Promises

by Susan Rodgers

  When they got to his place they shared some Baileys and opened their stockings against the backdrop of America’s favorite Christmas film, Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life” starring Jimmy Stewart. The lovers capped off a perfect day by snuggling and falling asleep on the couch in each other’s arms.

  As they slept, a number of cell phone videos forever chronicling Jessie’s assistance with the fraught young male soloist were uploaded to YouTube. Immediately they went viral and Jessie’s reputation, despite the fact that she had ended her relationship with the popular Charlie for the supposedly hot tempered Josh, was again set in stone as the beautiful, sweet, generous person that everyone had once believed her to be.

  ***

  At four-twenty in the morning, the city comfortably cocooned in a covering of fresh white snow that lay in “barely there” drifts outside their peaceful warm abode, Josh woke Jessie and groggily piloted her upstairs to his bedroom. Shyly, he reached into the closet and, from underneath a few folded navy blue and sage green hoodies, pulled out two small wrapped gifts. Jessie sat cross-legged on the comfortable bed; she had changed into red plaid cotton pajama pants and one of Josh’s dove-grey long sleeved Henleys. Childlike, she pulled the sleeves down over her hands and tucked her fingers around them, then reached up and started twisting ringlets around a curl of hair.

  He sat opposite her on the bed in faded jeans with the top button undone and a ubiquitous white T-shirt, loving how adorable she looked in his space all groggy and sleepy-eyed, twisting nervously at her hair. Josh set both boxes down in front of Jessie’s crossed knees. She looked up, searching his eyes. He pointed to the silver one with the shiny green ribbon.

  “This one first,” he said.

  She let the ringlet fade into oblivion and reached down for the box, which she held in her upright palms as if it were a fragile egg in danger of cracking. After a moment in which she studied its pretty wrapping, she untied the ribbon and opened the box. Inside was a stunning silver heart-shaped locket engraved with their initials, two J’s entwined around each other so that you could barely see where one ended and the other began. She pried the locket open with a manicured fingernail. Inside was a tiny painting of the two of them, a replica of the Drifters photograph on his nightstand. Crafted in the historic eighteenth century style of portrait miniatures, it was exquisite.

  “Josh,” she breathed, “it’s beautiful! Who painted this for you?”

  With trembling fingers he grasped the locket, then carefully fastened it around her neck. “One of Kayla’s roommates is a visual artist. Frank, the guy that teaches dance in that studio on Granville. He painted it.” He sat back and admired the lovely silver against her neck. “He did a nice job.”

  Jessie smiled up at him. She would wear the locket everywhere and someday she would pass it on to their children. It was that kind of gift.

  He pointed to the second box. Giddy now, she scooped it up and delicately tore open the wine and silver paper, setting the little bow carefully aside. Inside was a Tiffany & Co. box. Enchanted, Jessie lifted the lid. Nestled on a white silk cushion was an elegant silver diamond ring. Daringly, Josh lifted it and held it up, where its channel-set round brilliant diamonds, which enhanced a classic six-prong 1.5 carat diamond setting, twinkled in the pallid moonlight dancing on the bed where they’d first made love so long ago.

  “Jessie,” he said, his voice cracking.

  She was already crying, her hands clasped over her mouth, eyes wide.

  Josh was struggling too. He wiped a thumb over a tear that leaked out of his right eye, then reached across the shallow divide between them and merged his tear with one of hers.

  “Jessie,” he said again, stronger this time, as she glimpsed down, found his left hand and enclosed it in hers. “I’ve loved you since the day we met. Your faith in me changed my life. I didn’t even believe in me, yet somehow you did. I know we’ve only officially been together as a couple for four months, but I’ve never loved anyone more, and I never will. You are the only girl for me, Jessie Wheeler. I will love you always, Jessie. Always. You make me the happiest man on this crazy planet. Marry me. Say you will be mine - always and forever.”

  He slipped off the bed and knelt down on one knee. Jessie, turning to face him as she let her legs fall over the side, forced herself to remain composed but her hand was shaking when she held it out to him. She nodded, silent tears betraying her outward calm, as he placed the magnificent ring on the second last finger of her left hand.

  “Yes,” she heard herself whisper. “Yes, I’ll marry you, Josh Sawyer. You and me. Always and forever.”

  Josh leapt up and swept her into his arms, and it was quite some time before either could speak. Neither had felt such peace and happiness, even when they’d finally admitted their true feelings for each other in late August. This was the real deal. This was love, perfection in an imperfect world, heightened by moonlit diamonds and the holy magic of Christmas. After tender kisses and sweet words of promise, Jessie slipped downstairs to the Christmas tree, returning with a small box of her own for Josh.

  “It won’t quite compare,” she murmured softly. “But it carries the same sentiment.”

  They sat on the bed together as he opened it, and Josh gently reprimanded her for worrying about any comparison. It was a silver pendant engraved with a cursive J, hanging at the end of a tan leather string.

  Jessie took it from him and fastened the leather around his neck, finishing with a long, slow kiss on his perfect lips. “There’s only one J, but I figure you can decide whether it stands for Josh or Jessie. I figure it’s for both of us. We are one.”

  “Definitely,” he grinned, happy. “We are one.” He pulled her onto his lap and then they lay on the bed and celebrated their first Christmas together, not only as a couple, but also now as an engaged couple. This would be a wedding Jessie could savor although she figured it would have to be a year away in order to give the world some time to support it as well.

  As Jessie lay on her back and allowed Josh to slip the Henley shirt up over her head, his knees on either side of hers, she reveled in the memory that the day Charlie had stammered through some kind of shaky proposal was also the day she’d met Josh. My, how things can change in a short time, she thought. Josh’s proposal was a remembrance to be kept and cherished and shared with grandchildren. Joyously happy, she clasped the little bow she’d set aside earlier and almost squished it as Josh sexily slipped her pajama pants down, and then she surrendered her mind and body to the amazing man who had changed her life as well, and who was going to become her husband.

  ***

  Afterwards, Jessie handed Josh a thumb drive and told him it contained the file of a new song she’d written for him. He played it on his Mac as they snuggled together under the covers. She’d written another classic soft dusky Jessie Wheeler ballad that proclaimed her deepening love for him. They drifted off to sleep for a few more hours, his hand resting on her hip and her fingers soaking up the warmth of his body under the sleeve of his T-shirt.

  At ten they urged each other awake, showered, and toasted some cinnamon raisin bagels. Jessie sauntered off to a corner of the living room and called Charles and Dee to wish them a Happy Christmas. Deirdre, the grand lady herself, answered.

  “Hi Dee,” Jessie started, nervously. “Merry Christmas!”

  “Merry Christmas to you, too,” Dee replied coolly. She was sorry that Jessie would not be spending the day with her, as had become their custom. They would have Jessie and Josh over for a fancy meal in a few days, instead.

  “Did you guys sleep in?” Jessie was stalling for time.

  “I did,” Dee said. “Charles was up at the crack of dawn, as usual. He’ll be asleep in his turkey before long.”

  “Charlie coming over?”

  “Yes, he agreed to drop by today after the Deacon family dinner, and he’s bringing Jack and Lydia. We’ll have a few drinks and swap some stories. It’s been quite a year.”

  Jessie w
inced. Yes, it had been quite a year. And now she was going to add a little more fuel to the fire for the evening’s telling. It wouldn’t be a bad thing for her to give Charles and Dee some time to settle into her news.

  “What did the old man give you for Christmas this year?” she asked Dee, killing time as Josh watched from the kitchen, where he was spreading a little butter on their bagels.

  “Oh, a few good historic romances, some of that Cabernet Franc I like from Africa, what else, let me see…flannel pink pajamas...oh and he had that publicity shot of you framed, the one from the new album. I’ll hang it in the music room.”

  Jessie blushed. “Aw, Dee,” she said. “That’s sweet. Not that you need any more pictures of me.”

  On her end Dee smiled pensively as she settled onto her creamy chaise with an Irish coffee in her delicate fingers. Charles was on his knees strategically placing wood on the fire in the hearth, as the Paul Peel warmed the room above the mantel. She loved the framed picture of Jessie best of all her gifts. They had no need of material things, the Keatings, and Charles always knew which buttons to push to help make Dee’s Christmases and birthdays special. Anything to do with Jessie…they had missed out on having children of their own. Christmases were quiet around their large home. They would miss their girl, this day.

  Biting back resentment that Jessie had chosen to celebrate with Josh’s family instead of with her and Charles, Dee took a slow sip of her hot spiked coffee and casually asked Jessie what Josh had given her for Christmas.

  “Um, well, a silver locket, for one. Heart-shaped.”

  Stab. Of course, Dee thought.

  “With a miniature painting inside, of the two of us. Wait til you see it, Dee, it’s really lovely.” Jessie couldn’t keep the excitement from leaking into her voice.

  “That’s nice, dear,” Dee was thinking of the gifts Charlie had given Jessie over the years. She couldn’t remember a thing.

  “Oh, and …um…well, Dee, a ring.”

  A ring, Dee thought. How nice. Then she sat up straight, almost spilling the coffee. She peeked over at Charles, who narrowed his eyes quizzically. “Oh? What kind of ring? Your birthstone, maybe?”

  “Actually, it’s a diamond ring, Dee. See, the thing is…Josh asked me to marry him, and I said yes.” She squeezed her eyes shut and waited for the long pause to end.

  At La Casa, Dee set her earthenware coffee mug down on the table without placing a coaster underneath. Her hand was starting to shake. Charles sat up straight, a length of wood poised in mid-air as if he were on the muddy field at Culloden, about to strike at an imposing foe.

  “Honey,” she started. “Oh, I don’t know what to say, Jessie. Isn’t it…isn’t it a little soon? I mean, it’s only been a few months…”

  Interrupting, Jessie jumped in. “I know, Dee, and it won’t be soon, I know that we’ve got to give everyone some time to get used to the idea, but we’re happy, Dee. Please be happy for us too. I love this guy like crazy. I really do.”

  Dee recalled the kiss from last night’s midnight mass, under the streetlight in the fresh misty snow. Yes, she thought. Love and its tenterhooks had Jessie by the heart.

  “Okay, honey,” she said. “We’ll talk about what this all means when we see you in a few days. In the meantime, of course I’m happy for you, and Charles will be as well.” Then, “What about Charlie? Do you want to tell him, or shall we?” Her manager side kicked in. “Will you be wearing the ring in public right away? Should I be calling Janet to handle this?”

  Jessie sighed. She just wanted to wear her ring and enjoy it, the whole she-bang; the being in love, the getting married, Christmas with Josh. She was so happy she thought she would burst. But in her surreal world, nothing was normal. Everything had a price, new corners had to be managed.

  “I want to wear the ring, Dee. But no one will see it for the next few days until we get a chance to talk to you and sort things out. I promise.” She brightened. “Wait til you see it. It’s from Tiffany & Co.! It has diamonds all around the band.”

  Well, at least the boy has taste, Dee thought, a little spitefully. She couldn’t help herself. “And Charlie?”

  “Uh, okay. Well. I guess you can tell him if you want to. It’s not really something I want to share with him just yet.”

  “Okay.”

  Pause. “I just want to enjoy this for a little while, Dee. All of it.”

  Pang. Dee felt like shit for raining on Jessie’s parade. Of course the girl deserved happiness. She leaned forward and put her head in her hands.

  “Okay, honey. Enjoy it. Congratulations. Give Josh a hug from us, and drive safe, okay?” She was less than enthusiastic, but she was trying.

  “Thanks, Dee. We’ll see you in a few days.”

  “Yes, we’ll have a big dinner planned. We’ll see you then. Love you.”

  “Love you too, Dee. Bye for now. Hugs to Charles. And hi to Jack and Lydia.”

  They rang off with Jessie feeling a little peculiar. She detected the sadness in Dee’s voice, and thought a little sheepishly that she herself should have made time for Dee and Charles today. But this was her first Christmas with Josh and, despite her love for Charles and Dee, she felt almost obliged to give them some time to miss her, so that when they were all together perhaps Dee would treat Josh with respect and care.

  She turned to Josh, who met her halfway across the living room and gathered her up in a big embrace. Jessie nestled sensuously into his warm neck and thought how wonderful it was to finally plan a future with this man, to have his hugs mean that he was accessible to her in every way possible now as opposed to just in a painful and finite friendship.

  “It’s okay,” he said. “I’ll win them over.”

  “Yes, you will,” she said, her voice sweet and caring. “I don’t doubt it, Josh. It just may take a little time, that’s all.”

  “Yep,” he said. “Time. Well, we have lots of that, little one. A whole bright big future.” Little one. Her father had called her that. Yet another reason to love this guy.

  She nuzzled deeper into him, tucked her hands up under his tee, just inside the waistband of his jeans, and then it was time to go.

  Time, that elusive, un-lasso-able entity, was urging them on. Always hurried, never patient to wait out the most precious moments of life, it had its own agenda, and that was to rush Josh and Jessie forward into a black void that would hold them hostage, until time itself decided they’d had enough, and released them from its hoary grasp.

  ***

  After loading the truck to capacity with gaily-wrapped gifts, Josh and Jessie puttered happily off to pick up Kayla and Paul. The foursome hit the highway to Seattle singing Christmas carols almost the entire way, laughing at each other for missing most of the words. Jessie was the worst. Her defense was that she rarely sang carols and instead had to focus on her own songs, so she was subject to a merciless teasing.

  Kayla was thrilled at their news. Jessie Wheeler as a sister-in-law was cool enough, but the fact that she so obviously made Josh a contented man meant everything to Kayla.

  In Seattle, life was simply divine with Hilary and Zach, who were ecstatic over the engagement. Their young children didn’t have a clue who Jessie was other than a gentle soul who was patient and loved to read stories and sing lullabies. Jessie was in her glory. She cherished the simple anonymity of being loved unconditionally by children who couldn’t care less about her fame, and who also loved Josh for who he was, without prejudice.

  The only glitch in the otherwise perfect day was the arrival of the Sawyer patriarch Wes and his new girlfriend, an attractive thirty-something brunette who wore her heels too high and her designer clothes a size too small, but Josh knew his dad was expected for Christmas dinner and so he mentally prepared himself. Surprisingly, his dad also seemed to be making an effort to keep the peace, so the little extended family worked their way through a pleasant Christmas turkey dinner with lots of chuckles and only superficial tension.

  Jessie
found herself speculating whether Zach and Kayla knew the truth about Josh’s paternity. In fact, she wondered if Josh himself was somehow aware, but she didn’t have the nerve to ask him and figured if he knew and wanted to tell her, he would. She guessed that perhaps he was aware that the man he always thought was his dad was not, but not that his producer, Jonathon, was his real dad. Jessie understood instinctively that such news would not be welcome to Josh, despite the fact that his acting was now considered a critical success and that he was often courted for feature films, the first of which was soon to be released.

  After the dinner dishes were cleared and Hilary and Jessie had listened attentively to Kayla’s hilarious stories of life with stylin’ hipster lawyer Paul, everyone gathered in the homey living room and settled by a comfortable crackling red-ginger fire. Zach read “Twas the Night Before Christmas” despite the protestations of his oldest son who proclaimed that it was Christmas Day and so the poem didn’t fit. Hunched on the floor across from the fire, Jessie rested her back against Josh’s chest and wrapped his arms tightly around her, interlacing her fingers amongst his. Unable to keep a permanent grin from lighting up her face, she could feel his heartbeat, and it thrilled her. She relished the affectionate teasing and chiding between the very close Sawyer siblings, and she could sense that Josh was relaxing around the family headman. The littlest of Hilary and Zach’s children, three-year-old Lana, crept sleepily over to them and burrowed into Jessie’s arms. Josh’s sparkling eyes, twinkling with a faint orange zest reflected from the fire, filled with wonder. He kissed the top of Jessie’s head as she nestled and cuddled the little one, who was struggling to keep her small eyes open, a worn bedraggled brown teddy bear held dearly in her arms.

  This was paradise, and both Jessie and Josh knew it. Remembrances of Jessie’s childhood before her father died were dim and had been pushed underneath the surface of her working mind, too perfect and painful to recall. The glimpses Josh allowed himself into his own lonely past were filled with images of his parents fighting while he and Zachary removed Kayla to the basement. There, they could turn up the television and drown out the prevalent anger that threatened and permeated seemingly every family get together in the old days.