Balk

by Joy Eileen

  This was one of those times.

  Reaching over, I pulled her on my lap and kissed the top of her head, breathing in her hair. Finding Renee hunched over the toilet was the greatest thing to happened to me. Not only did I find a best friend, I got Norah.

  There was going to be a day when Renee would find someone and we wouldn’t be the three amigos anymore. Renee giving Brian this sliver of a chance showed me changes were eventually going to happen. With that in mind, I squeezed Norah before turning her so we were face to face when I answered her.

  "Squish, I'm not sure how this is going to turn out. The only thing I can tell you for certain is you never truly know what's going to happen. Your mom has been having so much fun raising you she didn't want to waste time on anyone."

  "I don’t think she thinks Brian’s a waste. I like Brian. He's nice and talks to me on the phone when he calls Mommy. Do you think Mommy thinks he’s a waste?"

  "No, I don't think she thinks that. Your mommy’s going to have to find friends and he seems like a good start."

  "Why does she need to find friends?"

  "Because your little brat butt didn't listen and you grew up. Even though I specifically told you not to. You're going to kindergarten in August and your mommy will have more free time."

  "I'm sorry I grew up, Aunt Kenna. I tried not to. I even asked the Internet woman how to stop growing up, but even she didn't have the answer." Norah’s eyes were wide from the possibility the Internet didn’t have the answers she needed.

  "Well, then I guess there really isn't much to be done about it. If she doesn't know the answer."

  Norah giggled and pushed my cheeks together, kissing my puffed out lips. "Are you avoiding my question about Brian being my new daddy?"

  I grabbed one of her hands and bit it lightly, making her squeal. "Yes and no."

  "Well, give it to me straight."

  "I've noticed you’ve been asking a lot of questions about your dad lately. And I'm assuming it’s because you see dads picking up your friends at school."

  Norah nodded, all her attention focused on me, and I wasn't sure how to proceed.

  "Your mom and I told you before it’s a good thing your dad isn't in the picture. He wasn't the greatest person and I'm going to tell you I'm certain you’re the most amazing thing he has ever done. But he wasn't meant to be your daddy. People come into your life with different roles, and his only role was to give you to your mommy."

  Norah smiled and snuggled into my chest.

  "Now I'm not sure what Brian's role will be. That’s the thing about life. The only answer you have is you don’t really know anything. I can tell you, he’s the first person your mommy has taken any sort of interest in. So if he's just in her life to be her friend, to get her out to meet other people or something else, we’ll just have to wait and see."

  "Are you okay with Brian coming over?" Renee asked as she sat down on the couch, bending over to kiss Norah on the top of her head.

  "I like him, Mommy. He's nice to me and you smile and let out your nervous laugh when he's around."

  I snorted, loving her honesty. Renee grabbed Norah and settled her on her lap.

  "Do you have any questions for me?" Renee questioned.

  "No, Aunt Kenna answered most of them. I'm good for now. I'm going to get my tablet. I'll be right back." Norah jumped off her mom and ran down the hallway.

  "Is this too soon? Am I making a mistake?" Renee's eyes pleaded with mine for any reassurance I could give her.

  "Renee, you're a great mom, friend, and clothes designer. But you're kind of awful at everything else."

  Renee hit me on the shoulder. I winced, my sore muscles screaming. Trip had been making me pitch just as hard as Claire and I was glad we only had half a practice today so we could rest for the game tomorrow.

  "Gee, thanks, Kenna."

  "Let me explain. When you had Norah you threw your whole life around her, which is perfectly normal. But you forgot how to do other things. I was so proud when you started sewing Norah's clothes, because you were doing something for you. You smiled more when you started your business. I think you’re beginning to find Renee the person and not living as Renee the mom all the time."

  "But I am a mom all the time. I should call him and cancel."

  I rolled my eyes when she continued to stare at me instead of getting up and grabbing her phone. It was obviously an idle threat and she needed to be convinced she wasn't doing anything bad.

  "You're not going to cancel. Unless you really want to, and it’s for any other reason besides fear. You've talked to him every day and he makes you happy. I trust your judgment and so should you. You have the power as to where this will go. You decide how fast or slow or what direction you want to try to take this. Use the force, Renee."

  Renee laughed and tossed a pillow at my head. "You're right. It's not like he’s proposing or anything. We're friends. If I don't stop overthinking this he’s going to run away before I can push him away. I can be friends."

  "You're an excellent friend."

  "So what about you and Trip? Are you two friends?" She wiggled her eyebrows.

  "Coach Butler is just that, my coach." I pushed the pillow into my stomach and hugged onto it.

  "What's going on? You two seemed to be getting along so well when he came over to drop off Dora."

  "That's just it. We were getting along fine, and then he just went cold on me. During practice this whole week he helped me with my pitch, but it was different. There’s no joking around anymore."

  "Oh, Kenna, I'm sorry I've been so busy with getting this deadline done and with Brian—"

  "Stop, it's fine," I cut off her apology. "It's stupid. I think I put too much thought into it because I've been crushing on him so long. The first practice, I don't know, I thought we clicked and it was the same the first time I did his treatment. Even breakfast was so natural."

  "But?"

  "But when he came in for treatment the next day he barely said a word to me. Even at practice he doesn't talk to me unless he has to. I'm wondering if I was imagining something that wasn't there."

  Renee scrunched up her forehead and stared at the wall. I didn't say anything while she thought; it would be useless. Until she figured out what was running around in her head she wouldn’t talk.

  "I don't think you were imagining it. I saw the way you two interacted at breakfast. I saw something there too. I know you, and I don't see you pretending to feel something that isn't there. Maybe something happened that he isn't telling you."

  "It doesn't matter. He's my coach. It isn't like there can be anything between us anyway. Hell, what am I saying? He's freaking Trip Butler." I hugged the pillow tighter and took a deep breath.

  "I'm telling you there's something else going on."

  "Yeah, I have a feeling that something else is a beautiful girlfriend who drops him off and picks him up at practice and his PT appointments every day," I grumbled.

  “What? You didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend,” she squawked.

  “I didn’t know. I saw her pick him up after his second PT appointment and she has been picking him up and dropping him off ever since. Maybe she’s the reason why he isn’t talking to me. Maybe he’s in love with her.” My stomach clenched at the thought.

  "Is she going to be here tonight?" Renee asked, glancing at the door as if Trip and the beautiful blonde would walk through in that second.

  "I don't think Trip will be here tonight. He hasn't mentioned it and I wasn't going to bring it up at practice, or PT. Can we please drop it? I don't want to think about it anymore. I just want the season to be over with and then I can focus on my career. I don't even know why I'm still on the damn team."

  "Because you can't let anyone down. It's not in your blood to disappoint people. You can't say no, which is weird you weren't more popular in high school."

  I opened my mouth and Renee put her hand up to stop me.

  "Yes, I know your personality is not ingrained in y
our blood. Please, don't explain it to me. My brain’s tired and I don't need any more thoughts."

  I smacked her with the pillow and got off the couch.

  "Where are you going?"

  "To take down all my Trip posters," I answered her.

  “That’s very mature of you,” Renee commented to my back.

  "Why are you taking down all your Uncle Trip posters?" Norah asked, lying on her stomach, half watching her tablet while I removed my shrine.

  "Because it's time to grow up."

  "Are you going to kindergarten with me too?"

  "Ha-ha, squish. It's time. Now that I know Trip, I think it's time for me to find another guy to be your uncle. He didn't quite measure up."

  "I'm sorry, Aunt Kenna."

  Norah's tiny arms wrapped around my middle and held on tight. My nose burned as hot tears crowded my eyes. Her candid show of sympathy caught me off guard.

  "No need to be sorry. I know your uncle’s out there somewhere."

  "Yeah, but I know you were hoping it would be Trip. It sucks when people aren't who you thought they were."

  "Whoa, that's pretty deep for a four-year-old."

  "Well, I'm almost five."

  I tackled her on the bed and tickled her, blowing on her belly and forgetting all my problems to the sound of her laughter. A knock on the front door stopped my assault.

  "Brian's here." Norah bounced out of my room and ran toward the living room.

  I took the last poster down and folded it with the rest. A knock on my door pulled my attention. Trip stood leaning against my frame, a smirk on his face.

  "Whatcha doing, Raine?"

  My whole body exploded in heat. He had a hat shoved on his head, putting half his face in a shadow of sexiness. His plump lips curled in amusement broke out of the darkness. His replacement was going to be impossible to find.

  "Nothing," I stammered, grabbing the stack of posters and shoving it in my top drawer.

  Trip's eyebrow quirked up and his smile ratcheted even higher. "It doesn't look like nothing. Your whole face is bright red. Were those pictures of me?"

  My mouth dropped open and I glanced back to make sure my drawer was fully closed.

  "I'm kidding, McKenna."

  "Oh," I answered, wanting to crawl under my bed and hide. He hadn’t said a word to me unless necessary the whole week, and now he decided to invade my space. I tried to convince myself to act cool.

  "Am I bothering you?"

  "Are you talking to me?"

  Way to act like you don't care, Kenna.

  Trip blew out a breath and ran his hand over his mouth. I watched in amazement at the man with more swagger than every player in the ABL acted unsure. I crossed my arms over my chest and raised an eyebrow.

  "I'm...well."

  My eyebrow rose even higher as he attempted to stutter out some weird form of explanation. I leaned on my dresser and Trip began to pace my room. He moved until he was right in front of me and stopped.

  "I'm trying to change."

  "So you don't talk to me anymore?"

  "No, yes. Hell, I don't know."

  "What's going on, Trip?" The stress on his face released all my anger and insecurities he brought out by ignoring me. It may have been because I’d stalked him for so long, but I felt a connection to him, and I wanted to help.

  With another big sigh his eyes locked on mine. "After the accident I almost lost my biggest sponsor.”

  “And that has to do with me?”

  “No, but kind of. I told myself I was going to change. No more fucking around and acting like a douche.”

  “Well, if by ignoring me all week is your way of not acting like a douche I think you need to get a dictionary and read the definition.”

  The remaining stress around his face smoothed out when he smiled down at me. He took off his hat and shoved it on my head, letting his dark hair make its presence known.

  “I’m fully aware of the definition of douche. Although I’m sure you’d be able to give me a full history on the evolution of it.”

  “Well…”

  “I was kidding, Raine. Damn, you have a way of getting me off track. Okay, so when I almost lost them I decided to make some changes in my life. I didn’t want to be seen as the playboy ballplayer with no depth. Do you see what I’m getting at?”

  “Kind of. I understand you want to overhaul your reputation, and to be someone you can be proud of. I don’t understand why that involves giving me the cold shoulder.”

  “Because I’m your coach.” The way his eyes drilled into mine showed those four words should have explained more than I was catching on.

  “And?”

  Trip looked up at the ceiling and let out an exasperated breath before bringing his attention back to me.

  “I like you, Raine.”

  “I like you, Trip. Even though you’re really bad at explaining yourself and your situations.” My stomach flipped at his words, but I forced myself not to read too far into them.

  “Coach Mae reminded me that I’m your coach and I need to be careful around all of you.”

  “It’s not like we’re doing anything wrong. You’re my friend, Trip. If Brian and Renee keep hitting it off like they are, we’re going to be around each other a lot more.”

  “I know that, Kenna. I just don’t want to get you in trouble. I have a really bad reputation, and if people catch on that we’re hanging out they’re going to assume the worst and they’ll drag you down. I can’t do that to you.”

  “Have you met me? The walking stat girl. You have to know I don’t care what anyone says about me. If you want to be friends then let’s be friends. Really, there’s nothing they can do to me.”

  “If they say we’re more than friends you could get kicked off the team and not walk during graduation. Tabloids have a way of changing reality to get a bigger story. They can make your life hell.”

  “Bring it. I’m a big girl. I can make my own decisions. If you want to be friends I’m willing to risk it.”

  Trip tugged the bill of his hat further on my head. “I’m glad you said that even though I shouldn’t be. I’ll admit I felt like my IQ was dropping being around you and not hearing any random facts being spouted off. We need to be careful, though. My behavior’s already under a microscope. I won’t lie. I really want to be your friend. You make me laugh and I feel relaxed around you. But this is a bad idea.”

  “Then we’ll be careful. I’m going to help you become the best Trip you can be. Ask Renee, I’m a really good friend.”

  “I’m glad you agreed to stick around. I have a feeling you’re going to help me become the man I want to be. I just hope I don’t ruin the girl you are. Gwen’s going to hate this,” Trip said, throwing me a smile.

  “Who’s Gwen?”

  “She’s the PR lady the team set me up with. She specializes in turning athletes’ reputations around.”

  “Is she the woman who has been dropping you off at PT?”

  My heart sped up and I tried to stop it from being too obvious. Trip just asked me to be his friend and here I was getting excited he was single. So I’m not as good of a friend as I thought I was.

  “She is. I just purchased a new car and I was waiting for it to get detailed. Gwen offered to drive me around until it’s ready. That way she could drill into my head the dos and don’ts of changing my reputation.”

  “And let me guess. I’m a don’t.”

  “You’re a huge don’t.”

  The smile Trip sent me looked nothing like a smile you’d give a friend. Without thought I took a step closer, unable to fight the pull. His eyes dropped to my lips and I almost groaned when his tongue peeked out.

  McKenna Raine, stop it now.

  “Okay, friend. Are you ready to eat?” I asked, blinking to pull myself out of the spell.

  Trip was right. He needed a friend. I refused to be the girl who ruined his new reputation. He asked me to help him, and I was going to do just that. Even though it meant I’d
have to ignore the searing look he just shot me.

  McKenna, the fucking best friend to Trip Butler.

  Chapter Six

  I’m going to kill Trip Butler with my bare hands. That thought brought a grimace smile to my sweaty face. It was the seventh inning and I’d been pitching since the fourth. And it was all Trip’s fantastic idea.

  Claire struggled the first three innings, and when Trip pulled her aside, stupid me assumed he was providing her some inspirational mumbo jumbo to get her ass in gear. When Claire’s eyes narrowed and landed on me I knew I was wrong.

  I stared at the back of Trip’s head, while Claire gave me the evil eye, trying to push my thoughts into the back of his thick skull. Why could they make a pill to give an old man a boner, but they couldn’t make a pill to allow you to talk to people with your mind? Just another way life was unfair.

  “Raine, you’re in. Hoffer, you’re benched.”

  The team let out a collective gasp at Trip’s order. All eyes hit me before ricocheting to Coach Mae, waiting for her to take back Trip’s words. Claire had been the starting pitcher for three years and the team loved her. Trip had just ripped that away and handed it to me.

  Yay! For making me the bad guy.

  “You heard Coach Butler. Raine, are you ready?”

  With a numb nod I found myself in the middle of the softball diamond with an aching shoulder and a deep hate for Trip Butler.

  Two more outs were all I needed. My shoulder throbbed in protest at the thought, but the trusty thing held strong with the knowledge it would help strangle a sexy douche soon.

  “Strike three you’re out!” the umpire screamed to a mixture of boos and cheers.

  “Time.” Trip’s word rang out over the crowd as he jogged toward the mound. His hat was pulled down low, his mouth the only thing visible as he moved closer toward me.

  “What can I do for you?” I ground out, the ball tight in my hand.

  “Come on, Raine. Don’t be like that.”