The Year of Living Shamelessly

by Susanna Carr

  Katie was reluctant to inform Hilary that she had already made her move and it hadn’t gone as planned. But that was just a warm-up and not her master stroke. Now all she had to do was work up the nerve to try again. If she really had transformed, she would stop being the mousy, invisible girl in the corner and instead be the brazen woman who went after her fantasies.

  But her secret fantasy had Ryder going after her. Like a man possessed, a man unable to fight the desire she created in him. She would have to do nothing and he would break into a sweat simply thinking of her.

  Men never acted like that with her. They wanted her, but they weren’t going to be her sex slaves. These days the men noticed and flirted with her, but they were never going to make fools of themselves or make grand, expensive gestures or ruin their lives like they would for Tatum. Maybe Katie should just accept that her dreams about Ryder were too far out of reach.

  She should, but she couldn’t, Katie realized as she watched Tatum sit her perky little butt on the bar. Ryder wasn’t looking too pleased with her. As he stood, hands on hips, glaring at Tatum, several men rushed to help her stand on the bar. It was quite a feat since she was wearing a skintight minidress and strappy heels.

  Great, Katie thought with a groan as the rest of the guests turned to see what caused the commotion. Tatum was going to be the center of attention tonight. Was everyone going to be honored by a lame attempt at Coyote Ugly? Hilary’s idea of leaving was sounding better and better.

  “Okay, everyone,” Tatum called out, motioning for them to quiet down, “as some of you already know, Ryder Scott is leaving town. . . .”

  Katie jerked in surprise and sat straight up. Leaving? “Did she just say Ryder is leaving?”

  “I think so,” Melissa said.

  Katie stared at Ryder, who continued to scowl at Tatum. Because Tatum had it wrong, of course. Ryder wasn’t going anywhere. Katie would be the first to know about it. Wouldn’t she?

  “Ryder’s moving?” someone yelled from the crowd. “When?”

  Katie felt like her heart stopped beating. She didn’t know why. She was overreacting. She took a deep breath. Ryder would set everything straight and the sudden ache in her chest would disappear.

  “New Year’s Day,” Ryder reluctantly answered in his deep, gravelly voice.

  Katie’s world slowly stopped turning.

  Ryder closed his eyes, resisting the instinct to seek Katie. He knew she was hurting right now. All because of him. Knowing that made it worse.

  All hell was going to break loose, and there was not much he could do about it. He wished he had muzzled Tatum when he had the chance.

  He felt a hand clasp his shoulder. “Sorry I spilled your secret, Ryder,” Jake said. “I didn’t know Tatum was standing right behind me. Can that girl keep her mouth shut about anything?”

  Ryder faced his friend. Jake was as tall and lean as him. He also had short dark hair and always dressed casually, but that was where the similarities ended. Jake was the charmer, never without a smile. Sometimes Ryder wondered if the guy had a care in the world.

  “The news was going to get out sooner or later,” Ryder said. He let out a long sigh. Tatum had a knack for stirring up trouble, but Jake had no clue how badly she had just messed things up for Ryder.

  “I still don’t know why you swore me to secrecy,” Jake said before he wandered away to follow a sexy blonde who walked past them.

  If Ryder had his way, Jake never would find out the reason. How could he explain that he was sure Katie would pull out all the stops to bed him before he got away? Since the college was closed until the New Year, she would make it her full-time job to seduce him. She was like that whenever a deadline was approaching, whether it was doing her taxes or decorating her home for the holidays. And deep down inside, he wanted to see how far she would go. It wasn’t very honorable of him, but he wasn’t feeling very gentlemanly around Katie these days.

  Not that he would confess that to Jake. There were some things you just couldn’t say to your best friend about his little sister.

  CHAPTER TWO

  “You need a drink,” Hilary decided. “A big one.”

  “No,” Katie refused. Her voice sounded far away. She closed her eyes and took a weak gulp of air as the pain clawed at her. She felt like she was being torn into strips and bleeding from the inside.

  She gasped for another breath, wanting to lay her head down on the table, but afraid she would never get back up. She needed to get home, in her bed, under the sheets, and have a good cry. One that lasted, oh, a month. “Why is this happening?”

  “You didn’t know about this?” Melissa asked, her voice rising with each word. “Didn’t suspect it?”

  Katie slowly shook her head. She barely had the strength to make the simple movement. All of her energy was spent on fighting off the pain and remaining upright.

  “Don’t you think she would have told us?” Hilary asked.

  “True,” Melissa said and looked at Katie with concern. “Katie is turning pale. Hilary, back up. I think she’s going to throw up. You might want to move out of the line of fire.”

  “I’m okay,” Katie said shakily. The numbness was beginning to spread through her body, from her core to her limbs.

  “I don’t get this,” Melissa said, getting angry on her friend’s behalf. “You guys used to be so close. He’s always hanging out with Jake and he couldn’t find thirty seconds to give you a heads-up? Why would he hide it from you?”

  Hide? No, nothing like that, Katie thought, her mouth twisting with a bitter smile. He simply forgot to tell her.

  “I can’t believe he told Tatum and not me,” Katie muttered viciously.

  Hilary rolled her eyes. “You just got hit with bad news and Tatum is all you can think about?”

  Melissa swatted Hilary’s arm. “Shut up. She is obviously in shock.” Melissa rose from her seat and walked over to Katie. “Tatum probably weaseled it out of him. And now it’s your turn.”

  Katie frowned. “My turn for what?”

  “Go over there and find out what’s going on.” Melissa grabbed Katie’s arm and tried to pull her from her seat.

  Katie shook her head and dug her heels into the carpeting. She couldn’t face Ryder now. She might do something embarrassing, or show how hurt she was.

  “Don’t confront him,” Melissa advised, yanking Katie out of her seat. “Simply ask him to dance.”

  Her stomach clenched at the thought. “In these boots?”

  Melissa ignored the question as she stepped behind Katie and pushed her in Ryder’s direction. “And congratulate him on the move.”

  Katie leaned back, her heels dragging on the carpet. “Oh, you mean lie.”

  “Do it now.” Melissa gave a mighty push. “You have no time to waste.”

  Katie staggered forward, crashing into the crowd. She righted herself and looked back at the table, only to see Melissa and Hilary motioning for her to keep moving. Katie closed her eyes and felt like the party was swallowing her up. It was too hot, too crowded. The festive scent of cloves, cinnamon and citrus that she normally adored now overpowered her, and if her nerves weren’t shredded enough, the DJ was playing the Chipmunks’ Christmas song.

  She wanted to run away as fast as she could. The old Katie would have done that, and the new Katie was heartily recommending it. She pivoted on her heel, looking for the exit, when Melissa’s advice floated through her. There was no time to waste.

  Wasn’t that the truth? As much as she wanted to curl up into a ball and hibernate, that was a luxury she couldn’t afford. Once she decided to rejoin the world, Ryder would be gone. She only had eight days. A little over a week to lure Ryder into her bed and seduce him into staying. And while she was convincing him, she had to get every one of her fantasies fulfilled. Katie groaned. Eight days wasn’t going to be enough.

  “Katie Kramer!” The deep, masculine voice boomed over the Chipmunks. “When did you get here?”

  Katie cringed at th
e familiar sound. She didn’t need this. Not now. She acted like she didn’t hear the megaphone-strength voice and tried to sneak through a group of people wearing Santa hats. She thought she had made her escape just when she felt a thick arm around her waist tug her back.

  Gritting her teeth, and reaching deep inside to find a polite smile, Katie turned around and faced Darwin Jones, her number-one fan. She wasn’t sure what she had done to gain his admiration. She certainly didn’t encourage it, although Darwin probably didn’t see it that way.

  Darwin thought he was a player. A tall, lanky guy who hadn’t quite mastered control of his arms and feet, he wore his red hair slicked back because he believed that the chicks dug it, but all the style did was highlight the way his ears stuck out. He approached women with pickup lines in an obscure African language to demonstrate his worldly ways, but his pasty complexion indicated he rarely got out of his room. Darwin probably didn’t realize how big he truly was, if the tight clothes that clung to his thin frame were anything to go by. His shirts were often an eyesore and the vulgar belt buckles were simply designed to draw a woman’s eye to what he believed was his best attribute.

  This time her gaze didn’t make it all the way down to his waist. She couldn’t stop staring at his red-and-green sweater. She blinked several times but it still looked like Mrs. Claus was doing something very suggestive with old Saint Nick.

  “Like my sweater?” Darwin asked, placing his fists on his hips and thrusting out his bony chest.

  Katie didn’t have the heart to tell him what she really thought. She decided to avoid an answer altogether. “I’ve never seen anything quite like it.”

  “It’s one of a kind,” he said proudly.

  Thank God. “Where did you get it?”

  “The sex shop.”

  She knew he was talking about the small store just outside the city limits. “They sell sweaters?”

  “They sell everything. You’ve never been there?” Darwin’s wide blue eyes lit up and he curled his arm around her shoulders. “I would be happy to give you the guided tour.”

  “No, thank you,” she replied. She always tried to be gentle with Darwin, sensing the vulnerabilities underneath his carefully crafted image. But nothing could ever provoke her into going out with him, even for a shopping expedition.

  “You’re sure? I know the owner. He’ll let you use my frequent shopper discount.” He gave her shoulder a squeeze.

  “Gee, what an offer, but I have to refuse.” She gradually unhooked his arm from her shoulders. “If you will excuse me, I need to speak to Ryder.”

  “Ryder?” He jerked his hand away from her and looked cautiously over his shoulder. “Oh, wow. I just saw someone I need to talk to.”

  Katie nodded. “I understand.” And she really did. Darwin’s self-preservation instinct was kicking in. He was afraid of Ryder. Which was really not necessary because Ryder didn’t even acknowledge Darwin’s existence.

  Katie watched Darwin scurry away and then looked around for Ryder. She needed to find out what was going on, even though she knew she wasn’t going to like the answer. Katie slowly made it through the crowd toward where she had last seen Ryder.

  When she made it to the bar, she saw Ryder and Tatum together. Ryder was sitting on a bar stool and the buxom blonde was draped all over him, obviously begging for forgiveness for her impromptu announcement.

  Katie looked away as jealousy streaked through her. She couldn’t stand watching Tatum touch Ryder. Actually, she couldn’t stand Tatum. She was just like all of Ryder’s other women. Fortunately, Ryder didn’t have a long string of ex-girlfriends. They were something of an exclusive club, but they all were brazen, sexy and possessed a dangerous edge. Simply put, Darwin wouldn’t have the guts to flirt with any of Ryder’s exes.

  Katie never felt comfortable around those women, either, but then again, she had nothing in common with them. They were gorgeous blondes with street smarts. They could get any man they wanted, and they could get anything they wanted from those men.

  What made her think she could break into that exclusive club? No, transcend it. Why did she think she could have been the exception to the rule? Because she practically grew up with Ryder? They’d drifted so much since their teenage years that that hardly seemed to make a difference anymore. Now they rarely talked about anything meaningful. His work, life, girlfriends, all seemed more important to him than hanging out with Katie.

  And here she thought she could get Ryder simply because she wanted him so much. Katie trudged forward, contemplating the depths of her delusions. She knew the world didn’t work that way, but that hadn’t stopped her. She had always thought that eventually Ryder would be hers, ever since that fateful night when she was ten years old. She had climbed a tree to spy on Jake and Ryder while they T.P.-ed a house. Jake had thrown a roll of toilet paper up in the tree to decorate it. It hit Katie and she had fallen out of the tree and broken her ankle. Ryder had carried her all the way home, with Jake at his side lecturing her. Katie hadn’t listened to a word her brother said. All she knew was that Ryder was the man she wanted. Now she had to face the fact that her dream might never become a reality.

  “Katie?” Tatum’s little-girl voice broke into Katie’s musings. She looked up and saw she was standing right next to Tatum and Ryder. “What are you doing here?”

  Right. Like Katie was the intruder. “I was going to ask you the same thing,” she said with a tight smile. “I work at the college. Why are you here?”

  Tatum leaned forward and Katie was immediately enveloped in a spicy, exotic perfume. “I’m here with Ryder,” she divulged with a catty smile.

  Oooh. Katie tensed, bracing herself, as that information hit like a sucker punch. She hadn’t expected that. Ryder brought Tatum here? As his date? Terrific. This just proved how far she and Ryder had grown apart—he hadn’t even told her that he and Tatum were a couple again. How was she supposed to seduce the guy when he was with Bimbo Barbie?

  She looked at Ryder and their gazes clashed. She paused, waiting to see if he had something to say, like an excuse or an apology. He said nothing.

  “Congratulations on the move, Ryder.” There. She said it. It didn’t hurt. Much.

  “Thanks.”

  “You didn’t know?” Tatum asked with delight. She snuggled a little closer to Ryder, as if staking her territory.

  Katie wasn’t going to answer Tatum’s question. She didn’t even trust herself to look at the other woman. If she did, she would ruin her manicure clawing at Tatum’s smile. And why wasn’t Ryder shaking Tatum off?

  Katie kept her gaze on Ryder, who was looking back intently, as if trying to predict her next move. Did he think she was going to make a scene? Considering how volatile her emotions were, it was a possibility.

  “I guess Crystal Bend got too small for you,” she said, hating the little hitch in her voice.

  His expression was unreadable. “Something like that.”

  Katie felt Tatum’s smugness and keen interest. It was seriously getting on her nerves. She needed to speak to Ryder privately.

  “Ryder, let’s dance.” She reached out for him, and then froze. If he refused, she wouldn’t be able to handle that kind of rejection, especially in front of Tatum.

  He hesitated, and she felt the tears burn in the back of her eyes. Her heart pressed against her ribs as she waited. It was only at this moment when she realized Ryder had never directly refused her anything. Was he going to start now?

  “Sure,” he said and stood up, disentangling himself from Tatum.

  Ignoring the blonde’s huff of protest, he didn’t take Katie’s hand, but grasped her elbow. It was an oddly gentlemanly gesture from him.

  Ryder guided her to the dance floor, turned, and loosely held one of her hands as he placed his other hand firmly on her waist. The excitement fizzing in her veins went suddenly flat when she noticed that he was dictating how close they stood together—and they couldn’t get much farther apart. She could get a whole co
nga line between them and still have room.

  She wasn’t going to push it, Katie decided as she placed her hand on his shoulder. For now, it was fine. She had other things on her mind.

  The jazzy Christmas tune should have been soothing and romantic, but she was nervous. She had never danced with Ryder. Years ago, when he’d taken Tatum to the prom, she’d cried herself to sleep imagining the two of them holding each other on the dance floor. She had dreamed of being swept off her feet in Ryder’s arms.

  But this dance wasn’t the stuff of her dreams. Ryder wasn’t gathering her close and whispering softly in her ear. Instead, he felt stiff and tense. He couldn’t be nervous. Was he wishing he was with Tatum instead?

  “One dance,” Katie promised, hating how her mouth trembled as she held back her emotions, “and I’ll get you back to your date safe and sound.”