Body and Soul

by Lucy Lennox

  Fear.

  Regret.

  Guilt.

  All-consuming, life-changing guilt.

  Before I had a chance to say anything, though, he was off on another babbling rant.

  “It was like when Cocci got mad at me in Milan. Wasn’t fair. Guy’s an asshole.”

  “What did he get mad at you for?”

  “I moved his cheese.”

  “You mean, metaphorically, like the self-help book?”

  Oz looked at me like I was an idiot. “No, Jake. Like I literally moved his cheese. It was tempting me, and I was trying to drop a few pounds that weekend for a job. Fuckin’ brie, I swear to god. You know? Like, it’s unfair there’s such a thing as brie. And don’t even get me started on the brown sugar almond situation some people do to it. As if it needs improving. Not that I mind, because I mean… come on.”

  “Who’s Cocci?” I asked, curious who I might want to be on the lookout for to punch in the face for doing anything to take the smile off Oz’s face.

  “The fashion designer, duh.” He looked at me and must not have seen an ounce of recognition. “Cocci Borroni? The designer, Cocci Borroni?” His voice got higher with surprise and indignation.

  “Don’t know the guy.”

  “I guess you wouldn’t. You’re too…” He flapped his hands in my general direction with disgust. “You’re too… ugh. Just too. Yeah. Too.”

  “Ignorant?” I asked.

  “What? No.”

  “Clueless?”

  “Of course not,” Oz said, sliding his hand over his short hair again the way I’d seen him do several times earlier that day.

  “Midwestern?” I teased.

  “Yeah. That one. Too Midwestern.”

  We looked at each other across the expanse of the sofa where the dog lay on her throne. The warm golden light from the fire danced across Oz’s creamy skin, lighting up those plump lips still damp from his last sip of beer. He was breathtaking.

  “He stole my designs.”

  The confession came in a tiny voice, and I found myself leaning across the dog to get closer, so I didn’t miss a word.

  “Tell me,” I murmured.

  His jaw seemed to wobble a bit before tightening. “I had an entire collection sketched out in my notebook. It was in my overnight bag when I was at his place. I never knew he saw it, but…” He took a breath and looked into the fire. “But when I saw my designs on the runway during his show, I knew right away what had happened. Years of coming up with those ideas… and now… he made them his, and I have nothing. Fucking nothing. Just another pretty face.”

  Oz pulled Boo onto his lap and leaned into me, all the energy seeming to drain from his body.

  He was going dim again, but this time I wasn’t the cause. At least not directly. But I was still one of apparently many assholes who’d hurt him.

  I knew it was wrong, but that didn’t stop me from dropping my arm around his shoulders and tugging him closer until he was pressed completely against me. He dropped his cheek against my chest so his head was tucked up under my chin.

  “You’re so much more than that, Oz,” I said softly. I let my fingers slide over his soft hair. “You know that, right?”

  I felt him shake his head against my chest.

  “What if they’re right, Jake? What if they’re all right? What if they never really see me? I should be… I should be happy for what I have, right? It should be enough.”

  I brought my free hand over to tip his face up so he was looking at me.

  I shook my head. “No,” I whispered. “You don’t ever stop fighting for what you want, do you hear me? This fucker who hurt you–you’re going to work hard and then you’re going to show him that he didn’t break you. You’re going to come back stronger and harder and you’re going to show them all that they misjudged you. Because you’re so much more than a goddamned beautiful face, Oz.”

  He held my gaze for the longest time. His lips were calling to me, but right before I was about to drop my mouth to his, he lowered his head. I felt his arm come around me hesitantly before I heard him sniffle a few times, and he rubbed his face against my shirt discreetly. I realized he was trying to keep himself from crying. It was several minutes before the sniffles turned into a steady, light snore. Selfishly, I decided to enjoy the sensation of his body tucked up against mine for a few more minutes, and I leaned back against the armrest, taking Oz’s weight with me so he was almost on my lap.

  “Just a few more minutes,” I whispered to myself.

  A few more minutes of the contact I’d been starved of for years. Then I’d move him to my bedroom for the night.

  And I’d be back where I’d been for three long fucking years.

  Alone.

  That was my last rational thought, because the next thing I knew, there was a pounding on the door. A sharp yipping sound rang out seemingly inside my eardrum, and I opened my mouth to complain about it, only to discover my mouth was against bare skin.

  It was not my skin.

  “What the hell?” I grumbled as the front door slammed open and bounced off the wall beside it.

  “Are you okay?” Xander was wide-eyed and worried, face red from the cold and eyes wild under his hat. “I went to check on the cabin after getting an alert about the power being out up here and found the place frozen, and you didn’t answer my knock or my phone call…”

  His voice dropped off as his eyes finally registered what he was seeing.

  “Oh my god,” he hooted. “You and the pretty boy? That’s… unexpected,” he said with a wide grin.

  I looked down and saw Oz stripped down to only a thin pair of the sexiest fucking boxer-briefs I’d ever seen. One look at his ass where he lay sprawled on top of me on the sofa and I was hard as a rock.

  “Fuck!” I shoved him unceremoniously to the floor. “Why are you naked? You weren’t naked before.” I looked up at Xander in shock. “I swear he wasn’t naked before. Oz, tell him. Tell him you weren’t…”

  I lost my train of thought when I saw Oz stand up and stretch, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with a giant erection tenting his underwear and stretching the design on the… were those spools of thread?

  Xander made a choking sound, and I quickly stepped between Oz and him. “What the hell are you doing? Look away,” I growled. “You’re practically a married man, for fuck’s sake. And Oz isn’t a piece of meat.”

  Xander’s appreciative gaze turned to humor as he broke into laughter. “I’m not dead, Jake. A man can still appreciate a fine male form.”

  “Where the hell am I?” Oz mumbled. “And why is it so cold in here? What did you do to my head? And why are my eyes so squinty? Fuck, who the hell put cotton in my mouth?”

  Oz must have leaned over to pick up the quilt from the floor because suddenly his glorious ass was bumping into mine, causing him to stumble. I quickly divided thirteen into a thousand sixty-four to keep my dick from causing a scene.

  “You need to stop touching me,” I said in a choked voice.

  Oz’s confusion deepened as his cheeks heated and he mumbled an apology. He stepped away before I could apologize. He grabbed the quilt and wrapped it around himself. “Come on, BooBear,” Oz said to his dog, who was doing the all-too-familiar piddle dance. He led the animal to the front door and let her out.

  Xander was glaring at me, but I ignored him. I already knew I’d been a dick.

  “Why are you here?” I asked him as Oz remained by the door to watch Boo do her thing.

  “Nice to see you too, buddy,” my good friend said. “Looks like the power came back on at some point this morning, so sounds like maybe I should get some coffee on while you go wash your face and put on a fresh personality.”

  But before I could even head to the bedroom to do just that, Oz strode that way, his dog padding along behind him.

  He didn’t look at me even once.

  Not that I could blame him.

  Not even a little bit.

  Chapter 7 />
  Oz

  So, new fun fact… hangovers in New York definitely beat hangovers in Colorado.

  Hands down.

  Because a hangover in New York meant waking up well after noon and having Zoey bring me my favorite tea and a side of ibuprofen. Since I only ever partied with Zoey–a lesson I’d learned after getting my drunk on once with a jealous model who’d tried to blackmail me with a sex tape if I didn’t introduce him to Calvin Klein–we’d always end up back at her apartment when the night ended. As someone who wasn’t a big drinker herself, Zoey would let me sleep in while she prepared her famous hangover remedy tea, and we’d lie under the covers of her bed and talk about the events of the night before. When I was feeling better, I’d cap off my rare indulgence in alcohol with a mid-afternoon “breakfast” that included a Belgian waffle as big as my head and a side of greasy fries from a diner near my agent’s office. I’d always have to go incognito, of course, but that was the fun of it. After all, Laird absolutely could not be seen snarfing down a million calories of pure carbs.

  Hangovers in Colorado sucked rocks.

  Big time.

  While waking up draped across a warm bundle of muscles that smelled like my dream come true hadn’t been so bad, getting my ass tossed on the floor before I could even take a minute for a proper sniff had been the epitome of humiliating.

  Oh, except for the fact that there’d been a witness to the whole thing.

  Yeah, facing Xander would be fun at Thanksgiving.

  Crap, what if Jake was there? It stood to reason that he would be.

  How had life ended up this complicated? I’d come to Haven for peace and quiet so I could focus on my work.

  As I entered Jake’s bedroom, the events of the night before began to come back to me piece by piece. My clothes were strewn all over the floor, and I vaguely recalled waking up in the middle of the night to pee. I’d been too out of it to truly appreciate the fact that I’d been lying sprawled out on top of Jake’s body and hadn’t even considered how I’d ended up there. But as I’d stripped and prepared to slide into Jake’s bed, I’d wondered why the hell I was going to get into a cold bed when there was a very hot man on the sofa. I’d quickly returned to the living room to curl up against my very own living, breathing furnace.

  Yeah, I hadn’t been in my right mind. Clearly, lying half-naked on the straight guy was frowned upon.

  Another point for New York. At least a sore bottom out there would be for the right reasons. Only in Haven would my ass be smarting from being dumped on the floor by my hot, rude–okay, mostly rude–neighbor who didn’t know how to politely ask the local single gay guy not to climb him like a tree.

  As I began pulling my clothes on, a memory of Jake holding me in his arms surfaced.

  You’re going to come back stronger and harder and you’re going to show them all that they misjudged you. Because you’re so much more than a goddamned beautiful face, Oz.

  I stilled because there was just no way that part had been real, right?

  Right?

  Once I was dressed, I opened the door to the bedroom just in time to hear Xander ask, “So, you and the new guy, huh?” His voice was light and teasing.

  “No. Don’t be ridiculous,” Jake mumbled. He sounded annoyed by the implication instead of taking it as the joke it clearly was. “The damned furnace tripped the breaker again. You need to get that shit fixed or else I’m going to have a new roommate all winter. I didn’t sign on to babysit a kid who can barely take care of himself, Xander.”

  I ignored the sting of pain that went through me. No fucking way was I letting him get to me again. I tightened my jaw and strode out into the room with my aching head held high.

  “I can’t thank you enough for taking me in for the evening, Jake,” I said. “You’re a genuine knight in shining armor. The town of Haven is lucky to have you,” I announced, barely managing to keep the sneer from my voice as I searched out my boots where they were lying on the floor by the couch. “Xander, is there a church in town because I want to talk to the priest about nominating Jake for sainthood. Doctor, wilderness guide extraordinaire, rescuer of damsels and gay guys in distress alike, I mean, is there nothing this man can’t do?” I asked as I stamped my feet into my boots.

  I saw Jake pale slightly and Xander looked at him in surprise, but I didn’t stop long enough to wonder what the exchange meant.

  “But don’t worry,” I amended. “This kid will find different accommodations in the future. I wouldn’t want to impose even a moment longer than is absolutely necessary. Oh, I probably shouldn’t tell you this,” I said as I put my hand up to my mouth like I was letting out a big secret. “But Nadia has had her eye on you for a quite a while, so you can totally tap that if you want.” I kept my expression confused as I looked at Xander, even though jealousy was eating me up inside.

  “Is that the right expression? Tap that? Because I, unfortunately, don’t speak straight guy. Which is why,” –I jammed my hat onto my head– “I’m going to go find the attractive gay guy who made me a lovely offer yesterday and see about taking him up on it. I mean, waking up warm every morning and not getting dumped on my ass…” I tilted my head and gave Jake a wink. “That’s definitely something I’d tap,” I suggested.

  There was no reason to let him know the very attractive gay man was Bennett and the offer had been to stay at the lodge. No need for him to know any of that or that I had no plans to actually take Bennett up on it, but at least the asshole would stop viewing me as his problem.

  I grabbed my coat and the small bag of Boo’s things before walking out the door. Fucking asshole sexy neighbor.

  The door hadn’t completely closed when I heard Xander snap at Jake, “What in the hell’s your problem?”

  Good question.

  Apparently, the answer was me.

  Thankfully, after he’d left Jake’s place, Xander had stopped by and offered to keep Boo with him at the lodge in town so I wouldn’t have to leave her in the freezing cabin.

  I was grateful since I wanted to spend the day at the clinic. My goal was to distract myself from both the mother of all hangovers and the fact that I was homeless until Xander fixed the furnace.

  Once I arrived and greeted Nancy at the reception counter, I grabbed my sketchpad and got to work.

  After coming up with my initial design ideas, I chatted up several of the patients who came in. I asked them how long wait times were, and I was happy to discover they were usually fairly short. I watched the kids play with the existing bin of toys and noticed most of them were well-behaved and respectful of the items they played with. But some of the toys were terribly outdated, so I made a mental note to see if there were any toy stores in the area. Wouldn’t hurt to just toss a few new ones into the bin.

  At one point, I noticed Jake show up and tried my best to ignore him. Becky had told me the night before that he helped with the clinic compliance paperwork and played a big part in getting extra funding for the clinic through grants. Oh, and he didn’t get paid for any of it. It didn’t make me think he was a generous sweetheart who cared about others.

  It didn’t.

  Halfway through the day, I wandered down the main road to a sandwich shop I’d noticed earlier. There was a man behind the counter who looked a lot like the bartender from the tavern the night before. Tall, dark, and stacked with muscles.

  “Are you by any chance related to—”

  The man cracked a wide grin as he cut me off. “He’s my brother. We’re not twins but might as well be. What can I get you, gorgeous?”

  I brightened under the compliment and decided to dust off my flirt a little. We chatted while he made the sandwich, and I found out that he and his brother lived in Haven and knew most of the people in town.

  “Wade and I usually go snowboarding on the weekends. If you ever want to try it out, just give us a ring,” he said, handing me a card with the shop info on it as well as his name, Keith. “That’s my cell on there. Even if you don
’t want to hit the slopes, I’d love to take you out for a drink. Give me a call.”

  The wink he gave me was adorable, but didn’t exactly make my stomach jangle the way certain other stupid people did. I smiled and gave him my thanks before sitting down at one of the little tables with my lunch. The people I’d met in Haven so far, with the exception of a certain someone I wasn’t going to think about, were super friendly and welcoming. Zoey needed a place like this. Unlike me, she’d had a great childhood, but sadly, she’d lost several members of her family in the past few years. She’d ended up becoming a magnet for guys who didn’t know how to treat her right. The latest, Paolo, was the worst of the lot. The way the man talked to her, not to mention the fact that he constantly cheated on her… well, it just made me wish I knew how to fight because I’d give anything to deck the guy. I’d had to settle for Boo pooping in his shoes once.

  Zoey answered the phone on the third ring.

  “Hey, cutie,” she said, out of breath. “How’s the smoking-hot neighbor?”

  “We’re not talking about it,” I groaned. I should have never mentioned Jake to her in the first place. “How are you?”

  There was a lengthy pause. I wondered if I’d interrupted her while she was working on something or out somewhere.

  “Is this a bad time?” I asked.

  “No, it’s fine… I just… I miss you, Oz. Things aren’t the same without you here.”

  She sounded sad, and I wondered how much of that was missing me and how much was related to whatever Paolo had done this time. Zoey and I had fought so much over the man that we’d had to agree to an embargo on the whole Paolo-is-a-dick-and-you-can-do-better conversation.

  “You still doing okay for money?” I asked. “Did you get the check?”

  I heard her sigh. “Yes, but I told you not to do that. I’m fine.”

  “I know you are,” I quickly said. “It’s just a little something to tide you over until I can get home and spoil you properly.”