Ruled By Fear

by C. Cervi

An hour later, Aaron still sat on the cold hard floor. He had scooted over to a corner and every ten minutes or so, would bring his knees up to rest his head forward then, ten minutes later, straighten them out again, letting his head fall back against the wall. He was angry and his anger had always led to stubbornness. He was refusing to allow them-really himself-the satisfaction of lying down and going to sleep. He couldn’t count the number of times he’d been in a similar position. Angry with his father, a teacher, or life in general. Injustice was something he had always felt keenly and he had never learned to accept it gracefully.

  A persistent voice in the back of his mind kept trying to make itself heard, and he knew if he listened carefully enough he would recognize it as belonging to his father. Up until now, he had been trying hard to ignore it, not wanting to hear any words of wisdom from the past. But he was bone tired, and his defenses were beginning to crumble.

  “Most other fathers would probably tell you,” the familiar voice began, “that your being stubborn is only hurting you. But that wouldn’t be true. Separating yourself from the rest of your family and refusing to cooperate hurts all of us.”

  Aaron tried to shake off his father’s words, but he couldn’t help remembering another time when he’d been huddled like this, but that time his back had been up against a tree. He’d been angry at the world and what it had done to him, what it had taken from him. He couldn’t control the circumstances around him, but he could at least control what he would and would not do, and he had decided that night he would not go to sleep.

  His father had sat with him for a long time, saying nothing more until Aaron had begun to wonder if he had fallen asleep. He’d been startled when his Pa had given a soft sigh.

  “You need to get some rest, son,” he’d said. “You need your strength for tomorrow.”

  “I don’t want to get any rest,” Aaron had replied. “I don’t want to have any strength tomorrow.” He’d drawn his knees in even closer and folded his arms around his legs. Hot, angry tears came to his eyes but he’d refused to let them fall.

  The soft sounds of his baby brother’s snoring had floated over to his ears from inside their covered wagon. They’d been traveling for such a long time.

  “Your brother will be lonely,” his father had said. “Your little brother needs you to be strong for him.”

  “I don’t care,” he’d answered stubbornly. “Mama should be here to take care of Keith. I hate that old wagon and I don’t care if we ever get to California. I don’t care, I don’t care . . .”

  Aaron’s angry words had been cut off when his father reached out and took his arm, forcing him up. He’d thought for sure he was about to be punished and had gritted his teeth, determined not to cry. Instead, his father had taken him in his arms and held him close. His grip had been strong and comforting, and the flood of tears Aaron had so diligently been trying to hold inside had finally broken free. Eventually, his father’s soothing voice had made its way through his sobs and he’d quieted listening to the gentle rhythm of his words.

  “It’s all right, son, go to sleep. Just go to sleep.”

  Here, in this dark, menacing prison, Aaron once again clung to those words and allowed himself to stretch out his body and close his eyes. The childish voice from his past seemed to blend now with the voice of a weary man as he whispered.

  “I really do care, Pa.”

  The next morning, Aaron woke to the sounds of more rain, beating against the roof and sides of the house. As he sat up, he winced with pain. His night on the floor not having helped to loosen any of his tight, over-worked muscles. After he finished off the water in his pitcher, he made his way to the door and reached for the handle, then almost jumped out of his skin when the door burst open.

  “Sorry,” Keith said. “I did it again, didn’t I?”

  “Keith,” Aaron said, clutching his chest, “it really isn’t necessary for you to test the condition of my heart every morning.”

  “Ah, it’s good for you, older brother,” Keith said teasingly, as he gave a playful punch to Aaron’s shoulder.

  “Yes, well, it’s not going to be good for you, if you keep it up,” Aaron answered. “Where is Philip?”

  “He went downstairs already. That’s why I came to get you. If Tom is . . . well, if he’s . . . I thought we should be there.”

  Aaron nodded and made his way toward the door, but stopped as he noticed his brother’s puzzled expression.

  “What happened to your bed?” Keith asked.

  Aaron shrugged and answered casually. “It was gone when I came in last night. I must have broken some rule of theirs.

  Keith made a sound of disgust as he turned back toward his brother and opened his mouth to speak but Aaron cut him off.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ve slept on the ground plenty of times and at least in here I’m sheltered from the weather.”

  Keith looked as if he wanted to say more but kept silent as they made their way down the stairs. A quick scan of the dining room let Aaron know that Philip was nowhere to be found. He was about to go question Grant, when he saw Emily motioning for him.

  “Where’s Philip?” he asked, as he and Keith approached the table.

  “He’s alive,” Emily answered, though her eyes didn’t seem to reveal any true relief. “Look.”

  Aaron turned to see where she was pointing and noticed immediately that only nineteen names were written on the assignment board.

  “I thought you said he was alive,” Aaron questioned.

  “He is,” she answered. “Look at Philip’s assignment. He’s number twelve.”

  Aaron was puzzled as he read. “Tend to eleven.”

  “Tom is number eleven,” Emily explained. “ Whenever someone is punished, they always assign your partner to look after you the next day.”

  “Is it that bad?” Aaron asked, turning to face her.

  Emily dropped her head and nodded.

  “It’s terrible, watching them suffer,” she said. “In a way it really punishes both of you.”

  “Where are they?” Aaron asked.

  “There’s a room on the second floor where they let you stay to recover,” she answered. “After that, you have to go back to work.”

  The rest of the meal was silent as Aaron processed this information. There seemed to be a strange sort of give and take mentality to this place. The work was hard but it was rotated enough to keep them from collapsing. They were exposed to harsh weather conditions all day but afterwards, there would be a hot meal waiting, however meager. A person would be punished severely, but then someone would be assigned to care for them.

  It’s almost as if there are two forces at work.

  That thought stuck with him as he began another long day in the fields.

  The continuous slapping of raindrops against his already soaked hair was driving Aaron crazy. It had been raining all morning-not a drenching downpour, thankfully, but enough to make him and the other prisoners miserable. He shivered involuntarily and wished again that he had a hat. He decided that as soon as he got home again, that would be the first thing he would buy—that and at least two new pairs of boots. His feet were almost raw from walking around the rocky fields. Trying to get his mind off his aching feet, he glanced up, once again, to check on his brother. Keith hadn’t had to persuade Annie to go off on their own that morning. As soon as they had arrived, she had taken Keith’s arm and pulled him across the field. Meri had stayed with Aaron only long enough to explain several long and technical mining techniques which had nothing to do with anything, and then, seeming to sense that it was Aaron’s turn to talk, had sauntered off to join Keith and his sister. Aaron paused for a moment to watch them, pleased to see that the trio seemed to be happily engaged in conversation. He stretched his arms wearily above his head and then glanced back toward the house. He was hoping Emily would come with their buckets while he was alone, so he could ask her a few questions. Almost as if she could read his thoughts, Emily appeared behin
d him, seemingly out of nowhere.

  “I didn’t see you there,” Aaron said, trying to convince himself that she hadn’t really been sneaking up on him.

  “I have your lunch,” she said. “It’s not much . . . I was going to try and get you more, but . . . I was too afraid.”

  The young girl’s teeth were chattering from the chill in the air and her lips were blue.

  “It’s okay, Emily,” he assured her. “I’m sure whatever you brought will be fine.”

  She smiled and turned to leave, but Aaron quickly reached out to stop her.

  “I wanted to ask you a couple of questions,” he said.

  Emily drew back slightly, her eyes wide and questioning.

  “Do you know what time the delivery is coming in?”

  Emily stared at him quietly and he could see the fear in her eyes, and for just a moment, a flash of something else.

  “Why do you want to know?” she asked.

  He was surprised by her question and decided to answer cautiously.

  “I’m going to see if I can get a message to my father.” He took a step back watching her, waiting for an answer.

  “Tonight, after everyone is asleep,” she whispered after just a moment of hesitation.

  Aaron knew that was as much information as he was going to get for now, so he nodded his head in thanks. She turned quickly then and made her way toward the mine.

  Keith arrived a moment later, and the two went off together to eat their food. There was nothing that day except for two hard biscuits apiece, which made Aaron doubly glad that the delivery would be tonight. He might be able to spare a few pounds but his younger brother, along with most of the prisoners, could not.

  “Aaron,” Keith said after a while, “I’ve been thinking about this, and I think one of us should try and get away when the delivery comes.”

  Aaron immediately held up his hands to stop him from talking, but Keith pushed them aside and continued.

  “We have to do something, Aaron,” he said, his voice becoming progressively louder. “I can’t just sit around anymore.”

  Aaron reached out and took Keith’s arm roughly pulling him closer.

  “Keep your voice down,” he said. “We’re not just going to sit around, but we’re going to do this right and we’re going to do this smart.”

  Keith pulled his arm from his brother’s grasp and rubbed it gingerly. His breathing was fast and hard but he remained quiet.

  “Emily told me the delivery is coming in tonight,” Aaron continued. “We don’t know anything about the man bringing it, other than he’s from the town. He may be in on this whole thing for all we know.”

  Keith nodded his head meekly, and Aaron relaxed seeing that his brother was starting to become more reasonable.

  “We don’t have anything to offer the man, but I’m going to see if I can get him to deliver a message to Pa with the promise to pay him later.”

  Aaron paused for a moment, watching his little brother for any signs of disagreement.

  “Now, listen, Keith, just in case the man making the delivery does turn out to be all right, I want you to be ready to go with him.”

  “I’m not going anywhere without you.”

  “Keith, these people need help,” Aaron said, making a sweeping gesture with his hand. “Everyone is so terrified of the repercussions that they’re allowing that fear to hold them hostage. Somebody has to be willing to make a sacrifice or nothing will change.”

  Keith tossed his head stubbornly and stepped closer to his brother.

  “Fine,” he said. “Then let me be the sacrifice and you go.”

  “Keith . . .” Aaron sighed.

  “It’s not so easy when the shoe is on the other foot, is it?” Keith snapped, his eyes flashing.

  Aaron chuckled at his brother’s stubbornness, and decided to let the matter drop as he and Keith went back to their work. At the rate they were going, it would take at least one more week just to finish this first field. Aaron sent up a silent prayer that they would be long gone by then.

  Supper that evening was one of the quietest they had experienced yet. The stew looked as if whatever food had been leftover was all just thrown together in one big pot, and it tasted even worse than it looked. Philip had joined them only long enough to gulp down his food and tell them that he was sure Tom would be all right. Aaron had seen how anxious he was to return to his brother, so no one pressed him for more information.

  Emily was quiet as usual, but Aaron kept catching her looking at him. She would then quickly drop her eyes back to her plate. She was making him uneasy, and a part of him wished he had asked someone else about the delivery time.

  She’s just nervous.

  After supper, Aaron stepped into Keith’s room—the absence of Tom and Philip emphasizing the need for his plans to work out. Aaron grabbed a blanket and then motioned for Keith to join him on the floor. If someone were truly spying they would most likely be seen, but he still felt better staying close to the ground. Keith covered them with the blanket while Aaron quickly untied his belt, retrieved one of the candle stubs, and lit it. As much as Aaron wanted to continue reading in the journal, he knew there was no time for that now. He leafed through its pages and ripped out an empty one from the back, then, using the end of the match he’d used to light the candle, began writing out a message for his father.

  “You know,” Keith said, “I feel just like I did that time when I was a kid, and I stayed up looking at some pictures I’d found. I didn’t want Pa to see the light, so I hid the candle under a blanket, just like now.”

  “And just what kind of pictures had to be looked at under a blanket, by candlelight?” Aaron questioned.

  Keith didn’t answer, but all the coughing and clearing of his throat caused Aaron to grin.

  “Okay, it’s done,” Aaron said as he blew out the light. “We’ll wait just a while longer, and then go out the front door. The delivery could be anytime.”

  “How will we know if they’re watching?” Keith asked.

  “We won’t,” Aaron shrugged, and tried to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. “Keith, if something goes wrong, you do what you have to, in order to survive. If you see a chance to get out, take it.”

  There was a lengthy silence before Keith finally spoke.

  “Ah, nothing will go wrong,” he stated firmly.

  The two brothers sat side by side in the dark for another twenty minutes before quietly leaving the room. As they made their way down the stairs, it seemed as if every creak and groan was intensified, but Aaron steadfastly ignored the voice inside him, telling him to go back.

  Aaron thought he would feel better once they had actually made it outside, but the darkness of a cloud filled sky only served to deepen his growing feelings of unease. He motioned for Keith to follow him and the two quickly leapt from the porch, ducking beside it with their backs against the house.

  “Aaron, I can’t see a thing,” Keith whispered close to his ear.

  “I know. We’ll just have to sit tight and wait,” he answered. “I’m sure whoever is coming will have a lantern.

  The two brothers settled down to wait, huddled tight against each other in the cold damp air. Aaron feared it would start raining again soon, but didn’t dare say so out loud—worried that just the suggestion might make it happen. Nature seemed to sense his thoughts however, and moments later it began drizzling.

  They waited for what seemed like hours in their cramped and now thoroughly soggy position. Neither one talked much, afraid of being heard. Aaron began to worry when he felt Keith shivering beside him and the sound of his teeth chattering, but he knew it would be useless to tell his brother to go back inside, so he kept silent. His mind however, was a tumult of activity. The night was so dark that he was sure Keith would be able to stow away in the back of the delivery wagon without being seen.

  “Keith,” he said softly, “you have to get away tonight.”

  “I can’t leave you h
ere, Aaron. I just can’t . . .”

  “We can’t take a chance that the message won’t be delivered,” Aaron replied. “I have a feeling there won’t be much help from the people in town, and the next one is days from here. We both know you’re the faster rider of the two of us.”

  “I still don’t see why we can’t both go,” Keith whispered.

  “I think you do know, Keith,” he answered, laying a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “I can’t leave Emily and Philip and everyone else behind. You know what Pa always says. You do what’s right because it’s right, not . . .”

  “Not because it’s easy. Yeah, I know,” Keith interrupted.

  They fell silent again after that, waiting and listening. Aaron was almost to the point of giving up on the whole idea when Keith’s sudden intake of breath startled him.

  “Did you hear that?” Keith asked.

  Aaron raised his head and listened carefully a moment before he finally heard the scrape of metal that he knew must be the front gate opening. He and Keith rose to a crouched position and waited.

  “Why can’t we see a light?” Keith whispered.

  “I don’t know,” Aaron replied.

  Darting his eyes around, he finally fixed them on a small point of light, not too far off. As it grew a little closer, he realized that it was surrounded by a thick mist. In the darkness, neither of them had noticed the fog that had settled in around them. He patted Keith lightly on the shoulder, feeling somewhat encouraged. The fog would be a shield from anyone trying to spot them.

  Aaron had figured the wagon would come directly to the house, and was surprised when it veered off in the direction of the hot house instead.

  “Stay close,” he whispered to Keith, and they silently crept after the wagon.

  As they followed, the sound of the wagon’s creaking wheels echoed through the yard. Aaron still couldn’t shake the feeling that things weren’t right and, for a moment, he thought he might have heard footsteps behind them.

  He paused for a moment to listen, but there was no sound other than that of the wagon.