Balk

by Joy Eileen

  I let Trip’s words circulate through my system. He was right about Dr. Bert. In fact, I purposely kept my conversation with Dr. Bert a secret from Trip.

  “Whatever happens is going to happen. I don’t want you to have to live a lie just to protect me. If you haven’t noticed I’m quite intelligent, and I can adapt to what’s thrown at me.”

  “I’m going to pretend to be with Robin until you graduate. That way no more rumors can hurt you or your reputation. You’re my best friend, and I’m going to do everything I can to protect you.”

  “Why don’t you date someone you want to date instead of this sham?”

  “Because I don’t want to date anyone right now. I want the right girl.”

  “Aren’t you the self-proclaimed bachelor?”

  “Things change. I see how happy Brian is with Renee. I think it would be nice to have something like that with the right girl.”

  “Trip, I’m not going to tell you what to do, but it really isn’t necessary. What are you going to do after I graduate, just dump Robin?” My throat was doing its best to close as I tried to choke down the words he just shoved down it.

  “Trust me. I don’t want our friendship to get ruined over something I can prevent.”

  My heart wanted to soar at first when he said he wasn’t seeing Robin officially, and he was doing it to protect me as a friend.

  But my soaring heart plummeted realizing there would be a day when Trip really would be dating someone. He truly wanted to shed his bachelor status. The sliver of pain I felt today would be nothing compared to what I’d feel seeing him with someone he truly cared about.

  “I know it’s not necessary, but it’s the only thing I could think of to keep you out of the tabloids. I care about you and I don’t want to see you get hurt. You’re too much of a nice person to handle what they would do to you. I’m not going to change my mind on this, so you might as well just say thank you and move on.”

  “Thank you, mighty friend.”

  “You’re welcome.” Trip chuckled before sighing. “I tried to tell you this all day, but you play a pretty good game of ignore your friend.”

  “I was busy. I wasn’t ignoring you.”

  “What did you do today?”

  I wanted to smack my forehead at what I’d just done. Somehow I had set a trap for myself and just stepped in the snare.

  “Let’s see. I had breakfast with Renee and Norah, had lunch with your parents, played a shitty game of softball, and watched my best friend accept a proposal from your best friend.” My words rushed out until they almost blended together.

  “Wait, you had lunch with my parents?” Trip turned so he was leaning on his elbow.

  His eyes were wide in the darkened room. My heart sped up, having him leaning over me in almost a lovers’ embrace. I swallowed hard, trying to get my dry mouth to work.

  “They invited me to lunch. We had some things to discuss.”

  “What kind of things, Raine?”

  I frowned, not wanting Trip to know how his parents acted toward me the first time I met them.

  “If you don’t tell me I’ll call them. Actually, I’ll call Harley. She’ll tell me.”

  “Fine. Your dad really loves you.”

  “And?”

  “Well, when he found out you were hanging out with one of your players he was upset. He was afraid with me being around, you were making bad choices. He only wants the best for you, Trip.” I placed my hand on his shoulder when I saw his jaw tense up.

  “He shouldn’t have said anything to you. You’re my friend and if I want you around, I’ll have you around.”

  “He made a good point. Man, you two are so alike. Look at the extreme you went to protect me by pretending you’re dating Robin. He was doing the same thing; he’s protecting someone he loves. I mean, not that you love me,” I added, feeling my cheeks burn from the blood rushing into them.

  “McKenna—” Trip’s voice was soft, his southern accent sounding like a dream.

  I cut him off, not wanting to know what he was going to confess. “Your parents invited me to lunch to apologize. Your sister corrected their assumption that Gwen was the one helping you turn your reputation around. Harley made it seem like it was me and they wanted to thank me. I corrected them and told them it had nothing to do with me and it was all you. After we ate and they told me embarrassing stories about you when you were a kid.”

  Trip groaned but then his face turned serious. “McKenna, it is you who has helped me turn my life around. Being friends with you has made me want to be a better person. The tabloids were right, you know. I was running from a very enraged husband when I got into my car accident.”

  “Trip, you don’t have to tell me. And I may be helping you along the way, but I don’t want you to pin your change on me. I never want you to resent me. At no point in our friendship do I want your change turned back on me, where you tell me the only reason you’re the way you are is because of me. I refuse to take the responsibility.”

  “That will never happen. But can’t you see, that’s the same reason I’m dating Robin? I never want you to resent me for getting you kicked off the team, or messing with your graduation dreams, or anything else. You’re still so young and have so much to look forward to.”

  “Well, I don’t want you to resent me for this Robin façade either.”

  Trip smiled and traced his calloused finger over my jaw.

  “I’m not going to resent you, McKenna. You’ve changed my life for the good.”

  I opened my mouth, and he put his finger on it to stop my words.

  “I wanted you to know about Robin because I refuse to let some miscommunication get in the middle of us. There are things we need to talk about, but those will have to wait until you have lived your life to the fullest.”

  “Like what?” I asked around his finger.

  “You’ll see, Raine. Just trust me.”

  I gazed on his perfectly shadowed face, as more heat simmered throughout my system. A tiny bit of hope that maybe Trip had feelings for me that weren’t friendship surfaced, but I tamped them down. We were friends. He mentioned the word many times. I just needed to accept it and stop buying into my stupid fantasies.

  “No more talking tonight. Go get your phone so we can listen to the rest of the book.” Trip winked and my breath caught.

  With clumsy limbs I got off the bed and grabbed my earphones. Trip took one and I took the other. We fell asleep side by side, immersed in a fictional world where magic was real.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Raine.” Trip snuck up behind me, making me jump. “Whoa, where was your head at just now?”

  “I’m just sleepy,” I snapped.

  Practice was early since Trip would miss the next four because he was attending Pappies’ training camp. He wanted to get one more in before he had to leave.

  “Are you going to miss me?” Trip whispered right before we walked into the locker room, making it impossible for me to respond.

  The truth was, I would miss him, a lot. Renee was slowly moving her stuff to Brian’s. She and Norah had been staying there even more than before.

  Every time Renee would mention the wedding my heart broke a little more. She was unintentionally shredding it apart piece by piece.

  The only person keeping me somewhat together was Trip. The nights he wasn’t at a function with Robin he was over at my house, making me forget I was alone. When he was out with Robin we would text back and forth, making my empty house bearable.

  “Good luck, Butler.” Coach Mae hugged Trip and a pinch of jealousy was sprinkled across my nervous system.

  “Thanks, Coach. Don’t let my pitchers slack off while I’m gone.”

  Trip’s head shot toward mine before going back to Coach Mae. I rolled my eyes as I resisted a smile.

  Cocky bastard.

  “I’ve been interviewing a new pitching coach to take over when you go back to the Pappies permanently. I thought I was going to have more time.
I should’ve known you weren’t going to stay away from the field. When you come back, I’ll introduce you two. I figured the last week you’re here, you can give him the rundown of what you have been working on with Hoffer and Raine.”

  Trip grabbed the bill of his hat and pushed it up and down, before settling it back on his head. I unlaced my cleats slowly, wanting to overhear.

  Coach Mae hadn’t mentioned she was interviewing new pitching coaches. I didn’t know why it came to such a shock. Trip was healing faster than expected, and sooner rather than later he was going to leave us to go back to his dream. Hearing the words out loud left a sourness in my stomach.

  “Replaced that easy, huh?” Trip joked, his voice scratchier than normal.

  Coach Mae pushed Trip on the shoulder. “You know you can’t be replaced, Butler. I wasn’t naive enough to think we’d be able to keep you the full season. I’m just looking out for my players. Remember I knew you when you were little. There’s nothing that could keep you away from the pitching mound.”

  Trip let out a strained laugh. Coach Mae continued talking, but my ears refused to work. I couldn’t handle any more reminders that Trip was leaving. In the locker room I grabbed my stuff, not bothering to change, and jumped in Dora.

  After rereading the same paragraph four times and not comprehending any of it, I set my laptop down on the couch. When I got home I showered and threw myself into studying, but not even my books could get my head out of the fog it was stuck in.

  When a knock sounded on my door it was a welcome interruption. I would even settle for a Jehovah Witness wanting to explain their religion to me. Anything to get me away from my thoughts.

  “Harley, what are you doing here?” I asked, pulling the door open when I spotted Trip’s sister standing outside.

  “I’m here to pull you out of your funk. Or something along those lines.” She shrugged, walking toward the recliner and plopping down as if she had done it a million times before.

  “I took a shower. I assure you there’s no funk,” I teased, unsure what was going on.

  “Trip called and asked me to make sure you had fun today. The cocky bastard thinks you’re going to be sad since he’s away at training camp. I told him he was an asshole to think you wouldn’t be able to function without seeing him every day. But I came over anyway, because I’m Bruce free today, and I wanted a girls’ day. What do you say?”

  Harley spied my open computer on the couch and bit her lip. “If you’re studying, I can come back another time. I don’t want to bother you. It’s just Trip said you were alone and without Bruce I kind of got carried away.”

  “A girls’ day out sounds great,” I assured her, running over and shutting my laptop down. “I’ve been studying like a mad woman. Getting out is just what I need.”

  Harley clapped her hands together. “Yay! I’m so excited. My parents have Bruce for the rest of the day, and honestly I didn’t know what to do with myself. When I wiped the kitchen counters for the third time I knew I was in trouble.”

  “Good, then we both need this. Let me go get dressed really quick and we can go.” I walked away, happy Trip had sent Harley here as distraction. Before I entered my room I yelled over my shoulder. “No wiping the counters down while I get dressed.”

  Harley’s laugh bounced off the walls as I threw on a pair of shorts and a Pappies T-shirt. Harley didn’t comment when she noticed I was wearing her brother’s team. I had the urge to run back and change.

  “I’ve been a fan since I was a little girl. I had this shirt before I met Trip.”

  The need to defend my wardrobe choice was out of guilt. If Trip, or his family realized how deep my crush for him ran, or how long I’ve had it, they would make him run, and honestly I wouldn’t blame them.

  “I wasn’t going to say a word,” Harley said, putting her hands up as if she was surrendering. “Maybe there was some truth to Trip sending me over here while he’s gone.”

  “Stop, or I’ll go back inside and you can go back to polishing your kitchen,” I threatened, pretending to turn back to my apartment.

  “I’m kidding. Please don’t leave me. I’m not fit to be alone. I need supervision.”

  I laughed, hopping into Harley’s Highlander. “Where are we going on this girls’ day out?”

  “Well, I thought we could start at the tile store and pick out new tile for my kitchen. When I was cleaning the counters I noticed the floor really doesn’t match. Then Bruce needs some new shorts, so I thought we could hit the mall.” Harley tried to keep a straight face, but she was just as bad as her brother.

  I nodded my head, actually fine if those were our plans. I really didn’t care as long as I was out of the house, and Trip was somewhat stuffed in the back of my mind.

  “We could also go and pick him up a new mitt for t-ball,” I added.

  “Manis and pedis first?”

  “I think I could make an exception. As long as we hit the tile store next.”

  “Deal.”

  “So what happened with my parents at lunch?” Harley asked as we soaked our feet in the warm water.

  I let the massage chair work its magic as I turned my head toward Harley. She had another gigantic smile on her face, and I rolled my eyes at her.

  “I have a feeling you already know the specifics.”

  “I do, but I want to hear it from you,” she confirmed.

  “Your dad apologized for what happened at the t-ball field and explained it was you who showed him the light when it came to me.”

  Harley nodded. Somehow her smile got wider.

  “I explained it was Trip who has changed himself, and I’m just here to support him as a friend. Then we had lunch, and your parents told me stories of Trip when he was younger.”

  Harley’s eyes went wide as if she was trying to get me to say more. When she figured she wasn’t going to get any more details she stuck her tongue out.

  That night I slid into bed thoroughly pampered. Harley had gone all-out on her day without Bruce. I smiled, happy I got to spend time with Trip’s sister.

  My phone alerted me of a text just as I was about to drop off to sleep.

  Did Harley wear

  you out? Did

  you have a good

  time?

  I had a great time.

  Thank you for setting

  up a play date for

  me. How was

  practice?

  You’re welcome.

  Practice was good.

  I’m exhausted.

  Make sure to ice

  your shoulder.

  Get some sleep.

  Icing right now.

  Good night, Raine.

  Night, Trip.

  “Where are you going?” I asked Heather, our catcher, when I noticed she was getting dressed.

  “We’re going to sneak out to the bar next door. Do you want to come?”

  “No, I’m going to stay in and get some sleep.”

  “Okay, I’m going to crash with some of the other girls. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Don’t miss the flight,” I told her as she opened the door to see if the hallway was clear.

  Heather waved before she slunk out to meet the other girls for a night of debauchery. I didn’t blame them for wanting to go out and celebrate. We had a shutout away game today and they deserved to let their softballs down.

  My shoulder and every other part of my body was stiff from pushing it to its limits. Having the hotel room to myself with an abundance of ice from the ice machine was my kind of night.

  Throwing on a pair of sweats and my hoodie, I climbed under the covers with my teeth chattering. The ice bath was a necessary evil, but I couldn’t convince any part of me that was true. I turned on the TV, but I couldn’t concentrate as warmth started to seep into my muscles.

  I grabbed my phone and noticed a text waiting for me.

  Good game today,

  Raine. I’m proud of

  you.

  Thanks.<
br />
  Be sure to ice.

  I just got out of

  an ice bath. Now

  I’m trying to get

  Warm.

  Cuddle up with

  Cheeks. I’m sure

  she would like that.

  Haha. The girls snuck

  out to celebrate.

  I’m going to have to

  rely on the good

  old-fashioned way of

  blankets and heaters.

  Do you want to come

  up to my room?

  I was no longer cold. A rush of heat lit up every vein, as my heart pumped the liquid lava around. My fingers shook as I typed him back.

  Sure, we could

  finish our book.

  Top floor room

  714.

  Fancy.

  It’s good to be

  me. Hurry up.

  In the same manner as Heather, I peeked my head outside to make sure nobody was lurking about. When I was positive it was clear, I dashed toward the stairwell, not wanting to risk the elevator.

  My knees felt wobbly as I made it up the stairs and to Trip’s room.

  It’s just Trip, McKenna. Stop acting weird. This isn’t any different than if he was at your house.

  Even with my little pep talk, I still had to wipe the sweat from my palms before I went to knock on his door. My hand didn’t have time to connect with the door, Trip opened it and pulled me inside, shutting it firmly behind him.

  “What took you so long?”

  “I took the stairs. I didn’t want to get caught.”

  Trip smiled and pulled me farther into his room.

  “Holy shit!” I exclaimed when I noticed the view.

  Trip was right. It was good to be him if this was the type of room you were given. The sunk-in living room had black marble floors with a large comfy looking couch. The wall was a giant window showing off everything the city had to offer. On the side was a kitchen and two doors leading to the other rooms.