by K. S. Adkins
Over the years, I’ve thought about him often; when I’d see Cinderella on television or watch Wayne State during playoffs. Roman missed out on his career and my heart bled for him in that regard. For some reason when it came to him, my heart always bled. I suppose it made sense that it would, considering it belonged to him.
Work sucked.
My head wasn’t in it and luckily no major traumas have come in and I was spared the worry of screwing anything up. Luke, the nice guy that he was, offered to try the date again, I said yes and tonight we were meeting for coffee when my shift ended. Turns out, he keeps crazy hours too. It was either that or he was accommodating my schedule to see me, which if he was would be a sweet thing to do.
The afternoon shift wasn’t for everyone but I loved it. Depending on the week, I rotated between afternoons and nights. I wasn’t a big sleeper and loved what I did but tonight, even knowing I had a date wasn’t making this shift go by any faster. I couldn’t stop thinking of Rome and it was pissing me off. Part of me wanted to hurt him back but I knew I wouldn’t do it, it wasn’t who I was. But God, just once I wanted him to know what it felt like.
“Seven,” says the nurse handing me a chart and without even looking at it. Pulling the curtain back to see my next patient, my stomach bottoms out immediately. What in the hell did I do to deserve this shit?
“Another visit---“ I start looking over his chart with robotic eyes. Glancing up I see him bleeding from the mouth, nose, and knuckles. “Maybe you should consider a job in the library, Rome. Women all over the world are going to cry themselves to death over what you’re doing to your face.”
“What about you?” he asks removing his shirt. “Will you cry over my face?”
“No,” I tell him. “I prefer to look beyond the surface. Did you hurt your ribs again?”
“No.”
“Then why is your shirt off?”
“Because your pupils dilate and your breathing changes when it’s off. I like it when you’re distracted.”
“What?” I ask staring at the tattoo across his chest and his gorgeous dark brown nipples. Christ, this is madness and has to stop, perfect nipples or not.
“Eyes up, Doc,” he says catching me.
“Has Lush always been so violent?” I ask changing the subject. “Follow my finger,” I instruct checking his eyes but he doesn’t follow my finger, he just stares at me.
“It’s not violent because I stop it from going there,” he says bluntly. “You are really fucking gorgeous, Kandace. Or do you prefer Kandy?”
“I prefer---“ I start but then switch tactics again. “Rome, what the hell is going on?”
“What time do you get off?” he asks, but I swear to God I thought he asked me if I wanted to get off and I wanted to scream yes with my legs in the air.
“Eleven thirty,” I mumble backing away. “But---“
“Let me pick you up and take you for coffee,” he suggests and I was screaming on the inside. Not a good scream either, a pissed off, stop fucking with my head scream.
“I can’t,” I managed without looking at him.
“Why not?”
“I’m already having coffee with the date I cancelled on to jump in front of your car.”
“Cancel again.”
“No can do.”
“You want me, Doc,” he says quietly. “I know you do. Stop the bullshit and go out with me.”
“Stop the bullshit? I asked you out and you told me no,” I remind him stowing the rejection away.
“Because I had plans with my grandma and you didn’t give me a chance to explain before you called me an asshole and slammed the door.”
“Point taken,” I mumble wondering what to do with my hands.
“Ten years ago I did something to you that shamed me. I did a lot of shit I shouldn’t have but you need to know why I did it. Let me explain why I’m not that guy anymore. Have coffee with me.”
“Ten years ago, we were kids,” I remind him. God, why was this so hard? “We aren’t kids anymore. But just like then, we are in two different places now. Thank you for the apology but I’m afraid the answer is still no.”
Without another word I handed him back his shirt and walked off. Stay, go, didn’t matter to me it’s just that I knew I needed to leave. Because fuck me, he looked sorry. Handing his chart to the other attending was a waste because seconds later I heard his curtain open and watched him walk away.
To top it off, my coffee date was a disaster. The poor man was mid-sentence when I got up and walked out of the diner without explanation. With so much banging around in my brain, I made a phone call to someone I knew would be up that needed to stay out of my business. She was a friend, I loved her but enough was enough.
“Hey Kandy Kane,” she says cheerily.
“You told him where I worked, where I lived, Jules. Why?”
“He was dying to see you,” she says simply. “I take it, it did not go well?”
“Please don’t get involved with this, it can’t go anywhere.”
“He’s not the same guy, Kandy Kane.”
“I’m not the same girl either,” I bite out. “And it’s Kandace, write it down.”
“Do you have some bad history with him that I’m not aware of?”
“Yes,” I snap at her. “I do and I’m not looking to relive it. Please Jules, lay off.”
“Okay,” she says. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
She was sorry too, I could feel it. “I know you meant well, but my heart can’t take another hit. I just needed you to know that.” After disconnecting with her, it took hours to find sleep because every time I closed my eyes it was his face when he told me he was sorry that haunted me.
Today she looked stunning. She was always gorgeous but today her hair was done, she had on some makeup and the bitchy look she saved for me was absent. It’s been two weeks since the throwdown outside of Mercury and she’s put a wall up between us. What she didn’t know was when she told me off, it got me hard. The hardest I’d ever been in my life. The notches tried talking shit after she left but I shut their asses down. They figured out what I already knew, you do not want a verbal throwdown with the Teach. She will school you. That night I actually jerked off to Cinderella, twice. Now it’s officially my favorite movie.
I needed to get us back on track. I didn’t want her pissed at me, I wanted my friend back, I needed her back. Because the truth was, she was the only friend I had. “Got a date?” I ask her.
“Honors ceremony,” she says absently.
“Ah, so you only wash your hair for special occasions?”
“Something like that.”
This wasn’t working, not good. “Well you look decent,” I offer. “You should wash your hair more often.”
“You had a test on Friday,” she says writing something down. “How did you do?”
“I got an 80,” Feeling like a disappointment to her.
“Well that’s 75 more than I thought you’d get.”
“Thanks for the pat on the back, Teach.”
Slamming her book shut and standing up she doesn’t even look at me when she says, “I’m done.”
“Whoa! Wait,” I panic standing up myself. “I’ve got three chapters to review by Thursday.”
“Then you should take advantage of the quiet time and review the chapters.”
“I’m paying you to teach me,” I point out, hoping she’ll feel guilty and stay.
“Actually, you haven’t paid me at all.”
“You got a date for this ceremony?” I ask.
“Why?” she asks narrowing her eyes at me.
“Because I don’t have shit to do and me showing up with you could only help your cause.”
“What cause is that?”
“Everywhere I go people talk about it, you get seen with me and I promise your phone will start ringing. Take me as your date and we’ll call it square.” I offer just wanting more time with her.
Leaning in she shakes her h
ead before gutting me and I fucking deserved it. “Any calls that come in because of you are calls I would never answer,” she whispers. “Avoiding guys like you is what keeps me from being passed around. But thanks for the charity.”
For the next week, no one at Lush would kick my ass.
Jules decided that for now, enough was enough and her word was law. She even told me that if I couldn’t score the old-fashioned way that I didn’t deserve field time. Let me say I didn’t care for the football reference or that she was right. Seven fucking days and I haven’t seen Kandace, I was going nuts.
Clocking out I was desperate, so instead of going home I went to a biker bar to start some shit. First, I did not belong in a biker bar which was why I went. Second, I’d be outnumbered and the ass-kicking would be severe enough that I’d get more than five minutes with her. Third, these guys handled their beefs internally so I felt secure they wouldn’t call the cops and my probation wouldn’t be on the line.
It took twenty minutes for it to happen and by the time the staff broke it up, I knew getting to the hospital would take everything I had. Making a mental note to find bars closer to her work, throwing it in drive I was wiping the blood from my chin as I coughed it up.
The staff wasted no time getting me to a room and within minutes the curtain was pulled back but it wasn’t my doc. “Get Dr. Kane,” I cough into the tissue.
“Mr. Peterson she’s not working tonight,” he says keeping his distance. At this point I was half on and half off the bed because I didn’t fit. “She knows me, call her.”
“I’m not calling her,” he says narrowing his eyes. “Now what has brought you in?”
“I won’t ask a third time.”
“Shall I call security?” he counters like he’s king shit.
“You won’t make it to the phone,” I promise him. Even in my present condition I’d crush the asshole and he knew it.
“Dr. Hayes, excuse me, sir,” the nurse interrupts. “The patient is a personal friend of Dr. Kane’s, I can call and get instructions from her.” She offers from the safety of the computer desk.
“One call,” he says snapping at her.
“You do as she says. Mr. Peterson, just so you know this is highly inappropriate and I’ll be speaking with Dr. Kane about it personally.”
Fucking perfect, now I got her in trouble too. Ignoring him, I regulate my breathing because I was in tremendous fucking pain right now. I can hear the nurse speaking with the doctor then I hear him curse and storm off. “She’s on her way,” she says stepping in. “I need to get your vitals without you biting my head off. She’s leaving her engagement to see you, I suggest you behave.”
“What engagement?” I ask while she takes my blood pressure.
“She was on a date,” she whispers. “A benefit dinner I think.”
“Fuck.”
“Look,” she leans in. “She gets asked out all the time, the doctor that was just here has been trying since she was an intern. He’s also her boss. She doesn’t date much that I know of, but for her to leave tells me she’d rather see you. I know this because she’s always rattled after you leave. Keep that between us, please.”
“Yeah,” was all I could say because anything more might kill me. She was on a date, not good. She left the date to fix me, could be good. Twenty minutes later when she ripped that curtain open wearing an evening gown and jewelry, looking perfect, the look on her face told me none of it was good.
“What the fuck, Rome?” she says touching me all over. “What happened to you? What in the hell keeps happening to you and why didn’t you let Dr. Hayes treat you?”
“Just you.”
“I am not your personal physician,” she snaps but when I cough her annoyance fled and she grabbed the stethoscope and leaned over me. “Breathe for me, Rome.”
I tried, I really fucking tried but the more I did the more blood I coughed up.
“Shit,” she says opening the curtain. From there she barked orders, mentioned something about a pneumothorax and started an IV in my arm. “I don’t know what keeps happening to you but it needs to stop. Listen to me for once, please. I’m taking you to X-ray to see if you’ve punctured your lung. Blink once for yes and two for no. Is your chest hurting?”
One blink.
“Are you having difficulty breathing?”
Another.
“If you don’t get your shit together I’m calling Jules. I refuse to believe she would allow this kind of shit to happen on her watch.” she says wheeling me out and the fact that she cared enough to call my boss didn’t ease the pain but it did take the edge off.
Thirty minutes and one painful X-ray later, I’m back behind my curtain and she comes in taking the seat next to me. “You got lucky, Rome,” she says holding my picture up, pointing. “Your lung wasn’t punctured but it was bruised. Were you hit in the same place repeatedly? Did you not defend yourself because of your probation?”
“Something like that, yeah.”
“Are you allergic to anything? Latex? A specific med?”
“No.”
“I’m giving you something for the pain,” she explains, writing on her note pad. “I’m also keeping you overnight for observation. Do you have insurance?”
“No.”
“Is there someone you’d like me to call?”
“No.”
“Is there anything you’d like to say to me?”
“Yeah,” I tell her bluntly. “No more fucking dates.”
Shaking her head, she gives the nurse instructions and makes her plans to leave. Again, that fear took hold so I yelled for her which hurt like a mother. “Doc!”
“Christ, Rome,” she says tossing back the curtain, “Stop yelling. What do you need?”
“I’m afraid of the dark,” I say gripping the sheet and staring at her with wide eyes. “You can’t leave me alone here.”
Miracle of all fucking miracles the woman threw her head back and laughed. Peeling her lab coat off, she takes the chair next to my bed and whispers, “You are playing a dangerous game, Rome.”
“No one beats me on the field doc,” I whisper back. “No one.”
“But we aren’t on your field, we’re on mine.”
“Then tell me the score.”
“This isn’t a game you’ll win,” she says quietly. “I’ve got home field advantage and I don’t like being played.”
“I would never play you.”
“You’ve been playing me since the first day we met,” she says checking her pager. “Your room’s ready, let’s go.”
I needed brain fuel. Running to the Coney Island for coffee and carry out, I was hoping to get back to my books quick. This paper had to be done but I needed more energy. It was almost three am and I was hoping most of the partiers were already home passed out. Placing my order, I grab a seat next to the counter to wait it out. The cook, Slick, sees me and strikes up a conversation like always. “Hey doc,” he says loud enough for everyone to hear. “Another late night?”
“I’m not a doctor yet,” I remind him. “But yeah, I’m cramming.”
“Putting a little something extra in your container,” he says on a wink.
“Thanks Slick.” I smile back to him.
“Studying past your bedtime?” asks Roman taking the seat next to mine.
“Jesus you smell like shit,” I offer when the stench of alcohol hits me.
“Long night,” he offers.
“You’re not driving are you?” I ask.
Laughing he shakes his head and starts checking me out in my pajamas. “No mom,” he says tugging my Hello Kitty flannels. “Waiting on a cab.”
“I’ll drop you,” I offer before I could think better of it. Considering me for a moment, he cocks his head and just before he answers, a blonde rolls up and slides her hands around his neck.
“I think my ride just showed up,” he says with what I swore was frustration.
“It is if you play your cards right,” she says sliding h
er hand down to his… Oh fuck this. Turning away giving them both my back I watch as they exit and drive off together. He would sleep with her because she was willing. As for me, it was clear I wouldn’t be sleeping at all.
Slick saunters over handing my carryout and says, “On the house.”
“Let me pay you,” I start.
“Stay away from that asshole,” he says kissing my forehead. “Even if he makes it as a pro, he’ll never be shit as a person. You didn’t want to mess up your upholstery with his filth anyway.”
“Night, Slick,” I whisper embarrassed he saw and heard.
“Night doc.”
Demerol made Rome very talkative.
He told me I was beautiful… a lot, that he had a thing for me in college and still did. The details to his crush were a mess of words but to sum it up, he thought I was better than the trolls he fucked, he was intimidated by me and was bummed I never flirted with him. When he called me the hot nerdy tutor I think I even blushed though I wasn’t sold on it being an actual compliment. He explained in detail why he behaved the way he had and I’ll admit, I was shocked to hear his side of things. If the old adage was true that when boys teased girls it was because they liked them then Rome, it seems, liked me, a lot. Too bad back then he had a mean way of showing it.
He said the night of his party he was trying to keep me from the wolves and he was probably right to do so. He didn’t know me as anything other than a nerd but had they continued to mouth off, I’d have dropped every last one of them and probably gotten kicked out of school for assault. He also said he wanted my forgiveness and another shot at my heart. I wish I could trust this but he was blown out right now. I decided that if these were his true feelings then I’d wait to hear them again, when he was coherent before addressing it.
Until then I held his hand when he asked, listened to him tell me about his grandma and watched as he drifted off to sleep. No man should be this gorgeous when he slept. His looks could never be described as anything less than perfection. Although his looks were undisputable, it wasn’t what drew me to him. I wasn’t a surface person, I was a depth person and back in the day, Rome had depth for miles. The problem was he excelled at being shallow too. What I didn’t get was with his size and how brutal he was on the field, then adding prison to it, how anyone could get the drop on him. But someone had and I didn’t like it that they did. I felt territorial of Rome. Like he belonged to me when I knew that he didn’t. This push pull was seriously fucking with my rationale.
