The Secret Armour

by Lucilla Andrews

  I rubbed my forehead. ‘I don’t know. Yes, I do. The night of that party. It all added up then, as they say.’

  ‘His Membership party?’

  ‘Yes.’ I had not seen Alice for more than an odd minute in the hospital corridor since coming on nights. The day and night staffs of any hospital seldom meet.

  She said, ‘Did you ever hear about that party, Maggie?’

  ‘Rose said it was a good show, and George said he was sorry I missed it.’

  ‘Rose was what she herself would call a wow!’ said Alice coolly. ‘I don’t know what George thought of it. He didn’t say much next day ‒ but that’s hardly unusual with him. He didn’t say much to Rose at the party, either. Nigel Anstey and Johnny Hurst saw to that!’

  ‘Why was Nigel Anstey there? I didn’t realize he was asked. I’m not at all surprised about Johnny. He’s terrific fun.’

  ‘Anstey runs him a close second. And why he was there was because Rose asked him. I know that because she told me, and Rose always tells the truth at the moment.’ She let that sink in. ‘That’s it. Like she told you about David. She only means what she says when she says it.’

  ‘But, Alice ‒’ I began to understand what she had meant about Rose causing havoc. ‘Oh, no, Alice! She couldn’t do that! Not to George. She couldn’t hurt George!’

  She said dryly, ‘Why not? You did.’

  ‘Me?’

  ‘Yes, you. You upset him badly. Way back. Remember I told you?’ I nodded. ‘Well, if you are right, Maggie ‒ and for once you may be right ‒ George has grown up a lot since those days, not only as a Member of the Royal College of Physicians. He’s got everything very much under control, has George; he doesn’t give things away any more. And, as I said, if you are right God help him. If he’s fallen for Rose he’ll need all the help he can get! As will that Clare girl who is now Mrs Corford.’ Alice heaved herself on to her feet. ‘And another thing. If he does marry Rose, my dear, stupid, little one, it will be your fault.’

  ‘Mine?’

  ‘Rebound,’ said Alice. ‘That’s what. Good night, Maggie. Sleep well.’

  Chapter Fourteen

  GEORGE SAYS NO

  I was filling in the dangerous-drug book at eleven one night in the following week and waiting for Night Sister to come and do her round when Rose came up the stair-well.

  ‘Hi, Maggie. Sister Barnaby to you again to-night!’ She took off her cloak and slid into the chair beside mine. We went through the day report together. She made a few notes for Night Sister, then sat back. ‘I think I’ve got them all taped. Let’s go round.’

  We had finished in Matthew when Mr Anstey came round the screen. He smiled quickly at Rose, then turned politely to me. ‘’Evening, Nurses. Am I too early, Nurse Howard?’

  ‘I’ve got a pile of forms for you, Mr Anstey. Would you mind filling them in first?’

  ‘Right you are.’ He sat down at the table, and Rose and I went into Mark. When we got back he stood up.

  I said, ‘I’ll be with you in a moment now, Mr Anstey.’ He nodded, but he was not looking at me. He did not take his eyes off Rose.

  ‘I’ve ‒ er, I’ve got to nip back to Ed Donell, Nurse Howard. I’ve left my stethoscope there. I’ll be back in a jiffy. You haven’t anything urgent for me here?’

  ‘Not in your firm.’

  ‘I won’t be long,’ he said quickly, and followed Rose down the stairs.

  I had seen the ear-pieces of his stethoscope in his side-pocket. I smiled to myself, and went back to my drug-book. Then I started thinking and stopped smiling.

  I did not have much time for my private thoughts. Dr Allingham arrived a few minutes later. ‘’Evening, Nurse Howard. How’s the family?’

  Matthew was quiet. The men were all asleep as the S.M.O. and I moved slowly past their beds. Dr Allingham bent over each in turn, occasionally borrowing my torch to check on the chart and notes that hung at the foot of each bed. He had seen all the men that morning; he would see them all again to-morrow morning, but he never missed his methodical night round.

  ‘Thank God for gastrics,’ he murmured, when we were in the corridor again. ‘Do you realize Matthew is the only quiet spot I’ve seen to-night in the whole hospital? I suppose it’s too much to expect Mark to be the same?’

  ‘Mark is pretty calm, Doctor,’ I said. ‘I had no idea medical wards were so peaceful at night.’

  ‘Always been in surgical wards before, Nurse Howard?’

  ‘Yes.’ I explained that I was a stand-in.

  ‘Then you’d notice the difference. Fact is ‒ as you know ‒ these chaps are ill. They must have sleep, and we see they get it. You can’t do that sort of thing to the same extent in a surgical ward. Certainly not with orthopaedic cases, who are in for weeks and sometimes months, and yet aren’t ill.’ He took off his glasses and cleaned them. ‘Also, you get no high-powered drama up here. No operations, emergencies, porters, trolleys, injections, what-have-you. There is drama up here,’ he added thoughtfully, ‘but of a different variety. It’s a form of second-hand drama; most of it is out of the place, in the patients’ homes.

  ‘You know the form, Nurse ‒ “Is our Dad going to get better?” “Will the Doctor be able to do something for Reggie’s anaemia at last? Got ever so white, he has.” “Will they find out what’s wrong with young Ern? Ever so thin he is, and won’t touch a morsel.” I tell you, young woman,’ he was very serious, ‘there is probably more sorrow and real anxiety tied up in these two quiet wards of yours than in all the surgical blocks put together.’ He sighed. ‘Now, let’s have a go at Mark.’

  Dr Allingham was reputed to be the cleverest doctor in the hospital. With the patients he was invariably patient and kind, towards the staff he was inclined to be temperamental. His attitude to all his juniors was usually cold. It was difficult to quarrel with this, since he was always frigidly polite. Occasionally he would unbend and talk about his work. When he was in one of those moods there was no finer teacher in Benedict’s. I recognized that he was in one now, and, since I wanted to hear all I could about my men, when we had finished the round, I said, ‘I don’t quite understand why Emerson is having his blood regrouped, Dr Allingham?’

  He drew out a chair at the table. ‘Sit down, Nurse, and I’ll explain.’

  He taught me more about leukaemias in that ten minutes than I had ever learnt from our nursing text-books, or our medical lectures. When he had dealt with Emerson he went systematically round Mark, explaining how their various diseases had affected each man, the reason for the treatments they were receiving, the tests that had been done and might still be done, the prognosis in every case.

  ‘You see, Nurse? You understand? Now look at this.’ He drew several pairs of lungs on the blotter. ‘That chap Carey ‒ it’s got him here.’

  ‘Yes, Doctor.’ I did not want to break the spell. The men were still quiet, and my pro was tip-toeing backward and forward, filling dressing-tins, counting out clean laundry, setting trolleys.

  Over half an hour later Dr Allingham sat back, took off his glasses again, and rubbed his eyes. ‘I’m tired, Nurse Howard. And I have been talking too much.’

  I said honestly, ‘I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you should have, Dr Allingham. Thank you very, very much.’

  ‘Does it really interest you?’

  ‘Yes.’

  He nodded. ‘Good girl. We’ll go through Matthew another night. I haven’t time now. Remind me if I forget.’

  He stood up, and I stood up too. ‘Would you like a hot drink before you go, Doctor?’ Offering the S.M.O. tea or coffee was one of my official duties.

  ‘No, thanks. I still have a third of the hospital to see.’ He stopped as he reached the screen. ‘Why didn’t you do medicine, Nurse Howard?’

  ‘I never thought of it. I just thought of nursing.’

  ‘Think of it now. There’s plenty of time. You’re very young.’

  I shook my head. ‘No. I don’t think so. I haven’t the brains. A
nd I’m better at doing than at thinking, if you follow me.’

  He smiled. ‘I’ll take that unconscious slight to myself at its right value, Nurse Howard. Perhaps you’re right. You’re doing the right job.’

  George came slowly up the stairs at that moment. ‘Oh, there you are, sir.’

  ‘You want me, Hartigan?’

  ‘Well, sir, that girl in Casualty. I’ve got her round. I wondered if you wanted her to come in?’

  Dr Allingham rubbed his jaw thoughtfully. ‘I don’t think we’ve got a bed. We’ll have to make one. She should come in.’

  George stayed on the top stair. ‘Shall I go back and fix things?’

  ‘No. You get on with your round up here. I’ve got to go down that way, so I’ll see her.’ He turned to me. ‘Good night, Nurse Howard. I enjoyed our little chat.’

  ‘Good night, Dr Allingham. And thank you very much, so did I.’

  George stared after the S.M.O., then came into the corridor slowly. ‘What’s come over my boss to-night, Maggie? He isn’t generally so matey.’

  I was back at the table finding the notes George would need.

  ‘Smith, Emerson, McGill,’ I said, and handed them to him. ‘He is sometimes.’

  ‘Who is what?’

  ‘Your boss ‒ matey. He’s a wonderful teacher. I wish he gave us our medical lectures.’

  George sat down. ‘Your finals coming along shortly, Maggie?’

  I said grimly, ‘Round the corner.’

  ‘I suppose,’ he said casually, as he wrote, ‘I suppose finishing the course is as important to a nurse as a student man?’

  ‘Of course. Why?’

  He did not look up. ‘I just wondered.’

  And that, my child, I said to myself, is the reason why he and Rose are not engaged. He thinks she will want to finish first. Did she? I was uncertain. At the start she had been as keen as any of us, but now I could not tell how she felt.

  George went on writing. Now he was a Registrar hospital etiquette said I should stay with him, in case he needed anything. I sat with my hands in my lap; I watched the light on his hair, and the shadows on his thin brown face. Alice was right. Controlled described him these days. He had changed considerably; he seemed to have grown older than the calendar would show. He looked up and saw my eyes were on him.

  ‘Sorry to delay you, Maggie. Must you stay?’

  I said, ‘I must. It is the Rule. But I don’t mind ‒ we aren’t busy. I’m quite happy.’

  As I said those words I knew they were true. I was happy to wait for George. I would always be happy to sit and wait for him.

  ‘Are you?’ he said quietly. ‘I’m so glad, Maggie. I really am.’ He did not sound at all glad. He did not look at all happy.

  I knew this was hardly the time, but I spoke without hesitation. I hated him to look so miserable. ‘George, don’t worry about Rose. She’ll settle down when you’re married. She really doesn’t mean any harm.’

  ‘Rose doesn’t mean any harm? When she and I are married? WHAT are you talking about, Maggie?’ He pushed the notes into an untidy heap in front of him.

  ‘Have you finished those? I’ll take them.’

  ‘No, wait.’ He put his hand down on the papers. ‘I’ve some more to write. There are a lot of things I’ve got to clear up in this ward, and the first of them is that you haven’t answered my question. I thought you had got over your infantile match-making months ago. Why should I be worried about Rose?’

  ‘Well, I thought …’

  He did not help me in any way, either by his tone or his expression. ‘What did you think?’

  ‘That you were ‒ are in love with her.’

  ‘No,’ said George.

  ‘But,’ I hesitated, then started again, ‘but you must be.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You never have been?’

  ‘No.’ He did not attempt to qualify his statement.

  I wanted so badly to believe him that I thought I must have heard him wrongly. Then I remembered that George was very kind. Now, for some reason, it was all over with Rose, he was being kind to me.

  He noticed the change in my expression. ‘Now what?’ he asked patiently.

  I told him what was in my mind.

  ‘Of course I want to be kind to you, Maggie. I’ve wanted to be kind to you for a long time. But I didn’t think the idea appealed to you.’

  I heard someone wake in Mark. ‘I’ll have to go in there, George.’

  ‘Right.’ He smiled and turned back to his notes.

  I was in Mark for some time. The man who had woken was too hot and needed changing, another woke and wanted hot milk, a third, his pillows turning. Then I heard midnight strike, and it was time to take the twelve o’clock pulses.

  When I got back to the table he had gone. I stood for a moment and stared at his empty chair. My pro came up quietly. ‘Dr Hartigan asked me to tell you he had finished his notes and would not need to disturb you for a round as Dr Allingham had just been up, Nurse.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I said mechanically. I picked up my torch again and went round Matthew.

  Rose arrived on the floor at half-past twelve. ‘I’m to relieve you for first supper, Maggie.’

  I looked at her as if she was a stranger. ‘Hi, wake up, dearie! Remember me? Rose?’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ I forced a smile. I remembered all about Rose. I remembered all about that night I had seen George kiss her under the plane-tree.

  I could not face a meal. I went into the dining-room, signed my name in the register, and walked out again. I had half an hour to kill. If I went back Rose would stay and chat. I did not want to chat to anyone to-night.

  I went out on to the ramp and walked slowly in the direction of Matthew and Mark.

  ‘Nurse Howard!’ George came quickly out of the entrance to Casualty and caught me up. ‘I’ve been looking for you. I saw Rose upstairs, and she told me you had gone to supper. I went into the dining-room, but you weren’t there.’

  I said I had wanted to take the air.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Look,’ I said, ‘I’m tired. Must we go into it?’

  It was dark, but not so dark that I could not see his face. There was a moon. There was always a damned moon these days.

  ‘I think we must,’ he said. ‘Why don’t you believe that I was never in love with Rose, Maggie?’

  I said flatly, ‘I saw you kissing her a few weeks back.’

  He said, ‘Do you set a great store on these things, Maggie?’

  ‘Does it matter what store I set on anything? I’m always wrong about everything ‒ people, things. My opinion is pretty worthless.’

  He stopped in the middle of the ramp and tilted his watch to the moon. ‘You’ve still got another fifteen minutes. Come round here, or are you too cold to sit down?’

  He walked off the ramp and between the ruins of the two blocks that were hit in the last war. The broken walls loomed on either side of us ‒ roofless and empty, the long wards were silent, and their many windows gaped blankly into the darkness.

  He said, ‘If you don’t object to ghosts this is a good place to talk.’

  ‘I don’t object to them. They could only be the ghosts of patients. I’m not afraid of patients. They never hurt,’ I added unthinkingly.

  ‘Are you sure of that, Maggie?’ He sat down on a pile of bricks and held out a hand. ‘Come here.’

  ‘How did you know about him?’ There was no sense in pretence. He took my hand lightly, and I sat beside him.

  ‘I knew it was someone around Benedict’s. I didn’t know whom until that night in Alistair Corford’s room.’

  ‘But how?’

  ‘Your eyes give you away, m’dear. Strong-arm tactics are hardly my line, but I came near to them that night. The only thing that held me back was the thought that you wouldn’t have enjoyed them if I had done anything else. So I just sat there thinking dark thoughts and feeling damned glum.’

  ‘I thought you were worrying
about Rose.’

  ‘Maggie,’ he said firmly, ‘if you mention Rose again I shall shake you. I suppose you’ll now tell me that that afternoon when Corford sailed into Cas. plus fiancée, and left you as white as your namesake that I was het-up over Rose?’

  ‘But you only cheered up when she came back from tea! You were quite different with her.’

  ‘Of course I was. I didn’t think you wanted your affairs broadcast round Benedict’s.’

  ‘Rose wouldn’t do that!’

  He was silent.

  ‘Would she?’ I asked.

  He said at last, ‘Not intentionally. But she can’t help chatting to the world at large about her own and other people’s concerns. As, for instance, the way she asked half the hospital whether she would make a good G.P.’s wife. I gathered from what she told me that you had your doubts.’

  ‘She told you that?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘But, George ‒ she does ‒ did ‒ love you?’

  He shook his head. ‘No. For a while she had a slight thing for me; purely because she could guess I wasn’t interested; that was so unusual that it gave the whole business an extra kick, and that was why she paid no attention to Corford. He was too easy. Men, on the whole, are too easy for her. Quite understandable, with her looks. Maybe if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my own problems I might have been added to her string. She’s got a new scalp now ‒ Anstey. He couldn’t leave her alone at that party. They disappeared fairly early in the evening ‒ midnight or somewhere ‒ when he got back a couple of hours later he looked as if he didn’t know what had hit him. He still looks like that.’

  ‘That’s true,’ I remembered how Anstey had looked at Rose to-night.

  George held my hand in both of his. He looked down and played with my fingers.

  ‘I fancy I’ve looked much the same way myself,’ he said gently, ‘ever since that bright morning when you mowed me down with your bike. When I picked myself up I found I was in love with you.’ He smiled. ‘Odd post-traumatic reaction, wasn’t it?’

  My heart felt as if it had turned over. ‘George, do you still love me?’

  ‘Yes. Do you mind, Maggie?’