by K. S. Adkins
“Fuck you,” I start but she shuts me right down by getting in my face. As in toe to toe, ready to hit me, in my face.
“No, fuck you. Did you enjoy throwing those girls in my face knowing it killed me? None of them gave a fuck about you, but I did. What did I get in return? Heartbroken, humiliated, cast aside. I always went to bat for you, always. You listen to me now,” she says pushing me back on to the bed. “You throw those lost years in my face but guess what? I lost them too! I fucking waited for you! You keep throwing that shit in my face, hurting me with it and I will do the same to you. You don’t get to break my heart anymore. Ten years later and I’m still a joke to you, aren’t I? I must be if the punchline is ‘I nailed everything but Kandace.’ Do me a favor and forget about me until your balls drop. Actually just do what you did in school and pretend I don’t exist.”
Then she walked out and left me there naked and ashamed. “I don’t like you right now,” says Venessa from the other side.
“That makes two of us,” I whisper.
“Shoulda hit you harder,” says Rogan. “You’re a real prick.”
Covering my face with my arms I had to wonder if this night could get any worse. The answer was yes because when Rogan came in and hit me upside the head and said “That’s from my wife.” I realized I was fucking pathetic. I knew better than to do this with an audience. Fuck, you’d think by now I’d know better than to open my mouth at all.
I couldn’t believe I was actually going to do this. Me, on a blind date. A couple of girls from my chem lab said they loved it so I figured why not? It was like a dating site only for Wayne State Students and it catered to your likes and dislikes. After a few days of banter with the guy, I agreed to go cosmic bowling in Ferndale. Only I can’t bowl for shit.
Asking me what I’d be wearing I told him my ‘Welcome to the Dark Side We Have Cookies’ Darth Vader t-shirt and when he responded with his pi t-shirt I couldn’t stop the grin that came on. Finally, a guy who would get me.
Walking in, the colors were so distracting that I had to put my glasses on to see. Wandering the lanes I couldn’t find him and after several minutes I started to lose my nerve. Wanting to slap my forehead at overlooking an actual place to meet inside, I was in utter disbelief when I ran directly into Roman.
“Whoa,” he says steadying me.
“What---“ I start but then look down at his shirt and my mouth falls open. He was wearing the t-shirt. Anger, hurt and embarrassment stole my excitement away. Of course to him this would be funny. The geek on a blind date with a fellow geek, hilarity ensues!
“Easy now, Teach,” he says steering me away from the crowd.
“Why would you do this to me?” I ask him. Did you see him, pay him a few bucks to give you the shirt and then waited to fuck with me?”
“I wouldn’t do that,” he says sincerely.
“Oh yes you most certainly fucking would!” I yell back and even stomped my foot.
“Keep your voice down,” he says. “I made a profile after the movie. I wanted to hang out with you. Now we’re hanging out.”
“How did you even know about my profile?” I whisper.
“There’s not much about you I don’t know, Teach,” he says smiling. “Now, are we going to bowl or what?”
That night I had a blast and it didn’t hit me until the next time I saw him that he chose a location twenty minutes away from campus, thereby reducing the chance of anyone he knew seeing us. Because the following day when I did see him, yeah… cue in Groundhog Day.
Rome stopped coming into the hospital but upped his game when he had the crew from Lush calling and begging me to let him out of the dog house. Does no one understand accountability anymore? Jules said he’d served his time and to let him make his peace with me but she doesn’t know our rocky past. Then again, if I wanted to move forward then I had to allow him the chance to also.
That meant I had to stop pushing.
He didn’t want or need reminders of the past and for some reason I couldn’t stop bringing it up. That was my problem with men, pushing and stewing.
I excelled at pushing. But I was a pro at stewing over Rome.
I was bossy, expectant and even though I meant well, I was pushing him away just when I found him again. Pulling into the lot, I promised myself that if we stayed friends after this or if it progressed into more, I wouldn’t push. Okay fine, if I did push I’d work on being more subtle. What was I even saying? I told him I wanted nothing to do with him and here I was working it out in my head. Stupid.
Grabbing my bag from the trunk, I head in to change for class and was looking forward to clearing my mind. For months it’s been a matinee with Roman as the feature. It ended now.
Tossing my clothes into my locker and taking my place on the mat I notice the sensei speaking with someone… Oh for fucks sake! Stomping over and interrupting I said screw subtle and went for tactile.
“Hi Rome, are you lost again?”
“Naw,” he says winking at me. Oh God I loved it when he winked, no one winked like he did. “Just came to watch, I was in the area. I might even join, it’s a nice place.”
“Fascinating and convenient,” I mumble dropping my shoulders and walking away.
“Have a seat,” the sensei says pointing to the high class plastic chairs by the door. “We were just getting started.” Just then my nerves took over. I didn’t like that he saw me in my uniform. Yes, I was proud of it, worked very hard for it but outside of family and the girls at Lush nobody knew that I did it. The girls only knew because I showed up in my karate gi thanks to one of their ‘emergencies.’
Today we were working with Escrima sticks. The wooden batons are used in self-defense to fight off an attacker or as I’ve done several times at home, kill spiders. The students in my class share my rank or are just below it working toward it. These classes were fast paced and harsh. Any time the sticks come out we got feisty. Sticks were bad ass.
“Deshi Kane, Kohai Lee,” he announces bringing us forward. Meeting on the mat we show our respect for our sensei then for each other before he yells, “Begin.”
Then all thoughts of Rome flee. Now it was time to defend my own ass while whooping my opponents. I am huge on offense then come back hard on defense. The key to the sticks is evasion, deflection, blocking and striking. It just so happens, I rock at wearing my enemy down. Keeping my sticks moving at all times, I allow him to advance despite the fact that I’m the one controlling his movements. Minutes go by and Lee is getting tired, he should be, I’ve landed dozens of blows and he has yet to land one. He’s thinking too much instead of allowing his body and his sticks to flow.
Having enough, I move quickly to my left giving Lee a hard foot sweep sending him to the ground thus ending our sparring session. Showing respect once more I hand my sticks to the next student and resume my place on the mat. When I hear clapping, my jaw locks up.
You do not clap in a dojo.
Jesus.
“Quiet please,” says the sensei addressing Rome. Glancing over he doesn’t look the least bit sorry. In fact, he looks smug and yeah okay, it worked.
After practicing more drills and finally watching Lee fail again at obtaining his belt I went to the locker room to change. At the door, Rome was speaking quietly with my sensei and when I approached he gave me a nod which was super weird.
“Ready killer?” Rome asks taking my bag from my shoulder.
Following him out the door I wait until we’re at my car before asking. “Did you come here to make fun of me? I swear to God if you did, I will---“
“Relax,” he says leaning against my driver’s door. “Answer me this… Had I not shown up in the lot to defend your honor what you have done?”
“Easy,” I tell him simply. “Defended my own honor.”
“No hesitation? You would have fought those two for real?”
“How do you fake fight?”
“Smart ass,” he says rolling his eyes. ”Have you fought before? Outsi
de of this place?”
“I’ve been fighting since I could walk,” I tell him with a smile. “Now I’m just really good at it.”
“How long have you been a black belt?” he asks moving closer.
“Five years, I’ve been studying off and on since I was in elementary school. Once I graduated, I decided to hunker down and finally get my belt.”
“Sneaky bad ass,” he mumbles.
“Come again?” I ask wondering what that meant.
“Never mind,” he says switching topics. “You hungry?”
“I could eat.”
“Keys,” he says holding his hand out. Tossing them to him I head around to the other side and climb in.
“This isn’t a date,” I tell him. “I told you girls don’t eat on dates ergo not a date, kay?”
“How the fuck would I know what girls eat on dates?”
“Because you---“ I start then shut it down. “Oh.”
“Stop it,” he says pulling onto Washington. “You don’t have to check yourself but you can teach me all about women and dating.”
“Pssh,” I say crossing my arms over my chest in act of jealousy that I couldn’t stop. “Why? So you can use my inside track on a random to get laid?”
“Wow,” he whistles. “Where do you come up with this shit? No, it’s so I can use your inside track to date you.”
“Well,” I shrug, “That I could do.”
“Getting between those long fucking legs is just a bonus,” he says glancing over to gauge my reaction. That reaction was trying not to shift in my seat. “I’m willing to earn it.”
“Then you’re buying lunch,” I tell him trying to play it cool and failing.
“Thought this wasn’t a date?”
“You want my inside track? Take notes, because I don’t give bonuses away on an empty stomach.” The second I said it I closed my eyes in mortification.
As he grips the steering wheel and grinds his jaw I knew that he knew exactly what I meant. Right then, I realized I just waved the red flag in front of the bull. I wanted to ride that bull. I’ve been waiting to ride that bull since I was eighteen.
“Rome?”
“What?” he grounds out while focusing on the road.
“We aren’t so different,” I say watching him fight his need for me. “In the interest of honesty, I feel I should tell you that I’ve wanted you since the day we met. The dates I went on, even the guys I hooked up with were all fill-ins but they were never you.”
“They were never you either,” he says quietly like it shamed him to say it.
“I wasn’t finished. Back then I knew I’d never have you that I’d lose you to your dream and I was okay with that. But I did want to help you get there and if that was by tutoring and hanging out, then so be it.” I say taking his hand and lacing my fingers through it. “I wasn’t supposed to lose you to the system and that I was never okay with.”
“You would have let me go?” he asks.
“For you to live your dream? Yes, absolutely.”
“You were a dream too, Kandace,” he admits squeezing my hand which gave me the courage to take the next step.
“I think we’ve waited long enough. My place is ten minutes away.”
Not a word was spoken as he detoured to make our way back. I was telling him the truth. In college I had my share of hook ups, however, I held care for them in some capacity and I was discreet. Granted, he was far from discreet, we both came from the same place. Yes, I always knew I would lose him to fame and I wanted to be a part of his journey to get there I just never thought I’d lose him to a cell when he became a number in the system.
Squeezing his hand, I was grateful that we had this time together now. When we stopped, I realized he has us home in eight minutes flat.
“Who are you staring at?” she asks trying to rub my dick under the table.
“Worry about you,” I tell her but for obvious reasons I don’t stop her.
“You’re totally staring at the amazon,” she laughs. “Oh God do you know her or something?”
Grabbing her wrist hard, I push her away and leave the cafeteria forfeiting the hand job. She wasn’t an amazon she was fucking gorgeous and the bitch knew it. Notches always liked tearing other bitches down and I hated it. She wasn’t a nerd she was fucking brilliant and the bitch knew that, too. She would be mine one day, if it was the last thing I did.
In her car driving down Woodward she just asked me to fuck.
Whipping that car around and flying up to Washington I haul ass back to her place. Already I was sweating with nervous energy because I would finally get to have her. Kandace Kane, God damn.
But her words though… All that time she wanted me too but was willing to sacrifice her own feelings so that I could live out my dream. No guy likes hearing that the woman he wants fucked other males but she was blew my God damn mind when she called them fill-ins. That’s what the notches were, replacements, never getting close to the real thing. Now I’m amped up and sentimental because the woman holding my hand saw shit in me I never saw in myself.
Kandace was a miracle that took ten years and a lot of bullshit to attain.
Throwing it in park, she climbs out and rushes to the front door letting us inside. Her keys weren’t even on the table before I grabbed her from behind and sealed my lips over her neck. Arching into me she raises her arms up and runs them over my braids gently. My hands sought out her tits and the second I had both in my hands I was close to coming.
“Inside track,” I groan into her ear. “Need it.”
“Okay,” she says turning to face me. In truth, I didn’t know what to do. Yeah I had the basics down but this wasn’t college and she wasn’t a notch. I had no finesse, no fucking game and even though I wanted to make this good for her, I had no idea how. She saw it, my uncertainty and with two words she blew me away.
“Let me.”
Those slim fingers I always dreamt about were working my jeans free. Those full lips tempt me when she bites down on one. Those fucking eyes that see me never drop their gaze. She doesn’t ask for the lights to be off or to keep her clothes on, no. Kandace knew what the fuck she was doing and I was both jealous and grateful for it. When she reaches in past my boxers my inhale was loud and her grip was hard.
Whispering in my ear she asks, “Would you like to come first then pick back up after?”
Not even thinking about my answer just about her hand on my cock I groan, “Suck before we fuck?”
“Clearly that’s worked on someone before,” she mumbles while sliding my boxers down my legs.
“Shit,” I groan when the air hits me. “I haven’t done this in a long fucking time Kandace, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know,” she says with a small smile. “You need this, Rome, I get that but I’m not eighteen anymore and it wouldn’t have worked on me then either. You’re safe here just let your guard down and enjoy it. Start by telling me how this feels.”
Damn straight. None of my pillow talk would have worked on her back then because I knew then what I know now, Kandace wasn’t a notch. Now she wants me to tell her how this feels? She wants me to talk while her hand is gripping my cock?
“Rome,” she says pulling back to look at me. “Your cock is amazing.”
“You comparing it others?”
“No,” she says pushing me down to the couch and straddling me. “I just never thought I’d see it, let alone touch it. I dreamt about you being inside of me.” Leaning forward to nibble on my lip she says, “You’d fit perfectly,” and I knew she was trying to kill me.
“Fuck,” I moan thrusting up into her hand. “Let me fuck you now.”
“Come first,” she orders squeezing me. “Then we’ll fuck, trust me, Rome.”
“Trust you? I need to fuck, Kandace.”
That hurt her feelings I knew it did because I felt like a prick for saying it.
“You asked for my help, Rome,” she says trying to back away.
“Shh,” I tell her pulling her back in for a kiss. “I’m sorry. Inside track, I’m taking notes.”
“Here’s a lesson you may want to write down then,” she says sliding down to her knees. “When a woman, let’s say me, puts her mouth on your cock she would want your hands in her hair.”
“Like this,” sinking my hands in I’m rewarded with a moan.
“Close,” she says getting even closer. Just before she seals her lips over me she orders, “Now pull.”
Literally taking her order and anchoring the back of her head, I pull her hair by the root which gets me another beautiful moan. And in my worst performance since junior high school, she sucked me down her throat for about thirty seconds before I came the hardest I’d ever have. Bellowing a long ‘fuck’ my head drops back and I could hardly breathe. No words would come. I just sat there shuddering while she licked me clean then rested her face on my thigh.
“I can do better,” I mumble embarrassed.
“You did great,” she says trailing her fingers over my stomach.
“I’m still hard for you,” I tell her grabbing my cock to keep it that way. “Tell me more.”
Climbing up to straddle me again, she begins a slow grind on my lap and whispers, “It’s better if I show you.”
“I just need you to sign off on this session,” he grunts in frustration. The fact was I wasn’t signing off on shit. He was going to earn this grade. I knew players were often passed because of their status but he was working for this, period. Pushing the paper toward me he crosses his arms over his massive chest and growled, “Sign it…”
“Kandace,” I whisper to myself. Eight weeks of sessions and he still doesn’t know my name.
“What?” he asks impatiently.
“Nothing,” I tell him moving the slip away. “Bust ass for this grade or leave, believe it or not some of us have to work for what we get.”
Looking me over I saw it when his impatience fled and that glimmer was back in his eyes. Whatever just happened he approved of. “Fine, where did we leave off?”
