Motown Throwdown

by K. S. Adkins

  “I fucked her today,” I tell him, sick with myself.

  “Yeah, homeboy, you did.”

  “No, I mean I fucked her. On the floor in her place like she was a notch.”

  “She see it that way?” he asks. But when I stay silent he continues. “Guessing not, considering she came here for you. Then you fucked her again. Betcha the first time was better for her than the last. You think she’s been innocent while you been gone? Look at her man, she is hands-down gorgeous. The woman is a doctor, she knows the human body better than most people and she wanted to get drilled into the floor ‘cause it was you doing the drilling. Stow the past you want to keep living in or it’s going to bury you.”

  Slapping me on the back he exits the office and a minute after that, I did too. But I didn’t go to her place, I wasn’t ready. Walking into my grandma’s place I showed up looking for advice and wasn’t expecting to see two suitcases by the door. “Leaving?”

  “My boy is home, he’s good,” she says setting her mail aside. “I’m not needed here, you’re getting settled. I was going to head back south for a few weeks.”

  Feeling like she was casting me aside, which I knew she wasn’t, because she was the only one who aside from Kandace ever had my side, I walk over to give her a hug goodbye. “I’ll miss you,” I tell her quietly.

  “You came for advice,” she says leading me to the couch. “What happened?”

  So I told her.

  How I wanted Kandace to belong to me and only me. That I was jealous, embarrassed and confused. I explained how she was my secret and how I didn’t want to share her with anyone. At that she shook her head, which meant I was being a fool. “Boy, a woman comes to sing to you for a reason. You two have history; some good, a lot of it bad, but still she sees something in you. You don’t keep something precious secret, you keep it close and protect it but never a secret. Are you ashamed of her?”

  “No,”

  “You think she’s ashamed of you then?”

  “She tells me she’s proud but how proud can she be? I spent ten years in a cell.”

  “There you go again. You’ve been home four months, baby. Not once have you let yourself forget where you spent those years. It sounds to me like your past doesn’t shame her so why are you letting it define you?”

  “Met her parents,” I mumble. “They liked me.”

  “Of course they did,” she says waving her hands. “You don’t see yourself like I see you, or Kandace and her parents do.”

  “They said they never doubted my innocence.”

  “Then listen when people speak the truth,” she says standing up. “Because I never doubted it either.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you?” she asks but then I drop my head in shame because I didn’t. I live in a constant state of doubt. I doubted I’d ever break free of that cell. I doubted that I’d ever amount to shit. I also doubted Kandace would give me another shot. “I leave in two days, I want to see her before I go.”

  Without another word she kisses my forehead and goes back to packing. Showing myself out, I went home and down into the basement to train. I had to do something to get this rage out before I killed someone.

  Despite all the drama and bullshit that came with spending time with Roman, there was something about him that resonated with me. Maybe some of it was jealousy. Roman did as he pleased consequences be damned and I wished I had just an ounce of that in me. But since the news of his draft, he’s become even more wild, more reckless. I was shocked he even bothered to show for our sessions at all.

  Since he came to my apartment I found I didn’t have much to say. He excelled at being the bad boy, the star, and the guy I had known he could be if he just tried, was long gone. When I didn’t fall for his lame excuse that the orgy wasn’t his idea, he turned it into anger against me. His idea or not, he did in fact, participate; and no I didn’t see it. But I did hear about it, everyone with ears heard about it. Roman was given a gift, a gift he was squandering. Most of us dream of a natural-born talent like his and the only one who didn’t seem to recognize his good fortune would be remembered as the guy who fucked two girls on camera.

  After his no-show Thursday night and no sight of him on Friday either, when my brother called to say he was in town for a few days I jumped at the chance to see him on Saturday. Picking me up at home, we head out to Hopcat to have a few drinks and catch up. Gage and I have an easy relationship, always have. Friends first, we talk about everything and like my dads he doesn’t judge. I was glad to hear business was good, that he was happy. There’s a darkness about my brother that he refuses to talk about, but I feel it. If I was forced to explain what he did for a living the most I can tell you is he takes the jobs no one else would take. Outside of that, he flat out refuses to give me the details for my own safety. His motto was the less I knew the better. But over the years I spent countless hours patching him up when he claimed going to a hospital was too risky. Because of Gage, my hands-on training started early and have only improved with time and training.

  When he asked about me of course, the topic on my tongue was Rome. Gage knows who Rome is and never liked him much, okay fine, at all. We were in college together one year before he left and I had to beg my brother not to kill Rome on my behalf. Gage never had time for college drama but always had a way of finding things out. Bottom line, he didn’t like how his baby sister had been treated.

  For at least an hour he let me get it out and when I was done all he said was, “You got it bad for the wrong guy.”

  I did have it bad but I also seemed to be the only one having the problem. Outside of Lush, I didn’t know where he lived, where he hung out or even his phone number. Even if I did, I wasn’t convinced that I would reach out to him. My ego was still pretty sore from being called a secret.

  Dropping me off and giving me a bear hug, he promises to call when he gets back in town. I always missed him when he left but he we talked all the time and he made it a point to stop by often. Grabbing my mail then fishing around for my keys I was scared shitless when I hear, “Enjoy your fucking date, Doc?”

  Mail forgotten, I drop my keys, bag and all its contents to the floor of the porch. “What in the hell are you doing here?” I yell at him.

  “You weren’t at work,” he says crossing his massive arms over his massive chest.

  “Over staffed,” I snap. “You aren’t a work either.”

  “Called in, wanted to see you,” he says not bothering to help me with my mess.

  “You’ve seen me, now you can go.”

  “Who the fuck was he?” he says coming to stand in front of me. From down here on my knees, in the God damn dark all I could see were his combat boots.

  “He was none of your fucking business,” I tell him stuffing shit absently in my bag.

  “I want an answer, Doc,” he says in a menacing voice.

  My purse forgotten, I push up off the porch and go toe to toe with him. “Go home, Rome.”

  “Get me that answer before I track the asshole down personally.”

  Ignoring him, I snag my keys and push past him to head inside. My neighbors didn’t need to hear this and I needed to flick on the light to see to get my shit off the porch anyway.

  “Don’t ignore me,” he says following me in.

  “I’d have to acknowledge you to ignore you,” I point out. Cutting me off, he leans down pinning me to the wall.

  “You want me riled up and jealous?” he says crowding me. “This is me riled up and jealous. I thought you said you weren’t into black guys? He looked pretty dark to me. Got a taste so you want to see what it’s all about now? Is that it?”

  “Get off of me,” I growl.

  “I made it clear you were mine. Whatever you thought to prove by making me jealous just sealed that mother fucker’s fate.”

  “You go near him,” I warn. “You attempt to lay one God damned hand on him, I will drop you where you stand, asshole.”

  “So you care for th
at guy?”

  “Damn straight I do. You don’t fuck with my family.”

  Releasing me, I push away from him. Slamming the door behind me doesn’t stop him from coming right back in. “The fuck do you mean, family?”

  Losing my steam, I plunk down on the couch and drop my head into my hands. “You just threatened to kill my brother, Rome. Which is funny if you knew him, so just leave before this gets any worse.”

  “Shit,” he says leaning against the door. “You should have said so.”

  “Maybe I like secrets too,” I counter.

  “Will you let me explain that?”

  “No.” I snap. Then he starts taking his shirt off which confused and delighted me.

  “What are you doing!” but the anger wasn’t present because I was too busy panting.

  “You only listen when I’m naked, so I’m getting naked,” he says sliding his pants down. “You should try it.”

  Why I laughed I’ll never know but, I did. There were times where he was the angry ex-con trying to figure this new life out; then there were times like now, that he was that cocky college boy who stole my breath.

  More and more I try to find her to spend time with her but outside of our sessions she gives me a wide berth. Not that I could blame her. I had a habit of insulting her but it was only because I didn’t know how to be nice to her. Today was our second to the last session and I didn’t want to graduate, to say goodbye knowing I’d be moving and she’d be here without me. Pulling up a chair next to her, I hand her the coffee I bought her and handed her my last quiz.

  “You scored a 97?” she asks dropping her pencil. “Oh my God, Roman, you did it! A 97!”

  Her pride in me was humbling. I stayed up until four am to get that 97 and it was worth the sleep deprivation. The look she was giving me now made it all good.

  “I busted my ass for that grade, Teach. You proud of me?”

  “You sure as hell did!” she says jumping up and out of nowhere she did the unthinkable. She fucking hugged me. Bringing my arms around to hold her closer, she clears her throat and I see her pale cheeks blush. “I’m very proud of you,” she whispers fixing her shirt. “One more test then the big exam before graduation, you’ve got this.”

  Too bad for me I never made it to the final exam and I never got to see her pride for me again.

  I was buckassed standing in her living room.

  Her desire for me, my body was thick like a fog. Breathing it in, I dialed my own lust back to explain myself. Sitting next to her I wanted her in my lap, straddling me but that had to wait. “My grandma wants to meet you tomorrow before she heads back south, I’m going to need you there.” I tell her giving her no time to think it over. “When you tutored me I looked forward to those sessions on Tuesdays like I look forward to hearing you on Thursdays. For one hour a week I had your undivided attention. I made you laugh, I made you uncomfortable and none of my boys were trying to fuck you. You were my secret. Had my clique known about you, they would have fought over you, played you for a piece. I thought of you as mine. I didn’t talk to the guys about you but I compared every notch to you knowing they wouldn’t measure up. The night I said that shit to you… what I should have said was not one bitch in that place was on your level. Not one of them had shit on you. If I had been a bigger man, I’d have told you how I felt, showed you off and woke up in bed with you. But I wasn’t a man back then, Kandace. I was a boy and I’m sorry that I made it a point to find you when no one else was around. I didn’t do it because I was embarrassed of you or some shit, I did it because I didn’t want to share you.”

  “Jesus,” she whispers looking confused and devastated.

  “I’m fighting a battle I can’t win,” I tell her. “I’m no good for you, right? But I want you anyway, I’m a bastard like that. I’ve got so much shit at war in my head. Freedom, starting over, my fucking past and finding you again. I have zero to offer you but I don’t care about the rest of that shit if I’ve got you.”

  “I can’t fix those things for you, Rome. Adjusting will take time, ridding yourself of the anger will too.”

  “Before I was locked up I was a cocky boy,” I tell her taking her hand. “I became a man in prison. I’m not that arrogant baller anymore. I had no one to look out for me, watch my back. You know what they do to rapists on the inside? I’m a product of my environment now, Kandace, except now I’m out here. In there I knew how to survive, now… I don’t have a clue, it’s day by day. When you ask me how I’m adjusting the truth is, I’m not.”

  “How can I help?”

  “First, I need you to understand that I protect what’s mine by blood and fist. No one touches or takes what belongs to me, especially you. I’ll never get those years back but I am trying to have a better future. I want to do everything, make up for lost time but I don’t know where to start.”

  “Hold that thought, I’ve got an idea,” she says leaning forward to kiss me. Pulling her onto my lap and breathing her in I tell her, “I love your idea.” Wishing I’d told her I loved her instead.

  Wasting no time, I stand her back up to undress her one piece at a time. When she makes a move to slide her thong off I growl, “Leave it on.” Biting her lip, she leaves it in place then straddles me again. Using my thumb like she showed me, I slide the material aside and start working her. Letting her head fall back, I nuzzle her tits before sucking on a nipple.

  “Now,” she begs.

  Grabbing my cock, I line it up with her and watch as she swallows me. Groaning at the pleasure, I plant my hands on her hips and let her fuck me. The feelings she brought out in me were animalistic. That primal urge was there bearing down on me. The one where I mark her, claim her and bind her to me. When her hands come to my shoulders I tell her to lock her legs up and then do something I’ve wanted to do since the first day I met her.

  I wanted to own her ass.

  Waking up to soaking wet sheets was my Wednesday morning ritual. After seeing him on Tuesdays I would wake up the following morning with my hands between my legs, screaming his name. Thank God I lived alone. When I dreamt the things he did to me were filthy and my height was an advantage. No guy has ever done to me in real life what he does to me in my dreams, not even close.

  Picture this.

  My hands linked around his neck, my legs wrapped around his waist while his cock is buried inside me. Oh this wasn’t the show stopper that happened when he leaned us forward, stood up then bent at the knees to fuck me with only his strong arms to hold me up.

  I’m a big girl, I was heavy and I knew it. Clearly he didn’t notice because even if he did, he didn’t give a shit. Biting my lip sends me into a spiral of screaming his name and when we crash back down to the couch he’s there covering me with his big body.

  “Was I too heavy? Did I hurt you?”

  “You’re not heavy,” he says thrusting up hard. “I could fuck you like that for hours.”

  “Hours?”

  “Want to test me?”

  “Actually, yes,” I tell him digging my nails in.

  “I find your g spot yet?” he asks.

  What was it with him and my g spot? “No,” I tell him gripping his ass. “It doesn’t have a sensor on it.”

  “Christ,” he moans into my mouth. “Finding this thing is a two-man job.”

  Wanting to laugh but needing to come I arch up and when he puts one leg over each shoulder and pounds me, it happened quickly and violently. Following my lead he pulls out and comes all over my belly in loud grunts. Falling next to me, he pulls me into a tender hug and kisses me softly.

  “Rome,” I whisper.

  “Yeah?”

  “You do know the girls in college probably faked it, right?”

  “I’m figuring that out,” he says on a sigh.

  “Rome?”

  “Yeah, babe,” he says sweetly.

  “I won’t ever fake it.”

  Minutes later we’ve both recovered enough to sit up. Watching as he lounges on my c
ouch I feel something click into place, like it was meant to happen this way.

  “Stay there,” I tell him with a smile. “I’ll be right back.” Running upstairs to change, I come back down wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a soft smile.

  “You still have it,” he says not believing what he was seeing. “Or what’s left of it.”

  “I’ve worn it to sleep every night since you’ve given it to me.”

  “Jesus,” he says running his hand over his face. “Turn around,” Doing so, I know he sees his name and number there. “Why?” he asks tracing his last name across my shoulders.

  “Because I’ve always had a thing for you, Rome.”

  “I treated you like shit.”

  “Not always.”

  When he pulls me back into his lap, I go easily, happily. “You’ll meet my grandma tomorrow?”

  “Yes, but I should probably tell you that I already know---” I try explaining but couldn’t.

  “Cool,” he says cutting me off and covering me up. “I’m going to grab a drink and get your shit off the porch, you want anything?”

  “No thanks, I’m good, but I need to tell you---”

  He was gone for about two whole minutes before he comes back holding a letter meant for me. Scratch that, a letter he opened that was meant for me. This led to a whole different discussion and I never was able to finish what I needed to say.

  She wanted to know if I would stay in Philly during the off-season to which I didn’t have an answer. Philly or Detroit were fine with me depending on my schedule. That’s when it hit me that she was probably leaving too and I didn’t like that. I wanted her here where I could see her, have her around.

  “What about you?” I ask her. “Will you stay local?”

  “My family is here,” she says with a big smile. “But I have a dream to work with doctors without borders at least once in my life. If they accepted me I would do that until something else opened up.”