Let It Burn

by Dee Ellis

“We need to go back. Not enough time for what that mouth does to me, Cage. Picking me up?” I loved the routine that had become ours, one that might seem boring to anyone else.

  If we stayed at the cottage, he drove me to work then headed to the station. If we stayed at his condo, which was rare, he took the train then picked the truck up at lunch. In just under two months of being together, we had adjusted our lives around one another.

  When he was busy I hung out with his family or spent time with his adorable, fluffy and loving cat Mr. Belvedere. I cleaned his apartment up and did his laundry, and at the end of the day he rubbed my feet and took out the trash.

  It was hot and heavy, fucking in the truck, in my office, wherever we could but it was more than that. At night we talked until we were exhausted and I knew him better than I had ever known anyone. I let him in deeper than I had ever let anyone, even Tucker.

  Cage encouraged my writing, once even dropping to his knees and making me come with his magic mouth when I was stuck on a chapter. The book was coming along nicely and he certainly offered motivation.

  Still I was keeping something from him and I felt like he knew. Just before we headed to meet his family, I had agreed to let Maisie and Sadie run my mom’s bakery. I had to head home to train them, and would need some time off to do it.

  Sara already knew I wanted to go back, but I was vague on the details. I wasn’t ready to go and with Cage so certain I was running. Now both our insecurities were rearing their ugly heads and I knew I couldn’t tell him.

  I had to wait until he knew I was coming back. The very idea of going back home without him to come back to ripped open something in me, ragged and aching and I couldn’t stand it.

  “Abso-fuckin-lutely. It’s our weekend, Sugar. I want Chinese, Netflix and my girl’s pussy all weekend. Look at me.” My eyes were trailing over his tattoos, a constant focal point for me.

  “Hmm, I don’t know. I kind of want Indian.” I obeyed though, fixing my gaze on his.

  “Charli,” He sobered, his chest heaving with a breath, “tell me, no cock involved. Look at me and tell me what I need to hear.” My brow furrowed at his demand; I didn’t know he was truly that worried about the cop’s flirtations.

  “Cage. Baby....” Cupping his face in my hands, I pressed against his muscled chest, pressing my forehead to his.

  “I need to hear it, Sugar.” His thick, strong hands tangled in my hair, one pressing to my chest just over my racing heart.

  “I belong to you. All the important parts of me. All the little pieces of me. Every part of me is yours. You are my future, Cage Cooper,” Tears stung my eyes because he had been right and it felt so fucking good to say, “and I am yours. I am not running. Even if I did, you promised to chase me, baby. I want you and only you.” Cage shuddered and then I melted against him, overwhelmed that I could stir such emotion in him.

  “I can’t...I can’t think of you as anything else but mine, baby. You are my future. I will always chase you, no matter how far or how fast you run. You woke me up, Charli. I can’t go back to being half awake. I need you, Sugar. So fucking much.” Then his mouth was on mine and I felt it from the tangle of his hands at the back of my neck, the press of his tongue in my mouth, the thundering of his heart.

  He was giving me the words I needed too. Love didn’t have to be said just one way. Cage loved me and I would never know a love like this again.

  When he dropped me off and promised to be early to start our weekend, he made a big show of slapping my ass and kissing me in front of Blake. I rolled my eyes when Lola fanned herself and pretended to pant. Thankfully, for the rest of the day, Blake was on his best behavior with the kids, never once making another inappropriate comment.

  That is until the kids had left and he hesitated while I picked up after the kids who had been interested in the police force. Marcus was there again, Devon too, but there were a lot of new faces this time.

  Devon was smart and involved heavily with Byrne and Cage at the fire station. I think he stuck around to keep a protective eye on me, for Cage. It was cute and right at the moment I might have welcomed his watchful eye.

  “Never thought I might see a broad tame Cage Cooper.” My back stiffened the minute he started talking and I glared when he called me a broad.

  “Always a first for everything, Blake. Is there something I can do for you?” Bad choice of words given the way his eyes lit up and his cocky smirk turned on.

  “Oh I thought maybe I could do something for you, honey. You are too fine a woman to waste time with a Cooper. Dangerous, reckless and that’s just how he is with women. Man like that, really just a heartbreak waiting to happen.” I was angry, angrier than I was curious to take his bait.

  “I thought I understood the two of you were friends once? Preaching about loyalty while being a snake with your friends’ girl? Pot, say hello to kettle, no?” I rolled my eyes as I twisted to rush away from him.

  “We were friends, yes,” He rushed to block me, pressing close enough that I could smell the cigarettes on his breath, “before I watched him fuck his way through every pub on the east side. Man like that has no respect for women. Figured that out the night I watched him let two girls suck his cock right in front of their boyfriends. Finn was there, you can ask him because he got sloppy seconds. Finn fucked one of them while Cage tag teamed them both. Right there in the back of the bar. Shit makes me sick. I ain’t no choirboy but fucking women in the middle of a bar, just so their boyfriends can see how much of a man you are? Pathetic.”

  Blood was pounding in my ears and I wanted to think he was lying. But I thought back to the night at the pub. Finn and Gigi were gone but Ariel had been close enough for a good show. Cage had not thought twice about finger fucking me right in front of her. I didn’t find it hard to believe he would do more. What’s worse, I knew before his half assed attempts to sneak around with Gigi, Finn was worse.

  In fact, those first few days, he had hinted at getting me to join them at the bar. Now I thought maybe he meant something entirely different than grabbing a few beers. Bile rose up in the back of my throat and I shoved past Blake, unwilling to let him see me crack.

  A thousand things ran though my head. Bits and pieces of conversations, texts and notes where Cage had come clean about his past. The badge bunny from our night at the pub, Ariel. Something felt wrong suddenly.

  Cage claimed they were together just a few times before he caught her with Finn. Sending him into a downward spiral of random fucks. Cage insisted he had been hurting, dumped by his high school sweetheart, before Ariel came along and finished the job.

  Now I wasn’t so sure. Suddenly I wondered if he had changed at all. Revulsion pounded through me as I thought of that night at the bar. Over and over again. I wondered if I wasn’t there as nothing more than a tool. A warm body, a willing pussy to make Ariel see what she was missing.

  Tears blurred my vision and I rushed from the library, not bothering to explain to Lola when she hollered after me. It was freezing out and I hadn’t grabbed my coat but I didn’t need it. I barely made it inside the cottage and to my room before I lost it.

  Sobs wracked my body until my ribs ached as I bent over the wastebasket, emptying the lunch I had shared with Cage earlier. I didn’t want to believe it because the truth cut at me. Not ripping me open, like I thought it might feel like. No, it was dozens of tiny, paper cut thin tears. Ripping at me and leaving me wounded and raw. Breathing made them hurt.

  All the moving parts of it didn’t make sense. Why he had changed everything about his life to make room for us, make room for me. My meeting his family, his sisters, all his friends. What did it all add up to, if not him changing when he found me? Then I thought of something Finn had said to Gigi that night at the bar.

  When Cage had gone to get beers, Gigi had turned on her charm. The girl was smitten and didn’t try to hide it, but reined it in around Cage. With him gone, she was moony and talking to Finn about seeing him that week at his place. I had pret
ended not to listen, and I shouldn’t have heard because she was whispering at his ear and it was loud. But I did.

  “G, your brother can’t catch us. Not yet. Let him figure his shit out first. He’s at the condo too much lately.” It had taken me by surprise because we had only been there maybe half a dozen times.

  “Finn, he doesn’t get a say in my life.” I had smiled behind my drink because I knew Cage was making it hard for them. He meant well.

  “I know. Just,” He had chanced a look at me then lowered his voice, “he has shit to get cleared up first. Things are a bit messy for him right now. Ariel....” Then his mouth was so close to her ear I couldn’t hear anymore.

  At the time I had a few beers in me and had just been finger fucked to an orgasm within earshot of the very Ariel he spoke of. I didn’t want to think about it then but now...I wondered what else he had to say. I wondered if this had been about her the entire time. It didn’t make sense and yet, I wanted to believe it. Not because of the graphic story Blake had fed me earlier. Just because it was what I was used to.

  Nothing I wanted stayed. Everything got taken away. I started to tear apart the last weeks of our time together. Wondering about the late night messages he quickly deleted. About the times I didn’t hear from him when I knew he was off work. About how upset he got that night Finn took us to the bar. Cage knew Ariel would be there.

  None of it felt right and yet...it felt like exactly what I expected to happen. I had no solid proof he had done anything wrong. That this was anything more than my insecurities, the tension of the last week and my defense mechanisms kicking in. I couldn’t do anything when I lost my mom, when Tucker abandoned me after making choices about my future without me. When my daddy did the same.

  I could stop someone else, someone like Cage, from doing it again. He would be here soon and I knew I couldn’t let him see what this had done to me. I got to my feet and packed a bag, my heart and head raging the entire time. I loved him and I was going to walk away. Run away, really.

  I was angry. Not at Cage, or Blake, or this bitch Ariel. I was angry at myself. Because I didn’t know what any of it meant, how any of it pieced together. I didn’t know what I was doing, why I was letting this fester and wound me this way. Had I been so damn wrong this whole time? How had I read Cage and everything that had happened so wrong?

  When it started I thought it was about numbers, about Cage being a stud and proving it by getting into my pants. I hadn’t bought that for very long, not the way he seemed so sincere and open. Those letters we still sent back and forth, they shared parts of him with me that I had thought he never shared with someone else.

  Maybe I was just a number, or worse, a way to get back the girl who had broken his heart. Even if he did open up to me on those letters, they were just letters. Just words on paper.

  I battled for a long time as I sat there; wondering what was making this so easy. Why I didn’t want to fight or ask questions or something. I was ashamed that I was giving up so easy but I knew the truth. I had been waiting for an out the entire time.

  Even as I fell for Cage, there were tiny parts of me I held back. Just in case. Always keeping my eyes on the safety exits. That was how I did things.

  Even with Tucker, I always knew I’d have to escape him some day. Tucker was never going to be my forever. That was one thing Cage got right.

  Now I had recklessly given more than I ever thought I could to someone who maybe wasn’t my forever either. Not like I had thought. Because this felt too easy, like something clicked. Like something said, “Yeah, of course this is what happens, Charli. What else did you expect?”

  Maybe none of it was true. Maybe Cage loved me as fiercely as I loved him. I didn’t think I could know either way. I couldn’t risk it. I didn’t love Tucker the way I did Cage and yet losing him, the only person I had that was mine, had crushed me.

  I couldn’t do it again. It was better this way. I would go home and show the girls what I needed to show them for the bakery. It would give me long enough to build my walls back up. Give Cage long enough to seek out Ariel if that was who he really wanted.

  When I came back, I would not give him a choice either way. If I had to leave the cottage, leave the library. I came here for me and I would stay here for me.

  “Baby? Charli, Sugar are you here,” Cage’s voice ripped through me and I fought a wave of nausea so strong I almost stumbled, “Lola said you took off...” Cage stepped into the bedroom, face flushed from the cold and I stared. He was so fucking beautiful and I knew I would never love like this again. As he stared at me, eyes dropping to the suitcase by the bed, I saw emotions cycle through his face.

  “Yeah....I uh....” My words wouldn’t come because I was confused by the pain on his face. I could not let it stop me. I had to protect myself; like Sara said he was more resilient than I was now.

  “What. The. Fuck.” Cage’s words sounded hollow and rusty and I straightened my shoulders.

  “Oh going back home. Just for awhile. Did I tell you about Maisie and Sadie wanting to reopen the bakery,” I had not and we both knew it, I had avoided this conversation while I let him fool me into thinking this could really happen for me, “I thought I told you. Anyway I need to go back to help. Just for a while.” Cage changed immediately, his shoulders dropping and his head bowing.

  “Baby. Don’t. Don’t run now. Talk to me. Tell me what happened. Did I scare you,” He rushed forward, but didn’t reach out to touch me and it hurt because he looked defeated already, “with the shit with Stiles? I know I got intense.... I just don’t like thinking about losing you.” My eyes actually rolled and he let out a sound, strangled and defeated as I looked away.

  “Yeah. Yeah maybe I am scared. It....it’s too much. Too fast.” I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to look into his eyes and see pain or worse, relief.

  “Charli,” He closed the distance between us, chest pumping and his words choked, “you know if you run I will just chase you. I promised. You made me promise not to let you run too far. I won’t break my promise to you, Sugar.” I couldn’t stand to be near him right now; I might lose what little reserve I had.

  “Well....maybe I take it back. Maybe I want you to let me run. Maybe it’s too late and I’ve already run too far.” That hurt him, I saw him wince as he stepped away.

  “Why? When did this happen? Three hours ago I was inside you and you promised you wouldn’t run. Three hours! You need to tell me!”

  Cage turned harsh and even if it meant he was hurting, it was the exact wrong thing to do. It just made me defensive, made me want to run just far enough he could never catch me again.

  “I....was going to tell you about the bakery. You heard me talking to Maisie weeks ago,” I sighed because I could give him partial truths, I hated lying to him, “I just didn’t want to talk about it yet. You didn’t ask. You knew but you didn’t ask. Now, after the Pub then.... Blake. I think I just woke up a little. I need to go home. I promised the...” Cage was on me, hand at my throat, fingers tracing my pulse, mouth against mine as he growled.

  “You fucking promised me. What about me? Look whatever this shit with Blake and Ariel...” I twisted away because I had not mentioned her name; clearly I had been right to assume I was missing something.

  “Ariel? W-why.... what has she got to do with anything, Cage?” Cold pain burned away the hot edges his touch had ignited.

  “What? I thought...you mentioned the Pub. I know my past, girls like Ariel, it upsets you. I know Blake got into your fucking head,” Cage growled and ran his hands through his thick hair in frustration.

  “Ariel already fucked with us that night, you been distant ever since. I didn’t want to go to that fucking pub because it’s her stomping ground. I never wanted you to see shit from my past. I hate that you had to see any part of who I was.” I laughed without humor and his head snapped up, his eyes searching my face.

  “You know.... that sounds like guilt. If you were completely honest with me, i
f I knew all the dirty details, and I was still here, why did it matter? Because we both know we haven’t given each other all our truths, right?” Cage looked panicked and it was enough to make the coward in me latch onto that panic as truth.

  “I have never lied to you,” Cage was close again, hand at my throat in that way that hours before both turned me on and soothed me.

  “But you have never been honest with me. Not completely. You hold back because you need a reason to run. Whatever that fuck said to you, gave you enough reason based on the truths you don’t tell me. You want the truth, just ask me. I’ll never lie to you.” I took a deep breath because I knew what that meant; he hadn’t lied, but he had kept truths from me just the same.

  “Ariel. You kept truths from me. Was she one of the girls you tag teamed in the middle of O’Malley’s?” Cage let out a choked breath as he winced.

  “No. Blake’s girl was. I did not tag team her. I liked Ariel. We talked and flirted for weeks, a month maybe. I wasn’t that guy, I wasn’t like Finn or Blake and I didn’t want to be. Krista hurt me but she didn’t break my heart, not exactly. Even if I thought so then, I know better now. Ariel was all about the numbers, Charli. I was just another number. We fucked. More than once. After I thought she wanted more. Not until I thought she wanted more. I really thought.... two days later she fucked Finn,” Cage seemed disgusted and I didn’t know how to process that.

  “Literally months later, after she realized word had spread and none of us would touch her, she went after Blake. Who had a fiancé. Right in the bathroom of the pub, where his fiancé walked in on him. I was piss drunk and Finn was fucking around with some of the cops’ girls. It was stupid and disgusting but I let Blake’s girl suck my cock where he could see it,” My breath caught as he pressed closer, my chest tight with disgust.

  ‘Not because of Ariel, not really. Because of Blake. Because of Finn convincing me I had to be some stud, fuck anything that would let me. Finn fucked that girl while everyone watched. We were drunk, it was dark but they still watched. The girls both initiated it and it we let them because we were drunken assholes, high on a huge fire that injured a few of us,” He laughed but there was no humor in it.