Marrying Kate

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  "Jared?" Kate’s voice, husky with sleepiness reached out to him in the darkness.

  "I’m right here." Jared stretched out his hand and touched her shoulder. She rolled over and moved a little closer.

  "I tried to wait up for you."

  "I appreciate that, Katie. But I know you’re tired, go back to sleep."

  "Okay." Her words were muffled and when silence fell over the room Jared thought she’d gone to sleep again. "Jared?"

  "What?" They spoke to each other in hushed tones though there was little chance the kids could have overheard them.

  "I’m cold."

  "It is a little chilly. Did you want me to turn up the heat?"

  Jared sat up and was preparing to stand when she answered him, her voice drowsy and soft. "No, just hold me, if you don’t mind. You’re nice and warm."

  Jared grinned sure that she must be half asleep to have made a request like that. Except for that first night, she had never initiated physical contact between them. He was glad that she did tonight.

  He settled back into the bed and reached for Kate. She willingly came into his embrace, tucking her head under his chin. His arm lay under her, but she hardly pressed down on him at all and Jared could feel the frailness of her even through the bulky sweats and sweatshirt she wore. He definitely had to protect her. She was too fragile to do it for herself.

  Jared drifted off to sleep, content with the warmth of Kate by his side and the scent of her filling his head.

  *****

  When he woke the next morning, it was to find the bed empty once again. The room was still quite dark and the luminous numbers on the clock said it was barely six o’clock. For someone who usually woke at the slightest movement, it surprised Jared that Kate’s leaving never roused him.

  Since he was already wide awake, his body finally getting back into its natural rhythm of early rising, Jared got out of bed. He didn’t bother with a robe or T-shirt as he went in search of his wife. A quick peek in the guest room revealed she wasn’t there so he went downstairs. There was a light coming from the kitchen and the scent of coffee tantalized him.

  He spotted Kate sitting in the breakfast nook, her Bible open on the table in front of her. She sat staring out the window, a mug of coffee cupped between her hands. He approached on silent feet.

  "Are you always up this early?" Jared asked as he sat down across from her.

  Kate jerked her head around. "I didn’t hear you come downstairs."

  "Sorry about that. It was my job to learn to move silently. Old habits are hard to break." Jared took the mug of coffee out of her hands and took a sip before handing it back to her. "You certainly make exceptional coffee."

  "At least I can do one thing right. Coffee is a necessity for me. I’ll get you a cup." Kate moved to stand but Jared stopped her.

  "Don’t get up. I can get it for myself." He stood and went to the counter where the coffee pot sat. He filled a mug for himself then brought the pot over to refill Kate’s.

  "Thanks." She took a small sip before setting the mug down on the table.

  "You didn’t answer my question." Jared pointed out as he sat back down. "Are you always up this early?"

  "Usually. I like to watch the sunrise and it’s a bit of quiet before the day gets underway. I try and have my devotions too. I used to have them at night but now...." A light flush of pink spread across her cheeks.

  As Jared sat across from her he wondered how he could ever have missed the beauty in her. Her skin, though pale, was smooth and soft to his touch. He liked it when she blushed and her cheeks took on a rosy hue. He would have liked to make her blush more often but decided that for now, less was better. After a night of sleeping, wisps of her braid had come loose and gently framed her face. Even in sweats she looked very feminine and dainty.

  "So I’m interrupting your devotions," Jared stated. "I’ll leave you alone then."

  He started to stand but Kate’s soft voice stopped him. "Would you like to have devotions...together?"

  Chapter Five

  Jared’s response to Kate’s question helped set a pattern for the next week. They both rose early and went to the kitchen for their coffee and devotions together. It was a time of growing and learning, not just about God and the Bible but also about each other.

  As Kate stood watching Jared jog down the driveway one morning for his daily run she couldn’t help thinking that it was worth it to take risks sometimes. So far she’d taken three big risks and each of them had paid off. Unfortunately, she wasn’t brave enough to take the biggest risk of all. Telling Jared that she loved him. That one risked the most and Kate wasn’t sure she’d survive if it didn’t pay off like the other ones had. No, for now, her love would stay a secret and someday, hopefully, the time would be right, the risk not so great.

  Kate knew she was crazy, but at times she figured that if she didn’t tell Jared she loved him and he didn’t tell her he didn’t love her, she could always imagine that he did. She knew it was a bit convoluted and pathetic, but a hopeful heart would grasp at the most outrageous reasoning.

  Once Jared was out of sight, Kate turned away from the window and went back to the kitchen to start breakfast. The kids would be up in a bit demanding food.

  She’d gotten a bit better at breakfast. Her pancakes were edible, especially covered in syrup, and she rarely burned bacon any more. She was still working on the scrambled and fried eggs though. For now she cooked them only when no one else was around to witness her failure.

  The dew sparkled on the leaves outside the kitchen window. Kate leaned forward to look out at the yard. She should be able to plant her seedlings soon. The risk of frost had past and flowers were starting to pop up. Jen had obviously planted tulips in the fall for already they had begun to sprout and blooms were just around the corner.

  Kate thought about spring as she prepared breakfast. Things coming to life. Some after being dormant for the winter. Others newly planted from seed. She could see both kinds in her life. Her dream of being a wife and mother had been long buried, only now coming to life again. Her relationship with Jared was definitely newly planted and just starting to grow. She hoped that someday she’d see the bloom of love in their marriage.

  Amelia came into the kitchen distracting Kate from her thoughts. Knowing the others would close behind, Kate went upstairs to get Dani. The kids were all up and dressed by the time Jared came back. He took a quick shower, then joined them at the breakfast table.

  After Bry had to try three times to get his attention, Kate sensed something was bothering Jared. She didn’t want to bring it up in front of the children though, afraid he’d just brush off her concern because they were present.

  Her immediate fear was that it had something to do with their marriage. Had she done something wrong? Kate quickly thought back over the past couple of days trying to pinpoint something that might have upset him. Nothing came to mind but that didn’t ease her worry.

  "Auntie Kate!" This time she was the distracted one, Kate realized when she heard the exasperation in Bry’s voice.

  "Sorry, honey, what do you need?" She pushed aside her depressing thoughts and focused on Bryan.

  "I forgot to tell you you’re supposed to make cookies for class tomorrow." He handed her a sheet of paper. "Here’s the paper my teacher said to give to you."

  Kate glanced at it, frowning. Cookies? She hadn’t even attempted any type of baking. "How long have you had this, Bry?"

  He shrugged. "Couple a days."

  "You should have given it to me as soon as you got it," Kate admonished him. "You know I have a hard time with this sort of thing. I’m not sure I could make anything in time. At least anything edible."

  "Here, let me take care of that." Jared took the paper from her hand and scanned it. "One of the men at work has a sister who is a terrific baker. She’s always sending cookies and other goodies for us. I’ll ask her if she could whip these up for Bry."

  The small amount of self-confidence
she’d managed to build in her abilities in the kitchen shriveled up inside Kate. She felt like a complete failure. She couldn’t even bake cookies for a class treat. Kate wanted to snatch the paper back from Jared and inform him that she could do this for Bry, but she knew she couldn’t. And on top of that, she didn’t want to embarrass Bry with her pathetic attempts at baking cookies.

  Silently, Kate stood and began clearing the table. No one seemed to notice her withdrawal which rankled her even more. After everyone left and it was finally just her and Dani, Kate decided that she was going to try her hand at cookies. No one would know if she failed, but if she didn’t then she’d have something waiting for her family when they came home.

  Grimly determined, Kate searched the cookbooks for a recipe for chocolate chip cookies. With Dani corralled on the other side of a baby gate out of reach of the oven, Kate set to work.

  Two hours later she gave up in defeat. The cookies went into the garbage which she then carted outside. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she cleaned up the mess. Thankfully Dani had gone down for a nap so she didn’t witness her aunt’s meltdown.

  "Stupid recipe," Kate muttered as she shoved the cookbook back into its place on the shelf. "Easy, my foot."

  It wasn’t bad enough that she’d simply failed, she’d failed at a recipe that had specifically had "easy" in its title. Easy Chocolate Chip Cookies. Hah.

  Feeling totally inept, Kate decided it would do her ego good to work on something she actually excelled at. Resolutely she pulled the boxes out of the closet in her old room and began to pull the components out. She hadn’t used it in all the time she’d been here. If she’d needed to check email or go on the internet, she just used the desktop in the office. Her computer with her special programs had sat packed in boxes since she’d sold her condo and shipped everything. The children had demanded too much of her emotion and time to even think about working. Now was different though and even if it wasn’t, this was an emergency. Kate needed to do some work she excelled in.

  She set up the computer on the desk the guest room and within minutes Kate sat in front of a familiar screen. As she began to type, the tension of the morning ebbed away. Time flew by and before she knew it, Dani was awake. Reluctantly, Kate left the computer, her mind abuzz with ideas.

  After their lunch Kate was so tempted to go back to the computer, but she’d determined earlier that she was going to plant the garden. Kate had had someone out to till the soil so all it needed was her little seedlings.

  It was a gloriously warm day so she dressed herself and Dani in cool outfits. She put Dani on a blanket with several toys in the shade of a big tree. After slathering on the sunscreen, Kate called to mind all she’d read regarding planting seedlings.

  She worked steadily through the afternoon stopping only long enough to get Dani a snack and then put her down for her afternoon nap. With the monitor beside her so she’d hear Dani when she woke, Kate continued to plant. She worked slowly, carefully, not wanting to damage any of the tender seedlings. After she patted the earth around the last plant, Kate stood to survey her work. She didn’t think it looked too bad. The rows of plants were straight and evenly spaced. The soil was moistened as she’d read. Now she just had to wait, tending it it in the weeks ahead until her efforts paid off in vegetables. Hopefully.

  Kate could hardly wait for the first fruits of her labor to appear. She brushed the dirt from her hands. Working on her computer and in the garden had been a balm for her wounded ego. For the many failures she’d faced over the past few months it was nice to have a few successes.

  The kids came running into the house as Kate washed her hands. She gave them each a snack and listened as they talked about their day. After things settled a bit Kate sent them up to their rooms to change and start on their homework.

  She hadn’t heard from Jared all day which was unusual. He generally called at least once during the day. She’d had the cordless phone and her cell out in the garden with her so hadn’t missed his call. It was strange since Kate knew he had a phone with him. He’d gotten a cell phone for himself. Kate already had one though rarely used it since she rarely ventured far from the house. But she knew Jared took his wherever he went and had called her from it several times.

  Dinner time came and still there was no word from Jared. The kids asked about him and finally Kate let Bry phone his cell.

  "There’s no answer, Auntie. The lady just says something about the customer being out of range."

  Truly worried now, Kate tried to keep it hidden from the kids. "He probably turned it off and forgot to turn it back on again."

  The kids seemed to accept her explanation because they scooted off to watch a bit of television before bed.

  Kate was in the kitchen cleaning up, trying hard to keep herself sane, when she heard the door from the garage open. Her hands gripped the plate she was putting in the cupboard. Her fears vanished but a whole new set of emotions took their place.

  She wanted to rage at him for making her worry, for not calling her, but Kate figured he’d just tell her she didn’t have any reason to worry. Didn’t have any right to worry. And on top of all that, she just wanted to burst into tears. That was not a good sign.

  Since Jared had to walk past the family room to get to anywhere else in the house, the kids spotted him and were soon bombarding him with questions. Kate took advantage of the brief reprieve to gather her tattered emotions.

  "Sorry I’m late," Jared said casually as he strode into the kitchen. He set a box on the counter. "I went by to pick up the cookies for Bry."

  "You weren’t answering your phone," Kate said, hoping he couldn’t hear the tinge of anger in her voice.

  "Did you need to get hold of me for something?" Jared asked.

  Kate shook her head. "Bry was just wondering why you were late and decided to call you. The call wouldn’t go through."

  "Yeah, sorry about that. I didn’t call from the office because I planned to call from the car. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize my battery was dead and I had taken the car adapter into the office to have one of the guys look at it since it’s not been working the past couple of days."

  "Do you want some supper?" Kate finished putting the plates in the cupboard.

  Jared rubbed his stomach. "No thanks. Darlene made me two thick sandwiches with freshly baked bread and roast beef. Absolutely wonderful."

  Kate clutched the dishtowel between her hands and turned away from Jared. Darlene. Even the name sounded perfect. She wondered if the woman was single. Had Jared enjoyed spending time in her company? Maybe he could have married her if he’d just waited a couple of weeks.

  "Do want to try one of the cookies? She sent along some extra for us to try so Bry isn’t the only one getting a treat."

  The kids all accepted one then Jared held one out to her. Kate wanted to refuse it. She didn’t want to eat perfect Darlene’s cookies. But she didn’t want to raise any alarms by refusing so she reached out and took it from him. She bit into it. Chocolate chip. Talk about adding insult to injury. It tasted like sawdust to her and when Jared turned away Kate put the cookie down on the counter and dropped the cloth over it.

  "Wow, the kids are gonna love these tomorrow!" Bry said after he swallowed the last of his cookie.

  "I’m sure they will," Jared agreed. "Here, I brought Darlene’s phone number with me. I want you to call and thank her for baking these for your class. She wouldn’t take any money for her efforts."

  Bry took the number and went to the phone. Kate listened as he talked to the woman and wondered if he would have liked her for a mother.

  Kate was in an emotional panic by the time the kids were all in bed. She desperately needed some time alone to pull herself together. She knew her thoughts earlier had not been kind or fair to either Jared or Darlene. Jared had promised to be faithful to her, even if he didn’t love her, and Kate had to believe that he was a man of his word. Letting doubts like that creep in would just give Satan a foothold in her life an
d in her marriage.

  After the kids were down Jared went into the library so Kate retreated to her room. Once again before the computer, she turned off all other thoughts and emotions and focused on what she was doing.

  "Kate?" Jared’s voice broke through her concentration.

  Kate blinked a couple of times, automatically saving her work then looked at the digital clock in the corner of her computer screen. One o’clock! She hadn’t realized what time it was.

  "What are you working on?" Jared asked as he sat down on the bed.

  Kate rotated her neck a couple of times to work out the kinks then shut off the monitor and stood up. "It’s a kids’ computer program."

  "Are you writing one? I thought you did research in Seattle."

  "I did, but a few years ago I started taking night classes in computer programming. It was completely different from my research work, but I enjoyed it immensely. I was two classes away from getting my diploma. This is the first time I’ve tried working on a program of this sort. The kids kind of inspired me."

  "Is it working?"

  "It’s coming together, so we’ll see."

  They had left the guest room by then and were walking down the hallway to the master suite. As Jared closed the door behind them, all the emotions and thoughts of the evening flooded back. Kate prayed that that there would only be sleeping in the bed tonight. She didn’t think she could handle more than that emotionally.

  It wasn’t until they lay together in the dark that Jared spoke again. "Katie, what’s wrong? You’ve been really quiet all evening, even before you went to work on your computer."

  Kate felt a tear slip down her cheek but managed to speak normally, although not honestly. "Nothing."

  Jared’s hand found hers under the covers. "Honesty, Kate. Remember, we promised honesty."

  Kate turned her head away from him, tears flowing more quickly now. Her throat was so tight she couldn’t have spoken if she had wanted to.