To Heaven With Love

by Barbara Cartland

  Mr. Shawcroft then coughed loudly, breaking into her reverie and she caught a whiff of his acrid cigar smoke.

  He looked down from his perch on the front seat of the carriage, squinting at her in the bright sunlight.

  “Mind you don’t take a chill, young lady, you don’t want to be under the weather for your wedding day!”

  He chuckled away to himself, smiling his lop-sided smile.

  The joy of the moment was instantly gone.

  Dorianna felt heavy and sad.

  ‘There is no going back now,’ she reflected. ‘I am setting out on the voyage of my life as a married woman and I wish that I might be on that barge, sailing out to the open ocean, for I think I would be happier if I did not know where I was going – ’

  “We are almost there, once we reach the other side of the river,” Mr. Shawcroft was saying. “Just a couple more hours and we will be at Rouston Hall.”

  Dorianna’s heart contracted.

  So it was a matter of hours before she would have to see Lord Buxton, feel his hot hands on hers and listen to his loud foolish voice.

  The barge with the red sails was moving downriver, swift as a bird, but Dorianna could not bear to see it go.

  She climbed back inside the carriage reluctantly.

  “My darling daughter, what is it?” Mama reached out and took her hand.

  “It is just the cold wind, Mama,” Dorianna replied, wiping a tear from her cheek.

  She took a deep breath to steady herself and smiled.

  “Do you know – we are almost there?”

  They heard the crunch of the ferry docking against the wharf on the South bank of the river.

  And then the carriage wheels were rumbling over the Kentish road that would take them to Rouston Hall.

  *

  “Well, Dorianna, tell me what do you think of your new home?” asked Mr. Shawcroft, as he helped her down from the carriage. “You couldn’t ask for a bigger nor more impressive house in which to start your married life!”

  ‘But Ashburton Hall is much prettier,’ she thought, as she gazed at the imposing red brick towers and gables of Rouston Hall.

  As she stepped down onto the paving stones outside the entrance, she heard Lord Buxton’s high voice shouting and saw him running out of the front door towards her.

  And she longed to creep back into the carriage and curl up, hidden among the leather cushions.

  “My angel!” he squawked, seizing her hand in his, smothering it in hot wet kisses. “How long you have kept poor me waiting!”

  Dorianna looked at the carriage horses, which stood on the terrace with their heads hanging low and their sides dripping with sweat after their long journey.

  “We came as quickly as we could,” she said, as she tried to pull her hand away from his.

  “Oh, but look, here are all the servants come out to have a look at you. And there is Mother coming as well! What a nuisance.”

  Lord Buxton’s pink cheeks drooped and he looked like a naughty schoolboy.

  An extended line of neatly-dressed maids in white aprons and another line of footmen in blue livery stood on each side of the door, so that Dorianna would have to walk between them to enter the house.

  And then, preceded by a stately old butler and a tall housekeeper in a huge white cap, a portly woman dressed in black and leaning on a stick came out of the door.

  It was the Dowager Lady Buxton.

  “Well you have indeed taken your time!” she stated in a heavy tone, coming slowly up to Dorianna and staring at her with large watery eyes.

  “We will have to delay dinner, which is extremely inconvenient. Mrs. Jameson, show her to her room!”

  The housekeeper stepped forward, but Lord Buxton pushed her aside.

  “No!” he cried out petulantly. “Mama! I’ve got to show her the present first!”

  “Roland, you are being quite absurd! You almost knocked Mrs. Jameson over,” countered Lady Buxton, her voice sounding deeper and more resonant than her son’s.

  “Oh, who cares about a silly old housekeeper?”

  His face turned purple as he confronted his mother.

  “I have to show Dorianna her present. Jackson has only just arrived with it and I am not going to wait another minute before I give it to her!”

  Lady Buxton pursed her lips.

  “Absolutely ridiculous,” she muttered. “Infatuation, that’s what it is.”

  And she gave Dorianna a black look and stalked back into the house.

  “Quickly now!” Lord Buxton was tugging hard at Dorianna’s hand. “Oh, do come too, Shawcroft, I know you will like it very well too!”

  He almost ran along the terrace, pulling Dorianna after him.

  “Quick, quick, come!” he cried out like an excited child. “Before they put her away!”

  Ahead of them, Dorianna could see a clock tower, and under it the arched gateway that led into a stable yard. A large covered van drawn by two shire horses was parked on the cobbles of the yard.

  A grey-bearded man wearing a cap was lowering a ramp at the back of the van.

  “Come up here, now,” the bearded man called as he stepped inside the van.

  He then reappeared, holding a rope and leading a slim dark-grey mare down the ramp.

  “Oh, how lovely!” Dorianna could not help crying, as the mare looked around nervously with its large brown eyes.

  “She is almost like a deer!”

  “Let’s hope she runs as fast as one,” Mr. Shawcroft remarked with a sly look at Lord Buxton.

  He reached out and clapped the mare on her neck and she threw up her head and backed away from him.

  “Well done, Jackson,” Lord Buxton was saying to the grey-bearded man. “What a beauty and it seems my bride approves!”

  Mr. Jackson touched his cap politely.

  “Thank you, my Lord, she is a real beauty and with her breeding, she should win you many prizes on the turf.”

  Dorianna felt a pang of sadness.

  Just like her, the grey mare was expected to do what others wanted her to do.

  She looked as if she would rather be roaming free in a green field, feeling the sun on her back and enjoying the peaceful shade of a great oak tree, rather than being locked up in a stable and then forced to run long hard races.

  “What is her name?” she asked the bearded man, stepping closer so she could pat the mare’s velvet shoulder.

  “Lady Atalanta,” Mr. Jackson replied.

  “Well – let’s hope that she can run just as fast as her mythological namesake!” added Mr. Shawcroft.

  “She’d better!” Lord Buxton gave a hooting laugh. “My trainer will give her what for if she doesn’t!”

  Dorianna heard a polite cough and looked round to see Mrs. Jameson standing behind her.

  “If you are ready, my Lady, I will show you to your room. The maid has already begun unpacking your things.”

  Mr. Jackson was now leading Lady Atalanta into her stable and Mr. Shawcroft and Lord Buxton were following, discussing if she would win the Oaks or the One Thousand Guineas – or both.

  “Of course,” replied Dorianna to the housekeeper, glad of the chance to slip away.

  The bedroom that had been allocated to Dorianna was large and gracious with tall windows and a high ceiling. It contained an enormous four-poster bed and a great deal of ornately-carved furniture made from dark heavy wood.

  Every surface seemed to have a huge vase of lilies and roses on it and the strong scent of the flowers that filled the room made Dorianna feel quite faint.

  A pretty young girl in a maid’s uniform came up to her and curtsied.

  “Good evening, my Lady. I have been sent to look after you and make sure you have everything you need.”

  She had a thin face with a pointed chin and Dorianna could see that she had fair hair, neatly tucked under her cap.

  ‘She is so very young,’ thought Dorianna, ‘almost the same age as I am.’

  She asked the maid
for her name.

  The girl blushed.

  “Audrey, my Lady,” she replied, twisting her hands together nervously. “I have laid out some things you might like to wear for dinner, my Lady, if you would care to look at them.”

  She chose a peach satin gown and a white cashmere stole from the selection of evening clothes and allowed the maid to help her dress.

  Then she walked to the dressing table so that Audrey could arrange her hair.

  Dorianna’s face shone pale in the mirror and then as Audrey came into view, leaning over her, she gave a gasp.

  ‘She looks just like me!’ she reflected in surprise.

  Although Audrey was thinner and paler, they could almost have been sisters with the same heart-shaped faces and pale silvery fair hair, although she looked tired.

  “Is this a good place for you to work, Audrey? Are you happy here?” Dorianna asked her, looking at the dark shadows under the maid’s eyes.

  Audrey looked anxious.

  “Yes, yes, it is, my Lady. But – I would – ”

  She fell silent, looking down and pulling the brush gently through Dorianna’s hair.

  “What is it, Audrey?”

  “I should not talk – like this with you, my Lady,” she mumbled in reply.

  “I know we have only just met, but I am all alone here, Audrey, and I need a friend. If anything is troubling you, please tell me and I promise I will not tell a soul.”

  “But you are going to be married!” cried Audrey, her eyes wide in surprise. “How can you feel all on your own?”

  Tears sprang up in Dorianna’s eyes.

  “I have never felt so alone in my life,” she said, her voice trembling. “I would give anything not to have to go through with it, to just be able to go back home again and be free – but I can’t!”

  “Oh, that’s terrible!” Audrey laid a gentle hand on Dorianna’s shoulder. “I can’t imagine what it must be like. I would be the happiest woman in the world if I could marry my Joshua.”

  “But why can’t you?”

  She took Audrey’s hand and turned from the mirror to face her. “Do you love him?”

  Audrey nodded shyly with a tender secret look that was almost like the unreadable expression Dorianna had seen on Aphrodite’s marble face.

  “He loves me too,” she whispered. “Oh, so much!”

  “Then you should marry him right away! Isn’t it the most important thing in the world – to love and be loved?”

  “I believe – I know it is, my Lady!” said Audrey and she looked down, her cheeks pink with embarrassment.

  “But we have no money and nowhere to live. We must wait until we have made enough to set up home together. I have my job here and Josh is in service in Gravesend, so at least we have the means to earn and to save what we can.”

  “I’m sorry, Audrey, I did not mean to pry. I hope you will be able to get married very soon.”

  She turned back to the mirror so that Audrey could continue brushing.

  “Thank you, my Lady. It will be at least two years, I think, if we are careful and patient.”

  Dorianna’s heart felt heavy at the thought of the two lovers, longing to be together and yet having to wait and to be apart, working and almost never able to see each other.

  She must do what she could to help them.

  “Audrey – I will ask to keep you as my lady’s maid, for I would love to have you to talk to and to confide in when I am married. Would you like that?”

  Over her shoulder she saw Audrey break into a smile.

  “Yes, my Lady, I would like that very much!” she responded, her eyes shining.

  *

  The dining room at Rouston Hall was immense with dark panelled walls of polished wood.

  Along the refectory table pyramids of flowers and fruits had been arranged with what looked like a live grape vine growing down the centre, bunches of grapes sprouting forth in front of each seat.

  Dorianna felt giddy as she walked into the room on Lord Buxton’s arm and had to catch her breath.

  “Spectacular, isn’t it?” he crowed, crushing her hand against him. “Nothing but the best for you, my wife-to-be!”

  He looked as if he was about to say something else, but then he bit his lip and chuckled to himself.

  It was impossible for Dorianna to eat anything.

  The scent of the flowers was so strong and there were so many candles burning along the table that there seemed to be no air in the room.

  Lady Buxton was seated at the head of the table next to Dorianna.

  “Do you not care for your sole?” she asked in her deep booming voice. “It is locally caught, you know. You will not find finer fish the breadth of the County.”

  “Thank you, it’s delicious,” said Dorianna quickly, and forced a forkful of the sole into her mouth.

  The rich heavy sauce made her stomach turn.

  “A finicky eater!” Lady Buxton sniffed and turned to speak to her son.

  Carefully moving her food around on her plate so that it looked as if she had eaten some of it, Dorianna tried to catch her Mama’s eye on the other side of the table.

  But a large silver urn filled with lilies stood between them and Mama did not notice her.

  When dinner was almost over, Lord Buxton rose to his feet, his face red and shiny from the wine he had drunk.

  “Now, ladies and gentlemen and my dear mother.”

  He swayed as he spoke and his words were slightly slurred.

  “I have a most – momentous – yes – momentous – announcement to make to you!”

  ‘Thank goodness, dinner is almost over,’ Dorianna thought and then her heart turned to ice inside her as she heard Lord Buxton’s next words.

  “The wedding – yes – our wedding – ” he raised his wineglass to Dorianna, “is taking place tomorrow!”

  He was still speaking, explaining that as everything was ready and the ceremony would take place in the Chapel at Rouston Hall, there was really no need to wait until the day after tomorrow, as they had originally planned.

  But Dorianna could hardly hear him for the ringing in her ears.

  Lord Buxton sat down heavily with a wide grin on his face, and, beside her, she could see Lady Buxton giving her a disapproving look.

  “Bring the girl some smelling salts,” the Dowager growled. “She looks about to pass out. That’s what comes from picking at your food.”

  And she rose and left the table with an angry rustle of her heavy silk skirts.

  Dorianna had just enough strength to get to her feet and with Mama’s help make her way up the wide purple carpeted staircase to her room.

  “My darling, I have never seen you so pale,” Mama exclaimed. “How I now wish you had never agreed to this marriage! I cannot bear to see you like this.”

  “It is just the shock, Mama! I thought I still had a couple of days.”

  Dorianna’s voice stuck in her throat as they climbed the stairs together arm in arm.

  “Oh, what is to be done?” Mama’s arm trembled. “For now we are here under their roof, it is so difficult.”

  At the top of the stairs, a broad ray of moonlight was shining through the tall landing window.

  As Dorianna stepped into the pool of silver light, she felt her head beginning to clear.

  It was as if a fresh breeze had sprung up and was blowing away her dizziness and her fear, replacing it with the calm and happiness she had felt the morning she left home.

  The voice from the woodland was speaking to her again, deep inside her heart, calling her back to the magical garden, to the magical statues and the gentle little deer, so that she felt safe and loved, in spite of everything that was happening all around her.

  Outside the bedroom door, Dorianna took hold of her Mama’s hands.

  “I am feeling better now, Mama. I don’t know why, but I think that everything is going to be all right. Please, whatever happens, don’t worry about me, will you?”

  Mama looked into
her daughter’s eyes.

  “You are a brave girl and I do believe that all will be well, whatever happens to you. But my dearest wish is for you to be happy, Dorianna!”

  They clung to each other for a brief moment and then Dorianna went into the bedroom.

  Audrey came to meet her, tucking a stray strand of hair back under her cap.

  “My Lady, I am sorry, I thought that you would be much longer over dinner. I haven’t had time to lay out your nightdress.”

  “Don’t worry, Audrey – we have something much more important to think about. It has now been arranged that I am going to be married tomorrow. So we have work to do. We have to get everything ready, my wedding gown and the veil and there is so little time.”

  “But I thought it was to be the day after tomorrow!”

  “I know,” said Dorianna and she felt the corners of her mouth turn down at the thought, “but Lord Buxton wants it to be tomorrow, so there we are.”

  She sat down on the edge of the giant four-poster bed and willed herself not to cry.

  “You will find – the wedding gown in that – very large trunk over there,” she indicated, hoping that Audrey could not hear her voice trembling.

  The maid opened the trunk, lifted out the long white gown and shook out the folds of silk.

  “I will need to hang it, my Lady, for there are some creases from the packing. Why, whatever is the matter?”

  Dorianna had lost her battle to keep from crying and the tears were running down her cheeks.

  She was so upset that for a while she could not speak.

  “But look, my Lady! No one in the world has ever worn such a beautiful gown as this – ”

  Audrey held up the wedding dress against herself, trying to cheer up Dorianna with its beauty.

  “Look how it will hang when you wear it, you will seem like an angel in white!”

  Dorianna looked up at the young maid, at her pretty heart-shaped face above the white silk of the dress and at her golden hair peeping out from under her cap.

  Audrey would indeed make a lovely bride when her own wedding day came.

  Suddenly an image swam before Dorianna’s eyes.