Until We Break

by Jamie Howard

  Haley’s cheeks flush a deep red and she gives a stony glare to Sloane. Blaire, though, doesn’t look like she’s buying it. Her gaze rakes up and down my body, her lips scrunching to the side as she surveys me. She turns her attention to Sloane and repeats the process.

  Shit.

  Blaire scrunches her face up. I can actually see the wheels turning in her head, and then her eyes go even wider, cartoon-character style, and her mouth drops open. She glares at me, and I have no freaking idea how, but I know she’s somehow figured everything out. “Sloane, I need to speak with you for a moment. In private.” Finding everyone watching her, she adds, “You’re going to give me that apology now.”

  Clasping Sloane’s hand, she practically drags her away.

  Leave it to Blaire to see right to the heart of things in no time flat.

  Haley drums her fingers against the tablecloth. “Like she’s actually going to get an apology from her.” She snorts, and a wave of relief rolls through me that she didn’t pick up on Blaire’s realization. “What happened to you? Where’d you disappear to?”

  I laugh, but it rings a little hollowly even in my ears. “Bathroom. Did you have any luck finding that damn thing?”

  She laughs and I feel like a cad. “No. I ended up in a study, then a bedroom, then what I think was a closet but could have fit my entire apartment in it.”

  I lean back in my chair, and the waiter sets down a piece of cake in front of me. With the arrival of dessert, Blaire and Sloane reappear, taking their seats. Neither of them look at me. In fact, they’re looking everywhere else.

  “Everything good?” Harrison asks, resting a hand on Blaire’s thigh.

  “Great!” Blaire says, and she sounds like a five-year-old who’s overdosed on sugar.

  “Super,” Sloane replies.

  Harrison gives them a strange look and then turns toward Haley and me. “So, are you guys enjoying seeing what you have to look forward to?” He motions around the room.

  Haley’s face lights up like a candle, but I inhale my drink, and it burns a path up to my nostrils. I cough and choke, trying to successfully draw a breath.

  He chuckles. “Sorry, man. Didn’t realize it was such a touchy subject for you.”

  “Don’t mind him,” Haley says to Harrison. “Although, our engagement party will never be anything as extravagant as all this. We’ll have something much more low-key, right?”

  Sloane stabs a fork into her cake, while my tie tries to strangle me to death. Guilt twists my stomach, and I have to push a plate of what looks like some ridiculously delicious dessert away, because I’m pretty sure that if I eat it, I’m gonna hurl. “Sure, whatever you want.”

  She rolls her eyes. “You see why I love him. He gives me whatever I want.”

  Sloane drops her fork and it clatters against her plate. Shoving back her chair, she says, “I hope you don’t mind, Blaire, but I’m so tired and I’ve got a lot of packing to do. I think I’m just going to head home now.”

  Blaire holds her gaze, pursing her lips together. “Sure, Sloane. I’ll catch you tomorrow before you leave.”

  Stooping toward Harrison, Sloane kisses him on the cheek, and without turning around, she exits through the side door. She was kidding about leaving tomorrow, right? I’m not so sure. My stomach gives another heave and twists itself in knots, prompting me to reach for my glass one more time.

  Blaire’s eyes find mine and she gives me a loaded look. I can’t tell if she’s warning me away from Sloane or warning me that if I fuck up Sloane again, she’ll murder me herself. I’m hoping it’s the second, because for better or worse I’ve already made up my mind.

  The three of them continue to talk wedding plans, and I manage to get by with only contributing a word here or there. Every time I feel a twinge of unease, I take another sip of Scotch. Needless to say, I’m going through quite a bit of it. Then again, this is probably the best Scotch I’ve ever tasted, so who am I to waste the opportunity to drink it?

  I can’t stop thinking about Sloane and her comment about packing. So, I pull out my phone and send her a quick message. Tomorrow morning, like I promised. Come over at noon?

  I hold the phone in my hand, not wanting to miss the vibration when she texts me back. If she texts me back. No, she’s going to text me back.

  The minutes tick by, each one clearly taking longer than their allotted sixty seconds to pass. Finally, when my phone is about to die from me checking it for new messages every twenty seconds, I get a response. See you at noon. Relief floods through me like a cold drink on a hot summer’s day.

  When the last of the guests finally take their leave, it’s only Haley and I who are still hanging around. I give Harrison a man hug, slapping him on the back. As Blaire throws her arms around my neck, hugging me, she whispers, “I swear to God, Luke, if you screw up Sloane again I will castrate you myself and feed you your man bits.” Pulling back, she gives me a blinding smile. My hand drifts down, instinctively protecting my crotch.

  “You ready?” Haley asks.

  “Yup.” I fish the keys out of my pocket, but she snatches them out of my hand.

  “Oh, no, my alcoholic friend. I will be driving home.”

  I’d protest, but I am a little buzzed. Okay, more than a little. I shrug and let her slide into the driver’s seat. There’s no traffic on the road, so we make good time on the trip home. Haley pulls into my parking lot, shutting off the car. Stretching, she opens her door and starts walking across the parking lot.

  That gets me moving.

  “You’re staying here tonight?” I ask.

  She looks at me like I’ve got five heads. “It’s three o’clock in the morning, I’m exhausted, my feet are killing me, and my car’s not here. So, yeah, I’m gonna stay here. Since when do you have a problem with me staying over? If anything, you usually want me to stay more often.” She runs a hand suggestively up my chest.

  I trap her hand in mine and give it a squeeze. “Sorry. I’m just wiped.”

  “Well, c’mon then,” she says. “Let’s go to bed.”

  Warning lights flash in my mind, but it’s not like I can tell her to get lost. At least she’ll be here in the morning so that I can break things off with her first thing when I wake up.

  Closing the door behind me, Haley tosses the keys onto the counter and heads straight for the bathroom. I look longingly down the hall at my king-size bed but know that’s not an option. Haley is already gonna want to claw out my eyes when I break things off with her tomorrow; no need to make things worse by crawling into bed with her after the fact. Besides, any type of intimacy with Haley would seem like a betrayal to Sloane, and I don’t even want to give her one hint of that. I’m not going down that road again. She’d never forgive me this time.

  I sigh and slip out of my shoes, loosening my tie and then tossing it onto the coffee table. My jacket, shirt, and pants go next. As the bathroom door creaks back open, I flop down onto the couch, burying my face in a throw pillow.

  Footsteps approach and then pause on the other side of the couch. “Luke?”

  Fingers prod against my shoulder. I let out a muffled groan and shift my face against the pillow. I think she grumbles underneath her breath, but I can’t be sure. She retreats in the direction of the bedroom, and while I’m debating the advisability of sneaking a blanket out of the linen closet, my brain makes the decision for me by shutting down and going to sleep.

  Chapter 44

  Sloane

  I call Luke for the third time, but it goes straight to voice mail again. It’s probably dead. I’d gotten his address from Blaire this morning after I spilled all the details from last night. I’m still having trouble believing that last night actually happened. I keep pinching myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.

  I feel like I’m existing in a bubble. A bubble that’s so full of happiness that I’m sure it’s going to burst. I’m just waiting for the needle. I haven’t been able to wipe the smile from my face since I got in my car las
t night. Sure, I didn’t love sitting there while Haley gushed about her faux upcoming engagement, but more than anything I felt bad for her. She was going to be blindsided. Correction, she must have been blindsided.

  The clock flashes back at me: 12:07.

  I take a deep breath in through my nose and let it out through my mouth. The brick facade of Luke’s townhouse looms up in front of me as I walk down the sidewalk and up the front steps.

  I lift my hand up, freezing it in midair as all the negative thoughts I’ve been trying to ignore rush to the forefront of my mind.

  You can do this.

  I knock on the blue door.

  A minute passes and then the door swings open.

  The smile on my face shrivels up and dies.

  “Sloane.” Haley looks nearly as surprised as I feel. Her hair is rumpled in that just-fucked way, and she’s practically swimming in one of Luke’s T-shirts. She tugs at the hem of it, trying to pull it down. “What are you doing here?”

  Words form a logjam in my throat, until finally a few slip through. “I’m leaving. I just wanted to stop and say good-bye to Luke.”

  She smiles. It’s clearly not the face of someone who’s had her heart recently broken. Leaning against the edge of the door she says, “He’s actually still asleep. I can go get him—”

  “No.” I shake my head. “No, it’s fine. Just tell him I came to say good-bye.” I walk back down the steps, then turn to add, “And can you tell him I’m just glad to see that some things never change.”

  Her eyebrows draw together. “Sure. I’ll tell him.”

  “Thanks. Good-bye Haley, and good luck.”

  “Bye.” She waves at me, a frown marring her pretty face.

  I manage to hold back my tears until I’m in the car. I’m so stupid. How many times am I going to let him do this to me? How many times am I going to believe him when he’s given me no reason to? Deep down, I’m still the stupid, hopeful, trusting idiot that I’ve always been. Will I never learn?

  I make record time back to Gran’s. Flying through the front door, I’m at my room in seconds. I throw my clothes into my suitcase in a heap, rushing around the room grabbing everything that’s mine.

  Blaire materializes at the door. “Sloane? What’s wrong?”

  I sniff, wiping my face with the heel of my hand. “Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s right! Luke’s still a lying manwhore and I’m still the lovesick fool who fell for his act. Again!” I slam a shirt down into the pile of clothes.

  “What’re you talking about?” Blaire asks, at the same time Gran says, “I’m going to eat that boy for dinner.”

  My hand drifts up to cover my mouth and I choke back a sob. Deep breath in, deep breath out. I shake my head to clear it, swallowing down any leftover tears. “Haley answered the door. He didn’t leave her.”

  Blaire takes two steps toward me and wraps me in a bear hug. Gran’s not far behind, and between the two of them, I think they might break one of my bones. They press their love and strength into me, and I take all that I can get.

  I pull back and drag my feet over to the ziplock bag that still sits on my dresser. I find the picture that I’m looking for and take it out of the stack, leaving it on the dresser. The rest of the pictures make their way into my bag, and I kneel on top of it in order to zip it up.

  “Where are you going?” Blaire asks.

  “I’ve got a plane to catch.”

  Chapter 45

  Luke

  Someone clears their throat, interrupting the X-rated dream I’m having about Sloane. I roll onto my back, prying my eyelids open and lifting my arms over my head in a full-body stretch. My neck hurts like hell and my legs are all cramped from trying to curl up on this tiny-ass sofa. Turning, I find Haley sitting on the edge of the coffee table, her hands folded in her lap.

  “Haley?” I scrub a hand across my face. I scrunch my eyes when a shaft of sunlight pokes its way through the blinds. “What time is it?”

  “Two o’clock.”

  “What?!” I scramble off the couch. My feet haven’t caught up with my brain, and I land with a bone-jarring thud on the floor. I bounce back to my feet. If it’s two o’clock then that means …

  Haley studies her hands, still not meeting my eyes. “Sloane was here.”

  My heart stops and I have to remind myself to breathe. “Yeah?”

  She tilts her head to the side, one tear escaping from her eye. She flicks it away with her fingernail. Guilt surges through me. Fuck.

  “Did you sleep with her?” Finally her eyes lock onto mine and it is not a look I’m used to seeing from her. It’s like someone replaced every soft part of her with steel. She lifts her chin a notch, waiting for my answer.

  “No. God, no. I wouldn’t do that to you.” I reach for her hand, but she shakes me off.

  “For the record, it didn’t matter what your answer was. I’m leaving anyway.”

  It’s then that I catch sight of the duffel bag by the door. No doubt holding the things of Haley’s that have accumulated at my place over the years. “I’ve seen the way you look at each other. I’m not blind. I guess a part of me was hoping that she’d leave and you could forget about her. That things could go back to the way they were. That sounds so stupid. It is stupid. I deserve better than that, Luke.”

  I walk over to her, crouching down in front of her. I must look ridiculous squatting here in my black boxer briefs, but it’s the furthest thing from my mind. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, and I definitely never meant for you to find out from Sloane.”

  “Sloane didn’t say anything to me about it. I just kind of … put the pieces together.”

  My heart rate kicks up a notch. “What did she say when she stopped by?”

  Haley traps her lip between her teeth. “That she was stopping to say good-bye, and she asked me to tell you that”—she draws her brows together—“she’s happy to see some things never change. Does that make any sense to you?”

  No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no.

  I dive across the couch for my cell phone. Dead. Damn it, why didn’t I remember to charge the damn thing?

  “Luke? Are you okay?”

  Christ, we’re in the middle of breaking up and she’s asking me if I’m okay? I don’t think there’s a better person on the planet.

  “I’m sorry, Haley, I have to go.” I toss the words back over my shoulder as I yank on my pants. I hop, tugging them up. “Damn it!” I strip them back off, and put them back on—the right way this time.

  Haley leaps off the coffee table, eyes going wide. “You told her you’d break up with me, didn’t you? That’s why she was here this morning?”

  “I…”

  Scrambling for the nearest thing, she heaves a pillow at me. “You asshole!”

  “I’m sorry!” I duck, a picture frame missing my head by about three inches.

  “And then you let me sleep here with you last night!”

  A lamp shatters into a thousand pieces as it hits the wall. “I’m sorry. I set an alarm so that I could get up on time and talk to you, but my phone’s dead—”

  “You set an alarm? An alarm!”

  Shit, that did not sound like a bad thing in my head.

  Her hands are clenched at her sides and a wave of fury vibrates through her. “Ugh!” Snatching her purse from the kitchen counter and the bag from the floor, she stomps out of the room. I flinch as the door slams behind her, the walls shaking with the force of it.

  It takes a second for me to snap back to it, but when I do, I send the cushions, pillows, clothes, everything flying as I search for my keys. I tornado through the townhouse until I find them exactly where Haley left them last night—on the kitchen counter.

  Nearly tripping on my shoelaces, I hurtle toward my car. The tires squeal as I tear out of the parking lot. Precious minutes tick by before I make it to Bunny’s house. Not even bothering to knock, I throw open the front door. Bunny and Blaire startle apart, but I run past them, intent on Sloane�
�s room.

  That door is open and the room is devastatingly empty. Everything is picked bare, stripped to the bones of anything that makes the room Sloane’s. Everything except … what is that?

  I stride across the room, plucking the lone picture from where it lays on the empty top of her dresser.

  It’s a picture of Sloane and me. The same one I have, hidden in a box on the top shelf of my closet. Did she keep it all these years? It’s probably the only picture of us in existence, other than my copy, and she left it.

  She left me.

  Footsteps pound and I whip around toward Blaire. “Where is she? Where did—”

  Grabbing me by the arms, Blaire relocates my balls to my stomach with her knee. I fold in half, grabbing my knees with my hands. Fuck, I can’t breathe. Somewhere my brain is registering that she’s screaming at me, but every conscious thought I have is for my injured balls. I think I might vomit.

  Something hard cracks across my arms. I manage to get a hand up to block the next swing. I wrestle the cane away from Bunny and she harrumphs.

  “What the hell, Bunny? You don’t even need a cane!”

  She folds her arms across her chest. “It’s a convenient weapon, so I kept it.”

  I toss the cane behind me onto the bed.

  Blaire’s face is flaming, and her serial-killer eyes bore into mine. “Gran? Can you please go to the kitchen and get me a knife? I have a promise to fulfill for Luke.”

  “What?” I shake my head. “No, it was just a misunderstanding.” I retrieve my dead phone from my pocket and shake it at her. “My phone’s dead.”

  “Is that supposed to mean something?”

  I take a deep breath in, trying to recover the oxygen that Blaire deprived my system of. “I set an alarm so I could end things with Haley, but my phone died, and so when Sloane came over, Haley was still there.” I suck in another gulp of air. “Please, just tell me where she is. I have to find her.”

  “What kind of douche bag sets an alarm to break up with his girlfriend?”