When You Became Mine

by AS Teague

  “Piper, stop.” Lawson’s voice was gentle, but his tone firm. “You’re okay.”

  I managed to tear my gaze away from the wreckage in front of me and my eyes met his. “Where are Jack and Hampton?”

  My throat burned and something in my mouth crunched between my teeth. I spat, and blood and glass landed on the front of my shirt.

  Lawson cut his eyes back at the mangled metal that used to be my car. My head pounded, the roar of blood rushing in my ears nearly deafening.

  “What happened?” I croaked, clutching the front of his bloody shirt, but even in my daze I realized it wasn’t his blood.

  “A car was driving down the wrong side of the road. Jack overcorrected and you went into a ditch before flipping several times.” His voice cracked, and his eyes filled with unshed tears. “God, I’ve never been so scared, watching your car fly through the air like that.” He looked back down and his arms flexed hard around me.

  When I heard a medic shout that they couldn’t get the driver out, my head snapped up and I looked back at the car. “He’s still in there? Oh, God.” Pushing against him, I tried to get out of his arms, but he was surprisingly strong, and held me tight.

  “No, Pippie, you can’t go over there.”

  “That’s my brother! I have to go help him.”

  He shook his head. “There’s nothing you can do.”

  “Where’s Hampton?” I asked again, my head whipping around, looking for him. He could fix this. Hampton fixed everything. My brain screamed in protest, begging me to be still and let Lawson hold me. But I couldn’t sit idly by, wondering if the two most important men in my life were alive and breathing.

  “He’s over there.” He lifted his chin and I followed his gaze. Through the darkness, I made out a shadowy figure, sitting hunched over on the ground, directly beside where the first responders were working to get my brother out.

  “Let me go!” I screamed, desperate to get to him. “I need him.”

  Lawson’s jaw clenched hard, but his arms never released me. “You need to sit still.”

  “Is he okay?” I cried, sobs wracking my body.

  Lawson nodded, pulling me closer to his chest.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, no longer able to stand watching as the firefighters worked to free Jack. Trying to calm myself, I focused on Lawson’s breaths. The slow, steady rhythm lulled me into an eerie dream-like daze. Suddenly a sharp intake of air forced me to open my eyes.

  Hampton was standing in front of us, blood dripping from his temple, tears pouring from his eyes. He didn’t say anything. He just bent down and pulled me from his brother.

  “Is Jack okay?” I frantically asked as Hampton sank to his knees with me cradled in his arms.

  Violent sobs wracked his body as he buried his face in my neck.

  “Hampton,” I repeated, trying to force his gaze back to mine.

  My heart pounded in my chest. I’d only seen Hampton cry once before, and that was when he thought he’d hurt me.

  “Please,” I begged, fear coursing through my veins.

  Through the tears, he managed to choke out the two words I’d never be able to unhear.

  “He’s gone.”

  4

  Piper

  I didn’t know what I hated more, the soft murmuring of whispers offering condolences for a loss they couldn’t comprehend. Or the loud wailing of my mother that could be heard across the house, even with the doors closed and soft classical music piping through the speakers.

  I faked a smile and nodded at yet another distant relative that was telling me how terribly sorry they were for my loss before excusing myself.

  I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get out of this dress. This room. Away from the people who meant well but were just making it so much worse. I glanced around, seeking out the one person I knew would bring me comfort, but he was nowhere to be found.

  In a daze, I wandered down the hall, something pulling me to my brother’s room. When I reached the door, I was startled to see Hampton lying on the bed, one arm thrown over his eyes, his body shaking.

  My stomach dropped and I stepped inside, closing the door quietly behind me. Slipping my painfully uncomfortable heels off, I slid into the bed beside him and rested my head on his shoulder. When I wrapped an arm around his waist, his body shook even harder and despite my best efforts, the tears I’d worked so hard to keep inside leaked out of my eyes.

  “I should have—”

  “No,” I said firmly. “Don’t go there.”

  He pulled in a deep breath and ran a hand over his face, wiping the tears away, but unable to conceal the fact he’d been crying.

  He turned on his side and pulled me closer, his hand resting on my hip. The heavy weight of guilt momentarily subsided as butterflies fluttered in my stomach at his intimate gesture.

  “Pip,” he said in a strangled voice. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

  I pressed my lips together and shook my head. “Me neither. What are we going to do without him?”

  A single tear rolled down his cheek, and the sight of it caused my chest to squeeze so hard I couldn’t breathe.

  It had been only a few days since that terrible accident that claimed the life of my twin brother, but in that short time, Hampton had aged well beyond his twenty years. I’d never seen him so broken, his pain rivaling my own. He’d withdrawn, barely spoken to anyone, said even less to me. His brilliant green eyes were dull and it scared me.

  Hampton was the strong one. The one who had spent his entire life protecting me, watching out for me. But now, he was barely functioning, and I didn’t know what to do to make it better.

  I put an arm on his shoulder. “We’re going to be okay,” I said, but my words were empty.

  He rolled to his back, propping his head up on an arm, and sighed. I inched up and rested my head on his shoulder, needing to be as close to him as possible.

  “You remember how mad Jack would get when we would move the car around the parking lot at school?” I giggled at the memory. “God, he would get so pissed. His face turning damn near purple when he came out at the end of the day and the car was nowhere in sight.”

  Hampton didn’t say anything, so I kept talking.

  “He was such a jerk sometimes. He was constantly giving me a hard time about not having a boyfriend.” I rolled my eyes. “He thought he was God’s gift to women. I didn’t understand how girls could stand to go out with him.” Hampton’s body jerked and I tilted my head back to look at him. His eyes were squeezed shut, his mouth set in a deep frown. “But I’d give anything to have him back right now. Even if that meant a lifetime of his teasing. Or listening to him ramble about his latest conquest in the sack.”

  Another teardrop rolled down Hampton’s face and that single droplet of water broke me. Unable to stand his pain any longer, I realized I’d do anything to make him feel better. Even if that meant exposing myself to him, opening myself up to the rejection I’d been afraid of for so long.

  Especially if I could selfishly take even an ounce of comfort for myself in the process.

  Pushing up on an elbow, I hesitated only for a moment before I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his jaw, capturing the offending tear.

  Hampton stiffened, but I pushed forward and kissed my way along the sharp curve of his jaw, my lips trailing kisses to his neck. Pulling in a deep breath through my nose, I allowed my tongue to dart out, making contact with his skin. It was salty, probably from the tears, but it was 100 percent Hampton, so it caused my stomach to flutter wildly. I wanted to kiss his lips, to taste him, to see if the fantasies I’d tried to ignore were correct.

  And just when I convinced myself to be bold and take the shot, he suddenly pushed me away.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  My heart sank, and I began to stutter. “I-I-I—”

  “You what, Piper?” His tone was harsh, a stark difference from the defeated way he’d sounded the last few days.

  I flinc
hed, but pressed on. It was too late to turn back now. Clearing my throat, I met his eyes. “I hate seeing you like this. I want to make it better.” I pulled my gaze away from his and looked over his shoulder at Jack’s shelf, lined with trophies. “I want to make you better.”

  He scrambled across the bed and pushed to his feet. Shoving a hand through his hair, a bitter laugh tumbled from his lips. “You want to make me better?”

  I nodded, my lip pulled in between my teeth. I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eye, and I feared I would never be able to again. Kissing him was a risk, but his reaction was far worse than I ever could have expected.

  He laughed again, the harsh sound making me flinch.

  “Find a way to bring Jack back. That’ll make me feel better.”

  My eyes filled with tears. That was what would make us all better.

  “I know, Hampton. I want him back as much as you do.”

  “No, you don’t fucking know. You don’t know anything!”

  I pushed to my feet and crossed the space between us. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I rested my forehead on his chest and whispered, “Then tell me.”

  He pried my arms off and set me away from him.

  I was stunned. He’d never once refused to hug me, to touch me, and comfort me. But now, when I needed it more than ever before, he was being an asshole.

  “What’s your problem?” I huffed, careful not to raise my voice. I wanted to yell. To shout at him. To scream at someone, anyone. But the only person in front of me was the only man I could never bear to hurt.

  “I’m sorry I kissed you, okay? I don’t know what came over me. I just thought—”

  “You thought what?” he snapped with a sharp edge to his voice.

  I answered cautiously, careful to not get cut. “I just thought I could take your mind off things for a while. Take my mind off Jack.”

  He scoffed. “Well, kissing me definitely wasn’t the way to get my mind off him.”

  “Then tell me what the hell I can do!” I whisper-yelled, my frustration getting the better of me.

  His head jerked and his eyes met mine. “Nothing! You can’t do anything! Unless you can bring him back from the fucking dead! Or put me in the ground with him!”

  “Jesus, Hampton, don’t say that!”

  “I can’t do this, Pip. I can’t just move on without him. I need him to come back. We didn’t have enough time.”

  “We all want one more day with him,” I said softly.

  “Not the way I do,” he murmured, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes again. “I love him, Piper.”

  I nodded. “I know.”

  But then he uttered words that changed my life forever.

  “No, I am in love with Jack. And he was in love with me.”

  Stunned into silence, I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. I’d known Hampton Reed since I was just a baby, but for the first time in my life, I felt as though the guy standing in front of me was a complete stranger.

  In love?

  “I don’t understand,” I said, my mouth so dry the words came out as barely a whisper.

  He screwed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ve been in love with your brother since we were in middle school. And as of two months ago, he was in love with me too.”

  “What?” I breathed, unable to fully grasp his admission.

  He shoved a hand through his hair and I followed the movement, watching as his fingers sifted through his chestnut brown locks, the way I’d always dreamed of doing myself. The way my brother had probably done to him.

  Humiliation washed over me.

  “You’re…” I didn’t finish the sentence, unable to bring myself to say the word out loud.

  “Gay. I’m gay.”

  Hampton took a step toward me, but I shook my head. Holding up a hand to halt him, I squeezed my eyes shut and sucked in a deep breath.

  I needed space.

  Springing to my feet, I narrowly avoided his grasp as he reached for me. “Pip, wait.”

  I didn’t slow down, knowing that if I so much as paused, he’d catch me. And if he caught me, he’d be there to witness me fall apart.

  Truth be told, I didn’t care that Hampton was gay, at least not in the sense that there was something wrong with it. I cared because I knew he would never be able to love me the way I loved him.

  The way he loved my brother.

  My dead brother.

  A sob tore from my chest as I threw Jack’s bedroom door open and raced into the hall, slamming into someone on the other side of the door.

  “Piper?” Lawson said, concern lacing his voice. “Are you okay?”

  I bit my lips to keep the tears that were so desperately trying to escape at bay and nodded.

  “Pip!” Hampton called again, and Lawson looked from me to his brother and then back again.

  His voice was low with warning as he asked, “What’s going on?”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and forced a small smile to my face. “Nothing. I’m fine, really. Excuse me.”

  I wiggled out of his arms and turned, running the short distance to my bedroom. After slamming and locking the door, I threw myself on the bed and finally let it all out.

  The pain of losing Jack.

  The pain of rejection.

  The pain of ultimately losing the only man I’d truly ever wanted.

  It was too much. All of it.

  I could hear Lawson’s voice, thick with anger, through the door, but his words were muffled and I couldn’t make out what he was saying.

  Nor could I bring myself to care.

  I just needed this nightmare to end.

  I laughed bitterly. This was one bad dream I knew I wouldn’t be waking up from.

  5

  Piper

  The house was filled with people and yet, without Jack, it felt so empty. The rooms I’d spent my childhood in were different, the people I’d grown up with like strangers. Nothing was actually different, but it had changed all the same.

  It had been three weeks since we’d buried my brother. Life around us continued, but for the four of us, time seemed to stand still.

  Hampton had withdrawn so far into himself, I wasn’t sure that the person who emerged would even resemble the happy-go-lucky boy I’d once known. He’d finished out the semester from his bedroom, refusing to go back despite his parents’ insistence that getting back into a routine would be good for him. Instead, he spent the days in the gym, beating the shit out of weight bags and his muscles. He was trying to ease the hurt of not being able to save the person he loved the only way he knew how: by punishing himself.

  Georgia had done the opposite, immediately going back to the dorms the day after the funeral. We’d talked daily and she always asked how I was holding up, but when I asked about her, she changed the subject to something else, refusing to talk about what had happened. She’d promised to go to that party with us that night. She should have been in the car with Jack, Hampton, and me, but had blown us off for a date. I was relieved, thanking the gods above that she’d been her typical flakey self. But Georgia was consumed with guilt. Guilt that she hadn’t seen Jack for months before he’d died. Guilt that she’d not shown up that fateful night. But most of all, guilt washed over her every time she felt relief that she was alive while one of her closest friends was six feet under.

  As for me, I’d walked across the stage, accepting a diploma for both myself and on behalf of Jack Kelley. I’d immediately gone home and locked myself in Jack’s room, unable to bear the parties and celebrations everyone else in our class was enjoying. My mother hadn’t pressed the issue, and for that I was thankful. I didn’t think I could stand to watch my mother fall apart again.

  Lawson had graduated college, and in true Lawson form, he’d been top of his class. He’d seemed pretty much the same after Jack’s death, introverted and quiet, but there were times when I would catch him unaware and I could see the pain in his eyes, the sadness that w
e were all feeling written all over his face. I overheard him talking to his mother once, so I knew he blamed himself for not taking the keys from Jack. Even though the accident was technically the other driver’s fault, Lawson was convinced that if he had been driving us, he would have reacted differently, wouldn’t have overcorrected.

  It was the day of Lawson’s party, a week after graduation, and we were all saying farewell. He hadn’t wanted a party, but our moms had insisted we needed to celebrate. I secretly thought they were both just desperate for a distraction. They were right, of course. This was a huge accomplishment for Lawson. It wasn’t fair to him that his success was being overshadowed by loss.

  But the party was less than festive, and even though they tried, our mothers had quickly retreated to a bedroom with a couple of bottles of wine to commiserate the changes our families were facing.

  I was sitting alone outside on the front porch, the opposite side of the house where the party was taking place, when the sound of footsteps interrupted my thoughts. I hoped for a brief moment that it was Hampton. After my humiliating discovery of Hampton’s sexuality, we’d talked. I was still in shock about him and Jack, but little things I’d noticed over time started to make sense. Hampton suddenly coming home from college every weekend. He and Jack spending time together, without the rest of us. Their stolen glances that I always assumed were secret codes because they were up to something. Apparently, they had been up to something. Just not what everyone thought.

  We’d talked it out, I’d admitted to him that I’d had feelings for him for years, and he’d apologized repeatedly, like it was his fault that I was in love with him. And then he’d cried, again, and I’d decided right there that I couldn’t leave him. I may not be able to help him the way I wanted to, but that didn’t mean I was going to abandon him when he felt more alone than ever. I’d been planning to go out of state for school, but one look at Hampton’s broken face, and I knew there was no way I was going anywhere if he wasn’t there. So, I’d changed my plans and applied to his school, getting accepted immediately. My mother was relieved that I wasn’t going far for school and Hampton’s mother was happy to know I would be there with her grieving son in the fall.