include going to bed early, dearest."
He laughed happily. "But we can't go to bed early every night or you'll feel we're missing out on the best Bath has to offer."
"How could I possibly feel that? I'm with him," she said, giving him a torrid kiss.
"Still, I don't like the thought of you giving up your friends on my account."
The Rakehell Regency Romance Collection Volume 2 Page 24
