“I did this.” Jared bit back a curse. It was a habit he had changed since becoming a Christian but when he saw the damage he’d done to Kate’s frail arm, it flooded back. “I’m so sorry, Kate. You should have told me.”
“It’s okay.” She stepped away from him and slid the sleeve back down to her wrist. “I just bruise easy, that’s all.”
Jared wanted to argue but Kate was already on her way out the door. He followed her, shutting off the light and then closing the door behind him. All the way down the stairs he prayed for wisdom in how to handle things.
Jared found her in the family room staring at the flames flickering in the natural gas fireplace. She had composed herself and no trace of her earlier emotion showed on her face.
“Okay, Kate, let’s talk about what we’re going to do. I think we need to set a wedding date.”
Chapter Three
Kate’s heart leaped into her throat. “A wedding date?”
Jared sat down in the chair across from her. “I think we both know that a marriage between us is the best thing all around. I’m sorry I didn’t think of it first but I was laboring under a misconception.”
“A misconception?” Kate knew she must sound like a parrot, echoing everything Jared said but she was too stunned to come up with an original thought of her own. She had been so sure after her outburst that Jared would definitely be looking elsewhere for a wife.
Jared nodded. “I, along with several others, thought that your career was the most important thing in your life. We didn’t realize that it was the most important thing only because you didn’t have anything else. I’m sorry for that. I’m afraid we’ve wronged you with our assumptions.”
Surprised speechless, Kate sat staring at Jared. That he should understand what she felt was a total shock to her. No one had ever taken the time to even try.
“So do you agree that we should marry or do I need to go into all the reasons why this is the best thing?” Jared asked, leaning back in his chair.
Kate shook her head. “I agree. For the sake of the children.” Oh, it was for her sake, too, but she’d never in a million years admit to Jared that her love for him also played a part in her decision.
Kate didn’t know when she’d fallen in love with Jared. It had been a gradual thing. As she’d spent time with him and Jen’s family she’d come to admire him more and more. He’d adored the children and, like his brother, treated Jen like a queen and had even treated her better than most men she’d come in contact with in her career. Of course his not being a Christian had always seemed to be a stumbling block, but now even that was gone and the love that she’d held tight all these years was beginning to flow freely in her heart.
“Okay, that’s settled. Now on to the details. After you...left the office this afternoon, Marcus and I talked a bit more and he suggested getting married as soon as possible. With the hearing on Monday, I’m thinking maybe Saturday would be the best day.”
“But that’s only four days away.”
“I know but we really don’t have any choice. And besides, is waiting going to make any difference? Are you going to decide not to marry me if you happen to discover I leave wet towels on the bathroom floor?”
Heat rose in Kate’s cheeks. “No, of course not.”
“Good, because it’s a habit I’m still trying to break,” Jared said with a grin.
A sudden warmth swept through Kate’s whole body and panic fluttered to life in her stomach. What exactly did he expect of their marriage? He’d said he didn’t want to be getting a divorce in a year or two, that he only planned to marry once. Did that mean they’d pursue a more intimate relationship as well? Kate’s mind couldn’t even grasp that thought so she pushed it away.
“I guess we need to iron out a couple of things.” Jared leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. “First of all, I feel it’s important that we not lie to the judge. I’m not going to pretend that this marriage is something it’s not.”
He was talking about love, Kate realized. He didn’t want them lying and saying they had fallen in love with each other. Only for her, it wouldn’t have been a lie. But in spite of that, Kate nodded her agreement. She didn’t want him to lie about what he felt for her. It would only cloud things in her mind and probably lead to more hurt in the end.
“I want to be honest with him and let him know that this marriage is based on a mutual love for the children and a desire to see them raised in a loving, respectful environment. And a Christian one. I think it’s what Jen and Steve would have wanted. I also want him to know that we are in this marriage for the long-haul. It’s not a temporary solution until we can adopt them and then we’ll get a divorce. You understand that too, right, Kate? This is it for us.”
“I understand, and I agree. Stability is important to the kids especially now that they’ve lost their parents.”
Jared looked down at his hands, lacing his fingers together. “I guess we should discuss our relationship too just so we both know where the other stands. I am hoping that we can eventually develop an affection for each other that will lead to a...closer physical relationship. I’m not asking for that right away. I realize we’re virtually strangers to each other, but hopefully once we get to know each other a little better we can take our relationship to the next level.” Jared looked at her then, his blue eyes serious. “I’m leaving it up to you, Kate. It’s your call. When you feel ready. When you feel comfortable, you let me know and we’ll take that next step together.”
Kate’s cheeks were hot, and she had to look away from Jared for a moment. To even be talking with him about this was beyond her wildest imaginings. Jared was still looking at her expectantly so she nodded. “Okay.”
“We’ll clean out the master suite and you can move in there. I’ll take the guest room,” Jared said.
Kate shook her head. “No, you go ahead and take the suite. I’m fine in the room I’m in already.”
Jared looked like he was going to argue with her but finally nodded. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”
“It is.” Kate stood. “I think I’m going to head for bed. This day has been a bit tiring.”
Jared got up as well and came to stand next to her. He reached out and took her hands, his large warm ones engulfing them. Kate looked up at him, standing closer than she ever had to this man who held her heart and didn’t even know it.
“Knowing what I do now, I’m sure this isn’t the wedding or marriage you dreamed of, but I’ll try my best to make you happy. It won’t always be easy but be patient with me. I’ve never been a husband before.”
“I’ve never been a wife before. I can’t even cook,” Kate said with a sad shake of her head.
“I know,” Jared said, grinning teasingly at her. Kate’s heart skipped more than one beat. “Don’t worry about the cooking. We’ll muddle through. All I ask is that you are honest with me, as I will be with you. We need to keep the lines of communication open. Promise me that.”
“I promise.” Her words were barely a whisper.
Jared lifted her left hand and kissed the back of it. “We’ll get you a ring tomorrow.”
Kate could only nod, her thoughts dwelling on the feel of his lips on the back of her hand. She had barely gathered her wits about her when they scattered once again as his lips pressed gently, fleetingly, against hers. “Good night, Kate.”
Afraid she was about to make a fool of herself by throwing herself into his arms, Kate murmured a good night of her own and fled to the sanctuary of her room.
*****
The next three days passed in a blur for Kate. The kids had been ecstatic when they realized that their aunt and uncle were getting married. They had jumped right into the planning, and the excitement escalated by the hour.
After talking with the pastor of the church Kate attended, he agreed to marry them in a small ceremony. They scheduled it for ten o’clock Saturday morning.
Kate couldn’t believe her eyes when she opened them to s
unshine the morning of her wedding. They had been forecasting rain, but instead the sun shone with not a cloud in the sky. Kate pressed her face to the window feeling as if God’s blessing to them came on the rays of the sun. Surely this was His will. She had felt peace after praying about it over the past few days. That peace didn’t dispel all her nerves though.
Hating to leave the warmth of the sun’s rays, Kate reluctantly headed for the bathroom. She needed to be getting ready. The wedding was to start in less than two hours.
Kate still had forty-five minutes to spare by the time she’d finished. She hoped her makeup looked okay. Over the years she hadn’t had a lot of experience in applying makeup. At least it didn’t look like it she had applied it with a spatula. The night before she’d washed her hair then put gel on it before working it into several long thick braids. This morning she’d used the blow dryer to remove the last of the moisture before unbraiding it. Her usually straight, fine hair sported silky waves that lay over her shoulders and down her back.
Her dress had caused her untold amounts of worry over the past few days. Kate had wanted something nice that didn’t look too wedding-ish. No white satin gown with lace and ribbons for her. For some reason it just didn’t feel right to even consider that kind of dress. Instead she’d searched high and low for an elegant, yet simple dress. She’d finally found it in a small bridal boutique where the saleswoman had hastened to assure her it was just perfect for a second marriage. Kate hadn’t bothered to correct her.
It had cleaned out her savings, but as she stared in the mirror, Kate decided it had been well worth the money. The dress, in a soft cream color, fit her figure perfectly. Probably the only thing she owned at the moment that wasn’t big on her. It had a sweetheart neckline and long sleeves that tapered in at her wrists. The dress was fitted and the straight skirt ended just at her knees.
"You look pretty, Auntie Kate," a soft voice said from the doorway.
Kate turned to see Amelia and Candy with their heads poked around the door. She waved them in. "Let me see you two in your new dresses."
They twirled around so she could see the dresses from all angles. "You look perfect!"
"Uncle Jared wanted to know if you’re almost ready," Amelia asked.
"I am. Just have to put my shoes on."
"Okay, we’ll tell him." The girls danced out of the room leaving Kate alone with her thoughts once more.
A knock sounded on the door a minute later. "Who is it?"
"Just me, Auntie Kate," Bry called out. "I have something for you."
Kate opened the door for him and watched in amazement as he came in holding a large bouquet of flowers.
"These are from Uncle Jared. He says you’re supposed to carry them." Bry held them out to her. "There’s a card too."
Kate took them from her beaming nephew. She slipped the card out and read the words written in Jared’s bold hand.
Hoping this happy day is just the first of many to come. See you at the church. Jared
A tear threatened to spill onto her cheek and ruin her makeup. Kate dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. She appreciated Jared’s effort to make this a special day. It was a happy day for her but Kate couldn’t help thinking that it wasn’t as happy a day for Jared. She was marrying someone she loved, he wasn’t.
Kate quickly caught herself. Now was not the time to be thinking thoughts like that. She slipped her feet into her shoes, then took Bry’s hand and headed down to the waiting car. Mrs. Harris had already left with the girls and Jared. She had graciously agreed to come and help with the children while Kate got ready. She was also going to stand up as a witness. Marcus was their other witness, and he was the one who drove Kate and Bry to the church.
Outside the doors of the sanctuary, Kate pressed a hand to her stomach. She hadn’t eaten anything that morning and still her stomach felt queasy. Bry stood next to her, ramrod straight, taking his role of escort very seriously. It saddened Kate that her own father wasn’t there to give her away. He had proudly escorted Jen down the aisle at her wedding, but now that role fell to his grandson.
"Let’s go, Auntie." Bry tugged her hand as the doors opened. The pianist began to play the wedding march when they appeared in the doorway.
Kate kept her gaze pinned on the cross at the front of the church. She so wanted to look at Jared and see his eyes glowing with love for her but knew that wasn’t going to be the case.
Finally, two pews from the front, Kate looked at him. There wasn’t love in his eyes, but there was a gentleness and for the moment, it was enough.
The service passed in a blur and Kate hoped she gave the appropriate responses. She was acutely aware of the fact that their vows contained not a single word about love for each other. She knew they had agreed to not have love as part of their vows since Jared had felt that it would be wrong to vow something they didn’t feel. But in her heart, Kate vowed to love Jared all her life.
Once the service was over they went to an upscale restaurant where Jared had reserved a room just for the family and their handful of guests. After their wedding brunch, Jared, Kate and the kids returned to the house.
They all spent the afternoon in the master suite packing away Steve and Jen’s things. It was an emotional time, but a good time too. The kids shared the memories they had of their parents. Jared told stories about when he and Steve had been young boys. Even Kate had a few stories to share about Jen. It was a healing time for them all.
When they had packed away the last of Steve and Jen's things, Jared moved his stuff in. After it was all done, Kate stood just inside the doorway of the room feeling as out of place now that it was Jared’s room as she had when it had been Jen and Steve’s. Would she ever belong?
They ate the cold dinner Mrs. Harris had prepared earlier, insisting that no bride should have to cook on her wedding day. Kate was sure they all breathed a sigh of relief at not having to eat her attempt at cooking.
After such an exciting day, the kids all went down without argument. Kate wanted to drag out the bedtime, her nerves taunt at the thought of being alone with Jared. Even after Jared had gone downstairs she still lingered until the last child was asleep.
As she walked down the stairs Kate saw rain dripping down the large window and paused to watch it. The rain they had predicted had finally arrived. She shivered and ran her hands up and down her arms. The temperature must be dropping too.
Kate finally ventured into the family room where she found Jared. He sat next to the fire, a bunch of papers in his lap. He looked up as she entered the room.
"Come sit down." He motioned to the chair across from him. "The fire feels great now that it’s finally decided to rain."
Not sure what to expect, Kate sat down in the chair and stared into the fireplace. Jared had turned his attention back to the papers.
A million thoughts tumbled through her mind, not the least of which was her wedding night. Kate had made a decision, she just didn’t know how Jared was going to react.
"Kate, would you mind explaining something to me?" Jared’s voice broke into her thoughts, drawing her attention from the flickering flames.
She turned and met Jared’s piercing blue gaze. "What do you want to know?"
"Exactly how have you and the kids been surviving these past six months? Marcus turned all the financial papers over to me today. You haven’t touched any of the money."
"It wasn’t left to me. And your estate was left to the children as well."
"But you could have accessed it for the care of the children. What have you done for money especially since you haven’t been working?"
Kate looked back at the fire. "I used my savings and when that ran out and it looked like this was to be a more permanent home, I sold my condo in Seattle."
Jared said nothing at first so Kate glanced at him. When their gazes met, he asked, "How much do you have left?"
Kate remembered her promise to be honest with him so she was. "After buying my dress for today I probably have
about twenty-five dollars in the bank. This house is not a cheap place to live. I’m just glad that Steve and Jen had insurance to pay off the mortgage so I didn’t have to worry about monthly payments on that."
"I can’t believe you spent all your savings! What were you planning to do when it ran out?" Jared asked.
"I had hoped to somehow be able to work from home." She lifted her chin. "I would have found some way to support the kids. They never would have gone hungry."
"I know that," Jared said gently. "I just can’t believe what you’ve sacrificed for them."
"No sacrifice would have been too great to keep the children with me. I would have done anything."
"Including marrying me," Jared pointed out.
"Yes, including marrying you. To lose their parents at such a young age is a tragedy. They deserve so much more and I think we can give them that. Together."
"I agree with you. I think we made the right decision. I feel at peace about it."
Kate fell silent and Jared turned his attention back to the papers. They sat together for a while longer before Kate finally stood. "I think I’m going to go up to my room."
"Good night," Jared said, but didn’t stand to give her a kiss or even to hold her hands like he had a few nights ago.
With a heavy, worried heart, Kate climbed the stairs. She had made her decision but what if Jared rejected it? Rejected her?
In her room, Kate sat on the edge of her bed and opened her Bible. She had bookmarked the page and over the past few days had spent much time reading the verses and praying over them. When thoughts of the intimate side of their marriage worried her, Kate had prayed for wisdom and believed the Lord led her to the verses in I Corinthians 7. Struggling for peace about her decision, Kate read them again.
Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Marrying Kate Page 4
