Let It Burn

by Dee Ellis

  “To be honest, Sara....I know maybe I should stay away. I met her half an hour ago and I want to know everything about her. I see she’s hurting. I know this city, the library, it’s all new to her. If I thought I could pretend I felt nothing, I would say you don’t have to keep me away. I would stay away. Sara,” I took a deep breath and spun the beer I hadn’t touched between my fingers, “I can’t pretend I didn’t feel something. The minute...when I saw her and Charli looked up at me, I knew. Just like Deacon knew with Gwen.” My chest filled, something inside me winding tight around all the important parts of me.

  “Cage. Promise me.” Sara’s voice was soft, affectionate once again and I nodded instantly.

  “I won’t hurt her. I don’t...I don’t know what it is. What about her makes me feel.... she has what I need, Sara. Like Gwen always said. I saw in her what I need. I want to be what she needs. Just...tell me what I need to know.” Sara emptied her beer then took mine, downing half of it and coughing.

  “Two more. Cut me a slice, Cage.” Sara laughed and so did I as we shared a look, the tension gone at last.

  It was getting late and the pizza was gone, our table littered with empty beer bottles. We tore through the pizza and a few beers quick before I slowed us both down. We were there for reason, after all. Info about Charli. Which after starting her second slice and third beer, Sara was ready to start sharing.

  I felt like I should have had a pen and paper, taking notes. Sara and Charli had just met, but she knew plenty. Before Charli had come to Chicago, the two had spoken for almost two months in frequent emails. Which explained the intense reaction Sara had at the thought of my hurting Charli. Sara insisted the job interview where they had finally met was a formality at best.

  The job, the cottage, they had always been Charli’s. If she had wanted them, Sara said. I was damn glad she had taken the job and the pushy offer Sara made with the cottage. My dad had wanted to rent it, true, but he was in no hurry.

  One talk with Mom and Sara and he was already talking to Regan about possibly needing to furnish it and working up to ask me to do the rest.

  I learned as I finished a second slice of the saucy deep dish pizza, Pop had taken less than usual for rent, too. Apparently the minute he met Charli, she had charmed him too. No surprise; seemed there was just something about the woman.

  While Sara refused to sell Charli out and divulge anything I asked of her, I got the basics. Charli was from Iowa, a small town where everyone knew everyone else and all their business. The baby of three children, with two older brothers, she had once been very close to them all. There was a lot of loss there, though Sara said Charli didn’t talk much about it.

  Her mother had passed when Charli was a teen and somehow Charli had taken over in her absence. Running a family business and looking after the family. Both brothers had fought in Afghanistan but this was another topic Charli was tight lipped about. More loss, I was sure.

  Not only did she enjoy to read, which Sara did confirm saying she always had at least two books on her, she had once been an aspiring writer. It too, had somehow been taken away from her.

  The career change, the move, were all because Charli couldn’t take the stifling press of her small town. Locking up the family business and hauling her cookies to Chicago had been her way to escape. So it was not just me Charli was running from. Sara hedged around my questions about a man in Charli’s life, but I knew there had been one. There was not one now.

  Didn’t matter to me if there was; I wanted Charli and nothing was going to get in the way of that. Not even the ghost I could tell by Sara’s hedging was definitely there. Something or someone Charli had lost that she maybe hadn’t let go yet. I knew she had started to though. That was why she was here, working at the library and about to move into the cottage.

  “Think she’s moving in tonight, finally. Regan was going to meet her at the library so the girls could see how she likes the place. Charli will love it even if it’s empty; fell in love with the place the minute she laid her pretty little eyes on it. Looked like a girl with a shiny new toy all her own.” Off and on, Sara’s liquor did the talking for her and I had to laugh.

  “Regan went all out; new everything. Think Parker pissed her off about something and doing the cottage was her therapy. Pricey way to punish him.”

  “Girl does her best work when she’s in a fit, though. If it weren’t exhausting it’d do her good to be riled up all the time. Make herself a mint.” We laughed because one thing my family was known for was being passionate.

  “Isn’t that the truth? I hope Charli likes what we did,” I was kicking myself in the ass for missing it, but I hadn’t exactly been invited, “Not done completely actually; I have a few things left to finish up.”

  This was an absolute fucking lie and I had no idea why I even said it. I was going to say the same thing to Pop and my sisters, and Charli too, if it came up. A back up plan in case I had to use the cottage as an excuse to be around her. After seeing Sara home, thanking her for indulging me about Charli and once more promising to be careful with her, I headed home.

  I thought about dropping in at the cottage and had my cab drive by, the urge to go up when I saw the lights on overwhelming. I imagined her inside, unpacking her things and making the place hers. I wanted to see what that meant. I never told the cabbie to stop.

  Mr. Belvedere was not pleased I came without treats but a little attention, a few scratches under his chin and he seemed more forgiving. I spent some time going over the list of kids who had signed up for my mentoring. Five altogether, which was both exciting and nerve wracking. More people I didn’t want to let down.

  I read the packets they had filled out, giving me basic information about them. Names, ages, grades and a few reasons why they were interested in firefighting.

  With each packet I went through, I made notes about how to talk to them, how to make sure I gave them the information they needed.

  It also gave me something more solid to focus on than Charli. Helped calm my anxiousness about being near her again. If only just a little.

  1

  Somehow all the prep I had done for this first session with the kids and Charli didn’t seem to matter. I was running late, with no excuse because I lived just blocks away from the library. I didn’t really think I could tell Charli I had a rough time sleeping because my night had been spent having very vivid, very intense dreams about her.

  About her full, sexy mouth wrapped around my cock as she knelt before me. My hands tangled in all her honey brown hair. Those eyes looking up at me, gray and stormy and full of need. About my face between her legs, tasting her citrus sweet pussy like it was all I could ever want to eat. In my dreams, it felt like she could feed me just her sweetness and I’d be plenty satisfied.

  No I was fairly certain telling her how I had to take myself in my hand in the shower, envisioning her full hips and plump ass bent over for me and that soft sound she had made helping me come was a bad idea. It had made me late and then the minute the library came into view, I was consumed with need and anxiousness.

  Just the idea of seeing her again, of being near her and smelling her sweet perfume was intoxicating. Thank god I made notes and had worked on my prep for so long last night. Otherwise I was fairly certain I’d make a fool out of myself. I didn’t want her to run and I didn’t want to let her, the kids or Pop and Sara down.

  Before I headed upstairs to the atrium, I had managed to calm myself down. Had thought enough about the kids and what I had to do to sooth whatever Charli had raging inside me. To ease the throbbing erection that threatened to embarrass both me and Charli.

  Just because I wanted her didn’t have to mean I had to act like a fucking teenager. I knew she was aware of how I had reacted to her yesterday. I hadn’t exactly been subtle about my attraction to her.

  I knew because she ran away the first chance she got. Today, there would be no running away. We had five kids to work with, and Charli had no choice but to stick with
me for a while. Besides I could sense the program mattered to her, so whatever I wanted from her didn’t matter right now.

  “Hilarious, Marcus,” A sweet, husky laughed followed this as I reached the atrium, “A comedian I see. There’s always one, huh?”

  “I do bring the jokes,” A young man, tall and more muscled than his young voice projected was beaming up at Charli, “I love to see the ladies smile.” As I watched he winked at her and she gave a reprimanding sigh.

  “Rein it in, playboy. Jade, Britney, you both brought the forms, right? Thank you ladies. I think Mr. Cooper should be here....”

  Without meaning to I had moved close to her side, pulled in by her sweet voice and the banter with the kids. The girls flushed when I nodded at them before I greeted the other two boys. Jackson and Devon smiled and snickered at the girls’ obvious reaction.

  I had been surprised by two female names on my list of sign ups. I had hoped they had a real interest in the job, in learning about becoming fire fighters or even EMT’s.

  Instead it was clear they were here for something else. Their hair and makeup done, too tight sweaters and skin tight skirts way too short for the fall weather told me that. At my side, I felt heat and realized I had moved closer to Charli than was likely appropriate.

  “Charli. Good afternoon,” Doing my best to ignore the racing at my chest and the buzzing in my ears at being close to her again, I smiled gently, “Sorry to keep you all waiting. Where do we start today, Charli?” I liked the flicker in her eyes whenever I said her name.

  Charli was as stunning as the day before and it was an assault to my senses. I hadn’t believed she could be so beautiful. Thought perhaps I had conjured her perfection up.

  No, here she was absolutely fucking perfect. With all that lovely hair piled atop her head, this time in a neat twist and bangs again, her face turned up to me.

  I decided I loved her in her glasses, wondering if she wore contacts and hoping she didn’t. They suited her and were sexy as fuck. In a skirt that I approved of for all the leg it exposed and a sleeveless vest top, she should have looked like a proper librarian. Still all I wanted to do was get her alone in the stacks and do everything improper I could think of.

  “Afternoon, Mr. Cooper. Cage. Well the kids have some questions they had to prep for you; Miss Elderry expects some interaction from them. Then it’s your show to lead, Cage. Whatever you want.” I groaned inwardly at her choice of words as her sweet citrus scent filled my lungs.

  “Well then let’s get down to the Q & A, huh?”

  Charli hesitated for a moment and I realized I was still close to her. Too close for me to think clear. Before I knew what I was doing, I was touching her. When I pressed my hand to the small of her back, we both started. This thing, this electric fired thing between us, scorched through me when I felt the warmth of her beneath my fingers.

  As I watched, her mouth parted, gray eyes darkening and she gave me that sound again. It went right to my cock and my groan wasn’t silent this time. Charli swayed and I knew it was the same for her. The kids moving towards a section of the Atrium Charli had set up for us broke the moment.

  Blinking at her as I realized we had eyes on us, I nodded towards the section waiting for us and she cleared her throat. I followed after her, adjusting myself discreetly as I went. The section was made up of seating set around a low, square mahogany table.

  I smirked when I noticed Charli once again had snacks and drinks spread out for us. The kids were seated already, taking up the club chairs and one love seat. Which meant Charli and I would share the love seat facing them. Awesome. As I watched, Charli carefully folded into one corner, crossing her legs demurely beneath her.

  “Round robin,” I suggested as I sank in close to her, not close enough to warrant unwanted questions though, “Shoot one at a time and I will answer the best I can. Go ahead, Marcus.” I nodded to the young man, the flirty comedian.

  Though I was hyper aware of being so close to Charli, I focused on their questions. Most were basic, wondering why I had wanted to be firemen, what my station was like, if I was ever scared.

  Some were thought out, Devon having great questions about how long EMT courses were, if other schooling helped. Jackson asked about drawbacks to crazy schedules versus the benefits offered by the city and how tight nit the community of fire fighters was in Chicago.

  It was great to interact with them and talk about their interest in the job, in the life really. Of course the girls’ questions let me know I had been right about their assumptions; they had little to no interest in the job at all. Their flirtations were more unsettling than flattering. Eventually when I kept my answers short and pointed, but still polite, they grew quiet.

  After the questioning, I asked a little about each of them. They were all juniors or seniors and I knew the basics from my files. But I wanted to know about them, about why they were in the program and what they wanted to get out of it.

  Even the girls opened up then; I learned about their schooling and how they were all doing. How fun and motivating the programs Sara and the library offered.

  I knew soon enough Jackson was very serious about this mentoring program, because he had big aspirations. Devon did too, but he had a lot less faith in himself. I decided right then he would be who I paid close attention to. He wanted things for himself but doubted he could achieve them. If I could help him at all, I would be doing my pop and Sara proud. I wanted that; for Devon as much as me.

  “Charli,” Britney spoke up, sitting forward when the questions began to slow, “What about you? Feels like camp and we’re playing 20 questions. You’re going to be part of the program too, right? Tell us about you.”

  Well shit, I think I had a new favorite person. Britney was so open and her question so earnest, I knew she liked Charli. I thought perhaps I had little to do with her being here today after all.

  Shifting to face Charli, all of us waiting for her response, I was anxious. We had spent the last hour talking about ourselves while she had been mostly quiet. Charli had contributed, asking questions for each of us to elaborate or laughing with us.

  It had not been enough for me. I had felt her the entire time, close enough for me to feel her warmth and smell her sweetness. But I had been good. I had somehow shifted closer to her as if I couldn’t help myself. We weren’t quite touching. The electricity coursing between us like an invisible current made it feel like we were.

  “Oh I didn’t know I had to play too,” She was smiling and seemed so full of light I was breath-taken, “What do I need to share?” Her eyes swung to me.

  For a moment I held her gaze and everything that coursed through me in that moment was startling. Desire, need, panic, excitement, fear, one after another sharp emotion burned through me.

  At my chest, something tightened and then bloomed wide open through me, like she was literally the sun to me. Waking me up and letting me feel things I never even realized were possible. I was aware of every single thing about her in that all too short moment we shared.

  Charli was excited. In more ways than one. Face flushed a lovely pink; her beautiful eyes were less gray and more silver, like a stormy ocean. Bright with need. Her bangs fell into her eyes when she bowed her head and hid a smile or a laugh from me. The pulse of her thudding heartbeat strummed at her slender neck.

  She leaned into me now instead of pulling away. Her knees angled toward me, one foot bouncing. I saw she had kicked her shoe off and I could see her cute, tiny toes. They were painted pretty pink at the tips.

  When she smiled, she bit at the corner of her lip, as if not wanting to share it with us yet. Sitting beside me, she was anxious and switched on the exact same way I was. She had stopped pretending long enough to let me see.

  “Whatever you want. It is your turn though.” Marcus smiled at her and I knew he liked her and I ignored the burn of jealousy that ignited.

  “Seems fair, then. Today is exactly one week and one day of my being in Chicago. I am from the
Midwest. Which means I have been employed as a librarian exactly,” Charli glanced at her wrist, she wasn’t wearing a watch, and looked thoughtful, "five days, I think? However, I acted as one for about a hundred years back home. In a previous life I ran my mama’s bakery; I might bring in some sweets to prove I can handle myself in the kitchen. Show you guys what home cooking is like. What else?” My eyes circled the space before landing on her; we were all completely enraptured. No surprise there.

  “Why Chicago? I love lemon, if you make sweets, Charli.” Devon smiled a bright, toothy smile as we all sat forward for more.

  “Why not Chicago? Its close enough to home at the same time its far enough away. Besides, I loved the movie,” Charli seemed to come more alive the more she talked, it was fucking beautiful, “also, hot dogs. I hear they have the best in the world so...someday I’d like to walk these stacks, and know I’ve read all the books I could manage and maybe, see my name on a few of them.” I knew now she was perfect; so funny and bright and snarky when you least expected.

  As she spoke I realized she tempered sincere, honest things about herself with humor. Made me think the sadness that haunted her had no chance. There was no doubt she was a fighter. She wanted to be happy, to laugh and experience life. But Charli wasn’t used to living despite her pain and loss.

  That was why Chicago; she could experience all the world had to offer for herself. Without the stigma of loss or pain bringing her down. Because here, there was so much loss and pain, no one would think twice when they saw hers.

  Except I had. The minute I saw her pain, I felt everything except what she expected people to feel. I didn’t pity her or want to save her from her sorrow. I wasn’t drawn to her sadness and it damn sure didn’t define her. I just wanted her to laugh and be mouthy and fucked up and imperfect. More importantly, I wanted her to do it with me.