Motown Throwdown

by K. S. Adkins

  “I was hoping to kill you,” he says looking over at me.

  “Sorry to disappoint,” I offer sarcastically.

  “You should be sorry. At the very least we should fight. Did she forgive you?” he asks.

  “I’m not fighting you,” I tell him. “And I think she did, I mean she’s here. When she wakes up you’re leaving, if you don’t we will fight.”

  “Whatever,” he says getting back to the game. “Make sure you feed her, she’s too skinny.”

  “She’s perfect,” If he so much as upset her about losing weight I’d club him to death for it…

  “I know she is,” he growls back. “Making sure you knew.”

  “We done bonding now?” I ask rolling my eyes.

  Laughing at me, he looks over and sees her watching us. “There she is,” he says with his face lighting up for her.

  “How long was I out?” she asks rubbing her eyes. They talk for a bit but he kept his word and left which was good because in a fight I’m pretty sure against him, I’d lose. Seriously, there was something ‘off’ about that guy.

  “You’re better than him,” Gage says wiping the tears from my eyes. He found me crying on the side of the house and like always, was there when I needed him most. “Forget he exists. For fucks sake, sis, erase the guy from your memory. He’s in there fucking another girl right now, it will never be you, Kandace. Be glad it isn’t you.”

  “I c-can’t,” I wail into his shirt. “I love him.”

  “Don’t waste that love on that piece of shit. He’ll never love you when he’s too busy loving himself.”

  “He’s not always like that,” I whisper hating that after the massive blow he delivered verbally that I’d still defend him to my own brother. “You don’t know him like I do.”

  “He should never be like that at all! Christ, you’re eighteen and he’s a whore. There’s a guy out there for you---“

  “I can’t help who I love, Gage!”

  “Just let me kill him,” he says pacing. “Swear to God, he comes within five feet of you I will fucking destroy him.” Then we were both spared any further arguing when the cops arrived and we watched as Roman was led away in handcuffs.

  “There,” says Gage holding me up. “That’s the mother fucker you fell in love with.”

  He took me to his place which I appreciated. Had we gone to mine I would have felt the need to dust, check my messages and make a grocery list. Now I’m on his couch with a pillow and blanket waiting for him to come sit with me. Only he must have taken more than sixty seconds because once my head hit that pillow, I was out.

  I could hear his voice, smell him all around me but I couldn’t open my eyes so I snuggled in deeper. He was talking to someone on the phone, I could smell food in the kitchen and finally I heard music playing softly. Still, I was happy where I was because I knew he was close by. His fingers ran through my hair, over my face and down my arms. He told me he loved me often and then I heard another voice, a voice that didn’t belong here.

  Opening my eyes right away my body felt heavy, rested. Craning my neck back, I see my brother Gage sitting next to Rome, playing video games? Red alert!

  “There she is,” Gage says winking at me.

  “How long was I out?”

  “About seventeen hours,” says Rome coming over to me.

  “I love you, big brother, but you being here is freaking me out.”

  “Rome and I are besties,” he says getting back to his game.

  “Uh huh,” I say sitting up. “Don’t bullshit me, spill it.”

  “I’m great, thanks for asking,” he says shutting the game down. “You, little sister, look like shit. You’re too skinny and seriously pale. No spray tans in the desert?”

  “We can’t all have the skin color you two have,” I say rolling my eyes because really, they both did dark brown really well.

  “What’s going on, Gage?”

  “We’ll get to that later,” he says leaning over me. “See you at dads tomorrow, we’ll talk.”

  “Dammit, Gage, don’t leave---“ I snap after he kisses me on the forehead. Walking out you didn’t even hear the door close or his truck start up. Gage, I swear had the ability to be invisible if he wanted, always had. If he didn’t want to be found, you were shit out of luck. Playing hide and go seek with him as a kid sucked for me. One day my dads were going to find out what he was hiding and they were not going to like it.

  “How long has he been here?” I ask Rome as he hands me a glass of orange juice.

  “About six hours,” he says kissing my temple.

  “I should probably explain Gage to you,” I try.

  “I already know,” he says softly. “We’re cool. But I don’t want to talk about him, I want to talk about you. How do you feel?”

  “Fine,” I begin but then I was off the couch and in his lap.

  Burying his face in my neck, he’s quiet for a bit before he coming back to face me. “You’re really here,” he says touching my cheek like he can’t believe it. “God I missed you.”

  “I missed you too,” I tell him leaning into his hand. “You didn’t make me go though, I chose to. I may have used it as an opportunity to do some good but I ran away and I’m not proud of that.”

  “Stop letting me off the hook,” he says leaning me back to stare me down. “I fucked up, not you. My mind can’t even comprehend what the fuck was going on in yours when you fought to save her life knowing she’s all I had. I know you tried, Kandace I knew then too. I just… Look in my eyes, see it for yourself, I’m at peace.”

  I couldn’t look anywhere else if I tried because it was true, the pain normally etched around his eyes was gone. Leaning forward and kissing each lid, I press my forehead to his and whisper, “Helmet to helmet.”

  “I never forgot that. You got my ass good that day,” he says on a laugh. “Doc?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Tell me.”

  “I love you, number twenty nine.”

  “God damn,” he whispers into my lips giving me soft kisses. “I love you, Teach.”

  Running my hands over his forearms I asked him what some of the ink meant on his left arm. My name, I understood, and was of course, swooning about it. The music notes made sense as did the stethoscope but it was the art that wasn’t about me that I wanted to hear about. Twisting, turning and pointing he explains it all. From wanting redemption to forgiveness to a second chance it was all there in symbols and script. Each piece was phenomenal and powerful like he was. Here was an innocent man who lost ten years and a football career and never once did he cry foul. He’s dealt with anger and regret, of course, but never has he hosted a pity party. Roman Peterson lost his young adult years but was making these new years count. I have never been so proud of him. In truth, had we never had this time apart he may not have felt the need to do this, it took losing me that got him to take that first step.

  “It’s your life,” I say tracing it. “What a life, Rome. I love it, this is you.”

  “Wake up,” she says running her fingers through my goatee.

  “I’m up,” I mumble pulling her to me. “You okay? Need something?”

  “No,” she says resting her head on my chest. “Okay, yes, I do.”

  “Tell me.”

  “I love you, Rome,” she says quietly.

  “I meant tell me what you need.”

  “Oh,” she laughs. Then sliding her hand down my stomach and resting it on my cock she says, “You, I need you.”

  This morning she broke down in the shower. It didn’t last long, about five minutes or so but it wasn’t because of our past bullshit it was because of her time overseas. When I asked her if she wanted to talk about it she went for it. I listened in the shower, while she dried her hair, ate breakfast and driving to get coffee. Sitting outside with our drinks she unfolds two pieces of paper and hands one to me. “You were with me for this one, remember?” she asks showing me the picture of her I could never forget. “Nicky was the
first. Flip it over,” she says pointing. On the back of the drawing were names and dates. Dozens of them. In dark black ink was even my grandma’s name too. “Here,” she says handing me another piece of paper. She had hand written hundreds of names and their meanings. She was with every one of these people when they passed and her bravery humbled me.

  “It never gets any easier,” she sighs. Then taking a sip of her coffee she puts her head on my shoulder. “I’ll never forget any of them. I’ll remember every one because, I loved them all.”

  “I need to say something chicky,” I tell her.

  “Chicky?” she laughs. “This should be good.”

  “Every time I look at you I don’t think it’s possible to love you more than I already do. Hell, it makes no sense but it’s true. I think I love you too much.”

  “If you’re expecting me to complain about that, I’m not going to,” she says looking out over Woodward. “Love is the greatest gift there is, Rome. I know because I love you too much too.”

  “Do I still have to take you to Whole Foods? I hate that joint.” I grunt kissing the top of her head.

  “A couple that suffers together stays together,” she says standing up and offering her hand.

  In a moment of seriousness, I reach for her sliding one arm behind her back for support then leaning her back so her eyes are on mine. “No more suffering,” I tell her. “For either us, Kandace. From now nothing, I mean fucking nothing comes at us that we don’t handle together. We know what suffering feels like, we’ve had enough. Promise me we don’t let it happen to us ever again.”

  “I promise, Rome.”

  “Good, now let’s get this nightmare out of the way so we can get you to your dads.”

  Okay now the Whole Foods Throwdown, I’m going to let her tell you about. Because I can’t fucking do it with a straight face.

  “Kandace please!” she says banging on my door. “It wasn’t my idea! Let me explain!”

  Whipping the door open and standing in the hall in that fucking t-shirt he gave me (glutton for punishment for life!). I throw her into the neighbor’s door and hold her there with my forearm in her throat. “Did he force you?”

  “N-no,” she whimpers.

  “Did he just walk up to you and ask you to fuck?” I ask through my tears. “Did you even consider what this would do to me?”

  As she cries I push away from her disgusted with my behavior. Disgusted that I considered her a friend. “H-he wanted---“ she tries but I slam her back into the door and scream in her face.

  “I don’t want details! Walking in and seeing you in bed with him was enough!”

  “You were there?” she asks genuinely shocked.

  “Walk away, Trina,” I warn her. “Or I will hurt you.”

  “He asked to crash on my couch after a party, Kandace, I didn’t sleep with him. I swear!”

  “Go fuck yourself, liar!”

  “I’m telling the truth! I wanted to, I even tried, but he told me no and then I passed out, that’s it! When I woke up he was still on the couch!”

  Okay, so I didn’t see that one coming. Backing away I processed it, called up the details and it did make some sense but then her last confession registered and it ruined her chances of a Christmas card from me this year.

  “Did you just say out loud that you wanted to fuck him? That you tried but were shot down? Did my one-time very best friend just stand here and tell me that had he been willing, she would have fucked the guy I wanted for myself? The guy I cried over? The same guy you swore you hated?”

  “I-I-I----“ she says trying to slide down the wall.

  Getting in her face I whisper, “Run, Trina,” before smiling.

  No, I didn’t chase her down. It wouldn’t have mattered if I did. She was screaming so loud security was on her in seconds thereby ruining my vengeance. Roman, I decided, really knew how to work me up and still I couldn’t hate the guy. Shit.

  Whole Foods is not my idea of a fun day but I promised my dads I’d grab the items for bean dip and this location was the half way point between Rome’s home and theirs. Taking my hand, he pulls me through the aisles quickly forcing me to stick to the list. Lucky for both of us, it didn’t take long and we were in line to check out in under twenty minutes.

  “This ass,” he says squeezing it secretly. “Missed this ass.”

  “We need a countdown,” I announce proudly.

  “For what?”

  “No,” I correct him. “Not for what, to what. A countdown for how many hours until we get back home and---“

  “I tap that ass,” he says nodding his head in victory.

  “Precisely,” I giggle. “Four hours,” I say starting the timer in my phone.

  “A four-hour stiffy is doable,” he says loading our food on the belt. “Your dad’s won’t like looking at it but they’ll deal.” Laughing while helping him, the cashier asks if we have any coupons to which we both say ‘no’ in unison.

  Getting out my debit card and stepping in front of the keyboard she says, “Kandace?”

  Looking up I see her and let out an audible ‘ugh.’

  “It’s been a minute,” she says sizing me up. “Yeah, about five million two hundred and fifty six thousand of them, not counting leap year.” I offer waiting on my total.

  At a loss, her heads snaps to Rome when he lets out a laugh. “You two are together, huh?” she asks me without making eye contact.

  “Just tell me what I owe Trina.”

  “Twenty nine even,” she says watching us like a tennis match.

  “It’s our lucky number,” says Roman smacking my ass which gets a squeak out of me.

  Running my card through, she bags our items and hands me my receipt. “You look happy Kandace, I’m glad.”

  Handing the bags to Rome and not caring about the people in line hearing me I say, “You look fat, Trina, and I don’t give shit what makes you glad.”

  When Rome lets out a howl, I felt my cheeks get warm. Putting his arm around my shoulder he keeps laughing all the way out to the car. “I bring out the best in you,” he says smirking.

  “That’s debatable,” I say buckling my belt.

  “I didn’t fuck her,” he says several minutes later.

  “I know.”

  “But when did you know?” he asks taking my hand.

  “Why didn’t you?” I ask him. “She wanted you. An easy notch, you would say.”

  “She was always running her mouth about me, talking shit. Sees me at that party and was all about me, I didn’t like it. Shit, I never liked her, period. I asked her about loyalty to you and she said, Kandace wouldn’t notice because she’s too busy studying.”

  “Figures,” I mumble feeling foolish again. Everybody loves to pull one over on the girl who studies!

  “She wasn’t a friend and I needed you to see it for yourself. Trust me, back then, outside of you, I didn’t have any real friends either and knew what to look for. I also needed you to see the real me because hurting you was never what I was about. I figured if I crossed that line you’d forget me and find someone better.”

  “Yeah, except that wasn’t the real you and I couldn’t forget you if I tried.”

  “I’m loving you too much again,” he says kissing my knuckles.

  “Oh just shut up and drive,” I tell him acting annoyed.

  “Sing for me,” he asks when we pull in into traffic.

  Clearing my throat and softening my eyes, I sing a track I knew he’d love. A track that’s had his name on it for years, Lily Allen’s Fuck you. When I finished he threw his head back and laughed. I happened to love it when he laughed.

  “How long have you waited to do that?” he asks running his thumb across my bottom lip at the red light.

  “Only about two hundred and fifty six thousand ----“ I start but he kisses me to shut me up.

  “It was worth the wait,” he says kissing my nose before the light turns.

  Escorting me in and never leaving my side, I sp
ent that afternoon with all the men in my life. We ate, laughed, played football, told dirty jokes and when my timer went off Rome threw me over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry then stuffed me in the car. Waving through the window, I see the approval in my family’s eyes.

  A family that loved Rome like I did.

  Unconditionally.

  “You’ve got an in with the Doc,” says Jules handing me my cash.

  “I’m not pulling favors for you, Boss,” I joke with her. Then she got serious.

  “She’s my friend, Rome, I have a handful and you know their names and faces. My friends are my family, I kill for them and that includes you. But what she did for me I can never repay. I’m here, Bishop’s here because of her. Don’t ruin this, Rome, don’t fuck with my sister.”

  “I learned my lesson, Boss,” I say pulling her in for a hug. “I won’t fuck this up.”

  “Good,” she says moving away. “Cause I’d hate to kill you.”

  Hospital policy was a mandatory leave of absence for rest, testing, and fucking. Okay, so I added that but she did have to take time off. Thirty days minimum, to be exact. When I started full time at Second Chances I put my notice in at Lush with everyone’s blessing. I still stopped in on occasion, but I never stayed long. Without her there singing to me, I couldn’t do it.

  While she’s on leave, I took some time off from work too. I was still doing my mentoring sessions but outside of that I wanted that time with her. Gage has been around more which makes her happy. Turns out he’s a good guy but I’m telling you as a guy who spent ten years behind bars, he was into some shit he shouldn’t be. He was too cautious, too diligent and hiding something.

  Kandace knew it, said she always did. But her dads didn’t and she said it has to stay that way. After the three of us had dinner, he asked to speak to us in confidence and let’s just say neither of us liked his vague I was never here bullshit.