by K. S. Adkins
“Where is she?” I ask her not wasting time with niceties.
“Go fuck yourself, whore.”
“Have we fucked?” I ask her. “Pretty sure if we did you’d be nicer to me.”
“Oh my god,” she groans. “I don’t know what she sees in you.”
“She say something about me?”
“Move out of the way,” she orders me.
“Here me out,” I demand in return. Just then her phone rings and when she panics I lean in to listen.
“Where are you?” she asks. “Just wait out front okay? It’s okay, Kandace, we’ll figure it out when I get there. I need the address.”
The second I heard it through her phone, I ran full tilt to my car and hauled ass to the party she was at. The party I blew off to find her. Sitting there on the porch with her head down was my dream girl alone and sad. Only this time I wasn’t the one responsible for hurting her. Picking her up from under her knees I heft up and carry her to my car.
“Not tonight, Roman, please,” she whispers. “Don’t destroy me tonight, I need a time out.”
“I’m just seeing you home,” I tell her while I buckle her in. Asking her for directions when she’s done, we’re off. Ten minutes later I’m in front of her apartment but she makes no move to get out. “He cheated on me,” she whispers.
“Who?”
“Sydney,” she says staring out of the window. “He was actually in the middle of it when I walked in. I mean, I’m easy to cheat on, I’m trusting, I don’t hover and I don’t do parties. I have ‘fuck me over’ stapled to my back.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” grabbing her hand I link our fingers and she doesn’t stop me. I was sorry it happened to her, I didn’t like seeing her defeated. But I didn’t like her with that fucker in the first place and seeing her with puffy eyes put me in a bad place. “Do you need me to come up?”
“No,” she says opening the door and the interior light showcased her tears. “I don’t know how you ended up saving me, but for what it’s worth, I’m glad it was you. Roman Peterson saves the nerd from further public humiliation; your crew will love this.” She says slamming the door. Even though she couldn’t hear me I said it anyway, “They’ll never know.” But I fucking knew and ten minutes after that, Sydney knew it, too.
Kandace still wanted me.
If the tongue fuck she gave me was anything to go by I’d say coming over was the right call. Having my hand between her legs while she rode my fingers was almost as shocking as the sounds she made when she came. Never have I heard a female come like that before. Honestly, I think she was as shocked as I was. After she put my clothes in her dryer and handed me a towel we sat down at her kitchen table to talk. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I got here but her singing and shaking her ass were definitely bonuses. Now that the hose episode was over, things needed to be said, the air needed to be cleared and she needed to let me do it.
Doing the talking in my boxers with a stiff dick wasn’t helping but the moment I found the nerve to speak it went down some. “I came here to apologize again,” I start. “Since I’m bound to do more dumb shit, maybe I should just apologize for it in advance.”
“That isn’t why you came here. Tell me the truth.”
“I told you, I missed you.”
“Why did you miss me?”
“Fuck, I don’t know how to say this, Kandace.”
“Then don’t say anything. How are you, Rome?” she asks quietly. “I mean are you adjusting?”
“A doctor,” I offer changing the subject. “You did it, you became a doctor. I never doubted it, I’ve always been proud of you.”
“I was proud of you, too,” she says looking me straight in the eyes. “You had the world in your hands, you didn’t deserve to have it stolen from you.”
When I stayed silent, she shifted in her seat then continued talking. One thing you get sick of is hearing about your own bullshit, but when she did it, it was in my defense and I appreciated that. “A lot of things about that night don’t add up, Rome. Have you thought about hiring an attorney?”
“Why?”
“To clear your name, file a suit against Michelle. We could fight to get your sentence over turned and maybe even get restitution from the state. I’ve seen my dads do it.”
“Drop it,” standing up to walk off my anger she watches me saying nothing. She’s still trying to help me but in this, there is no help, I just have to find a way to move on.
When her phone starts beeping, she checks it and tucks it in the pocket of her tight ass pants. “I have to go,” she says standing up looking like I kicked her puppy. “Let me check your clothes first.”
“Where are you going?”
“I have class,” she says leaving the room giving me nothing more. Coming back in with my clothes, she tells me she’s going up to change. While she does that I look around her house. It was clean, colorful and humble, just like Kandace. No medical degrees on the wall, just pictures of her family and friends. Noticing one from school, I pick it up and see her in a large group of friends laughing. She stood out, of course, and not just because she was tall, it was her smile.
“That was after one of your games actually,” she says pointing to the stadium in the background. “You threw five touchdowns; I almost lost my voice cheering for you.”
“These your friends?” I ask stupidly. Clearly they were I just assumed she didn’t have friends.
“They are, I still see the group twice a year.” When I don’t answer she shakes her head. “I wasn’t just a nerd, Rome. I had friends, good friends. They just didn’t run in your circle, is all. You know college itself isn’t real, the experience is, but the rest isn’t. I’ve never cared what people thought of me, but your opinion mattered for some reason. I really thought you were different but that it was circumstances and expectation that kept you wrapped up in the drama that surrounded you. I wish you could have seen it from outside your circle. I wish you could have seen what I---”
“Later, doc,” I snap tossing the picture on the couch and busting through the front door. In my car I glanced up and saw her watching me from the door with the saddest look on her face. She had no idea how much I wish I could have seen outside my circle. Shaking herself of the sadness she closes the door behind her and climbs into her own car. Backing out, I went left and she went right. Quickly turning around, I wanted to see where her class was, I wanted to see all things Kandace.
I never expected this.
To play it safe, I watched from the window (this time). Kandace, as it turns out was full of surprises and I still hadn’t told her what I came by to say.
Tonight, the theatre department set up a huge projector to watch Gone with the Wind on the lawn. Recognizing a few faces, I say my hellos and find a cozy spot underneath the tree to spread my blanket out. Around here Thursdays was a big bar night so there weren’t too many students, which suited me just fine. Sipping on my coffee, I was just about to lean back when I felt him slide in behind me. With his body cradling me I found myself at a loss for words. He’s never been this close to me before and the nearness thrilled me and scared me.
“What are we watching?” he asks stealing my drink.
“Gone with the Wind,” I tell him facing forward totally tense and waiting for the fall out.
“You like this shit, huh?” he asks keeping my latte.
“My parents love it and it wore off on me,” I explain. “It’s one of my favorite stories of all time.”
“Lean back,” he says pulling on my shoulders. “I got you.”
Yeah he had me alright, backed into a corner. Eventually I managed to relax when he asked me innocent questions about the plot and the characters. The problem with relaxing around him is that it was temporary and I found keeping my guard up was the safest way to go. At intermission he leaned in and whispers, “Everyone else is out tonight, why aren’t you?”
“I am out,” I say hesitantly. “Why aren’t you?”
> “Change of scenery,” he says tightening his knees. “Was heading out but saw you and thought fuck it, I’d drive you nuts first.”
Turning to look up at him and maybe crack a joke the reality of the situation hit me. I was holding onto his knees while his body caged me in, protecting me. This I knew, this was the Roman I always looked for. “You aren’t driving me nuts yet,” I point out smiling. Kissing my forehead my mouth dried out when he says,
“Give it time, around you I always fuck things up eventually.”
That night he didn’t fuck anything up and my heart didn’t know what to do about it.
Roman changed the game.
For the last month, I never knew what the play was going to be. I used to be able to anticipate his moves, but no more. He was wearing me down, he was being creative and dammit he was trying. Tonight was the fourth Thursday in a row he showed up to the hospital with some sort of injury. Let’s recap: the first visit since he’d been to my house was what he believed was a ruptured spleen (it wasn’t). The second was chest pains (it was Mexican food). Last week he was screaming he had a tumor (this was questionable). For a guy who didn’t have insurance he was playing an expensive game.
Tonight though took the mother fucking cake.
Glancing at the chart, I roll my eyes and hide my smile. Okay, so this was seriously adorable but he was abusing my time and I had to put a stop to it. Throwing the curtain back I look into his beautiful calculating eyes and ask him, “You threw your dick out?” I ask trying not to laugh.
“What?” he asks shrugging under the sheet. “It could happen. You need to check it out doc, I swear something’s wrong with it.”
“Yeah, there is,” I tell him. “It’s called erectile dysfunction.”
“Shh!” he says low. “That is not what it is!”
“If a male has too much sex without a break his penis like any other organ can lack the oxygen it needs to recover---“ I start but then he whips the sheet off and holy hard dick!
“Now that you’ve gotten a look, what’s the cure?”
“Cure?” I stumble and oh god I licked my lips.
“Yeah the cure for this twenty-four-hour-seven-day-a-week boner. Personally I think it’s you but, I’d like your professional opinion.”
Blinking at him then back to his dick I realized first, that I couldn’t speak and second, that I wanted to cure him. I wanted to put him on bed rest and cure him all damn day long. “Normally an inspection like this would crush my ego but you’re feeling it, doc. You need this dick in your life so I’m giving you two choices. Come back, sing to me and let me court you or, see this big dick every Thursday,” oh god he was stroking it… “Either way I’ll be inside you right where you want me.” Rushing over and putting my hand over his mouth it’s the gleam in his eyes that get me, that always get me.
“This is my job, Rome,” I whisper. “College was one thing, alright? But you can’t keep---“
“Yeah, doc,” he says moving my hand away. “I can. Stop fighting this, what else do I have to do?”
“Do? This is fucked up, even for you.”
“I want you,” he moans quietly. “I’m desperate to ---“
“Then find a notch to fuck,” I snap at him. “Why do you have to go to extremes like this? Just level with me, for once!” then my pager beeps and I let out a deep breath. “Don’t move,” I order him.
“Couldn’t if I tried,” he smiles back.
Stomping over to the nurse’s station, I see a request to treat a repeat patient. Scrolling down I see, it’s Venessa. Grabbing her chart I rush one curtain over and when I enter she looks up and smiles at me. “Sup, doc!” she says holding a bloody hand out.
Closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose I was spared from stating the obvious because Rogan did it for me.
“Yeah we heard,” he says rolling his eyes. Then even louder he speaks so Rome and anyone else listening can hear him too. “Step up your game, son!”
“Player, please,” says Rome from the next curtain over and I wanted to die. “I’ve got it under control.”
“No really, he does, doc,” says Venessa handing Rogan her phone. “While that cues up, mind stitching me up? I have a pulse in my thumb.”
“What happened?” I ask pulling my tray over.
“Sliced it good on a can of Del Monte,” she says rolling her eyes. “This is why I don’t cook.”
Cleaning the wound, numbing it and stitching took about ten minutes and the second the gloves come off Rogan was handing me the phone. Hitting play, I listen as Rome instructs Rogan on how he wanted to be beaten. With Tony and Max holding him still, my eyes went wide when Rogan attacked. Rome didn’t fight back he just…took it. The next clip was of Max doing the same and then there was Venessa…
Narrowing my eyes on her she holds her hand up and points innocently to the liar next door and whispers, “His idea.”
“Ice, Ibuprofen and rest,” I tell her. Then looking at Rogan and her both I tell them, “You’re on my list.” Before tossing the phone back.
“Doc!” she says playing the victim. “If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t want to!” It’s true, she was totally nuts but it didn’t bother Rogan. In fact I knew he approved as he high fived his wife. They really were the perfect pair.
Giving the nurse her discharge instructions, I count to ten before opening his curtain again. I cannot believe he would go to all that trouble just to see me. I also cannot believe I was flattered.
I really cannot believe I fell for it.
My tutor always lit up when she saw me. Unless I’d pissed her off the week prior or during some random meeting, she always reserved that smile for me. Pushing her glasses up on her nose in that cute way she does, I drop my books down and decided that I was done fucking around. Last week watching that movie with her did something to me. I liked being still with her. I liked that we didn’t fight but I didn’t like that she expected me to crush her every time I showed up.
That wasn’t me. I didn’t want to be that guy anymore. Holding her was the most calm I’ve felt since I was a kid. My head was always racing, my hands always moving and then when I was near her, pure calm. When I kissed her forehead her eyes closed which meant she liked it, she liked me. That’s how I knew this would work.
“Got plans tonight?” I ask casually.
“Uh,” she hedges and I can’t blame her. I’ve asked her this before and rode her about said plans. Then found her and ruined those plans.
“Yes actually, I’m going cosmic bowling on a blind date, of all things.”
“Blind as in…”
“I have no idea who he is other than he’ll be wearing a t-shirt that says ‘welcome to the dork side, we have pi’.”
“You’re serious,” I laugh. When her face falls she pushes away from the table and says,
“I wouldn’t expect you to get it. See you next week.”
Actually, I do get it.
When she came back in I had to school my features. I was busted and if I laughed she’d kill me. Although, I did feel like shit for causing her trouble at work, she needed to know I was serious. After giving Venessa and Rogan a lecture, she opened my curtain and closed her eyes in pain.
Taking a seat next to me, she pulls the sheet back, sees I’m still hard and lets out a deep sigh. “You purposely hurt yourself so that you could see me?” she asks quietly.
“Yeah, but it was her idea to take video,” I tell her pointing over to the next curtain that housed Venessa. “I just needed to be near you.”
“Rome,” she starts. “This could never work---“
“Kandace,” I whisper for her ears only, “I waited ten years to make this right.”
“Then apologize and stop---“
“I tried that but it’s obvious I hurt you a lot more than you’re letting on. I don’t give a shit about a little pain if it means I get time with you. I used to go to a lot of trouble to see you, remember that?”
“Yes,”
she whispers. “All the time, actually. But then you’d ruin it by hurting me and I’m not that kid anymore.”
“Neither am I.”
Then, smiling up at me, she peeks under the sheet again. “Unbelievable,” she says sitting back.
“Hey it’s not me, this is all you,” I tell her. “Because of you I have a serious medical condition.”
“No more visits at work,” she scolds me. “I take my job very seriously.”
“I take you very seriously,” I counter feeling very sure of myself. “I don’t mind working for it, it would be a first for me but hey---.”
“Stop it!” she snaps actually pissed off now. “I can’t believe this behavior got you laid in school. Grow up!”
“Everything got me laid in school,” I snap back getting pissed off myself. I knew better than to revert back to this but she wasn’t finding me charming and I was freaking out. “You should remember you rode my ass about it every fucking time I saw you. Never met anyone more jealous, doc.”
“I was jealous,” she says standing up brushing off her coat. “Then again, I thought you were different. Unlike you, I can admit when I’m wrong. How’d all that pussy you loved to brag about work out for you, Rome? Huh?”
“I never had any complaints,” I say throwing the notches back in her face to hurt her. “Not one, doc. I was that good. Don’t act innocent it’s not like you were complaining when you came all over my hand.”
Tossing the curtain back she got her parting shot in and I got the point, didn’t mean that I liked it though. “You’re right, I didn’t complain. Desperation does weird things to people. But I’m pretty sure there was one that stuck.”
“Knock it off, doc.” I warn her when I see where this is going. “Don’t take it there.”
“I mean it was really only one itty bitty complaint but still…”
“Don’t,” I growl getting in her face.
“I don’t know, Rome, rape sounds like a complaint from where I’m standing. Then again I just had your fingers so what the fuck do I know?”
