Let It Burn

by Dee Ellis

  It was warm and sunny that morning, light pouring in buttery and yellow on us both. We had shared breakfast, me wining points for serving her in bed, talking about our families. About me, about her. Shared things I was certain we never thought we’d share with anyone else.

  Charli had been bright and open, as excited about us as I was. Often she watched me like I was changing her life just like she was changing mine. We talked about the future, careful about that topic but sitting in that sunlight with her, I knew she would be in mine. Just like I said. Food forgotten, I pinned her to the bed and slid inside her, a swell of intimacy so strong pulsing inside us both, emotion stung my eyes.

  I made love to her for hours. Not fucking, not dirty talk and rough hands and bites meant to mark her as mine. I settled deep inside her heat and held her close as I took her. Really claimed her as mine. Showed her without words that would scare her what I meant. I loved her. I was so fucking in love with her and my chest tightened at the memory. Because when I looked into her eyes, I saw it.

  Charli was in love with me too. Seeing her want me had done things to me. Powerful, carnal things. As I took her as mine, sinking into her in slow, delicious thrusts that left us both shuddering as we came together, seeing the love in her was indescribable. Every single part of me was alive with it. Welcoming the ache of need and want and love she gave me. Now I just wanted to tell her, to show her, for her to never doubt it.

  It was too soon and I knew that. The rational part of me argued it was lust speaking. Testing that was why I had spent an entire weekend fucking her. Endlessly and literally all over that house, every single chance we got, I tested that truth.

  It was flawed because I loved cooking for her, watching her cook for me. Waking up with her and watching her do her routine, which was cute and clearly a strict regimen for her. Waiting for her in bed each night and holding her all night. Watching her sleep with my arms around her and my name on her lips. That was what had counted this weekend. That was what I really craved. That magic, sweet as Sugar pussy was just a bonus.

  “Hey bro-seph. You need to go see your girl-soon-because I’m having withdrawals for you.” Finn had been relentless since I came back from Charli’s. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear he was as excited about us as I was.

  “Yeah I do,” I grumbled as we rode behind a blaring ambulance, my head throbbing from the sound that had been endless the past two days, “I’m going fucking insane after seeing her every single day. Might rip that fucking siren off the wall if it keeps up like this. I need time with my girl.”

  Though we had texted frequently and I never missed that text after a call like I promised, it wasn’t enough. I spoke to her a few times on the phone and I could tell she missed me too, so that made it better. Monday I had tried to get to her place long enough for a quick dinner, but no luck. The minute I started to head to her place, a call came in.

  Charli said she understood and I was glad she hadn’t planned dinner with me or I would have felt like a dick. Now it was late Tuesday afternoon and I was grumpy. The rain wasn’t helping it because I knew she loved the rain. Charli said it let things breath again. Also she thought it was erotic so I had plenty of visuals about the rain pouring around us as I fucked her so I could breathe again.

  “Go see her after this,” We were headed for a fire call and I was antsy and knew I had to rein it in and focus, “you been a miserable fuck all day. I need it as bad as you do; I hate when you get like this. Well...I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this, but...you’re a downer right now, bro-tato-chip.” Running my hand over my wet hair and down my face, I sighed and apologized.

  “I know, man I’m sorry. If I hadn’t seen her every single day since we met it might not be so hard. I kind of doubt that, but it sounds good, right? Jesus now I know why Pop’s such a dick sometimes. All work and no Gwen makes Deacon a dull boy, apparently.” Finn laughed and I joined in, knowing I was hard to be around right now and no one deserved it.

  “Explains a lot. How serious is it with Charli Doll,” I cut him a look and he cleared his throat, “oh shit...so it’s like that? Like, it’s really like that.” Finn watched me for a moment and it seemed like he was processing what he saw.

  “Abso-fuckin-lutely. Call me on my bullshit all you want. I was waiting for her. I fucked my way through enough mistakes to know when it’s right.” Finn sobered and a heavy hand came at my shoulder, a squeeze showing he understood.

  “Lucky you. Lucky her too. Time to take her home to Gwen then, huh?” Mom was without question the matriarch of the family.

  Not only was she an amazing mother, there for all the ups and downs, she was a wise woman who knew good when she saw it. We all had her on a pedestal, not just Pop and my sisters; everyone who knew her. Sara and Mom were as thick as thieves, had been since Sara first fled Ireland.

  Even she, as strong and impressive as of woman as she is, made no secret her quiet awe of Mom. Of her strength to raise four strong willed, diverse children. All while being a wife to a man who, though devoted to her, was often preoccupied and even distant.

  Gwen tolerated his distance but when it was too much, she lassoed him in and reminded him he was a father, a husband. I think Pop loved her even more for how she ran things, himself included, always taking charge and making her presence felt.

  It was important that my Mom liked her. More important than the girls or Pop liking her. I knew I was ready to take her home and tell them, tell the entire world I was in love and Charli was it for me. What I was not ready for was my close knit, loud, opinionated and overbearing family to scare her away or worse, hurt her.

  Charli losing her mom left her fractured. The loss of Tucker and the distance I knew was there between her and her brothers made my family converging on her worry me. Mom would no doubt pick up on it right away; on that sadness.

  I didn’t want either of them to think I wanted Charli because I wanted to fix her. I wanted her because I didn’t want anyone else fixing her. I wanted her just as beautifully broken and imperfect as she was right now.

  After a fire that was bigger than I expected and took most the lunch hour, I was more anxious to see Charli than ever. I hated to think of her home alone all night while I was at the fire station just blocks away. My twenty-four hour shifted ended at ten and I could go be with her. That was too long away and I wasn’t the only one aware of it.

  The minute we got back to the station, after a quick stop at the library that proved fruitless, Finn told me to cut out early. It was barely six and I refused, but man I wanted to. Lola had taken my sisters’ book for Charli; my most recent note tucked inside. Charli had been busy with the program so I missed her again.

  This week the mentor was a doctor, a friend of Mom’s. In fact, most the men and women who had signed up for the program were friends of my parents. It bugged me a little that my girl would be spending so much time with guys like me, who weren’t me. Good guys, with solid careers and well respected by the community.

  Most of them were a lot less likely to blow her world apart just doing their job. It ate at me, but I wasn’t the jealous type. At least not before Charli. When Lola mentioned she was busy with the kids and Dr. Patel, I sure as shit felt jealous. I missed her and if I didn’t respect her and those kids, I would have barged in and showed her how much.

  Instead I headed back to the station with Finn nagging at me to get the fuck out of there. I was crazy about Charli and wanted to spend time with her but I also loved my job. Charli loved hers too and I would never want to interfere. Instead of taking the temptation of cutting out early, I sulked and texted her like a moony teenager.

  Besides, I was fairly certain my sister was sneaking in here to hang around Finn. Which explained his readiness to cover for me and get me out of there. I wasn’t about to allow that. Even when my girl argued my sister’s case without even knowing Gigi.

  Charli: You let them be. I will bail you out and fight by your side all you want. When it’s right. Your sist
er is grown. Finn, I know.

  Me: I know how he is. I’ve seen him in action. I don’t want that for Gigi.

  Charli: Baby...if my brothers met you once upon a time...would they want you for me? Well fuck, she had a point and one that stung and made me feel guilty as shit.

  Me: No. I don’t know if I want me for you. Too late for that, you’re mine.

  Charli: Yes sir, I am. Do you think it would matter to me what my brothers said now? If there really is something going on between them, you interfering will only fan the flames. Will make them want it more. Maybe it’s just fun to rile you up. I know I certainly enjoy it ;) Damn she was perfect and I knew she was right, but I wasn’t ready to let it go.

  Me: Still don’t like it. If something is going on they don’t have my blessing. Will I need your brothers’? That matters to me. As I texted her, the commons loud with Cops and the guys, I watched Finn texting and knew it was Gigi. To be fair, he looked about as excited to be talking to her, if he was, as I felt talking to my girl.

  Charli: They will like you. I want them to like you. But it doesn’t matter if they don’t. Because I do. I gave up enough of my life for others. I won’t. I won’t give you up too, Cage. Well fuck that hit me right in the feels and I hated that she ever had to hurt, had to sacrifice for anyone.

  Me: I’d bail you out and fight by your side too, baby. Fuck I miss you. I never knew shit this good got this hard. Did you get my book?

  Charli: I miss you too, baby. It is so good so the bad seems worse. How long are we suffering tonight? I did, I already read half of it, and Gigi has good taste.

  Me: I get off at 10, Sugar. Which means we both get off soon after. I miss your body. I mean...I miss being inside you and making you come. But I miss holding you and feeling you on my chest while we slept.

  Charli: I miss it too. This is so crazy, Cage. What are we doing? Panic gripped me and I felt the air around me still. Charli was ready to run again.

  Me: Don’t. Don’t you try to run. Not now, Charli. It’s good. This is so good and you know it and it scares you but that’s okay. Be scared with me. I’m crazy about you and you’re crazy about me. That’s what we’re doing. My chest was pounding and I shot to my feet to pace behind the couch, Finn watching curiously.

  Charli: Cage....The dots danced for a long while and pain tore at my chest, clawing and threatening to rip me open for the guys to watch me bleed out.

  Me: Baby, please. I was ready to fuck off the rest of my shift and go to her place. Touch her and taste her and fuck her until she couldn’t even consider running.

  Charli: My instinct tells me to lace my sneakers and pound pavement. You consume me. Thoughts, senses, feelings, moods. It’s not healthy.... it’s not what I want. I am miserable now because I miss you. The weekend together spoiled me. Let me think it might be easy. It won’t be easy. I couldn’t breathe and my blood was pounding in my ears. Then the dots kept dancing, even as I headed blindly down the stairs to head for her place.

  Charli: I don’t do things because they might be easy. The best things in life are fucking hard. I told you I wanted you to own me and you do. I am yours Cage Cooper and if I ran, I’d never run so far you can’t catch me. Don’t let me run when it’s hard or when it’s too easy. I am not running now, Cage. I just know...in a week you altered my life, what I thought I wanted, the reasons I need to stay here. You are why I don’t want to run, Cage. You said it. I’m fucking crazy about you and I want to be scared with you, baby. Don’t let me fuck this up because I’d never survive you.

  I fell back against the door once I took big, necessary breaths of fresh air. Fuck I thought I was going to faint. Everything had told me she was about to run. Instead she was telling me everything I needed to hear today.

  Me: Jesus fuck baby. You scared the shit out of me. Do I need to come home and remind you of how I chase you? When our night had started to come to an end Sunday, she started to shutter herself piece by piece again. It hurt like nothing I’d ever felt but I knew where it was coming from.

  Even though fucking her was like heaven and making her come, my name on her lips was like some nirvana, that’s not what this was about. Still, when I touched her, when I dropped to my knees and sucked her sweet pussy into my mouth, she let me take control again.

  I fucked her in the middle of the kitchen, reminding here where we had started that weekend. It was fast and rough and I loved every second of it but it wasn’t about getting off. It was about centering her, making her focus on what we felt for each other. By then, I knew she loved me and I loved her. I was just reminding her with my cock.

  Charli: Oh, baby I didn’t mean to. I’m as fucked up over you as you say you are over me. I just don’t have the pretty words you do all the time. I miss you and I’m miserable. My body misses you. I never slept so good in my life.

  Me: You know I never slept with someone else. Not like that. I never held someone and didn’t want to let them go. Watched them sleep and wondered what they were dreaming about. I could do it every single day and not get tired of being in that bed, holding you and hearing you breathe. This conversation was just making me miss her more, but I was too upset to head over now.

  Charli: Tonight...will you stay tonight? I knew I couldn’t leave her if I went there tonight.

  Me: Sugar. Do you want me to stay tonight? My next two shifts would have me coming and going whenever calls came in.

  Charli: Yes. I don’t care if it’s for a few minutes or all night. I want you in my bed. Jesus Christ, the woman knew exactly what to say.

  Me: Abso-fucking-lutely. We texted until the sirens went off and I promised to see her soon.

  That didn’t happen. The soon part, at least. Four hours after my shift was supposed to end, I was still working. One of the guys had gotten hurt. It was his own stupid mistake and not related to the call which I stressed to Charli when I explained.

  By that time, I was so pissed with watching Finn try to sneak around with my sister, not seeing my girl in two fucking days, the stupid shit that had caused Levi’s injury and the crap weather.

  There was no way I could go to Charli’s so upset. It would ruin both our nights instead of just mine. When I tried to explain maybe I might just crash at the station, Charli stopped talking to me for hours. Hours.

  I texted her and called her and on one trip past her place, saw the bedroom lights on. Fuck I almost jumped off the truck and stormed inside. Just long enough to sink inside her and remind her she was mine and I was hers.

  It was almost two am when shift change came and I still hadn’t heard from her. Four fucking hours and not a word. To say I was pissed was putting it mildly. I was crushed. I knew what it was, why she did it but that didn’t make it sting any less. By now I figured out enough about my girl to know.

  That serious talk earlier, two days without seeing each other, then my bailing on coming over. Charli thought it was me who was running. Which was fucking ridiculous. Either that or all the time had her thinking this was her out. Her chance to escape. Well, fuck that. Against my better judgment, and Finn’s argument that I was being the creepy stalker dude that never gets the girl, I left the station and headed straight for the cottage.

  It was pouring and it was almost 3:30. When I got there, it was locked up tight and pitch dark. The big truck she rarely drove was parked in the drive so I knew she was there. Searching my pockets, I realized I must have left my keys here. Peering in the wide bay window beside the kitchen, I cursed out loud. Not only did I leave them inside, I could see them sitting on the counter.

  Desperation filled me; I had to see her, had to show her I was chasing because she sure as shit seemed to be running. Suddenly, I remembered the spare key Pop hid in the back by the garden. Quietly I headed through the gate and fumbled in the dark, cursing in the pounding rain.

  Finding it at last, I headed for the back porch as I considered how pissed she was. How pissed my letting myself in at almost four in the morning would make her. Just thinking about her
gray eyes fiery with anger made my dick twitch. Fuck she was sexy. Mad as shit at me or looking up at me with that needy look in her eyes, she was always sexy.

  Letting myself in quietly, I was thankful for the mudroom I had added last summer. Dropping my bag and my soaked clothes, I was tense as I headed for the stairs. I hated to think I had hurt her.

  Pissing her off might turn me on but the idea of hurting left a hollow burn at my chest. Something in the house felt off. It was so dark that though I knew the place by heart, I stumbled a few times.

  I headed up the stairs and straight for the bedroom. I could smell her already and my already stirring dick woke all the way up. I loved that bright, sweet scent of hers. It was quiet in the house, which also struck me as off. Charli had music playing most the time I was here all weekend. Even before we went to bed.

  The quiet felt thick and my chest filled with apprehension. Her door was open and I stepped inside, bare foot and in just my damp boxers. The only light in the room was from the sliver of the moon. I could see her on the bed, and suddenly I felt better. Just seeing her set me at ease at the same time it excited me.

  For a moment, like the creepy stalker I kind of felt like, I just watched her sleep. On the side of the bed I had taken all weekend, clutching my pillow, she seemed peaceful. Wearing just that baseball shirt with that significant 71 on it, she was facing me, one long leg hitched up and her hair wild on the pillow. The covers were twisted around her legs, the curve of her hip and the swell of her perfect ass making my cock stir.

  Ignoring him for the moment, I crossed the room to stand over her. It was cool in the house, the rain pounding against the windows and I just wanted to climb into the bed and hold her. I needed to feel her and know she was real and mine and deal with her need to run later.

  Rounding the bed so I could climb in behind her, my eyes dropped to the alarm on her bedside table. Nothing. Strange. Frowning, I circled back, seeing her phone resting beside it. For a moment a flare of anger struck me at the hours she had ignored me. Knowing damn well it would wind me up. Until I picked her phone up from where it charged. Or didn’t charge at all, because it was dead, no power at all.