Let It Burn

by Dee Ellis

  “Widow Jenkins wanted me to be just like her. Her husband died when I was just a kid, but we all remember how much she loved him. He was a good man and we all liked him. But he loved her and would never have wanted her to waste her life away. I tried to tell her that my last day here. That he wouldn’t want that. That Tucker wouldn’t want that for me. I had talked to a man a few days before; Ryder. He was handsome and dangerous and I was tired of being a widow that never got married. I let him kiss me in the middle of town square,” I pointed to the Gazebo where that night, lights had been strung up for a celebration, “like an idiot. I just wanted to feel something. I had a crush on him once; he chased me a little after Tucker went away. Just because he thought he couldn’t have me, really. That night, everyone saw us.”

  “He is the other man you told me about. Did...did you two...I mean did you want him, Charli?” I shook my head as my gaze met his.

  “No. I thought I did once, a long time ago. That night I think I was using him. So many people saw it and the next day, Widow Jenkins came in and gave me what for. Said I would have broken Tucker’s heart. I lost it, Cage. I told her he didn’t love me enough and that I didn’t love him enough. Because we didn’t. Maybe we might have gotten married, to please these fucking people. I doubt it. I closed the shop that day, kicked her right out and put that sign up. I did that for me. Finally, I did something for me. Now, I need to help the girls open it again, for my mom. You get that, don’t you?” Cage smiled, flashing that dimple and nodded.

  “Of course I do, Sugar. I don’t want you to ever have doubts or regrets. I have enough for us both. I should never have tried to find myself in all the wrong people. I was always going to find myself in you. I just had to wait for you to storm out of this little town and into my life.” I laughed and he did too, but then we both sobered.

  “I am coming home. To you. Just...not yet. Not till I know I can do it right.” Cage sighed as he nodded, fisting my hair and giving a tug.

  “You promise me one thing. You know that cottage, me and Mr. Belvedere, are your home now. Not this town or that shop or the farm. Promise me I get to come home one day to my girl, my cat, and my home.” Sweet Jesus Cage and his pretty words.

  “Abso-fuckin-lutely. I love you. I do, so much,” Tears flooded my eyes, blurring him before I blinked them away, “I’m still angry and hurt but I love you more than that. I just...I need to get it right this time. No regrets. No looking back.” Of course my family would always be here so I would always have ties here; but I no longer wanted to be tied to the town, to that shop, to the farm.

  “Then promise me. I need the words, Sugar. I need to know you are my future and I am yours still. I can’t...I can’t go back not knowing.” Cage needed something now and I was going to give it to him. He gave me everything.

  “I promise you. Cage you are the great love of my life,” Tears filled his eyes now and I knew I was doing it right for once, “you are my future, Cage Cooper. I am yours.” Then I couldn’t say anything else because he was kissing me, yanking me over the center console and into his lap.

  “Sugar, I love your pretty words. I love you. You are the great love of my life; I will do anything to make you happy. To always make you look at me like I matter, like I’m worth something. I need you and I won’t ever fucking hurt you again. I promise you, baby. I promise.” Lacing my arms around his neck, I combed my hands through his hair as my forehead touched his.

  “I need you too, baby. You made me feel alive again. Like bright, warm sunlight. I am coming home. You are my home now. Promise me something, now.” I pressed close then his hands slid beneath my damp top, urging me closer.

  “Anything, Sugar.” I leaned back against the steering wheel, watching his eyes go dark and warm with emotion.

  “Let the past go. All of it. You are worth more than a suck and a fuck in a bar with faces you can’t remember and names you never knew. I am worth more than the memory of a man who never loved me, even if he tried. Who I loved because he tried, not because he was my forever.” Cage tipped his head back and I watched tears slip down his temples.

  “I promise. When you told me you were engaged,” His words were thick, a nerve jumping in his jaw, “it killed me, Sugar. It’s bothered me for too long that another man put a ring on your finger. I know it....it wasn’t for the right reasons and I know you said yes for the wrong reasons. I know when you come home and its time for me to put a ring on your finger, it will be right.” My breath caught in my chest as he looked up at me, warmth making his eyes more honey than hazel.

  “Cage....” His strong hands lifted to cup my jaw, thumbs shushing my words.

  “Of course I put a ring on your finger, Sugar. You are my forever, Charli.” He was not asking, and I knew that but still...it was a promise I had not asked for. But one that filled me up and had me blooming once again.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you more, Sugar.”

  I knew better but I didn’t argue.

  1

  Cage

  Charli’s brothers were hard to crack. After finding me in the barn with their sister after I broke her heart, and Cash giving me a beating I still ached from, they were sullen. After another barn run in, where Charli fucked me in the rain and gave me what I needed, I brought her to the house to make dinner.

  Charli said her brothers would be there so I tripled what I planned to make. I heard her on her phone while I was cooking and two things were clear. One, she was the baby and they loved her the same way I loved Gigi; Two, that didn’t mean she didn’t run the family. Because Charli ran those boys, maybe even more than their wives. They would be here, and if they were not, they would answer to her.

  They showed up right at six, Maisie and Sadie carting in side dishes that smelled and looked homemade. The girls took the kitchen over, even though I had the steaks and ribs well in hand. They shooed me out, shoving three ice cold beers into my hands. Charli gave me a sweet kiss then each sister dropped a kiss at my cheek before shoving into the living room.

  Where her massive brothers sat in front of the fire I had struggled to get going earlier. Now it was roaring, the house smelled of hickory and smoke and kind of reminded me of the cottage. Swallowing my pride, knowing I had to make this work, I headed over.

  Colton was warmer than Cash and he took the beer I offered with a smile. Cash took his beer after a long stare, popping the top off on the mantle and pulling at it till it was nearly empty. Well, shit. The three of us stood in a semi-circle for a few minutes before I took a drink and decided I had to do this.

  It was nonnegotiable; Charli was my life now and these men were her family. I said I would do anything. Taking that beating, though I could have handled him if I had to, was just the start of it. In fact, the beating might be easier than this part. Just as I cleared my throat to speak up at last, Colton beat me to it.

  “A fire fighter, huh,” He eyed me as if wondering if that were, in fact, possible, “how long?” This I could do; I could talk about my job.

  “Volunteered right out of high school. My pop’s a firefighter, I didn’t really have any other designs, really. I got my EMT certification about a year later and so I’ve been full time ever since. Little more than four years. I finish up with school around Christmas.” Cash watched me detail this, emptying his beer fast.

  “You plan to be a lifetime man too?” By the narrowed gaze, his eyes darker gray than Charli’s and a hell of a lot less warm, I didn’t think this was a good question.

  “That’s the plan. My pop is fire chief at another station, but that took a few decades to get to.” I took another drink but it did nothing to help the scratchiness in my throat. He was getting at something.

  “Serious job. Dangerous. You could get hurt, no matter if you’ve got it in your blood and fucking talk to fire. Charli already buried one man.” There it was.

  “Cash,” Colton stepped up a little, giving a sharp shake of his head, “be realistic, bro. Charli had no say about Tucker.
Fuck man, give her a break. Cash is a dick because Tucker was his best friend; no other man is good enough for his sister. Didn’t help you sent her home in tears, Cooper.” I nodded and turned my eyes to Cash.

  “I never want to hurt her; that’s what hurt her, me trying to protect her with lies. I just tried to protect her from my past because I know I’m not good enough for her. But I love her. I’ll do anything for her; if Charli wanted me to sell hot dogs on the corner of Damon, I would. I know a little about Tucker,” I was cautious because even though I knew all the truth, I wasn’t sure they did.

  “From what she’s shared with me. He sounds like he was a good man. Charli loved him.” It was all true. I thought he was a coward for a proposal meant to protect his own secrets, but that didn’t matter now. I didn’t doubt Tucker had loved Charli. Not the way I did, though.

  “Tucker was a good man. He asked too much of Charli, though,” Colton sighed and I wondered if he knew the truth, “the entire fucking town hooked their hopes on that fucking wedding. Who knew if they would have ever done it? We got out easy; we took our girls and eloped. Charli had to deal with all the pressure of being half of this town’s favorite couple, even after he was gone.” Clearly if he knew the truth, he was not about to bring it up now; he looked at me and something passed between us.

  “Charli had to deal with a lot because of the men in her life,” Cash sighed finally, leveling a look at me, “including us. I need you to prove to me, just as much as Charli, that you won’t hurt her again. Just how shit is around here, Cooper.” Finishing my own beer as the girls called us to dinner, I nodded, squaring my shoulders.

  “Like I said, I’ll do anything for her. Charli is my future.” I didn’t know just what he meant by proving myself, but I was sure he’d let me know.

  “The little scuffle in the barn,” Cash faced me, crossing beefy arms over his chest to try to intimidate me, “was just a taste of what I’ll take pleasure doing to you if you hurt her like that again. I will fucking end you.” Colton put his arm out when Cash started to shove closer, stopping him enough.

  “Enough. Don’t piss the girls off. Charli won’t come home again if you get her mad. Sadie will have my ass and Maisie will roast yours. Cage, you do have some shit to prove. That’s our baby sister, and I know you got a younger sister,” I nodded and knew where he was heading with this, “I’d expect you might understand Cash.”

  “Absolutely. In fact, I might think less of him, as a man, if he didn’t demand I show up when it matters.” Colton smirked and I knew we were going to be okay.

  “Boys!” Charli shouted, her voice making their eyes snap up. Like I said, she ran these boys.

  That was the end of us whipping our dicks out. We gathered around the table, each brother on one end of the long oak table. I sat beside Charli, my hand at her thigh beneath the table. Like always, like home. The girls sat across from us, near their husbands. I smirked when Maisie stood and made a production of filling plates for Charli, Sadie and I.

  After making a plate for herself, she sat back down and started eating. Cash shot her a look and leaned over, whispering something at her ear. Charli chuckled beside me quietly, cutting into her steak and leaning over to kiss me and whisper a thank you. I knew it wasn’t for the meal, since the girls had finished it.

  After the other two made their plates, Sadie softening towards Colton a lot quicker than I thought Maisie would Cash, the girls started talking. I listened to them talk about the store and how it had been an important part of their lives. Charli’s mom had been that mom at every event, every slumber party with goodies for the kids. The kitchen had awards and ribbons all over from all her fair wins.

  The girls wanted to keep the shop open, keep her dream alive. Not just for her, but for them and for their kids. Charli agreed and promised to stay until it was up and running again. Beneath the table, I gave her thigh a squeeze, her hands lacing over mine. Looking at me, she mouthed a “Thank you” and I just whispered an “I love you” back.

  Even though I didn’t want to think about her not coming home with me, I had to support her. I had to let her heal, too. Despite everything today, I knew we weren’t fixed yet. I knew she loved me now, and she knew I loved her. That should make it easy. I knew nothing about this thing with Charli was ever going to be easy. We both had too many issues.

  Charli was fixing mine. I felt worth something because of her. All the emptiness and loss I felt before her seemed like it had been another lifetime. I hoped I could help fix hers. Make her realize just because she got burnt, didn’t mean she couldn’t survive it. I never wanted to hurt her again, but that was a risk you took when let someone in.

  By the end of dinner, the guys were talking and joking with Charli, and once or twice even me. Colton was funny and liked to tell stories about Charli that embarrassed her but that I loved to hear. I could sense he wanted her to have whatever she wanted; if that meant being with me, then so be it. He loved Sadie and had no issues dropping a kiss at her lips or slinging his arm around her to bring her close.

  They were all a little older than us, Cash twenty-seven, Colton twenty-six and both girls twenty-five. To watch them you would think they had been married for decades. I wanted something like that with Charli. After dinner, we moved into the living room, Cash keeping the fire going as he lit a cigar. I watched him fold into the big arm chair, wondering how I was going to crack him.

  Charli started talking about the farm and the boys running it and the girls chimed in about the winter coming and maybe them staying at the house. I knew Charli did not want the house either. We’d talked about it before because it was another door I wanted to close. An escape I didn’t want her to use.

  Now she seemed to be talking about one of the boys, or possibly both, taking it off her hands. This was a good sign. So good that I missed Cash and Colton talking about hunting for the winter. Before I knew it, I had somehow gotten roped into getting up the next morning and joining them. A real man bonding experience, Maisie said. Charli looked about as enthusiastic as I felt.

  Miles from safety, I was going hunting with her military trained brothers. Who hated me for hurting their baby sister.

  Life was good while it lasted, I guess.

  1

  Charli

  As I showered, I wondered if my brothers were any good at digging a grave. I doubted it. But I kind of thought they were considering it when they insisted Cage join them to hunt early the next morning. I objected right away, but Cash pushed it and Cage, wanting to prove himself to them, agreed. I didn’t think my boyfriend, who had just hurt me, my military trained brothers and shot guns were a good mix.

  Then again, I knew Maisie and Sadie were pretty good with firearms, better than I was. If they did anything to Cage, they knew they’d face a firing squad when they got home. I think Cash wanted to make him sweat, make him earn his place with them. I just wish it didn’t have to involve weapons.

  I knew I didn’t have to tell them I was going back home to Cage. The girls knew the minute we came back from our drive through town. According to Maisie, I looked like I had just been fucked back to life. Which was, in a way, true. Sex was amazing with Cage of course, but it wasn’t about the sex. It was about the connection we both needed during it. The way my body responded to his closeness, no touch needed.

  It had been that way from the first day, as if I had just been waiting for him to flick my switch so to speak. I was pissed that a lie had drove us apart, and more upset that the woman who had forced him to do it had hurt him. I didn’t think he harbored feelings for her now; Cage just had feelings left over because of her and women like her. How someone like Cage, with friends and family like he had, could feel so worthless, I had no idea.

  Then again, it took one person to tie me to this town, to force me into a lie that I had to carry on for years. I guess it took a few women to make Cage forget his worth. It made me ache to think about him fucking his way through women, seeking that feeling.

  Not
because of jealousy, although that was certainly an element of it, but because I knew it only made him feel more worthless. Cage wasn’t that guy, and he had tried to be because he was made to feel like that was all he was worth. I hated Ariel more than I hated the first girl to let him go. She could have made him see his worth but since she was worthless herself, she had no idea how.

  It was my job now to show him what he was worth. To show him he was good enough. To prove that a lie, one meant to protect me especially and protect what we had, didn’t mean more than that. Didn’t mean more than what we were. I knew he needed me now, just like I needed him.

  Cage made me feel alive and gave me hope and believed in me when I thought no one else did. My writing was coming along; I had more than half a book done and dozens more in my head, waiting for their chance. I might call him my muse, but really it was just his faith that had got me writing. Of course what his body did for mine, to mine, certainly helped fuel some of the hotter pages. Cage never doubted me and it was time I let him know I no longer doubted him.

  Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped the thick chenille robe that had once been my mama’s around me. When I walked into the bedroom, I felt my breath catch. Cage was sitting at the edge of the bed, shoulders sagging and face buried in his hands. Freshly showered too, his hair wet and back damp and bare, with just a pair of sweats on he looked beautiful but broken.

  Because of me. Because I thought his lie was enough to make me run away. It wasn’t fair; I told him I would be scared with him but I ran just like he thought I would. Every single person in my life had lied and yet I still loved them. Just like I still loved him.

  “Cage...” As his head came up, I almost couldn’t look at the pain in his eyes.

  After everything, he thought I was going to keep running. That was my fault and I had to prove myself to him as much as he had to prove himself to me.